User talk : RabbiTechnoArchive7

FOXES 09:42, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

With a rolled-up towel. --UU - natter

09:44, Mar 11

He loves it - Syccy's a well-known fan of men's locker room fun and games. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 09:46, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

You say that, but he was actually in the women's locker room at the time... --UU - natter

09:51, Mar 11

Hats off to his bravery, you've got to have serious balls to dare going in there. They're psychos. Rabbi Techno

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Kittridge

FOXES 10:09, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks[edit source]

I love this website.

fruits of my labours. This morning at work "you have too much time"...

Nic 10:28, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Appreciate the praise and help, rabbi. Added my usertalk/kittridge to the QVFD. It sounds like a horrible sub committee or examining board.

For the record, I like techno too.

Nic 17:03, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

I'm fond of the kind of techno that leans gently towards house, but without becoming house music, if you know what I mean, particularly on the minimal, minimal/deep, deep or dub side of things. And whatever other ridiculously convoluted subgenres you'd like to add! Lately I've been listening to a lot of Minilogue. oompity oompity.

Nic 14:57, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Ah, the opposite end of the spectrum. I like the harsh stuff - splittercore etc. 700bpm+ all the way! Rabbi Techno

FOXES 15:14, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Funny? What's funny? Your father, now that's funny![edit source]

Dear Rabbi, Thanks for the advice about my crazed attempt to start yet another Uncyc entry. But i didn't explain my self very well (I blame the penguins). The entry is supposed to be headed "British Comedians" - ok, so it's a pisstake of the entry of that name on Wiki... wiki... you know the one. But I think it will be fun when I get the thing sorted out - I am hoping Brits will make additions to it, so I am putting in a few prompts to get it started. HOWEVER, I stoopidly made a mistake of writing the page using a 'huff' (non-entry) for "Bundoora". So now it has "Bundoora" as the header, then "British Comedians". If it can't be easily repaired, maybe the simplest solution is to just cut it all out of "Bundoora" and paste it into a new page? Good wishes! Jduley evil twin of apage 11:20, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

You need to stop smoking so many penguins, they're not good for you. Your best solution is, as you say, to copy and paste the content of Bundoora into a new page entitiled British comedians - the name's free, I just checked - and then put Bundoora on QVFD with the usual 'request by author' suffix. Is that what you want to do? If I was certain, I'd do it for you now but as I'm not I'll leave it to you. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:34, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

Whoops, forgot the =P[edit source]

=P --UU - natter 14:37, Mar 12

Heh, no harm done. Not sure wtf happened there actually - the IP's blanking didn't show up as a previous edit for me, and then when I added what I added I found I'd deleted Modus' page which was a bit of a shock, Modus being the good chap that he is. Weird shit. Oh well, all back to normal now. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 14:41, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th March 09[edit source]

Better sign it.

March 10th, 2009 • Issue 38 • Mucking up your talk page, one issue at a time

CONSPIRACY!!!

By Gerrycheevers

WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK.

Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music.

While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff.

Count to a Million: Update

By Gerrycheevers

Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement.

Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet.

The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.)
04:39, 10 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked CS SHITTY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE YOU MONGOLOIDS COMING FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?!)
16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3)
10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.)

Biopic of the Week

Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writing humor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets.

Cajek ban of the week

15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 21:39, Mar 13

British Comedians[edit source]

Dear Rabbi,

Since starting on the 'British Comedians' entry I have enjoyed the novel experience of getting a 'boring' notice (or something to that effect), which was flattering because the Wiki entry of the same name is 'extremely boring'.

But my mother said I should make it more interesting, "For all those schmucks out there who are wasting their time looking at computers instead of looking after their mothers - it serves them right". So I have added photos etc. Some have suggested other 'comedians' such as Neville Chamberlain, Esther Rantzen etc (Harold MacMillan used to be the favourite for the early Monty Pythons).

