User talk:Xamralco: Difference between revisions
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As for the method of judging - I recorded [[Media:Pee buddy judge.mp3|this thingy]] earlier, but the long and the short of it - you will be judging every article in the category for which you chose to judge. I will create a judging page later on that allows you to add a comment/link to each article you judge, along with a score. The ideal is that you score one a scale of 0.0 - 10.0 in total, but if you want to score out of 100, or 50, or 8.9, you can do that as well, as long as you put in the max score in as well. (It will become apparent once I've actually created the judging page.) Judging will start on the 1st (sort of). I've actually allowed a days grace for people to complain about entries or submit a late entry with a good excuse (ie: I was dead for two weeks for tax purposes). I'll keep you posted. {{User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3|02:32 17 Apr}} |
As for the method of judging - I recorded [[Media:Pee buddy judge.mp3|this thingy]] earlier, but the long and the short of it - you will be judging every article in the category for which you chose to judge. I will create a judging page later on that allows you to add a comment/link to each article you judge, along with a score. The ideal is that you score one a scale of 0.0 - 10.0 in total, but if you want to score out of 100, or 50, or 8.9, you can do that as well, as long as you put in the max score in as well. (It will become apparent once I've actually created the judging page.) Judging will start on the 1st (sort of). I've actually allowed a days grace for people to complain about entries or submit a late entry with a good excuse (ie: I was dead for two weeks for tax purposes). I'll keep you posted. {{User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3|02:32 17 Apr}} |
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Revision as of 20:04, 17 April 2012
The Talking
If I were in the raping mood I'd rape your talk page. But I'm not, so I'll ask your talk page out to dinner and a movie, in hopes of a delightful evening of talk page on talk page rape sex. Aleister 22:15 31-1-'12
- But I thought that you weren't in the raping mood. <Begins crying as talkpage masturbates to Aleister's rape fantasy> --
22:23, January 31, 2012 (UTC)
- lol, now you've grossed me out. /runs away screaming Al 22:30 31-1-'12
Congrats
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Uncyclopedian of the Month January 2012 |
--Chiefjustice3DS 13:02, February 1, 2012 (UTC)
God's userpage
That big image breaks the page on lower res browsing. One thing that can be done is to stick it in a div that has style="width: 100%; overflow: hidden;". Pup 11:31 01 Feb '12
- Could you please add that, I have no idea what that means (I'm bad at coding). -- 00:16, February 2, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm on my phone and at work, so not at the moment I can't. May do later. Pup 04:10 02 Feb '12
- Okay, thanks. -- 21:10, February 2, 2012 (UTC)
- Okay, thanks. --
- I'm on my phone and at work, so not at the moment I can't. May do later. Pup 04:10 02 Feb '12
UnSignpost - 3 February 2012
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
February 3th, 2012 • Issue 156 • There might be wild hungry cows on the loose!
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On Felonies And Awards
Hello. I was sitting in the study this evening, sipping imported white jasmine tea while reading Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus, Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 2 in E Minor proudly flowing into the room by way of a full orchestra I had composed of Hungarian slave children I'd purchased on the black market, when it suddenly hit me. I realized that there should be a way to communicate to the Uncyclopedian community (as well as our friends down at the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who hold a free shrimp buffet every second Wednesday) that the yearly awards for 2011 had been recently voted on, tallied, and awarded to their respective award-winners. Then it hit me, again! "Reginald," I said to myself aloud, severely confusing the few English-speaking members of my illegal young orchestra, "Why not personally drive across the world in an old Ford Torino, spreading the excellent news to everyone?" This idea was bound to work. In short, it didn't work. I'd explain the whole sordid tale, but I need to leave room in this thing for the actual news itself, so without further adieu (I do, too), here are your 2011 "...Of The Year" winners.
Congratulations to all winners, formerly prospective winners, nominees who didn't have a shot in hell at becoming winners, and Virgil Gordon of the Springfield Elk's Lodge, who last week correctly guessed the exact number of jelly beans inside of the mason jar that was set out in front of the lodge. Unfortunately, no prize was associated with guessing that there were 592 beans in the jar, as it was not intended as a contest, but as a mere decoration. In the future, the lodge will explicitly state the purpose of all jelly bean-filled mason jars by way of a small cardboard sign propped up against the jar. The Top 10 Articles of 2011 voting is also finished, but all of them haven't been re-featured and listed yet, so we're not going to mention that we know the winners until next week. Thank you for your support
 Good morning, Uncyclopedians (or evening, or possibly afternoon, depending on where you happen to be when you happen to read this). It is with high honour and big words that I announce that I have the utmost appreciation for your fine community here; for all of the squabbles on discussion pages and intractable behavioural issues demonstrated therein, you all have yet again exceeded even the highest expectations. Yes, you had the courage and decency to support me in my quest for wiki-domination, elevating my to the position of sysop, an endeavour for which I am tremendously grateful. As much as it would please me to richly reward you all for this show of faith, however, I must regretfully inform you that as a sockpuppet and general test account of User:Lyrithya, I am not actually authorised to act in any capacity exceeding the plausible scope of productivity and the odd prank or two. My sincerest apologies. |
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~ 
I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:12, 3 February 2012
Little Notice Thingy
Am I getting credit on God's userpage if it gets featured? I actually did a lot of work on the page...although it's your call. --
PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 5 February 2012, at 01:15
- I did sweet fuck-all work on it. Not that it's relevant at all. Pup 02:04 05 Feb '12
- According to your contributions, these are the only related changes you made to that: [4] [5] [6] [7], and some minor edits to the talkpage (I'd link them, but they were deleted in the merge). While Uncyclopedia certainly needs more of that kind of editing throughout, it's not exactly what is generally considered significant, or a lot, on a single article. While this may kind of emphasise why the whole feature credit thing is somewhat dumb, that's a whole other ball of undead geese. ~
02:24, 5 February 2012
- I was definitely planning to give Lollipop credit for the God's userpage article, as he did a ton of stuff on the talkpage. If you look at User:Xamralco/bibliography, you'll see that I did give him credit, along with PopGoesTheWeasel, who did even less than him. -- 02:49, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
- Yay Lollipop, maybe now you'll come back again and not let your grumpier sides get you down. Come back, come back. And Xamralco, thanks for saving Yoda. I just looked and even though it needs work I can't figure out why it was huffed. A vital article too! Aleister 15:38 5-2-'12
- Yeah, I figured I'd rework it a bit and then mainspace it. I'm also completely rewriting Tapeworms, though right now I only have one sentence. If you have anything you want to add to either article, feel free. -- 15:45, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
- Just looked and did a couple tweaks. So yes, thank you, I'll join the fun. It's not too far from being a feature, not far at all it is. So let's play with it, but maybe not too much for me today, as Super Sunday it is and drinks and parties there be. Aleister 16:00 5-2-'12
- Yeah, I figured I'd rework it a bit and then mainspace it. I'm also completely rewriting Tapeworms, though right now I only have one sentence. If you have anything you want to add to either article, feel free. --
- Yay Lollipop, maybe now you'll come back again and not let your grumpier sides get you down. Come back, come back. And Xamralco, thanks for saving Yoda. I just looked and even though it needs work I can't figure out why it was huffed. A vital article too! Aleister 15:38 5-2-'12
- I was definitely planning to give Lollipop credit for the God's userpage article, as he did a ton of stuff on the talkpage. If you look at User:Xamralco/bibliography, you'll see that I did give him credit, along with PopGoesTheWeasel, who did even less than him. --
Give me 40 lashes
Right now, I need 40 lashes. I just "read" your Why IP's can't edit the main page page, and when it was featured I was gone and I didn't look at it when I voted for the top 10 of the year, and if I had I would have given it my vote and my two other (sockpuppets Chief and Lyteriya) votes for sure. What a great article page, yay. Aleikster 00:49 7-2-'12
- Thanks. I'm glad you like it. -- 00:55, February 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Well, you should have had my vote, and whatever you tied as should be one more, and it's my mistake for not looking at it sooner. I feel lower than a possum with its head between its legs puking on a tinier possum, its own mother. lol possum. Al 00:58 7-2-'12
UnSignpost - 10 February 2012
Better sign it.
