User:Maniac1075/Julia Morris
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Julia Morris is the reason why incest is illegal. If you find Julia Morris to be funny, you need to slash your own wrists now, for help on how to do that, click here. Julia is one of Australia's leading fuckless wonders. Her pig ugly face has made men want to puke for over 2 decades now! she is the type of woman you wouldn't fuck on a footy trip. She came to fame piss everyone off with her annoying, can't act for shit, antics in 1994 when she was cast on the Australian comedy sketch show "Full Frontal" and was the reason such classic characters such as Eric Bana's "Poida" and Shaun Macalifs, "Milo Kerrigan" are no longer remembered due to so many people throwing beer bottles at the TV whenever Julia came on to the scene to fuck the entire thing up.
A Pig Is Born[edit | edit source]
“We wouldn't root her! We're not that fuckin' sick!”
During a running of the bulls in Madrid in 1977, a bull managed to escape the event and find it's way into a warthogs nest. Whilst in the nest it raped all the warthogs using the manure and shit laying around in the pen as a lubricant to ease it's way into the 6 warthogs arses. That was the day Julia was conceived and was born through the elementary canal of a fully retarded warthog 9 months later. Julie dropped straight from her mothers anus and into a steaming fresh hot pile of cow shit. It's believed what little brains she was born with popped out one side of her ear as she fell ear first into the manure, causing the manure to enter her head via her left ear, while her brains flowed out her right.
Julia was raised on the farm with the other pigs until even the live stock on the farm wouldn't have anything to do with her anymore. So she hitched a ride in a Pelicans bum and migrated to Australia. She was crapped out of the birds arse and into the heart of the shit that's known as Channel 9 Sydney where she seemed to fit right in with the other turds like Ray Martin & Richard Wilkins to become part of the all-star cast of over-flowing anal seepage disembarking from the Channel 9's talent pool.
Acting Shithouse Career[edit | edit source]
Full Frontal[edit | edit source]
“She bought herself a dildo once, but she couldn't make it stiff”
For many years in Australia there have been great sketch comedy shows, since the early day's of The Paul Hogan Show, to the unforgettable characters of The Comedy Company... then there was Fast Forward, a great show in it's own right, but due to copyright laws, when the show switched from 7 to 9, the name had to change, and so did many of the cast members. Now named "Full Frontal" it had a slow start, but small time names started becoming nation wide stars over night... the show was a big hit all around Australia, and it was one of the top rating programs of the time.
Then someone had the bone-head idea to cast possibly the biggest dickhead known to mankind as part of the main ensemble. Julia "Fuckhead" Morris appeared on the show and never did a damn thing that was even remotely funny. Her annoying stupid laugh and her pig faced wide eyes disgusted viewers all over the nation in nothing but puerile disgust. Even classic characters like "Poida" couldn't make this talentless fat cow seem funny. The Australian public protested that such an ugly looking, talentless bimbo be stricken from the air or sent to the ABC (Australian Broadcasting Channel) where no one would ever notice she was still on television again.
The show then came to an end and was sold to Channel 10 where again it had to change it's name to "Totally Full Frontal" but thank fuck they never enlisted Julia Morris. Julia was sent away to be a prop of horse manure on episodes of Burkes Backyard.
In Hellbourne Tonight[edit | edit source]
“Take a sample of Julia Morris' D.N.A if you ever wanna construct your own fuckwit at home”
In 1998 Julia found herself as the co-host to In Melbourne Tonight, the host hose of the show Frankie J. Holden Manaro Ute couldn't figure out why the shows ratings where dropping when Julia came on board. It was revealed Franky was a chronic masturbater and after he admitted his addiction in a live press conference, he went into re-hab where his optic nerves where treated and he received contact lenses. Upon his release he realized his co-host was somewhat vaguely human and she/it was the reason the show's success was going down the toilet. So he fired Julia, but her rotten stench haunted the channel 9 studios so badly the show was eventually canceled after too many audience members demanded refunds for the place smelling too much like a steaming pile of Julia.
Good News Week[edit | edit source]
“The stalk that brought her should be shot for smuggling dope”
The long running game/fun show Good News Week is one of Australia's best sources for television comedy & entertainment. But not everything GNW produces is gold, sometimes they have off nights and things just are not considered humorous enough for their reputation. So they insert shot's of Julia Morris as part of the show so people will blame her for being the reason the jokes suck that night. No one has caught onto the scam yet, or at least if they do, it's always accepted that Julia is the reason something is just not funny in anyway shape or form.
Celebrity Apprentice[edit | edit source]
“Guess the joke was on me, I thought she was a trained baboon”
In 2011 Julia participated in the Australian version of "American Apprentice". Being that no-one in Australia could give a rats-arse monkey-fuck about the watered down Australian version, especially being that the supposed millionaire taking the position of Donald Trump was an unknown business tycoon who made his fortune from inventing a water-balloon filled with rice and calling it a stress-ball that the yuppie fucks of the world couldn't get enough of around the office.
Ratings where extremely low for the Australian knock-off version of the show. So low in-fact that no-one in Australia even knew Julia was on this show... until now that is. The Australian business tycoon of the show, Mr Barry Humprihies said, "I let her win because I thought it would be cute to let a chimpanzee win the show. I guess the joke was on me, because I thought someone was just pulling my leg when Julia waddled into the room on the first day. I had no idea she was not supposed to be a gag contestant. If I knew what I know now, I never would have thought it would be a laugh to let a baboon win the show. Still, she works for bananas and keeps the shade off me when I go to the beach, so I guess she is some use to me after all, and it's my way of giving back to the hard working Australians by keeping her off of television while her big fat ugly hairy arse provides me with plenty of shade at my beach front mansion".
Julia Today[edit | edit source]
“Give her a game show to host, she'd be her own fucking challenger”
Julia occasionally pops up on TV just to prove the point that just when you think someone can't get any fucking uglier, she will defy the laws of physics every single time. She is not seen on television all that much anymore, because people just cannot stand the site of the lazy bitch who is both too lazy to write new comedy material (even tho it never was funny coming from her) and she spends quite a lot of time having to have her homes sewer pipes cleaned out every few weeks due to her excessive laziness of being one of those people that does not get out of the shower to go to the toilet. It may not seem that lazy, as most honest people do urinate in the shower, but Julia also has her bowl movements in the shower, but it so lazy she doesn't even open the drain catcher to let the fecal matter go down the pipe, instead she uses her big toe to mash it down the filter. This accumulates for most of Julia's time these days, so she has no time to be apart of Australian televisions "Fat Pigs Trying To Lose Weight" programs.
Julia's Link To Al-Qaeda[edit | edit source]
“Her face reminds me of a Buffalo taking a shit in a bowl of M&M's”
Julia actually has done some good for the world. During Al-Qaeda's 2003 tour of Australia, they met Julia Morris in person, and got to see what a real virgin looks like.
So they're not so keen now to blow themselves up to be rewarded with 50 versions of Julia Morris and Susan Boyle.
Related Links[edit | edit source]