I fully agree but it would be good if THEY did the entries! I have taken away the 'underconstruction' sign so I am happy for others to add their favourite unfunny people - as long as it is not just a list but has some commentary for each. Is there any way to invite additions instead of 'suggestions' (other than maybe an "Insert name here" line)? The entry can then expand with more variety (some contributors are natural satirists, others are zany, some are plain fuckwits but we live with that). This happened when I changed the 'Jewish Jokes' entry and put in a few real jewish jokes - more have appeared (some from you maybe?).

Also I needed a photo for "Currie and Major" (British Comedians) and found a male stripper photo which I was going to 'modify' but decided it was obviously a candid photo with some poor terrified girl who may be identifiable (even though she is now published elsewhere on the web by her 'friends'). How do I get rid of the downloaded photo? I don't know where these things go. Some other Uncyc editor, "Mnbvcxz" kindly labelled it properly for me (thanks to him/her/it but don't know how to send thanks): Currie&major.jpg‎ (320 × 480 pixel, file size: 84 KB, MIME type: image/jpeg) Current revision (17:22, 13 March 2009) Mnbvcxz.

Thanks also to you Rabbi, for all the help. There's still a lot I don't know about Uncyc (and don't want to know!). Since learning a bit about how to create an entry etc, I have added some stuff to (eeeerk) Wikipedia, in my field of expertise (see Wiki entry on 'Bullshit', no just joking, see entry on 'Just Joking'). Jduley evil twin of apage 04:10, 15 March 2009 (UTC)

Whoosh[edit source]

Man, that was some fast rollbacking. So fast, I rolled back your rollback before realising I'd been beaten to it. Making me look like a blanker? Why I oughtta... /me shakes fist. --UU - natter 10:07, Mar 17

Yup. I WD40'd the ol' analythical engine's mill last night, she's running at full steam like a good 'un. Rabbi Techno

Self-gratification Spousal coitus Purchased sex Casual encounter

FOXES 10:09, 17 March 2009 (UTC)

All this rollbacking sounds suspiciously like Wal-Mart. Just a comment.

In Gratitude[edit source]

In gratitude for your vote

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next sexual act to your honor. Thank you.

The following sexual acts are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

NOTE: Only under limited circumstances will this act actually involve you.

UnSignpost 19th March[edit source]

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

March 19th, 2009 • Issue 39 • Committed to both Bringing You The News and The Happywood Insane Asylum

Forum topic created; Modusoperandi posts witty response

By Gerrycheevers

At a certain point this week, a relatively green uncyclopedian posed a rather ill-advised question on one of the Forums quaintly known to patrons of this silly wiki as the 'Village Dump'. A few seconds after the aforementioned certain point this week, resident cheek-tonguer Modusoperandi responded by intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the question, twisting the querist's words, taking advantage of some sort of delicious pun, or otherwise causing mischief in the usually serious, informative Forum.

Reactions were, as usual, mixed in the community. Several anonymous users were outraged at the lack of tact and formality displayed by the wily Modus. "Uncyclopedia is serious business," said one pitchfork-wielding mob participant. "We would descend into total anarchy if it weren't for the court system, the press, the boron smelting plant, and the sanctity of our information distribution system." Other users seemed to support the flashing of rapier wit, claiming "if we can't laugh a little, then what's the point? Without humor, we'd end up in hell like all those poor souls who lived before Jesus invented comedy in 23 A.D."

Modusoperandi himself declined to comment on the situation, only offering this brief reply to a query seeking a comment: "She told me that she was eighteen. She also told me that she human and was not, in fact, a bonobo. If you have any other questions, please direct them to my law firm; Alan, Whitcomb, Silverstein & Bonobo." It seems the elusive Mr. Operandi is free to continue in his forum havoc-wreaking, as nobody has stepped up to officially denounce his actions. All bonobos involved were unavailable for comment.

UnSignpost Editors Under Fire for Bonuses

By Gerrycheevers

This week the Uncyclopedia community was outraged to learn that the UnSignpost, which recently received a Wikia bailout, will be giving hefty bonuses to the very dunderheads responsible for driving the periodical into the ground in the first place. The extremely active Uncyclopedia Senate has vowed that action will be taken against the editors set to receive the lucrative bonuses. It may be possible that they will be blocked from editing or even exiled to another wiki.

