User:Phrank Psinatra/Worst 100 Bands of All Time
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Rammstein wait, I meant.. The Red Hot Chili Peppers at their disastrous concert at a Guatamalan insane asylum.
According to God's true word, the following are the Worst bands of all time* Readers are required to have their earplugs on.
* God does not care to count this list too closely, and believers are wise not to criticise divine numeration policy.
| Contents: 100-91 • 90-81 • 80-71 • 70-61 • 60-51 • 50-41 • 40-31 • 30-21 • 20-11 • 10-1 |
100-91
- 100. REO Speeddialer
- Known for such rock anthems as: "In Your Textmail" and "Keep On Dialing You"
- 99. Shticks
- Shticks recorded with REO Speeddialler in 2009 to make the recording "Can't Stop Dialin'". Dennis De Young laid out additional touch tone tracks.
- 98. The Bowell Movement
- Lead singer Nelson Bowell sings protest songs.
- 97. Luke Warm Strawberry Fruits
- A strange blend of fusion-folk meets down home southern blue grass, in the grand tradition of those seminal folkies, the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
- 96. The Dixie Dyslexics
- 5 female country music performers whose lead singer cannot go "stage right".
- 95. The West Rand Panel Beaters
- A South African band that uses disassembled automotive panels for percussion.
- 94. Emerald Wedge
- The only band to ever try to spin off Toe Jam by actually getting a lead singer with a coherent voice that listeners could understand. As a result, sales plummeted.
- 93. The Out Group
- From former members of "A Wetback, Two Beans and a Hebe".
- 92. Blue Cold Chili Peppers
- A dance band made up entirely of frigid women and nuns.
- 91. The Gandhi Warhols
- Reflecting the band's love of non-violent resolution and pop culture, the Gandhi Warhols caught the Zeitgeist of a generation, for about 20 minutes one thursday afternoon.
90-81
- 90. SHAM!
- A cover band that plays songs made famous by the British pop group WHAM!
- 89. The Atomic Bombs
- Japanese power-pop group who had two disastrous concerts in Hiroshima and Nagasaki before calling it quits. The U.S.A and the U.S.S.R were frightened that they would decide to make a come back, but the shows were cancled at the last minute.
- 88. Buns 'n' Toasties
- LA white supremacist band, famed for discovering a black guy had been playing guitar for them for 8 years. Hillarity ensued.
- 87. The Stephen Hawking Band
- ARE......YOU......READY.....TO......ROCK.......??? NOTE: Not to be confused with the highly influential MC Hawkin who can be seen at MC Hawkings Crib
- 86. Jefferson Boatship
- White Rabbits, drugs and alcohol. Hilarity ensues.
- 85. Pistos and flowers
- They have guns, and they're tulips. What can I say?
- 84. The Insects
- Four different coleoptera from Liverpool who tried to shake the world.
- 83. The Who The Hell listens to this?
- Not to be confused with The Who.
- 82. King Crimson
- Abdicated 1975 in favour of Queen Freddie Mercury and the young Prince, who was still formerly known as in those days.
- 81. Hootie and the Blowfish
- Featuring That guy from Hootie and the Blowfish.
80-71
- 80. Blowie and the Hootfish
- Featuring That guy from Blowie and the Hootfish.
- 79. Jack Off Jill
- 50 dollars I paid. Looking to sue under the Trade Description Act. Very disappointing.
- 78. Genesis
- Highpitched Southern Methodist 12 piece band.
- 77. Stiffler Concentration Camp
- Dude! Where's my shower?
- 76. Dollar
- Camp 80s band, of which 50 Cent made up one half.
- 75. Photoshop Boys
- Bored with their image of British drabness, the former Petshop Boys have undergone a dramatic image change.
- 74. Hot Furry Vorarephiles
- Self explanatory.
- 73. Cold Scaly Vorarephobes
- Self explanatory.
- 72. They Might Be Avian Influenza Carriers
- Quirky pop duo whose popularity surged briefly but then waned after a large percentage of their fans died at concerts.
- 71. Barenaked Little Boys
- Michael Jackson's Personal Favourite
70-61
- 70. Backdoor Boys
- The most painful five-part harmonies imaginable. Illegal in several states.
- 69. The White Stipes
- Several pale relatives of REM's Michael Stipe got together and demonstrated who had the talent in that family.
- 68. Status Quo
- Possibly the most reliable band ever, in that they can only play one song albeit with many different titles. They are, without doubt, the most celebrated British band (this claim to be repeated by overweight, balding male virgins in shapeless t-shirts).
- 67. Rockafella
- All-male Rockapella tribute group who released two albums before realizing that the members of Rockapella were already male.