February 10th, 2012 • Issue 157 • Ack! Ack! Ack!
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Something happened this week.
 In the coming days, the aftershock of these events will come to a screaming peak, as countless forum topics are created, talk-page flamewars are started, and before you know it we're experiencing a virtual Titus Andronicus effect being enacted upon our peaceful wiki. When asked for comment, Modusoperandi will say something unrelated, yet witty, and we'll all step back for a moment and realize what's happening to us. We will then continue on in our back-and-forth for an indeterminate amount of time, probably zombifying the topic several times over before it finally fizzes out later on down the line, then being re-awoken and used to adopt new site policy. This, in turn, will spawn a similarly detailed UnSignpost story, if we're still around by then. Personally I blame this all on the one who was holding the watermelon at the time. You know who you are. You disgust me. Shit Happens Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidentally spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidentally choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World isn't fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME. Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who apparently isn't a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers. So remember kids ... always be posi-  |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 10:26, 10 February 2012
Your happy monkey topic
Your topic my dear Xamralco is: UnBooks:The journey of the ugly kitten.
- Write the article on your namespace
- I'll be judging the articles based on creativity, originality and cleverness.
- Good luck, you have until tomorrow night (23.59 UTC, 6:59PM ET) to finish.
(happy monkey just did a triple summer assault!)
--ShabiDOO 11:56, February 11, 2012 (UTC)
Am I missing out on something?
Why don't I know about this Happy monkey shit? What is this about? TELL ME BEFORE I KILL YOUR CAT[1]
- It's a conspiracy!!!!!! -- 20:45, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
- ↑ I don't have your cat. If you actually own one.
UnSignpost - 18 February 2012
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
February 18th, 2012 • Issue 158 • This is the place to be for the end of the world show.
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Important competition news As you all are no doubt aware due to paying the utmost attention to that which goes on around you, there was a competition this week, or possibly last week, or at very least, at some point relatively recently. This competition was the 2012 Happy Monkey Competition, in which various contestants competed to do something possibly monkey-related. According to the sitenotice, it is wrapping up around now, waiting only for the judges to show up and do their damn jobs, or, as the case may be, leave already so the janitor can clean up; it's not the competition hosts' fault you're homeless, and it's not their job to provide you with shelter past the allotted judging hours. What the rest of you may be less aware of, however, is certain controversy that has inevitably sprung up about this contest. Allegations of unfairness in proctoring and judging and a general lack of effective organisation and topics have no doubt sprung up, as they invariably do with every competition. Complications have also indubitably arisen from the tendencies of certain individuals to simply do things without asking, and of others to ask first and then ignore the responses. Rest assured, for the cabal is watching, and all who disturb the order of things will be dealt with accordingly.  MOAR PENIS
Penisman has been sorely under-utilized as of late. In fact, he's been sorely under-utilized as of recent, and sorely under-utilized as of the past while as well. I just have one thing to say about this... Prepare for World Domination
After a pro-longed session of drinking high-quality whiskey and smoking imported Cuban cigars, the fate of the world was finally decided between the Oli brothers. The western world, under the dominion of the English Empire and her colonies, would come under the complete control of King Olipro, while the eastern world consisting of the USSR and the powerful nation of Monaco would come under the control of Head Commissioner Oliphaunte. The two leaders would then combine their powerful empires into one global superpower and conquer all the little nations with their armies of pirate robots and Flying undead pilots. After which, a spaceship made completely out of cotton balls and masking tape would be launched to conquer Mars, Saturn, Venus, Uranus, and Neptune. Not Pluto, though, because that's no longer a planet. Instead, the two Olies will construct a replica Star Wars deathstar, which will be painted completely blue to avoid copyright infringement with Lucasarts (George Lucas now owns nuclear devices and becomes unstable when his trademarks are re-created without permission), and will use it to blow up Pluto for the hell of it. The planets will then be under the jurisdiction of the top friends of the two Olies. Saturn will go to Zombiebaron, Mars will go to Lyrithya, Neptune will go to Black flamingo11, Venus will go to Dr. Skullthumper and Uranus will go to Mattsnow simply because he wouldn't stop laughing when we told him Uranus was conquered. Now that the plan and been decided and the gears are in motion, it's only a matter of time before the entire world is conquered by Uncyclopedia, and everyone will be forced to contribute at least one article everyday about how great their overlords, Oliphaunte, Olipro, and friends, truly are! Mwhahahahahahha. Ha? It was then that Oliphaunte woke up in a back alley somewhere in Atlantic City with a dozen empty bottles of whiskey, a bag a hemp, and a calling card for male prostitutes. There was also a note next to him that read, "You got drunk and threw up on my living room rug, so I flew you to Atlantic city, beat you up, and left you with a bunch of male hookers. Also, stole you Hageen-Daaz from the freezer. -Love, Olipro." Oliphaunte then realized that the plan for world domination was just a dream...Oh well, at least he has rollbacks now. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:57, 18 February 2012
You just just just just just slipped into the winners circle
No ... totally joking. Im super glad the other judges agreed and got you into the top three. Your article really sticked out and it's more than just funny and creative and original and clever ... its also very conceptual and will surely be featured in no time. Congratulation Xamralco!!! --ShabiDOO 04:39, February 20, 2012 (UTC)
Nice work!
I liked your page a lot, and was glad you picked up nice scores and comments. Playing Happy Monkey was so much fun that I've had one of those monkey operations and now have fur. Aleister 12:02 20-2-'12
UnSignpost - 23 February 2012
Now with 20% more ninjas!
February 23rd, 2012 • Issue 159 • FUS RO Journalism!
