User talk:Lollipop/archive 6

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Abbott and Costello

Thanks. P.S. Butt Fucking Club (which does not exist, you sick prick). Added a few good jokes there. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 21:52, 3 June 2011
The word I fixed was anual and assumed you were going for annual and not anal (you sick prick) --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:05, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
Well it gets better worse. Apparently, they are both proclaimed in a homosexual relationship. See my latest edits for more information. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 22:07, 3 June 2011
I really can say nothing about that, since I did the same with Martin and Lewis --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:08, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, I hate to admit this, but I kinda stole that gay part from Martin and Lewis. Sorry... --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 22:10, 3 June 2011
It was not exactly original on my part (grin) and if the theme fits, wear it. ps Butt Privates made me laugh, outside --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:28, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
Your picture of the two anuses could be used as a screenshot from "Butt Privates". --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 22:44, 3 June 2011
Hey Pop d'Lolli, I noticed you were looking for collaborators on this, so I jumped in. I toned down the obvious sexuality while staying true to your vision. I also added three sets of three to the movies - Real, real fake, and fake fake punchline. The next section I would put in would be their feud. Their not talking to one another, and Costello's death. I hope you like. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 21:01, June 8, 2011 (UTC) End kevillips related comment/
Don't forget to mention Lou Costello's solo effort. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 21:02, 8 June 2011

Butt Privates

File:AbbottCostello.jpg is an army related image that suggests to me prelude to 5 way orgy. May be of use to you. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 23:31, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Used it. I need a title photo. Do you have anything for that? If not, i'll find something on Google images, and edit it. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 23:54, 3 June 2011
File:Abbott_and_Costello_whos_on_first.jpg this one kills two birds with one stone, their famous Who's On First and shows the pair. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:04, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
I found the above image on this page and there are some good factoids you may be interested in. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 00:34, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
I can see a lot of jokes coming from the film "The Naughty Nineties" (which had Who's on First). --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 18:58, 4 June 2011
I think the porn angle can get old fast, and tends to be similar to every other porn themed humor. How about picking gay or porn and try more innuendo. Remember in the 40s Porn was largely showing boobs. Hard corp porn did not really exist much until later. Sure it existed but was vehemently denied. Just some thoughts. I like what you have so far. I'd like to see maybe a section on their Radio career. Possibly a deliberate misinterpretation of Who's on first, like a rename of "whatchu talking about Bud Abbot"? or treating it like it is an epic poem. There was a pretty popular series of A&C Meet (insert classic monster) you could made up some of those, as they graduate from their porn career. These are just some ideas. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 19:14, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
I'll try also with their many verbal fights they had, and add a few modern gangsta words. For the lols. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:58, 4 June 2011

Lollipop

Hey lolllipop...how are you? Did you hear about the thing? --ShabiDOO 19:24, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

Which thing? There's this thing, and that thing. Which one? --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:57, 4 June 2011
and Thing 1 and Thing 2.--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:04, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
Hey Lolllipop I am talking about the thing!!! But to be honest Lolipop, if you dont know what the thing is, what Im talking about that is, then youll probably never know. --ShabiDOO 20:11, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
Oh! I know what you're talking about! The Thing! --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:14, 4 June 2011
Awsome Lolllli, so you have heard about it huh? What dorks eh??? --ShabiDOO 20:16, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, strange, but crazy. Right, Shabidoooooooooooooooooooooooooo? --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:17, 4 June 2011
Theres nothing strange about it, infact, it doesnt surprise me at all, even when <insert name here> thought that Alister was trying to get away with it. Good thing magicman was around!! --ShabiDOO 20:20, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
Don't forget when <insert name here> got drunk and made a move on the lawn chair. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:22, 4 June 2011
The lawnchair never will think about humans the same way again. <insert name here> is a legend...and will beat Aleister this year to become Uncyclopedian of the month --ShabiDOO 20:29, June 4, 2011 (UTC)
Poor lawnchair. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:36, 4 June 2011

Why is there a message drought?

Why? Why? Why? My talkpage yearns for a new message. How I miss that golden bar that proclaims "You have new messages (show most recent)". --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 04:22, 7 June 2011

MESSAGE HERE IS YOUR GOD DAMN MESSAGE, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 04:23, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah. Now there's water! Or so I think it's water. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 04:24, 7 June 2011
YOU HAVE A NEW FUCKING MESSAGE!!! I was wondering how to format this:
The 3 steps to analizing a new government policy. 1.Who will profit from this? 2.I GOT IT! 3.We're screwed even further.
˙ʎɔılod ʇuǝɯuɹǝʌoƃ ʍǝu ɐ ƃuızılɐuɐ oʇ sdǝʇs 3 ǝɥʇ
˙ɹǝɥʇɹnɟ uǝʌǝ pǝʍǝɹɔs ǝɹ,ǝʍ˙3 ¡ʇı ʇoƃ ı˙2 ¿sıɥʇ ɯoɹɟ ʇıɟoɹd llıʍ oɥʍ˙1[1]

So that it would look like this in the caption under the pic:

The 3 steps to analizing a new government policy.

1.Who will profit from this?
2.I GOT IT!
3.We're screwed even further.