- 66. Danson
- Miserably untalented doo-wop group with large foreheads. Rumored to have inspired Ted Danson's name.
- 65. The Singing Anuses
- Could a rap group made up of adolescents holding microphones up to their anuses and farting become a commercial success? No.
- 64. Igor Melnik
- US record labels feared his name wouldn't look good on posters, t-shirts, and bandanas, let alone inspire sales of his self-titled debut album. The buying public agreed.
- 63. Magic User & The Hit Points
- Knocked down and out on his first major public outing. Career was never revived.
- 62. Hitler and the Seig Heilers
- The Famous German Band with popular songs such as, 'lets go kill the Jews' and 'I would do anything to murder Jews, but not that.'
- 61. D.I.E.
- Individually known as David, Ingrid, and Enid, this troupe of children's performers never seemed to attract the right audience.
60-51
- 60. Stench
- Pioneer punk group from Britain, largely credited with starting the trend of naming yourself after something disgusting in order to sound anti-social. Copycat acts included: Vomit, The Boogermen, and Smegma.
- 59. Dhyana
- Grunge band from the midwest in the early 90s. Didn't quite reach the highest level of new age bliss.
- 58. Aluminica
- Seminal light-metal band.
- 57. Band
- Well known for their influence on the style of music that they played. Best known for Song.
- 56. Las Pistolas De Mex (The Mex Pistols)
- Mexican punk band, known for such hits as Anarchy en la República Mexicana, El dios ahorra a Presidente Mexicano and Absolutamente vacante. Their only album release was No sea ofendido por favor por los órganos genitales masculinos, aquí son las pistolas de Mex. Band members included Juan Putrefacto (lead singer) and Sidney Vicioso. Films of the band include El gran timo de la rock and roll and the documentary La inmundicia y la furia.
- 55. The Newark Dolls
- A short lived experiment between musicians who lived in Newark. Eventually they saw the light and moved interstate.
- 54. Nakayawa Corporation Presents Girl's Bubblegum Pop Band #467
- They sold well amongst retired Japanese soldiers who lived in Okinawa.
Headlined by George W. Bush, The band WAR's album War Huh? What's It Good For received world wide criticism despite its financial success.
- 53. Miffed at the Apparatus
- A slightly annoyed political band whose lyrics could best be described as "politically moderate".
- 52. Punk Freud
- English progressive punk-psych band. Discography includes "Wish you were there", "The Mall", "Gummamumma", "Muddle", "A Saucerful of things known by everyone", "Dark Side of the Balloon", and "The Final Nut".
- 51. $100 Entry Fee
- A short-lived Australian pub and club band. They didn't make a lot of mula.
50-41
- 50. Lobe
- Critics panned them as "too cerebral". Audiences found them over their heads.
- 49. To Be Announced
- Also known as TBA, they are distinguished by their unique omnipresence -- the ability to play multiple shows at different venues in all parts of the world simultaneously.
- 48. <Insert Name> American Idol Tour 2008
- The band is signed, the songs are written, the venues are booked, the roadies are all drugged up! All we need is 8 mindless weeks of TV and finally a labelmaker to slap a name on the pre-printed concert posters! (By the way, we already have the labelmaker).
- 47. Jane's Rehabilitation
- She's getting better every day.
- 46. John Cougar Deathcamp
- Back from a tour of Europe following his recent "hit" - "The Final Solution".
- 45. The Four Skins
- Let's see now. Four skins. Hmmmmmmm.
- 44. Al Gore and the Hanging Chads
- Florida four-piece band which shot to fame in 2000 with the hit "Dimple Days".
- 43. Hitler's House Party
- One of his many attempts at forming a band, Hitler stood this one out for about 4 weeks. (not even he could stand jazz funk quartets.) He released one music video, "Kinchestokin Blekin Kikomg Gose Jesse Owens" (Jesse Owens Kicked My Ass at the Olympics But I Killed Him), and one album called "The Black Jew," on which he spent all his money for press coverage. When virtual no fans attended "The New Jew World Tour," Hitler was sued by everyone in the world, and that was his last foray into the music industry.
- 42. <rlg>Shadows and the Pwned N00bs
- 5 major nerds from the counterstrike clan <rlg> that decided to sing songs about how much they own and about their headshots where they pwn all those n00bs.
- 41. We Like Cheesy Poos
- We Love Cheesy Poos tribute band.
40-31
- 40. The Eugenics
- Annie Lennox and Heinrich Himmler collaboration in this mid 80s duo. Both parties went solo, though there is recent talk of a reunion tour.
- 39. WildeBoys
- New Romantic Band formed by Oscar Wilde and four clones.
