Magic mushroom
- Whoops! Maybe you were looking like totally for shrooms dude?
“Shrooms are good, man......look at all the pretty colors!”
Magic Mushrooms, or simply shrooms, are a common hallucinogenic drug, and can be found in all dung filled pastures and forests. They are an excellent source of psilocybin and psilocin, and should be eaten regularly with an assortment of freshly grown leaves, perhaps some cilantro or ayahuasca. It is known to have no negative side effects at all, in fact being beneficial in some cases, causing a power-up, or giving you the inspiration to write a book for the Bible.
They are a cure for paralysis and can often make one grow several times larger in size, though some varieties can cause reverse effects. Any mushroom with a brown or grayish color sweatsuit should not be eaten as they are older than the nineties, and be careful to avoid the poisonous ones, as many growing in the wild will kill you.
Effects[edit | edit source]
Shrooms are a very strange drug.[1] Shortly after eating them you will start seeing things that aren't real. Everything will become very cartoonish and gay looking. You will start imaging that you are a short fat plumber, and you will walk around screaming " It's a me, Mario." You will also think that for some reason you have to rescue a princess that got captured by a giant horny turtle. You may also start eating things off of the ground for no logical reason, like flowers and leafs and and stuff that you will think will give some sort of magical power. You may also start stomping on people's head and calling them Goombas. You will also start thinking you have a dumb-ass brother named Luigi who is inferrior to you in every way. Oh and you might also think that for some reason you are riding on a little green dinosaur thingy that you call Yoshi. But when you wake up you will find out that none of that was real...
Shrooms can be very fun if used with the right person for example, If a conservative christian were to eat mushrooms he most likely would see Jesus and start to think it was the rapture in which case he will go to hell as anyone with those types of ethics belongs in hell. However if you are more of a mindset of acceptance of other people then as a giant rainbow fish floats out of your friends mouth as he babbles about something stupid instead of being freaked you most likely will be happy you don't need to here your stupid friend talk about stupid shit and will be much more pleased watching the fish swim around the room until it breaks your T.V.
Toxicity[edit | edit source]
If you weigh 60kg, About 1.5kg dried Psilocybe cubensis will probably kill you, as they absorb water, swell and cause your stomach to a splode, covering your friends in blood and intestines.(See video below...) Anyone nearby risks injury from bone fragments etc. If you have a very very very large stomach, eating 15kg will cause your mind to implode and possibly destroy the universe.
Different flavours[edit | edit source]
There are many types of magic mushroom popularly consumed for their fantastic taste, such as Colombian and Venezuelan mushrooms. Unlike mushrooms produced by these notoriously drug-free countries, mushrooms from Seattle can really mess with your kneecaps.
How Does it Fuck You Up?[edit | edit source]
Distinct from both drugs and vitamins, magic mushrooms, also known as shrooms, are a large fungus of benign qualities that manifest themselves as a direct result of interaction with seratonin receptors located in the cerebellum. These receptors direct the flow of electricity to the area in which it is to be received, sound to ear, taste to tongue, et cetera. Under the influence of any hallucinogen, excluding ecstasy and ketamine, these receptors redirect the path of thought to stimulate other neurons that wouldn't be stimulated otherwise. (that's the good bit) Inexplicably, the thought, though augmented, always makes it to its destination. In other words, they make your spine bleed, they fry your brain. They eat holes in your squigly spooch, and you to grow a reptile tail out your ass. M&M was not shitting you bro.
The Good Kind of Shrooms[edit | edit source]
Magical Mushrooms can be found in many places, from dead trees to cow shit, yes cow shit. If you've never innocently gnawed on the golden nugget of a mycelium inhabited cow patty, then you have no idea what you're missing! Moms and dads agree, it has just as much of the psilocybin and psilocin these kraaaaazy kids krave as the mature cap. The good kind of magic mushrooms have the following qualities: red skin with white spots, a ring of discoloration along the bottom, gills along the underside of the cap, a stocky muscular build, a bronze tone to the skin, delicious aroma, stimulating aesthetics, and designer sunglasses. If a magic mushroom has a frowning mouth, it is a bad mushroom, and it is probably frowning to show people how bad it is. Smiling mushrooms can give the user super power, such as green mushroom resurrection. The most common type of good 'shroom is red, which is packed with ibotenic acid, muscimol, and knowledge.
Believe it or not, this "red" shroom or Amanita Muscaria can be refined by passing through the body. The knowledge can be redistributed up to six times before potency is greatly reduced. These mushrooms are also linked to prolonged sexual activity and thinking about Meagan Fox from the Transformers movie. Why do you think Peach let Bowser capture her so many times? But the majority of shroomers experience heavy hard ons and can give a sexual performance which leave Viagra looking limp. Smoke some weed after that and man, do you see the world in a different light/lights. The trip, some reckon, is equivalent to 10 years of constant meditation.
The Bad Kind Of Shrooms[edit | edit source]
The bad kind of shroom is very grumpy and will make you sick and die. Jump on their heads and they will die instead. Doing a barrel roll would also kill them, by making them embarrassed. But, in certain situations, this does not work. One of these would be if the "magic mushroom" has a box over it's head, during which the barrel roll will simply fail. The way to beat this box situation is to first remove the box, then feed the shroom lucky charms until it catches cholera from the so called "marshmallows."