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Softly softly, happy Monkey
 Now we here at the UnSignpost would be the first to admit that our coverage of the Happy Monkey Competition has amounted to less than the laser show of words that you were probably expecting. It is a sincere regret of the UnSignpost that it has been unable to provide any sort of meaningful coverage of a competition which describes itself as 'pure awesomeness' on its signup page. The competition successfully concluded this week and Aleister in Chains was declared the overall winner. We were privileged not to catch up with Aleister regarding this, and you shouldn't consider it either. In second and third were ICameHereInACloche and Xamralco, who lost slightly less than everyone else. For those who don't know how the scores for the Happy Monkey competition are calculated, it is by a simple process of getting the judges to rate an article out of ten in a table, much like this one, adding all their scores up, then throwing them in the bin and letting Shabidoo decide who the winner should be. The UnSignpost is very impressed with Shabidoo's ingenuity in overruling the opinions of his peers and stomping on the faces of his enemies. Those who enjoyed the Happy Monkey should take note of Shabidoo's next competition which he calls "Forced labour in a Salt Mine, while I eat grapes and sit on a deck chair". The competition has furnished Uncyclopedia with sixteen new articles. A splendid achievement; asked just how he had done this by Mattsnow, Shabidoo replied: "Raisins! Never underestimate the alure of raisins!". The UnSignpost fervently hopes that Dr. Skullthumper is still reading the UnSignpost so that he can take this knowledge and use it to save us from ourselves, a task he accomplishes at present by lurking on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel and successfully saying the word 'penis' more than anyone else.  For the fans of long unbroken blocks of text among you, this week saw the arrival of this forum in which Thekillerfroggy sets out his agenda to sell Uncyclopedia to "the man" piece by piece. He also thinks that we should bring back cash prizes, introduce a daily editing charge and require that an article can only be featured on the front page if it also attempts to sell the reader discount Viagra. Finally an administrator who isn't afraid to say what we're all thinking: "When am I ever going to get some sort of financial return for editing this humour wiki?". The last word this week goes to Modusoperandi who asks: "Is there code to keep the ads and hide the pages?". The Forum
 TheHappySpaceman just can't wait for April Fools day. He's so desperately excited that he has started a forum in which we can all plot and scheme about just how we will take in the entire world this April 1st. ICameHereInACloche wasted no time in suggesting that we make Uncyclopedia good for April fools day and was, quite rightly, kicked down a flight of steps by Olipro, who pointed out that it's April fools day and not Christmas. The discussion is needless anyway since I have already decided that we should do absolutely nothing for April Fools day. Except, and here's the catch and the really clever bit, we make it look like we have. We'll all sit on IRC going "Lol" at all the plebs who arrive on the website going "OMG WHAT'S CHANGED???". Shabidoo wants to know what your name is! It's not creepy at all! There's a lot of discussion going on regarding huffing! No need to read any of it, just remember that you should FIX IT, DON'T {{FIX}} IT. Administrators take note, or PuppyOnTheRadio will come to your talk page and make you feel very bad indeed. The bad news is that BHOP still exists and TheHappySpaceman is using it to plug his very own award. He could least haven chosen something that Aleister might not win every month. In conclusion: don't go to BHOP. It's not nice there. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:48, 23 February 2012
The Cat in the Hat
I rewrote the last section entirely - a botched burglary is more funny than a shooting, IMHO. I'm removing the fix tag for now, since I think its funnier. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 22:08, February 25, 2012 (UTC)
- Yeah, it's better. -- 13:22, February 27, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 1 March 2012
Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
March 1, 2012 • Issue 160 • You are all about to die.
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Nothing.
So I got up this morning, ate some breakfast and watched some television, ya know, just normal morning stuff. Then I decided it was time for me to check Uncyclopedia, as I do every day. So I walk over to my computer, turn on the screen and bring up Safari. I go to Uncyclopedia, log in and what do I see? Oh, I'll tell you what I saw. This thing that I saw was so terrible, I almost died. What I saw was... NOTHING. C'mon, guys, can't you do anything? Start a competition, a new exciting forum, even drama! Anything! I mean, I can't be expected to entertain myself, can I? And to any of you smart-asses out there who tell me that nothing is something in and of itself, shut up and go fall in a hole full of pointy objects; you know what that would be helping by telling me that? Take a guess. News? For those with eyes in their brains and mugs in their ale, it should be clear that all manner of very important things have been occurring in the news. Or is this the news? Well, you get the idea. Apparently Uncyclopedians, Shabidoo in particular, think there is something wrong with the site. While this is indoubti-bi-tubby the case, a more pressing concern we must bring up is this: has there ever been anything right with the site? Today the scare involves NotM, a highly prestigious award won by all the people who aren't here right now, and how it creates problems in regards to new editor retention, despite the minor issue that we would have to have new editors in the first place in order to retain any of them. Another scare involves the complete lack of sufficient delete votes on VFD, along with the fact that Sycamore wants to decrease the maximum number of active votes there to 14 when 15 would in fact be a much more round number, and to decrease the score required to delete things from 5 to 4, when 5 is also a much more round number. We suspect Sycamore just has something against round numbers, probably due to some childhood trauma or something, unless it turns out that these are the wrong notes and it was someone else who wanted to do all that. Everything's so blurry.  In other news, Wikia broke the site again, our illustrious admins keep forgetting to update the feature queue, VFP is lacking an appropriate number of votes, containing only the nominations of three images by Zombiebaron, who demands that more people vote for them because pi is awesome, and Uncyclopedia needs more sharons. And I really need to lie down. Profit! Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to.  A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions. Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much. Editor's note: This is most certainly not a veiled attempt by the resident money launderers to give them something to launder. The people want this. They already have a number of ideas relating to the promotion and growth of the site, and want your feedback so they can have feedback! Yes! |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:25, 1 March 2012
Whoops, Fix tags
Hello. Noticed your starting on Fix tags. Have you seen this? Things like take five minutes to fix the page, etc. etc. jumped out like a slick seal at me when I saw it last week. An interesting read. Thanks. Aleister 1:30 1-3-'12
- I only tagged two pages, both of which I think have no funny material at all. Take a look at Heavenland. It's pretty bad. -- 01:53, March 1, 2012 (UTC)
Halo! I mean, like, Hello!
I am a n00b in uncyclopedia and know almost nothing about the formats. May I ask for some advice? Such as, what is the format for a textbox? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Flymousechiu (talk • contribs)
- First of all, welcome to the site. Now, I assume you are talking about VFP vote box. Where it says image, you put the file's name. Where it says name, you put whatever you want it to be called. Caption is a caption, credit is as follows: {{u|Name of person who made picture here}}. Scoretext is whatever score text you want and then vote for it using # followed by your vote. Comments start with *. Also, whenever you leave a comment on a page, don't forget to sign your name with ~~~~. If you need more help, you could always look for someone to adopt you. That's about it. By the way, I love the way the HowTo:Delete the Recycle Bin article is coming along. -- 19:34, March 3, 2012 (UTC)
Pee on your Goddess
The Imperial Colonization Discordianism has been Pee Reviewed. I have no authority anymore to tell anyone to do anything, but check it out anyway! Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Discordianism (2) User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig10 03:32, March 5, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - 8 March 2012
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
March 8th, 2012 • Issue 161 • The most recycled periodical on the internet!