Uncyclopedians were, for the most part, outraged. Popular user Mnbvcxz had an unrelated statement quote-mined by an UnSignpost journalist to produce the following comment:"I[...]is[...]finished," a possible indication that he will leave the site in protest of the bonuses. The founders of the newspaper refused comment, as they want nothing to do with it anymore, and true to that mission this reporter was chased off the the grounds of the Cajek mansion by bunnies wearing bee costumes. The current editors were hounded, with Under user having this to say: "I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on." Gerrycheevers was absolutely unavailable at press time.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.)
11:10, 17 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.124.60.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is a sharp pointy thingy up your ass. My finger. Don't worry, I washed it)
11:43, 18 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) moved Jon snow to Jon Snow ‎ (capital punishment)
11:39, 19 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insubordination)

Biopic of the Week

Savethemooses is one of the legends of Uncyc lore. Once the king of the featured article hill, his recent inactivity has allowed him to slip to seventh, despite having twenty -five features, which is more than you ever will. In fact, the only way you will ever come close to experiencing the glory that was STM's being is to go nominate several of his articles on VFH right now. Like, right now.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

Pixellated Face Disease is a rare condition in which a person's face, caught on camera, will become blurred, or 'pixellated'. There is no known cure for the disease, and there are several associated conditions, such as Blurred Registration Plateism and Black Strip syndrome, the latter only affecting the eye region.

Cajek Ban Joke of the Week

In this week's uproariously funny UnSignpost issue, the second story misdirection-links the phrase "blocked from editing" to Cajek's userpage.

Retraction of the Week

The current editors of the UnSignpost have recently become aware of startling differences between the current Signposts and editions from early in the newspaper's history. We would therefore like to retract the following issues: #1, #3, #6-13, and #16.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MnbvcxzBot 05:24, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

Subject to what ? When ? Where ?[edit source]

Dear Mr Techno, I Have been inforemed by reliable people ( 2 fat men in a basement ) that you are a world leading expert in urban oddness and more importantly 'Chavs'. I recently visited a resterant in my district and ate a delicious meal, noly to discover the next morning that deepfried chav (marinated overnight in frosty jacks) was not the best choice. Today two days after this meal I suddenly have strange desires and effects. Of these the most worring are an appetite for half cooked burgers in a artificial bun, wanting to buy a white XR3i ( not even sure what that is), and the need to make a pilgrimage to the holy place at Parsonage Leys and see the blessed 'Love Sponge'. Any help and advice would be greatly appreciated ( especialy on grammar and speeling ). you can reach me at securelockup@fulbornhospital.com or by visiting jesus green toilets any time after dark. Eron Morris Orwell

I am intrigued. Poi? Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:17, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

Close but guess Again =)

Mick? Oddly enough, I was describing the Carvellys to someone just the other day along with their microwaved, 99p for 20 Iceland burgers. One of the very few dishes worse than deep-fried chav, IMO. Rabbi Techno

Overdose Car crash Beating Obscure, easily misdiagnosed illness

FOXES 16:50, 25 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks[edit source]

what more can i say, i`m honored:] there we go Catni 13:13, 24 March 2009 (UTC)

In grongitude[edit source]

In gratitude for your vote

The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next coma to you. Thank you.

The following coma causes are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Danke schön![edit source]

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

— Guildensternenstein

Thanks anyway![edit source]

Neil thanks you for voting!

Obviously by Neil I mean 'I' cos you know that people who refer to themselves in the third person like that actually tend to be kinda narcissistic and I'm not - well I mean I wouldn't say I was - so from now on I'll say 'I', I just had to say Neil so you knew that it was me and not somebody else. So I came here to say thanks for advertising my daily torment I hope that now more people will have a greater understanding of why I'm so dysfunctional. Thanks, did I say that?