Occasionally, a magic mushroom will explode from overindulgence and form a mushroom-like cloud, similar to a nuclear bomb detonation. For your personal safety, avoid any direct or indirect confrontation. But if confrontation is unavoidable, be prbutcrackisbetterepared to tuck your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.
The BEST Kind of Shrooms[edit | edit source]
The BEST kind of mushrooms are psilocybin containing because they make the world go stranger than those Windows Media Player visualizations. They are known to allow buildings to breathe, cars to talk, and you to be funny. One time I ate some of these shrooms and it was like... whoa... I can see my hands...
| “ | The fairy circles encountered me suddenly. The fountainhead went into my brain, and i became Howard Roark. Mr. Black told me that red was really blue and that they lied to me. Adam saw a tee shirt moving, but I think he was lying. ESP is on those plates but that chico aint got it >:O >:O | ” |
Terrors[edit | edit source]
While high you may experience terrors, these can be terrifying and dangerous, here is a typical scene in which three characters experience terrors for the first time.[2]
Person 1: YID... DID YOU HEAR THAT... ITS THE FUCKING POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sean Connery: SHIT DUDE... THROW ALL OUR SHIT OUT THE WINDOW
Person 1: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU
Sean Connery: I'M an Octorok I RAPE YOUR thigh FOR A LIVING
Person 1: ARE YOU IN MY HEAD
Sean Connery: YES...
Person 1: GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS GET an Octorok OUTTA MY HEAD
*bangs head on wall*
Person 2: FUCKTARD WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ??!!
Person 1: GOTTA GET an Octorok OUTTA MY HEAD
Person 2: BITCH Sean Connery an Octorok! WHERE IS IT
Person 1: IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Person 2: BELLEND LET ME GET IT OUT
*picks up pick axe*
Person 1: SHIT DUDE
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring, banana phone, Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding, donana phone
Person 3: HOLY FUCK! BANANA PHONE DON'T TOUCH ME
Person 2: BUT HOW ARE WE GONNA GET an Octorok OUTTA YOUR HEAD?
Person 1: GIMME THE PICK AXE I'LL DO IT MYSELF
Person 2: DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME I'LL GET BANANA PHONES
Person 3: Hey guys, I'm an orange, I've peeled myself, who wants to eat me?
Person 2: Fuck an Octorok lets eat him
Person 1: What about the police?
Person 2: COCKSUCKER THE POLICE!
Person 1: THROW YOURSELVES OUT THE WINDOW
Person 3: No way, not until you eat me
Person 2: Okay, lets eat him, then crack your head open, then jump out the window.
Person 1: He tastes good...
Person 2: BRITNEY HE'S DEAD!
Person 1: LET'S SHIT WE'RE CANNIBALS!
Sean Connery: I'm not...
Person 1: FUCK OFF RANDOM VOICE
Person 2: WHY THE COCKSUCKER ARE YOU TELLING ME TO FUCK OFF?
Person 1: YOU WANKER I WAS TALKING TO an Octorok
Person 2: FEWMETS ARE YOU CALLING ME an Octorok
*embeds ladle in person 1's head*
Person 2: SHIT [Insert obscure meme or in-joke here] BLUE PENIS! THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Jumps out of window*
Person 2 survived the fall, but thought that he was being cut-rately owned by a osteoporosis employed by Sean Connery as a a pirate. He promptly owned a ladle into his ankle killing him instantly. The police never found his body... But all that is irrelevant, because that little conversation was so poorly written and impossible to follow that I'm sure everyone just skipped to the aftermath like me.
Economic Effects on Today's Economy[edit | edit source]
Today there is a huge economy behind magic mushrooms. Certain companies collect smoke from burning mushrooms and sell it as drug (officially permitted by the UN). It is said that by inhaling the smoke, one meets the god of nuclear weapons with his longtime friend Cleamatonu (a former alumnus of the FSM). Evidence shows that they are both the originators of MGM (Magic Goa Music). Some, however, believe that this is a hoax and therefore try to persuade the UN to prohibit the sales of magic mushrooms and further research in the fields of radioactivity, because - according to them - the consumption of atomar smoke causes permanent damage to neurons located in the male penis due to overproduction of dimethyltryptamine (DMT).
Legality[edit | edit source]
You see, that's why it's illegal.[edit | edit source]
Because morons sometimes can't handle it.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The Mushroom haircut was very popular in the mid-80s among mothers of young boys who had taken the drug in the '60s.
- Taking shroom will inevitably cause your genitals to grow to an enormous size and give you the urge to take it in the ass from a panda bear.
References[edit | edit source]
See also[edit | edit source]
Aspirin • Caffeine • Chantix • Cheerios • Cocaine • Codeine • Coffee • Crack • Crack Corn • Corn syrup • Ecstasy • Dexedrine • Gluten • Haoma • HeadOn • Heroin • Jesus Juice • Kittens • Laudium • LSD • Magic mushrooms • Marijuana • MDMA • Medicine • Meth • Opium • Prozac • Ritalin • Side effects • Soma • Tylenol • Walgreens • Xanax • Viagra • The World's Most Powerful Drug
External links[edit | edit source] |