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Vote for Change
 There have been rumblings on the wiki this week, and not just because someone in the UnSignpost office insists it is their human right to have three kebabs for breakfast. These are the rumblings of discontent, and they stem from the behaviour of several users on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel. Frosty was decent enough to create a forum in the Ministry of Love explaining his discontent with pretty much everything IRC. Those of you who are fans of long blocks of text with lots of unnecessary swearing will not be disappointed as Frosty delivers Uncyclopedia's first blockbuster of 2012. The crux of the issue is that the Uncyclopedia IRC channel is not unlike my back garden, dangerous to enter alone for fear that Olipro will burst from the undergrowth and verbally assault you before hiding in the shed. There appear to be several views on this issue, besides the obvious; the UnSignpost sat down with Socky to discuss how we could fabricate a quote from him this week and he didn't say "I propose that all who argue should be put to death". Determined not to be outdone when it comes to simmering discontent with our benighted wiki, Lyrithya weighed into the forum to say that she too was disgusted with the present situation and something should be done. It's both worrying and strangely comforting that you can always rely on her for this particular viewpoint. The rebuttal to all these dissenting views has been varied, mostly involving admitting that yes Olipro and Dr. Skullthumper are an acquired taste and that everyone should generally go back to the important task of Speaking of maintaining the wiki, it is with great pride and the greatest pleasure that we bring to you more reforms from the keyboard of Dr. Skullthumper, Uncyclopedia's lead innovator and blue sky thinker. He proposes that in order to make new users feel welcome we should abolish Noob of the Month. Don't look at us like that; it makes complete sense to me: new users plus no awards equals a better Uncyclopedia. That isn't strictly true, as PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that instead of having a system by which we award one user the award per month we stack the new users up and treat them as though they were articles on VFH. This will at least kill two noobs with one stone, as nothing proves quite so heartbreaking as having your first article stomped on and then thrown into the bin because it "Lacks cultural significance". You could then change to the VFN page and watch yourself be stomped on and then thrown into the bin because "His/her articles lack cultural significance". Users interested in this plan should report here and support Thrak Thrak the destroyer of Worlds: May his power endure eternally, praise be, praise be to use the name he uses in his welcome message. Oh and in case you had forgotten, Thekillerfroggy still wants to sell Uncyclopedia to the man, man. Our pessimistic thought for the week goes to Electrified mocha chinchilla, who urges you to look on the bright side by saying: "Uncyclopedia will die if we do not make a conscious effort to expand our presence on the internet, thereby reaching a wider audience and attracting more contributors". So to conclude:
Only you can prevent forest fires, is what we would be saying if it was time for forest fire week again. It's not. Instead it is almost time for another Conservation Week! Unfamiliar with Conservation Week? Want to learn more? Why not head on over to the page and do a spot of reading? Or don't; trust that our summary of the rules is gospel and just start writing. Basically you rewrite articles so that they are no longer suitable for one of Dr. Skullthumper's templates of doom. Having completed your rewrite you gain a point, and you want to have more points than everyone, especially HauntedUndies, who is the Team Rocket of Conservation Week. Honestly, it's true. You can enter the competition for the low low price of ten English pounds, which goes towards oiling the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia. Your article should also contain at least two pictures of a Monkey, regardless of the subject matter. Well? What are you waiting for? HAH! False start; the competition isn't running just yet, and updates could come from anywhere, at literally any time. Check out the forum and await further instructions. |
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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 8 March 2012
Streets
Helloooooooo. You may know the song or may not, if not Streets of Laredo (song). It's a famous song in some quarters, pardner, and the funny is that it is now a straight article going on and on describing the actual streets of Laredo. Still not that funny, but good satire. Aleister 19:00 Ides of March Boxing Day '12
- I know the song, I just found the article a little boring. Sorry. -- 19:01, March 16, 2012 (UTC)
- Me too. It is very boring. That's the joke I guess. I didn't write it, but did vote for it. Just wanted to see if you knew the song. Hope things are going well, and well are going things. Al 19:03 IOMBD
Yo
Hea dude. I put this thing into your userspace it ran out of life and was about to go to hell. MrN 
23:52, Mar 16
- Sorry. With Conservation Week going on, I completely forgot about it. -- 01:00, March 17, 2012 (UTC)
Amero is featured
Many thanks for your positive vote--Funnybony 
14:53, Mar 17
Some images for accident?
- I really like the one on the top right. I'll probably use it. -- 15:30, March 18, 2012 (UTC)
The Pea Buddy Awards
WOW! A brand new UnNews competition and we need you! Either prepare yourself mentally for the severity of the trials (don't sign up just yet, you cheat!) or commit your soul as a judge right now. May the Lord shine his blessings upon thee! 
Mattsnow 00:47, March 20, 2012 (UTC)
- I don't have time to write but I signed up for judging. -- 00:52, March 20, 2012 (UTC)
- Great!
Mattsnow 01:21, March 20, 2012 (UTC)
- Great!
[8]
That has a tendency to break VFH. Nominally Humane! 02:57 21 Mar
Thanks for voting
Thanks for your vote --Uncle J (talk) 23:40, March 24, 2012 (UTC)
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Featured Article: UnNews:Barack Obama proposes legalizing prostitution, pot in effort to balance budget, avoid tax increases This person wrote an article which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. Ain't they clever?! |
In Hindsight...
It would have been easier to add Category:NASCOR TOYS to my Nascor template along with the other persistant categories rather than edit every individual article. ◄► UnUnUn ium ◄► 01:36, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- I just added it. Love the articles, by the way. -- 01:42, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- And I'm bad at counting. -- 01:45, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- And I'm bad at counting. --
Hey
In all respect: why are you redirecting the British petroleum page to the Ban patrol page? I would like to know. -- UserTalkContributions 18:44, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm only reverting your blanking. Next time, QVFD it. I, by the way, already did. -- 18:47, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
Brian Urlacher
... may be closer to your liking. I like it better, thanks for making me work on it. Does it need more? Aleister 20:28 31-3-'12
- It's better. I don't really get the joke about peeing on stuff, but good work. -- 01:24, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
Santorum and Romenemneney
I could send a couple of messages to people to plug our little improvised contest, linking them to the forum, what do you think? I added rules as well. I'm sure that weirdo Aleister would like to participate. Mattsnow 22:33, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Great! -- 01:25, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- I mean like, definitely do that. It's a great idea. (My original response is quite confusing) -- 01:28, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- There's already only 2 places left! Cool. I won't send 200 messages, only like 3 or 4 to people that are always around for now. Nice start to the article! Mattsnow 01:33, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- As I said, nice start! It seems we're on the same "mood" regarding the concept. :) Do you like the song lyrics I added (and tweaked from the real thing)? Do you think we should have an infobox? It could be a great way to throw in some jokes and look more encyclopedia-like. If so, please choose one yourself, as you're better than me when it comes to formatting. Mattsnow 20:12, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- The lyrics are pretty good. My only concern is that putting song lyrics in an article might make it look less like a wikipedia article, but I think it's fine. An infobox does have potential, and I'm thinking about 'shopping up a picture of Santorum getting crucified. We could caption it: "Rick Santorum died for America's sins" or something like that. -- 21:08, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- Hahaha, that would be awesome! Go ahead with that! As for the lyrics, I think this section should be at the end or near it, since it's kind of the final nail in the coffin, openly proclaiming he is insane. I think we're slowly crawling to a nice one. Mattsnow 21:34, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- You're right. It would end it off nicely. I'll probably do the 'shop tonight or tomorrow and I'm working on a good infobox format right now. -- 21:41, April 1, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey, great pic, Xam! I'm a big zero when it comes to that, how much time do you need to come up with a good pic like that? I like the way the article is going, we can't really distinguish a "break" in it where it shows that 2 people actually wrote it. We're really flowing well together so far (NO HOMO! lol) Feel free to tweak my parts! Mattsnow 00:46, April 4, 2012 (UTC)
- Hey, great pic, Xam! I'm a big zero when it comes to that, how much time do you need to come up with a good pic like that? I like the way the article is going, we can't really distinguish a "break" in it where it shows that 2 people actually wrote it. We're really flowing well together so far (NO HOMO! lol) Feel free to tweak my parts!
