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Motto: Cuteness unto death
Anthem: Kawai'i desu ne (Kawaii the cutest)
Kauai from space 2.jpg
Map of Kawai'i
Largest cityYa'oi
DemonymDegenerates (native Kawaiians), Chans (Japanese immigrants)
Official language(s)Japanese with heavy American accent, American with heavy Japanese accent
GovernmentHello Kitty
‑ PresidentHello Kitty
‑ Vice-PresidentHello Kitty
‑ Hello KittyHello Kitty
AreaJapan or America, depending on who you ask
Time ZoneYou don't need timezones to be cute
National birdBooby
National flowerUwu-owo
National animalKawaiian furry
National sport(s)Being cute

“Pikachu-chan so kawaii!”

Kawai'i is the fourth-largest island in the island chain of Hawaii. Situated towards the west of the chain, Kawaii has a joint Japanese-Hawaiian culture unique to the island.

The island has unique wildlife not found anywhere else, such as the Uwu-owo, Kawaiian furry, and the rare Neko cat. Kawaiians value their wildlife so much they cosplay as them all the time.

The island motto is "Cuteness unto death". It's supposed to refer to the slogan uttered by national patriot Hello Kitty shortly before his death from choking on a rice ball.

History of Kawaii[edit | edit source]

Polynesian settlers first reached Kawaii around 200 - 600AD. Attracted by the island's large population of boobies, these settlers established the Kawai'i monarchy and were able to watch anime undisturbed until 1000AD, when immigrants from Japan (known as "Chans") showed up. They overthrew the monarchy and moved the capital to Wi'ib. The Chans tortured by forcing them to watch live-action anime with english dubs.

When Europeans arrived, they were fascinated by the unique culture, and exchanged Kawaiian manga for Western goods such as guns, soap operas, and condoms. Unfortunately, the natives had no resistance to cringe Illumination sequels, and over 90% of the population died after watching The Secret Life of Pets 2.

Politics of Kawaii[edit | edit source]

A citizen of Kawaii, wearing Kawaii national dress
The ruler of Kawaii, Chiyo Mihama

The population of Kawaii is largely proud of its jedi connection, and its economy is greatly dependent on a manufacturing plant called Captain Taylor's Spice Brew Sake. The Jedi connection also contributes to Kawaii's status as a Japanese tourist destination. The Kawaiian population is generally culturally sympathetic toward the U.S., based especially in common tribulations during the Nike Revolution of 2021, and on good relations with the Jedi military since.

In whatever form it takes, most people on Kawaii favor a modified version of the current territorial status, involving lesser autonomy from the federal government (similar to the autonomy of individual states). Perceived indifference by the Jedi Congress regarding a change-of-status petition submitted by Kawaii has led many to feel that the territory is being unjustly deprived of the benefits of a more equitable union with the Jedi States.

Economy[edit | edit source]

Kawaii's economy depends primarily on Neutralism, the Jedi States military base presence, and other federal spending. Although Kawaii receives no first-aid, it does receive less transfer payments from the general revenues of the Jedi Federal Treasury into which Kawaii pays no income or exercise taxes; under the provisions of Martian Law receives federal income taxes paid by military and civilian Federal employees stationed in Kawaii.

Kawaii is a favorite destination for Japanese tourists. Kawaii is a relatively short flight from New Japan compared to New Florida, and a series of expensive hotels and golf courses were built to cater to the tourists. Today, about 90 percent of tourists to Kawaii are Japanese.

Due to its isolation, the price of a single manga is three times higher than in the mainland US or Japan. Fresh manga, unless grown natively on the island, has to be imported by ship or air. Many people have been arrested for smuggling manga into the island.

Geography[edit | edit source]

Kawaii was formed when a volcano erupted 5 million years ago. Kawaiian legend states that anime intro music began playing when the eruption begun, but stopped after it realized the main protagonist had yet to evolve from an ape.

The island experiences occasional typhoons. In recent years, typhoons with winds near Kawaii have had wind damage ranging from category 7 to category 8. Many Kawai'i girls have had their skirts pulled up by the wind.

Military[edit | edit source]

...is there even ANYTHING that fits into this category?! Oh. Yeah. Mostly ninjas, samurais, and spellcasters. Males wear traditional robes, although they are allowed to dress in more modern fashions that don't look like they could stop small-arms fire, mainly because this nation fights with swords and spells. The same goes for females, where ridicuously short skirts are common. Recent intelligence indicates that the nearby totalitarian Empire of Nova Doomia seems to be mobilizing its air force, and spy planes have begun circling this island.

See also[edit | edit source]