Julian Morrow
 Pommies may not understand funny stuff, only humour. Canucks and Yanks may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing and she'll be right, mate! |
“Would everybody using the poker machines please go home. Your families love you, and, I'll let you in on something, you're not going to win”
“We have a very special offer today. Anyone who pisses me off will be kicked in the nuts and shot it the face.”
“What the fuck are you doing here Chas!! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!!”
St. Julian Morrow is the Patron Saint of people with sick senses of humour. He has performed a large number of seemingly impossible miracles, one of these being breaking into Sydney in September 2007. This has caused anger among those who do not believe, namely the New South Wales Police Force. The police, among others, have sought to dismiss Julian's special powers as nothing but a myth, but time and time again he has managed to pull off stunts that there is simply no other explanation for. In his usual saintly way he has refused to fight back against these allegations, prefering to leave that up to his devout followers.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Julian was born to a very excitable and emotional singing and dancing father. However, his parents at once recognized his potential, and immediately set about giving him the strangest middle names they possibly could think of. Like all good saints, Julian began his life as a devil worshiper. It is believed that the devil may be the one who gave Julian his vast array of trivial pursuit knowledge. Julian decided to abandon devil worship after realizing the full extent of his powers, which happened during a trip to the United States in which he magically turned Australia into Iran and North Korea before the eyes of several of the citizens, who never once questioned him. From that point on there has been no limit as to what Julian can (or can't) do.
Sainthood[edit | edit source]
Julian has performed many miracles during his time on this earth, perhaps the most miraculous of these being not getting the shit kicked out of him when he hassled the Bra Boys. Some of his devout followers have gone as far as to speculate that he might even be able to repeat this using an actual gang.
Arguably Julian's most famous miracle was managing to get himself and his entourage into the fabled forbidden city of Sydney. To this very day no one is quite sure how he managed this feat, but it is believed that he may have caused several of the security team to go into a sort of trance in which they uncontrollably waved his motorcade through every checkpoint he approached.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Julian has variously identified himself as both an Australian and a Canadian, though he is not an Ausnadian or a Cantralian, which are completely different things entirely, and are certainly not things which he would be.
Julian's many hobbies include signing books which he didn't write, and which nobody reads anyway. He also likes to help uphold the law. This is not the law in the traditional sense of the word, but rather his version of the law. Julian's laws tend to make far more sense then certain other laws do, for example, say, the APEC Meeting Police Powers Act.
APEC Charges[edit | edit source]
Julian was one of the suspected terrorists who were arrested and charged with the high crime of being in Sydney during the September 2007 APEC meeting. He and fellow terrorist Osama bin Laden made it through two security checkpoints before some bright spark saw through St. Julian's "somebody that knows what they're doing" disguise. Osama was shot, only to be resurrected by Julian. The duo were then charged with having a sense of humour, a crime punishable by having Police Minister David Campbell tell you that he is very, very disappointed in you. Luckily, Julian was able to use his powers to magically make all of these charges disappear. Although sadly, he did not make David Campbell disappear, but there's always next time.