- You're right. It would end it off nicely. I'll probably do the 'shop tonight or tomorrow and I'm working on a good infobox format right now. --
- Hahaha, that would be awesome! Go ahead with that! As for the lyrics, I think this section should be at the end or near it, since it's kind of the final nail in the coffin, openly proclaiming he is insane. I think we're slowly crawling to a nice one.
- The lyrics are pretty good. My only concern is that putting song lyrics in an article might make it look less like a wikipedia article, but I think it's fine. An infobox does have potential, and I'm thinking about 'shopping up a picture of Santorum getting crucified. We could caption it: "Rick Santorum died for America's sins" or something like that. --
- As I said, nice start! It seems we're on the same "mood" regarding the concept. :) Do you like the song lyrics I added (and tweaked from the real thing)? Do you think we should have an infobox? It could be a great way to throw in some jokes and look more encyclopedia-like. If so, please choose one yourself, as you're better than me when it comes to formatting.
- There's already only 2 places left! Cool. I won't send 200 messages, only like 3 or 4 to people that are always around for now. Nice start to the article!
Kind of whoring but not quite...
...since the Supreme Court page should pass eventually. Can you maybe give it a quick read and see what you think (lots of changes and additions since it was nommed)? Thanks. The main reason I'm asking is it'll be fun to have the page up tonight because it is the first UnNews item on the main page too, and the same picture of Hilary Duff would be used. That'd be cool. Whoring, Aleister 20:32 4-4-'12
- Pretty funny article! I'm not a huge fan of nude pics in articles, but I laughed nonetheless. -- 20:37, April 4, 2012 (UTC)
- I just added the stuff about the new insane ruling that cops can now stripsearch anyone if they stop them, even passengers in a car driven by someone else. Are you a photoshop guy, can the Hilary Duff pic be turned around so she's coming at us from both sides if it gets featured? I'm not a big fan of nudity either, hate it, no woman should ever be nude, in pics or real life. What's gotten into them? If I see one nude, I buy her clothes immediately. Aleister minutes later 20:41 to be precise.
- p.s. Thanks!!! You voted! I'm doing handstands as I type, hitting one letter each revolution of the body. I've whored MrN to feature it tonight, and I'll look around for a photo, ah, potatochopper. T T T! 20:44
- I flipped it (File:0303 hilary duff b.jpg). -- 20:45, April 4, 2012 (UTC)
- This is me dancing, p-nvvirenvepssnnnvipe-3. Thanks!!!! And you're fast, I've never done even one tatochop, so to me it's still magic. Aleister 20:49
- I flipped it (File:0303 hilary duff b.jpg). --
- p.s. Thanks!!! You voted! I'm doing handstands as I type, hitting one letter each revolution of the body. I've whored MrN to feature it tonight, and I'll look around for a photo, ah, potatochopper. T T T! 20:44
- I just added the stuff about the new insane ruling that cops can now stripsearch anyone if they stop them, even passengers in a car driven by someone else. Are you a photoshop guy, can the Hilary Duff pic be turned around so she's coming at us from both sides if it gets featured? I'm not a big fan of nudity either, hate it, no woman should ever be nude, in pics or real life. What's gotten into them? If I see one nude, I buy her clothes immediately. Aleister minutes later 20:41 to be precise.
UnSignpost 5 April 2012
Now a major monopoly run by Xamralco
April 5th, 2012 • Issue 162 • Xamralco edition
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Xamralco
Hello, fellow Uncyclopedians. It is I, Xamralco, here to tell you that I have temporarily taken over the UnSignpost. However, being as inexperienced as I am, I have no idea how to put an UnSignpost together. Thus, for today, the UnSignpost will be about me, the greatest Uncyclopedian ever! More Xamralco
Look, I know I'm awesome. My mom knows I'm awesome. Even my kindergarten, first grade, and ninth grade teacher, Mrs. Matthews, knows I'm awesome. It's just a fact, but I'm all about being fair, so lets see what the people say:
I guess "alright" is now a synonym for "Soooooooooo freakin' awesome." Who knew? Even More Xamralco
I am super, duper rad. I know no one says that anymore, but I'm bringing it back. It is Xamralco who brings back the rad fads. Xamralco will also bring back talking in the third person. Xamralco loves talking in the third person. I sometimes enjoy talking in the first person, but you find talking in the second person far more fulfilling. Still, Xamralco thinks talking in the third person is quite entertaining. Must fill up blank space
Crap, that wasn't enough
How does ChiefjusticeDS make it look so easy? Oh well. Xamralco out! |
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9001(bot)
20:49, Apr 5
lol
Good work with the UnSignpost. :D ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 
21:32, April 5, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks. -- 21:55, April 5, 2012 (UTC)
- Yessir! One of the funniest unsignposts I've seen. Aleister 23:48 5-4-'12
Santorum and Romenemneney (continued)
I've added some more idiocies. I think we should wait until the 10th to nom it on VFH though, since well, that's what I wrote in the forum's rules. I didn't check if the other teams were doing something, but let's wait. We can still have some great ideas until that time! It felt like the article almost wrote itself. :P Mattsnow 03:11, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I liked the straitjacket thing with the video of the sheep, but I have to admit I like the sanity of that preacher. He's on the brink of convincing me. You're sure there's now room for the "surge out of the straitjacket" line? Mattsnow 16:29, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I mean, it was a good line, but if you say he was in a straightjacket, it contradicts all the stuff about him being a saint and being like jesus and stuff. I sort of wanted to maintain a theme that Rick Santorum is a righteous holy fellow, but saying he's crazy does the opposite. -- 17:44, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- You're right, sometimes by editing by pieces like that, I lose the whole picture. It's basically done in my opinion, though I may have other ideas about the events of the campaigns. All the stuff you wrote is hilarious man, *high five*. Mattsnow 20:30, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- PS: Oh, I was wondering, for the poem, could we say "that would be swell" instead of "and all would be well"? Sorry, as you may know, English is not my maternal language, it improved a lot since I'm here, but not my poetic skills I'm afraid! Also, is the biblical passage "quoted" (invented) in old English ok? Feel free to tweak it so it looks like old bible stuff.