For voting for the first time it was nomminated, your support is still apreciated! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:54 26 March 2009

Are you on speeds?[edit source]

That's the third Unnews today! ~ 15:06, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Just added number four. Funny how you get days where everything inspires an idea. Anyway, that's enough for one day - someone else can play with UnNews now. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 15:09, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Re:Thousand-foot penis defies authorities[edit source]

Aye, I was thinking that. Unless you have any suggestions, I don't think I'll be able to get one illustrative of the title, but I'll try and find something more mundane to use.--Blaaargh ^Blaaaargh 19:51, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

How good are you with photoshop? I can see how you'd go about making such a pic, but don't have the skills myself. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 19:55, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Hopeless...I don't even have photoshop. I'll see what I can do, but yeah.--Blaaargh ^Blaaaargh 19:57, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Many Thanks[edit source]

For the encouragement. You've put a couple of stellar UnNews's out there too, just when I was upping my game. Keep it up, I'd just love it if we Brits took over for a while... --Asahatter (annoy) 22:05, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Was just enjoying your rather fine Budgie story as it happens. Not much on here makes me truly laugh out loud, but the 4 million volts bit did. We in Britain have the best newspapers and press in the world - UnNews shall belong to us. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 22:09, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, that's the general idea... We must have enough off the wall news stories to keep the main page occupied. Any ideas, and I'm sure we can make 'em fly.--Asahatter (annoy) 22:20, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

I have a load of local newspapers - mostly from rural areas - bookmarked and scan them daily. You can't beat British yokels for industrial-strength weirdness. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 22:23, 26 March 2009 (UTC)

You been licking the tree frogs again?[edit source]

I don't think we have used that archive thing for years now]. To close a nom you put the {{vfh failed}} template on and fill out with a comment as demonstrated at Uncyclopedia:VFH/Failed. Take a look at the nominations, and you will see the template being used at the bottom... Oh I said bottom. Sorry about that. Anyway, we normally remove when health drops below 20, or the score gets to -3. Have fun. Mr N 12:31, Mar 27

I think I must have been. Even as I was doing it I was thinking to myself, "hmm, this doesn't seem right somehow." But the part of my brain responsible for saying, "Well, stop doing it and do properly you twat" had evidently not woken up and come online yet. Maybe I'd better have a few coffees. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 12:53, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

HeHe. Mr N

12:56, Mar 27

I think my computer is on something too. It's being odd. *Opens CD draw and finds peyote cactus growing inside* Rabbi Techno

FOXES 12:59, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

UnNews:Praying pilot jailed[edit source]

See, that's one of your talents: finding an inherently funny article about an idiot, and making it funnier. I'm jealous, but not vengeful, so you live... for now. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 13:07, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

Being the good Jewish boy that I am, one thing I learned many years ago is that you can take any situation - however boring, however amusing - and it instantly becomes 5-10x funnier if you add God. I can only assume this is because God is a hippy and hippies are funneh. Rabbi Techno

FOXES 13:10, 27 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 26th March 09[edit source]

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

March 26th, 2009 • Issue 40• Spooning the Soggy Vegetables of Truth from the Luke-warm Soup of the News

MrN's banstick stuck in "on" position

By UU

Popular admin, underwear enthusiast and raconteur MrN9000 has gone on a ban-rampage unprecedented in the recent history of the wiki. Seemingly keen to win his first bastard admin award, the conscientious custodian has already banned more people this month than all the other admins combined.

The other admins rallied bravely, with even Spang being seen to ban someone (only his third of the year) as they tried to show they were not now completely surplus to requirements. However, even as this story was typed, MrN banned another 3 vandals, rendering their efforts ultimately futile.

Speculation that he is trying to ban more people on an individual basis than Hinoa managed in one go when he banned the whole of Italy cannot be confirmed or denied at the time of going to press.

When asked about his phenomenal spree, MrN said "What do all these buttons with "Ban" written on them do? I keep pushing them, but nothing appears to happen". Banning legend Mordillo, when asked for a comment on MrN's ban excesses, said "I believe the man is a menace, and danger to society. I believe he should be castrated, quartered, hanged, torched and his ashes should be scattered over France. I believe he should burn in hell for all eternity. What? Do I feel pity about all those who he banned? Fuck no, I didn't have anyone to ban because of the bastard!"