- 38. Greener Day
- Al Green (vocal) and Peter Green (guitar) get together with Tom Green (publicity) and Alan Greenspan (manager) on their album "Back in Black". there second album was "Get in the Green"
- 37. Senior-Citizen Jesus and the Geriatrics
- Led by singer Hideous Hunch, this group pioneered the "No Bladder Control" subgenre during the early days of the Geezer Rock era. Commercial success and critical acclaim, however, were not forthcoming.
- 36. Jonny Fry and the Spics
- Known for their obscenely racist lyrics, The Spics held a string of number one hits including "Interracial is shit", "If you're black, I'll kill you" and "Nazi Punks, Welcome."
- 35. Gang of 42,746
- Despite some fine songs and several well-received recordings, the immense cost of touring with such an enormous group and road crew crippled the band, who often outnumbered their own concert audiences by as much as a thousand-to-one.
- 34. And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Colostomy Bags
- Known for their viscous sonic attack, "Trail of Bags" had a minor hit with their song Prince With A Thousand Enemas before disappearing in a haze of... well, it might not be such a good idea to speculate.
- 33. Godspeed You! Black Emperor Penguin
- Generally unlistenable, due mostly to their having nothing but raw fish to eat. This has made the band very upset with the globalization of the raw fish industry to the extent that they have had to draw an innacurate diagram linking raw fish production companies with manufacturers of Global Warming. This image was featured on the back-cover of their album Antarqui UEF, a critical success, despite all of the tracks being longer than the combined attention span of all the world's goldfish.
- 32. Check It Out Guys
- Basically a kid who bought his first guitar and amp records power chords from all the popular songs of the 70's and 80's and mumbles through the lyrics he remembers. though he is stoned most of the time he does get through "one burbon, one scotch one beer" without a flaw.
- 31. The Bone-Ass Brothers
- A tribute band for the queer ass Jonas Brothers (although they are actually better than the original but thats not saying much).
30-21
- 30. Youth in Asia
- A children's choir whose low morale after their only album "Pull the Plug Already" flopped led to the tragic assisted suicide of the entire group.
- 29. Labiahead
- Hailing from the north of England, this pretentious whine-rock band is beloved by art students and despised by everyone else who doesn't drink in overpriced coffee shops. Burst on to the scene in 1993 with their breakout hit "Crap".
- 28. Gorrilaz In The Myst
- Why... Why do parents give their children guitars?
- 27. Paul McCartney and Stings
- Early Seventies atttempt by McCartney to revive Beatles magic by hiring several Gordon Sumner cloning-experiment rejects as a backup band.
- 26. Wuvvaboy
- Terrible 80's hair band fronted by a short bald man with a severe speech impediment and a weird obsession with rabbits. Oops, wait, that was actually Loverboy.
- 25. HUG
- 80's hard rock band who, after every song, went around and hugged each audience member. The concerts were weeks long, and fans reportedly came out feeling "fine".
- 24. Cyanide
- Followup band to Poison that released the deadly gas from their instruments during their performances. Hilarity ensued.
- 23. Emerson, Lake and Hitler
- Y'see, the reason this is funny is because Hitler was actually a pretty good drummer! And he also invaded Prague, so, like, Prague = "Prog," right? Get it? ...No?
- 22. We've Got a Fuzzbox and We're Gonna Lose It
- This late-90's Riot Grrrrl act had potential, but constantly had to cancel gigs because of equipment problems.
- 21. Wang Chung
- No, I don't want to fucking wang chung tonight.
20-11
- 20. The International Band of Super Friends
- That's great, you saved the fucking day, but do you have to play a 60's rock song afterwards? And with Hitler on vocals, I mean come on. "Die Juden, Die Juden, Der Führer" will never be a chart-topper.
- 19. The Garcia Sisters
- Comprised of Alan Whitemore (vocals), Jeffrey Johnson (lead guitar), Humphrey Smith (bass guitar), and Thomas Blanc (drums). A band of unbelievably white males singing songs in high-pitched voices about life in poverty in Mexico, and their "cuerpos fabulosos." Yes. Awful.
- 18. I Think Satan Likes Your Mom
- George W. Bush's short-lived attempt to cash in on the thrash metal scene. The original lineup also included lead guitarist Dave Mustaine (later replaced by Syd Barrett), bassist Les Claypool (later replaced by Oscar Wilde, drummer Danny Carey (eventually replaced by Tommy Lee). The band assaulted us first with two medeiocre albums, then added Fred Durst, and made areally bad album that solidified them as one of the worst bands ever, unofrtunatly, they have reunited with Bush, Durst, new lead guitarist Tom Cruise, drummer Courtney Love (originally Hilary Duff, who quit), and bassist This Guy, and are bound to release a crappy new album soon.