- "That would be swell" is a slightly awkward English phrase that's not really used very often which is why I changed it. I can't believe English isn't your first language... Are you using google translate? -- 20:40, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- Sometimes, but just for specific words, not whole sentences. I actually have an account on the French Uncy but I don't go too often because their humor is so different from the Quebec one, and even the vocabulary is different from Quebec's French. By the way, I huffed the little sentence at the end (Rick, you have so many fans!) if that's ok with you, I thought it sounded weird, better let the 'poem' play the article out. BTW, did you know that song from Metallica? I'm also glad we didn't go into his Google problems (if you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "Santorum" and click on the first link, it's hilarious, but it has been played out over and over.) Mattsnow 20:49, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I do know about the google thing but that does seem overused. You're right about the last line. It's kinda weird. -- 20:50, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I also use synonym dictionary and well, since I have a spellchecker installed, it helps a lot. Here, a lot of people are bilingual, we are surrounded by English. It's not like I'm 15 either lol. And you, what great part of the world do you live in? I think we may collab a lot more; I had a blast working on this! Mattsnow 20:57, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- And are you interested in becoming an admin? Because I see you there 100% Mattsnow 21:07, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm good ol' American trash! New York, to be more specific. And yes, we must do another collab... True that VFS is probably gonna lead to votes for admins. Being an admin would be cool and I could totally see you as an admin as well. -- 01:24, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Well, I don't like conflicts, even on the net, and since an admin has to take decisions that are bound to create some drama, so I'll refuse if I get nommed. But I'll sure vote for you, you'd be a good one, along with some others. Mattsnow 06:18, April 8, 2012 (UTC)
- Well, I don't like conflicts, even on the net, and since an admin has to take decisions that are bound to create some drama, so I'll refuse if I get nommed. But I'll sure vote for you, you'd be a good one, along with some others.
- I'm good ol' American trash! New York, to be more specific. And yes, we must do another collab... True that VFS is probably gonna lead to votes for admins. Being an admin would be cool and I could totally see you as an admin as well. --
- And are you interested in becoming an admin? Because I see you there 100%
- I also use synonym dictionary and well, since I have a spellchecker installed, it helps a lot. Here, a lot of people are bilingual, we are surrounded by English. It's not like I'm 15 either lol. And you, what great part of the world do you live in? I think we may collab a lot more; I had a blast working on this!
- I do know about the google thing but that does seem overused. You're right about the last line. It's kinda weird. --
- Sometimes, but just for specific words, not whole sentences. I actually have an account on the French Uncy but I don't go too often because their humor is so different from the Quebec one, and even the vocabulary is different from Quebec's French. By the way, I huffed the little sentence at the end (Rick, you have so many fans!) if that's ok with you, I thought it sounded weird, better let the 'poem' play the article out. BTW, did you know that song from Metallica? I'm also glad we didn't go into his Google problems (if you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "Santorum" and click on the first link, it's hilarious, but it has been played out over and over.)
- "That would be swell" is a slightly awkward English phrase that's not really used very often which is why I changed it. I can't believe English isn't your first language... Are you using google translate? --
- You're right, sometimes by editing by pieces like that, I lose the whole picture. It's basically done in my opinion, though I may have other ideas about the events of the campaigns. All the stuff you wrote is hilarious man, *high five*.
- I mean, it was a good line, but if you say he was in a straightjacket, it contradicts all the stuff about him being a saint and being like jesus and stuff. I sort of wanted to maintain a theme that Rick Santorum is a righteous holy fellow, but saying he's crazy does the opposite. --
Data
Ah, your Santorum page is up, I must read later. I come here today to say that the page MrN put up is a masterpiece, and you, you good sir, voted against this piece!!! Anyway, MrN left a long comment on the VFH nom for Data, where he explains things that went over my head on first read although I laughed and laughed. Now the page seems like one of the top 10 of the year. Please read MrN's comments if you have 25 seconds. Thanks! Aleister (UTC)
- Goddammit, you're on a spamming session! Mattsnow 22:25, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
- No, I would never do that, it's as likely as a war on caterpillars. I'm writing some of the people who voted no on the page, and mentioning that MrN wrote a good explanation of the page. It's a masterpiece, I tell you, a masterpiece! El Spammer
- Sorry, I read it but I just don't find it all that funny. -- 01:30, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Sorry, I read it but I just don't find it all that funny. --
- No, I would never do that, it's as likely as a war on caterpillars. I'm writing some of the people who voted no on the page, and mentioning that MrN wrote a good explanation of the page. It's a masterpiece, I tell you, a masterpiece! El Spammer
It's not funny, it's superfunny. Yeah, I hate it too. Have you seen the front page? The Hilary pic you made is sitting right there! Al 1:36
But to be serious ): "(" serious faces - it's maybe a question of what uncyclopedia is. I've always seen it as a satire site and not a comedy site, satire being, wait... an expert has knocked on the door...
- en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SatireSatire, noun 1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice , folly, etc. 2. a literary composition, in verse or prose,...
Those things. Uncy pages, as I've seen it, don't have to be funny or bring a laugh, they have to be good satire. In the case of the Data article the "vice" is the powers that be who are trying to kill or control the internet, and Data is the warrior which will always fight such control. I don't want to lobby for it here anymore, just mentioning that funny is one aspect of the site but there exist others forms of satire too. I found it very funny though, maybe as a Star Trek fan (I actually missed the connection to the internet wars until MrN explained it). Thanks for being patient with me plucking away at discordant chords. Al 12:22 7-4-'12
UnSignpost article
Hey, can I do the UnSignpost article this week? Please... When? 
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill 
| 13:41, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
- UPjcm also wanted to do this week's UnSignpost and he asked before you, but if he doesn't submit anything you can definitely do it. And if he does, you can do next week's. -- 13:45, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
- Yep, I'm definitely going to do it, but Joe can do it next week. ~jcm 00:48, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
Evil cop
.....Sir, have you seen this boy?
User:Matthlock/sig 21:38, April 7, 2012 (UTC)
Little comp of ours
Here's where it stands:
- The Mitt Romney article was't even touched
- The Ron Paul article was thoroughly decrufted by MrN
- The Newt Gingrich article was written by UPjcm and it seems pretty good.