Uncyclopedia now famous

By Gerrycheevers

In a totally unexpected development, Uncyclopedia has officially earned the worldwide recognition it has longed for since its inception. On the website digg.com, all internet content is sorted and ranked by coolness, similar to the process found in many middle schools. It seems Uncyc's page on spam has reached sufficient 'cool' status as to cause the rest of the site to become invited to the "cool kid's lunch table", along with theonion.com and cracked.com.

Reactions were unusually mixed today in the Uncyclopedia break room. When asked what it's like to suddenly be cool, Optimuschris said, "shit, I'll let you know when I find out." Another user, DrStrange, was asked for a comment, and promptly responded "comment duly delivered!" Clearly, popularity has already gone to Uncyclopedians' heads, as such chippy responses are rarely seen. Uncyclopedians have become too cool for school. When asked for comment regarding adding a sentence to the end of this article to extend its length and make this week's UnSignpost look pretty, Gerrycheevers said, "bugger off."

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

14:22, 26 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: UN:FAIL another victim of the Gay trap. Yep, this means that you are probably homosexual. Seriously, one day you will realise this yourself.)
01:24, 24 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Q.V. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (FINE!!!!! I'LL SUCK YOUR COCK!!!! GOD, I JUST LOVE THE SEMEN OF A RACIST!!!!!!)
23:28, 20 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Barton sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Whilst Barton does indeed suck, you're barely literate and tragically unfunny. Read HTBFANJS and try again later.)

Biopic of the Week

Continuing our series of biopics on Uncyc legends, Hardwick Fundlebuggy won Writer of the Month back in 2006, at a time when you were lucky to have an article survive VFD. His awesome writing style resulted in him being named Writer of the Year, of which there are only four so far. It's just unfortunate he had to go to jail...

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

Snopes is a website dealing with the delicious diversion that is rumor. Whenever you overhear there is a computer virus set to attack, whenever you hear that your favorite horse is actually a zebra, whenever you are told your girlfriend is a lesbian...Snopes will be there to tell you the truth...mostly.

Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week

23:10, 5 April 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 67 seconds ‎ (That'll teach YOU to get a false sense of security!)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 01:44, Mar 28

Danke schön![edit source]

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

—Guildensternenstein

Douche[edit source]

--MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 00:21, 29 March 2009 (UTC)

UnNews about car crashes[edit source]

As usual, thx for all the corrections you provide for my UnNews. And if you have an idea for a better title, feel free to change it cause I'm really unhappy with this one but I couldn't find anything better. WiiKend 16:53, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

By the way, is there some unknown parameters for the news to appear on the main page or is it a third party call ? WiiKend 19:39, 31 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote[edit source]

Thanks for voting Sycamore Writer of the Month
I am very flattered, and I'm glad you like my writings:)

Thanks for the vote, it is a silly template, but means a lot to me, so big thanks:)--Sycamore (Talk) 20:14, 1 April 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for being my urologist[edit source]

Thanks for your review of UnNews:Tom Cruise ascends to Zippy OT Level 7 Climax in Scientology. I appreciated all your comments, but am a bit confused about what you meant about the image. I agree, it's difficult to use random humour, but I was both surprised and amused that it worked well. BTW, i spelt if "sceptre" with you in mind. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:11, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Basically, I just meant that if an article is quite short - like that one is - any more than one image tends to muck up the text lay-out a bit. With that in view, I'd have given a higher score for pictures because the one it has fits well etc., but didn't want to appear like some fawning fanboy :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 17:23, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 2nd April 09[edit source]

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

April 5th, 2009 • Issue 41 • In the fashion of Illogicopedia, the only Newspaper that will burglarize a iPod!

EVIL WIKIA DICTATORS SHUT DOWN UNCYCLOPEDIA

By Gerrycheevers

Due to high operational costs and "the community being a bunch of gits", the nefarious Uncyclopedia overlords at Wikia shut down the comedy wiki yesterday. This resulted in much confusion, outrage, and blundering about in the dark. When asked to comment about the situation, Orian57 said, "No, because you'll actually put what I say into the paper, and last time you made me look really stupid. Although it is a tad inconvenient. And what do you mean 'Cabal'?" It should be noted that Orian is both exceedingly intelligent and unbearably attractive, and there most certainly is not a cabal of any kind.

