Babel:Ch

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
 
   

Welcome to the Swiss Uncyclopedia, the neutral encyclopedia that anyone can edit but only if they have sufficient funds.

   
 

Sophia has opened 40,654 numbered bank accounts since opening in January 2005.
Before editing, please read the War Profit Investment guidelines and neutrality manual.

 
   

Sex | War | Bank Vault Technology | Reservists | Female Emancipation | 4 Offical Languages
Most Wealthy | Numerical Index | Not Money, Choclate or Cucckoo Clocks...

   
 
Respect my Neutralitah!
I'm Rich Bitch!
Ordered plains.png

A function is a relatively simple mathematical tool, used by great professors and not-so-great professors alike as a vital application to various numbers here and there to transform them into different numbers, but using the same process. This factor of regularity makes the function a fairly crucial aid in the mathematical equivalent of working in a Tibetan iPad packaging plant. Nevertheless, the sheer determination of those attempting to use the functions for a task as monotonous as the wrapping of poorly constructed imitation tablet computers made of cardboard and horse testicles is near incomparable with the mathematical geniuses of maths's heyday.

Yes, such innovative use of functions is scant in this modern world of failing economy and MS Calculator. The great functions and formulae of the days when mathematics was valued above such things as charity and prostitution were simple things, yet elegantly complicated in the array of practical yet overly long sums the masters would come up with. Unfortunately, the limited attention span of the new generation faces us with a scarcity of four-dimensional thinking and an abundance of lustful masturbation in males. (Full article...)

You can vote (even Women!) for your favorite articles to be featured.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia


Selected anniversaries

Holy Picard.jpg

September 12: Captain Picard Appreciation Day

  • 14,000 BC - Q sends the crew of the USS Enterprise-E back in time to the country of France. Spitting in the face of the Prime Directive once again, Picard teaches the cavemen how to paint on the walls, a trait still exhibited in toddlers.
  • 490 BC - A Greek guy runs 42.195 km from Marathon to Athens, announcing the Persian defeat and survival of Western civilization. Unfortunately, he is overtaken in the last leg by the team from Kenya and has a heart attack.
  • 22 - Museum of Ancient Geese opens
  • 1609 - Mark Smith discovers the Hudson River. Shortly after the discovery, Henry Hudson stabs him and claims it for himself. This is generally considered the fifth greatest coincidence of all time.
  • 1683 - Battle of Vienna - Several European armies join forces to defeat the Ottoman Empire and their allies, the Sultanate of Sofa.
  • 1818 - Richard Gatling, inventor of the gatling gun, is born. By six he has invented a rapid-fire slingshot and by ten, a BB gun featuring a rotating array of twelve barrels.
  • 1940 - Q sends a young Jean-Luc Picard and three of his high school peeps back in time to this date. The group discovers the Lascaux cave paintings.
  • 1951 - Anti-rioting technology goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1984 - Leonard Bernstein dies for the second time.
  • 1990 - East and West Germany share a tearful Reunion
  • 1991 - The Cold War ends, and many people are left thinking, "it wasn't that cold". It was that cold in Russia.
  • 1997 - This was an actual year??
  • 2001 - Amnesiacs International select the World Trade Center in New York City as the site of their 2002 convention.
  • 2003 - Johnny Cash passes away. But first he shoots a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
  • 2005 - England regain the Ashes, only to realise the next day the whole series was just a dream.


Archived Anniversaries

Things happening in the rest of the world, which didn't make us a profit.


Foreshadowing.png
Well, that says a lot...

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia/Ukraine and Israel/Hamas "peace talks" • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • SNL cast exodus • K-pop: The Movie • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys

Recent deaths: Ozzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBARCartoon Network on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence StampThe Devil's Rejects Unrated Director's Cut 4K (also Saw 2 & 3) • Trump's pet sloth

Upcoming deaths: DEIR. Kelly and Bryan Kohberger (in jail) • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • The flowers you bring Alan BergmanDallas Cowboys' season • MSNBCLil Nas XDonald TrumpWindows 10


More Things to Avoid Getting Involved With


Obviously you didn't know...

From Uncyclopedia's Heads of States:


If you care about the rest of the world...

Recent opened accounts


More News which does not Concern Us


Most wanted bankers | Fix Accounting Mistakes | Make a Deposit | Lost Nazi Gold| Educate the World...

Complete list of Uncyclopedias · Multilingual coordination · Start an Uncyclopedia in another language


Banker of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners



For neutrality related chat, see the uncyclopedia chat room.

Protected by a Half Million Man Army, and their knives.