So I guess the question is: do we throw the Mitt Romney one on the VFH pile at about 23:59 today? All the other are worthy of course. What do you think? Will you be online at about this time? Mattsnow 14:22, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Sure, why not! I doubt it'll pass though! -- 15:08, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- I nominated all 4 articles! -- 15:29, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- You sure beat me to the punch! BTW, since VFH is slow, I think whoring is the way to go! What about that short one: UnNews:Tom Boonen wins Paris-Roubaix cycling race while smoking a cigar First article I ever wrote in under 30 minutes! Mattsnow 15:42, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- That's a good one! Now it's my turn to whore. Vote for Cow tipping... Oh wait, you already did. -- 16:02, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- HAHAHA!!! This cow article was awesome! Mattsnow 15:42, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- THIS GUESS IMHere! Much love XAM!!! Mattsnow 22:27, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Umm... okay. -- 23:29, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Oh, and Santorum just suspended his campaign. Basically, Romney's going to get the nomination and yet his article has already failed VFH. -- 23:31, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Yeah. Their problem is that they suck. :P We are amazing! I'm just a little drunk lol Mattsnow 00:19, April 11, 2012 (UTC)
- One hell of hangover this morning lol. It's a shame Santorum suspended his campaign. I guess his staff read our article and concluded that it would be the final blow. Mattsnow 13:40, April 11, 2012 (UTC)
- One hell of hangover this morning lol. It's a shame Santorum suspended his campaign. I guess his staff read our article and concluded that it would be the final blow.
- Oh, and Santorum just suspended his campaign. Basically, Romney's going to get the nomination and yet his article has already failed VFH. --
- Umm... okay. --
- THIS GUESS IMHere! Much love XAM!!!
- HAHAHA!!! This cow article was awesome!
- That's a good one! Now it's my turn to whore. Vote for Cow tipping... Oh wait, you already did. --
- You sure beat me to the punch! BTW, since VFH is slow, I think whoring is the way to go! What about that short one: UnNews:Tom Boonen wins Paris-Roubaix cycling race while smoking a cigar First article I ever wrote in under 30 minutes!
- I nominated all 4 articles! --
Your latest UnSignpost - fresh off the presses, like a fine wine
STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!
Apr 10th, 2012 • Issue potato • That isn't a real UnSignpost
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Headline I'd created these templates a while ago, but never really used them. They've now been moved out of my user space into the Template namespace.
They should be fairly easy to use. Let me know if you need a hand. But if you have a look at the code behind this it shouldn't be too complex. Headline Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Aenean imperdiet aliquam lacus. Fusce semper nulla eu ipsum. Aenean rhoncus enim eget ante. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Donec vel erat eget risus dignissim luctus. Pellentesque mi erat, porttitor a, venenatis sit amet, bibendum eget, magna. Duis sollicitudin ligula. Proin dictum felis. Vestibulum porttitor laoreet neque. In augue. In at nisi eu neque rutrum rhoncus. Nam dapibus, enim non ullamcorper interdum, purus felis cursus massa, et pharetra sapien neque et purus. Sed bibendum elit id enim. Ut interdum, lacus ac interdum consequat, justo eros adipiscing sapien, eget elementum odio nibh sit amet mauris. Sed condimentum pede quis tortor. Aenean eu quam. Nunc auctor, arcu sed porttitor ullamcorper, justo elit adipiscing eros, vel tincidunt risus elit eget est. Aenean eget neque at massa rhoncus tempor. Phasellus adipiscing, mauris a rhoncus dictum, massa nunc suscipit sapien, non aliquet tortor arcu nec mi. In malesuada sollicitudin odio. Duis quis nisi. Proin semper tincidunt velit. Vestibulum ornare est ac arcu. Aenean euismod. Praesent felis elit, ornare vel, molestie sed, suscipit nec, ipsum. Praesent consectetuer dictum mi. Curabitur ut velit ac felis imperdiet luctus. Maecenas malesuada, lacus vel vestibulum bibendum, felis metus euismod sem, in venenatis enim lorem non mauris. Praesent gravida dui quis nisl. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Suspendisse laoreet lorem sed risus.
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- Hand delivered by Nominally Humane! 10:06 10 Apr
- Fine, take it! *Throws USP at Pup and runs off crying* -- 23:27, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm joking. I could really care less who takes it over as long as it gets done. -- 23:28, April 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Actually, I'd prefer you take it. I was going to for the same reason, but it would be more of a chore than anything else, as my attention is (as always) divided. Nominally Humane! 01:08 11 Apr
- Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/20120412. If UPjcm doesn't pick it up I'll finish this issue off by around midnight UTC, and Joe can take next week completely. Of course, anything you want to do to it, feel free. Nominally Humane! 01:53 11 Apr
- Actually, I'd prefer you take it. I was going to for the same reason, but it would be more of a chore than anything else, as my attention is (as always) divided. Nominally Humane! 01:08 11 Apr
- I'm joking. I could really care less who takes it over as long as it gets done. --
- Fine, take it! *Throws USP at Pup and runs off crying* --
Thanks
Thanks for the nom at the admin page, appreciated. You must be drunk. Just want to mention, if elected I will not serve, and if made to serve I would not serve. All the admins except for TKF, at least in my experience here, have lowered their writing output, although that's probably not totally because of the admin post (we all will get tired of writing sometime, or take a long break from it. I don't, for example, intend to get close to my amount of features of the last two years, and now that I've done The Full Hilary with your help, there are no more worlds to conquer here and I cast my eye towards Mars. Other reasons too (it would feel too much like work, and I'd run away and join the circus instead). But yes, that was nice of you. Thanks for throwing me a geese. Aleister 3:05 11-4-'12
- Actually, TKF was writting sweet FA (fuck all, not featured article) when I joined, but I'm not sure how long it was since he'd been made an admin. Chief was never a big writer (although I do miss his reviews). I think almost everyone goes through ebbs and flows in their output here. You, Funnybony, Sog and Hype are probably the main exceptions (in my mind) to that rule. Nominally Humane! 01:48 11 Apr
- Oh. The point of that last bit - I think people become admin when they show themselves to be adminny types. Often I do adminny stuff when I'm stuck on writing. I wonder if it's a cause, not an effect. Nominally Humane! 01:53 11 Apr
- Don't get me wrong, admins are the best of the best. You would be a great admin, as you seem to know how to do what you do and lots of things as well as lots of good writing gets done. Maybe I'm thinking of Lyrithya, who was having fun writing and then admining, and maybe needed a break from everything. I wouldn't be a good admin, because if I thought it was work to come here I wouldn't come. And because I'm not good with code (if someone asked me to move something on the feature que, or find a page from long ago, or fix their code, I'd just sign off and go play darts with street urchins and vagabonds down by the river. And I would never finish Jed clampett's wallet, or Kubrick, which linger and drift. Aleister 2:13 12-4-'12
Dear Xamralco,
I seriously loved your work on the latest issue of UnSignpost; believe me, this is the first time in a long time that I’ve laughed my ass off at an issue of UnSignpost, I’d say it was hilarious, creative, self-expressive and took a joke and squeezed every last bit of laughter from its pulp. It's narcissism at its funniest. SERIOUSLY, NICE WORK MAN!
Which brings me to the offer I’m about to make; how would I care if I, Matthlock, became your partner-in-crime on Uncyclopedia until everything returns to hunky dory. I think it’ll be fun. We could be the next Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper of UnSignpost, but I make no promises.