Other users seemed to have been expecting this for some time. Necropaxx had this to say: "Honestly, I'm surprised it took this long for Wikia to do this. We Uncyclopedians have been total jerks for far too long. I suggest we all go to Wikia and give Jimbo Wales a nice big "We're sorry" and hope he's feeling generous." This editor took this advice to mean that we should vandalize Wikipedia furiously, and redirected their page on Karma to Coincidence.

At press time, Uncyclopedia still did not exist, and many in the community expressed doubt that the Wikia Council would ever reinstate the site. With the recent drama over the domain change, and the promise of ads descending swiftly into every corner and crevasse of our wiki, we seem to be simply too much trouble to be bothered with. This reporter considers it to be good while it lasted, and offeres up a toast to the good old days of Uncyclopedia.

Image of Dog Holding Paper, not used in UnSignpost for over Nine Months, Makes Glorious Return to UnSignpost

By Gerrycheevers

This reporter is proud to say that, after being absent from the UnSignpost for over nine months, our lovable mascot "DogNewspaper" has returned to grace this periodical once again. DogNewspaper made his debut in the second issue of the UnSignpost, which covered such stories as 'UnSignpost created' and 'Uncyclopedia is the worst'. After bringing you the second story in issues 2 through 5, DogNewspaper was promoted to "top dog", and accompanied the lead story for four issues in June 2008.

DogNewspaper took an extended hiatus after Issue 9 to "see the world" and, more urgently, "sniff the world". After many exciting adventures, our mascot is back to stay, and will likely be used many more times in the coming months in what editor Gerrycheevers referred to as "blatant space-filler. DogNewspaper can take a story and squish it to the left side of the page, extending its length. Now get off my lawn!" DogNewspaper declined to comment, but did wag his tail enthusiastically before rolling over in an effort to have his belly scratched.

Check out these pages!

From our logs:

00:52, 27 March 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.91.59.14 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I can't write anything for this ban reason. The amount of true doucheiness cannot be described.)
09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.)
12:57, 31 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Isaacjew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wrong, he's not a Jew loser. I'm the Jew - and you lose)
05:05, 1 April 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Dawg (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6247 seconds ‎ (REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED VIA BANSTICK)

Biopic of the Week

Ljlego is another one of those 'lost legends' of Uncyclopedia. One of the ones who you don't really believe existed, but you're not so sure, because your Grandpa told you stories about him when you were little. And even after reading some of his works, you still don't believe. Maybe there's something wrong with you.

Old-School Featured Article of the Week

HowTo:Kill two birds with one stone is a thrilling documentary describing the many ins and outs of avian massacre via large rocks. Many methods, tips, and tricks are mentioned in the cover-all guide. It is also noted that killing three birds with two stones is not any easier than killing two birds with one stone.

Old-School Cajek Ban of the Week

00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001 (bot) 17:56, Apr 2

For your vote...[edit source]

The Great Potato Massacre
of March 2009

Thank you for supporting Sonje in her ruthless campaign for Potatochopper of the Month
A baby potato shall be mercilessly sacrificed
in your honour.

--^Dame 22:09, 2 April 2009 (UTC)

Idiots As A Food Source[edit source]

I was browsing through the Recent Changes section, beating down the occasional IP vandalism and came across your awards section by happenstance (I still ain't got one yet, btw - I want that apostrophe one more than anything) and saw this little midget gem nestling at the bottom. Reminded me of A Modest Proposal by Swift. That might give your idea some wings... and also remind us that nothing is new in this world --Asahatter (annoy) 10:53, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

It was originally part of an edit I made to Idiots, but which was later removed by someone or other. I preserved it in case I found a future use for it, so feel free to do something with it if you wish. Provide evidence of a corrected apostrophe and the award is yours. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 11:10, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

Cheers![edit source]

I'll try and write longer sentences in the fewtch. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Joely Boy (talk • contribs)

Try to sign posts with ~~~~ too. :-) Rabbi Techno

FOXES 17:50, 8 April 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost April 9/10th, 2009[edit source]