- 17. Robin Hood's Band of Merry Men
- Hair metal band of the 80's whose niche of tights fit right in with the genre. The band flopped largely because their idea of "stealing from the rich" was having outlandishly high ticket prices. Hit songs include "I Sherwood like to see your Forest" and "You stole my heart, I stole your gold and distributed it amongst the lower class of the town in order to balance the economy". Audiances were also confused at the bassist's name "little John".... that is until he brought groupies back stage.
- 16. George Bush Doesn't Care About This Band's Name
- Kanye West and George W. Bush decided to make a band after the George Bush doesn't care about black people incident. They have only had one crappy single 'Goldnigger'. The single was huge but the group's album only went gold.George Bush Doesn't Care About This Band's Name broke up on December 20 2005 and then reunited on December 21 2005 with a new member in the group, Oprah Winfrey. The band broke up again on the 22 and reunited again on the 23.
- 15. Bush
- The best part is that we don't even have to make this yet another George Bush joke - the actual band Bush really is this fucking bad. But still better than their archrivals at number 9.
- 14.5. The Tings Tings
- So what if that isn't your fucking name - how about telling us your actual name. On second thoughts...
- 14. Pillars of Creation
- Look them up on MySpace...if your even retarded enough to OWN a computer, let alone have a MySpace account...
- 13. No Steamboat
- One time Hyperactives member Dan "The Man" Powter's one album band. Over the top, crappy, sophmoric rock. Nuff said
- 12. Mute Choir
- Praised by the critics everywhere, because since they made no sound, there was nothing to bitch about. After their first gig the one-man choir broke up for internal disagreements, for he thought he was not-singing "Bohemian rhapsody" when he was actually not-singing "Goldnigger".
- 11. Suki Suki and Fuki
- Japanese pop group famed for the hit single "Five Dorrar".
10-1
- 10. Chlamydia
- A unique blend of strangely uncomfortable rock.
- 9. Pearl Necklace Jam
- Substitute for sleeping pills, vodka, and a bullet to the brain.
- 8. The Fatal Brain Strokes
- Concocted in 1999, this band made of frontman and singer Ischemic Stroke, guitarist Embolic Stroke, bassist Thrombatic Stroke, drummer Hemmorrhagic Stroke, and cowbellist Watershed Stroke are notable as the third leading cause of death. Their hit single "Last Nite I Had a Near-fatal Brain Injury" (2001) catapulted them into the mainstream, despite critical acclaim from reviewers and doctors alike that one would "lose massive amounts of brain cells just by listening to it".
- 7. Hank Yappa and the Fathers
- Fail.
- 6. Nerdvana
- Godawful geek-rock/Nintendocore band from Seattle. I mean seriously, who listens to Nintendocore?
- 5. Nuns and Moses
- 1980s Jesus-rock band infamous for hits such as Sweet Holy Child of Mine, November Prayin', No Sympathy for the Devil and their terrible cover of Bob Dylan's Knockin' on Heaven's Door.
- 4. The Twats
- Latest in the line of perm-sporting New York fake-rockers billed as the next next next big thing after the next big thing, The Twats have received critical acclaim worldwide for their self-titled debut album which contained at least 2 good songs and a black and white photo collage inside the sleevenotes. Known for their big hit "Nice Jacket You Filthy Twat!"
- 3. Big Log
- Exploded on the scene late 2001 when their targeted audience, U.S. Senators and journalists, embraced the band with a passion. However, their debut album, "TAKE PENACILIN NOW" (2001), became so unpopular after it failed to live up to its hype that copies of the album were mailed to people, free of charge.
- 2. All-Arabian Rejects
- Well what'd you expect?
- 1. The Jonas Brothers
- technically not a band just a colaboration of faggots who call themselves brothers, but they suck enough ass to be put on the list.
Honorable Mention
- Adolf and The Hitlers
- Anal Cunt
- Ancalagon
- Assemblage 23
- Bill Cosby Band
- Blue (boy band)
- Bongos and Crisco
- Chess Club Party
- The Chaotics
- Cueshe
- Damone
- DJ Bobo
- Giant Jew Band
- Jewish Cabaret
- The Ayn Rand Happy Fun-time Experience
- The Living End
- Green Gay
- Ögädäi Khan
- The Fresh Princes
- The Beatles
- Powderfinger
- Paramore
- Panic! on the Titanic
- Ozric Tentacles
- Saxon (band)
- Scott Joplin and Jambies
- Stanky Legg
- The Trinketeers
- Yeah Yeah Yea Yeahs (band NY)
- Your Mom
- Zenerphobia