Anyway, tell me if you agree to me being your partner at UnSignpost. Like the idea or no? User:Matthlock/sig 20:14, April 11, 2012 (UTC)
- I've sort of decided that the UnSignpost would run best if a different user wrote it each week. That way only those who have time to write it could write and there wouldn't be one person in charge who has to handle everything. Sign up here to write one. -- 22:00, April 11, 2012 (UTC)
Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost
Click on the next issue link. This is the help page/bit at the top. It needs content. All yours. Nominally Humane! 01:48 12 Apr
- Done. -- 03:22, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
UnSignpost - Free Pixels Inside!
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
Apr 12th, 2012 • Issue 163ish • The newspaper used as insulation by discerning homeless
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Nobody panic. Everything is fine. In a precedented move, USP has handed the reigns over to somebody new in order to ensure it's timely delivery. USP has had a fine tradition of coming out regularly on a weekly basis[citation needed] since it's creation, and the handing of the reigns to In the meantime, the news continues to happen. VFH is in the healthiest state that it has been over the past 7ish years,[citation needed] as we are constantly reminded by the site banner, which is updating as regular as clockwork.[citation needed] The top three features articles of March is proving to be a hotly contested title,[citation needed] and is shaping up to be the first month in history where every article is likely to be in the coveted top position. And we have a strong consensus that there is no need for new admins, however we have a record number of potential admins nominated.[citation needed] Everything is fine. More Stuff
Sadly, I will no longer use the UnSignpost to talk about how great I am. Instead, the UnSignpost will return to its original purpose: Telling you about what's happening on the wonderful website known as Uncyclopedia.[citation needed] As Puppy mentioned before, ChiefjusticeDS has left his position as head editor and In other news, the Great Republican Write-a-thon is coming to a close. If you haven't heard, a Canadian dude and some schmuck who knows nothing about American politics are co-hosting a writing competition that will assess which team of Uncyclopedians can write a better article about a selected 2012 Republican presidential candidate nominee. Strangely, these same two doofuses have also submitted an entry, something which most certainly should have been against the rules. Nevertheless, articles on all four candidates were put up on VFH (which is serving as a judge), though the Mitt Romney article immediately failed since no one bothered to rewrite it (which is mildly entertaining considering he's leading at the moment). And now, some cheese:  No, that wasn't random... Everybody panic. Nothing is fine.
 In an emergency spur-of-the-moment move, the USP has forced the burden of writing it each week onto another innocent soul in order to ruin their lives like so many others.[citation needed] USP has had a fine tradition of not coming out since 1974.[citation needed] USP has decided to hand the blood-stained reigns to In the meantime, the terrible news continues to depress us all. VFH is running as slowly as the plumbing in my house and actually has negative six entries.[citation needed] However, the site banner seems to want to shove lies down our thoats. This is probably on account of the fact that it is only editable by lying, cheating, inbred bastards that can't seem to update the fuckin' thing. The top three featured articles of March is proving to only be winnable if you suck the right person's dick,[citation needed] and is shaping up to be just like all the other months ever: uninteresting. And a record number of people were forced to vote that they want more narcissistic assholes, however not one single person has been nominated, as there are no users left.[citation needed] Nothing is fine. |
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21:57, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
That thing
It appears to be a touch too wide. Nominally Humane! 01:55 13 Apr
- That's what she said. Hahahahahah heheeheheeheheheheheheeheeeheheeheheee Ha! Aleister 2:00 (UTC)
- You may want to do something like:
<div style="position:relative; width:100%; height:40px; overflow:hidden;"><div style="position:absolute;right:0px;">[[file:too wide image.jpg]]</div></div>
- or something. Nominally Humane! 03:30 13 Apr
- I have no idea what that code means, but I'll try and add it in the future. Funny, it didn't seem to do that on my computer. It could be a browser thing. -- 13:05, April 13, 2012 (UTC)
- I have no idea what that code means, but I'll try and add it in the future. Funny, it didn't seem to do that on my computer. It could be a browser thing. --
- or something. Nominally Humane! 03:30 13 Apr
Bowels of Uncy
So did you find your way to Ivan Rene Contreras? Mattsnow 16:16, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
- Eventually, but no one was there... It was sad, sad, sad, and a little depressing. -- 17:42, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
- Well actually, 37 people were there but I had no idea what was going on and nobody said anything. -- 17:51, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
- If you hop on there RIGHT NOW, I promise to be there too, and to actually say something. ~ BB ~ (T)
~ Sun, Apr 15 '12 18:54 (UTC)
- Tick-tock! *looks at watch significantly* ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Apr 15 '12 19:03 (UTC)
- It's almost always like that. There's like 15 dudes that are ALWAYS there and I've never seen them talk, EVER lol. I'll log in IRC more often then, if there's hope of having good companionship. Mattsnow 21:23, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
- I might start going on from time to time if there's nothing else I have to be doing. -- 23:25, April 15, 2012 (UTC)
- I might start going on from time to time if there's nothing else I have to be doing. --
- It's almost always like that. There's like 15 dudes that are ALWAYS there and I've never seen them talk, EVER lol. I'll log in IRC more often then, if there's hope of having good companionship.
- Tick-tock! *looks at watch significantly* ~ BB ~ (T)
- If you hop on there RIGHT NOW, I promise to be there too, and to actually say something. ~ BB ~ (T)
You made a big mistake, friend...
...because you voted for the "Above Top Secret" page and now there are teams of dogs and cats out looking for you. Your name, which usually comes near the end of the alphabet, has been placed at the front of the watch list, and if you think you can take an airplane anywhere without probes in every place you can hide subversion and knowledge, you ain't seen nothing yet. Brush you teeth and everywhere else before going to any airport, because a 300 pound security agent is going to be sticking chicken-sauced fingers up in there. Thanks. Jordan Luciano Persnickersmith, AA, HI-DE-HO, JMAC, National Security Tribunal Yep (NSTY) 18:07 15-4-'12
Constitution
Wow! Cool opening! I'll get on it soon. Mattsnow 01:42, April 17, 2012 (UTC)
You are a Pee Buddy Judge
I'm sure that's not news. But feel free to add {{User:PuppyOnTheRadio/PBJ}} to your user page to show everyone how clever you are.
As for the method of judging - I recorded this thingy earlier, but the long and the short of it - you will be judging every article in the category for which you chose to judge. I will create a judging page later on that allows you to add a comment/link to each article you judge, along with a score. The ideal is that you score one a scale of 0.0 - 10.0 in total, but if you want to score out of 100, or 50, or 8.9, you can do that as well, as long as you put in the max score in as well. (It will become apparent once I've actually created the judging page.) Judging will start on the 1st (sort of). I've actually allowed a days grace for people to complain about entries or submit a late entry with a good excuse (ie: I was dead for two weeks for tax purposes). I'll keep you posted. Nominally Humane! 02:32 17 Apr
Please
Don't sign QVFD posts. Just saying. --
This has been an automated message by Cute Zekrom (talk) 20:04, April 17, 2012 (UTC)