Just do it if you can! Talk Mattsnow 16:29, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

This is a message. --Wanna see a magic trick? 17:50, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
--K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:10, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
  1. ↑ kevillips

    2. Lotsa new messages. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:49, 7 June 2011

    Message. --Wanna see a magic trick? 20:09, June 7, 2011 (UTC)
    Yay. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:12, 7 June 2011

    All of you suck with your new messages. Skully has the right idea. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:18, 7 June 2011

    Does you sees the lizards on the wall? The size of a cow, those blue ones. Aleister 20:19 7-6-'11
    Dude, lay of the meth. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:21, 7 June 2011
    You don't believe me? Look at this? Aleister 20:24 7-6-'11
    I'll quote Lyrithya: "Damn kids, get off my lawn". --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:28, 7 June 2011

    --Wanna see a magic trick? 20:42, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

    Try and give a man an interesting new message and he tries to kill the messenger. Says "Give me messges" and ends with "Get off my lawn". To quote Lyrithya: "If you can't take the message, get out of the kitchen." The Magic man then gives us a disabled video. The world is topsy-turvy laying on its side.Aleister 20:48

    --Wanna see a magic trick? 20:51, June 7, 2011 (UTC)


    CAT ATTACK!!!
    Flyingfeline.png
    ZOMG flying kittenz! --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 20:57, 7 June 2011

    --Wanna see a magic trick? 20:59, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

    Whoo. How cool cat there.

    But I`m still not your buddy. In your userpage. Whatever, I don`t even want to be your buddy.

    PLEASE CAN I BE YOUR BUDDY BOOHOOHOOHOO IM GONNA TELL MOMMA BOOHOOHOO..[1] Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Zzz...morning? 08:53, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

    Oh go cry yourself to sleep I added you to the list. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 17:25, 8 June 2011
    Begin kevillips related comment section
    1. ↑ Thanks for the Luls, I spit out coffee, spit out coffee.

      2. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 18:50, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

      End kevillips related comment section/
      I'm confused. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:33, 8 June 2011
      Then my work here is done. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 19:51, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
      We should have a Canadian conversation sometime again. And i'm working on a new article. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 19:53, 8 June 2011

      Main space

      As a collaborator, I think Abbott and Costello is ready for main space - sure it could use another section, but when there is, is coherent and IMHO funny enough. I am going to add Template:Little Article and move it, if that's OK witch chew. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 22:41, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

      Good idea. Looks like Skinfan13 might not do anything. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 22:43, 8 June 2011

      Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

      The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

      The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

      June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

      It's serious business

      By Chief
      Unbooks-logo-en.png

      To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us.

      The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was.

      In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time.

      DogNewspaper.jpg

      Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you.

      Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is.

      VFS/B

      By Chief
      Building inspector.jpg

      When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of.

      Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches.

      Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

      Check out these pages!
      From our logs:
      • 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH)
      • 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE)
      • 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON)
      • 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size])
      • 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?)
      • 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!)
      • 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem)
      Biopic of the Week
      User-Lollipop.jpg

      Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop. Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since.

      As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love.

      Thought for the week

      On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"?

      Think about it (That's sort of the point)
      Newsroom UnTune of the week
      Osama.jpg
      Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover)
      UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

      ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

      Sup

      I haven't been on much cause I used to log on at work, but I got a promotion in which I don't get access to a computer all the time. I'll try to get on more often, though.

      ttyl → I am greatSoup? 21:20 11-Jun-11 ←

      Gee, thanks for dropping by. What's your opinion on the name change? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:21, 11 June 2011
      Definitely is... sugary? → I am greatSoup? 21:28 11-Jun-11 ←
      You want me to fill you in how much you've missed? Coz you've missed a lot! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:29, 11 June 2011
      Sure→ I am greatSoup? 21:33 11-Jun-11 ←

      From Feburary 4th to June 11th: what you missed.

      • Another n00b got banned indefinite for making vandal sockpuppet IP's, failing to use the preview button, and ban evading.
      • Mordillo died. (?)
      • SPIKE got pissed after being banned for a day by Zombiebaron, and left. TheHumbucker took over as UnNews czar.
      • MrN9000, Dawg, and Ljlego all returned to their admin duties.
      • I created a new account on Feb. 19 2011.
      • Lyrithya and Socky became admins.
      • Lyrithya created a new modified version of Uncyclopedia's logo.
      • For April Fools, Olipro changed the skin to Oasis.
      • Tons more.

      --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:38, 11 June 2011

      Not sure what to think about Mordillo, but too bad about him and SPIKE. Spike was cool.
      Your name reminds me of this

      → I am greatSoup? 21:54 11-Jun-11 ←
      The Mordillo death is just a rumour. It's due to the fact that he hasn't made an edit since early March. But SPIKE seems to have left for good, we've tried emailing him, but he hasn't answered. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:59, 11 June 2011
      Mordillo's fine, just not here. Haven't heard from Spike at all, though... miss them terribly. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 00:21, 12 June 2011
      I'll never forget Mordillo's last words to me, which can be found on Talk:Garfield: Nah, that doesn't work that way. If your mother is Jewish, than we like you bubaleh. If you're not, than fuck you and the Jesus that brought you here. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:25, 12 June 2011

      Your Book

      I nominated it. LOLOLOLOL. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 22:49, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

      Hurrah! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:50, 11 June 2011
      You should also like totally op me on Smakapedia. caz it would be funny... --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 00:52, June 12, 2011 (UTC)
      What's your username?Also, we call blocked "killed" and we call huffed "destroyed". --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:14, 12 June 2011

      Ideas for a Canadian article

      I'm gonna throw some.

      • UnNews:Page protest at speech (the title would be different, but you know that news story, right?)
      • Guelph
      • Quebec City (it would be cool to have an Ontarian perspective)
      • Quebec separatism (Canadian unity)
      • Canadian celebrities (We could talk about 4 or 5 celebrities, whether they have an article already or not.)
      • UnNews:Canada buys fighter planes for Defence while no one is attacking them

      What do you think? Suggestions? Talk Mattsnow 21:17, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

      I don't live in Guelph anymore. I moved to Markham in mid-May. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:21, 12 June 2011
      Is it a big town? Here in Quebec City, the population is about 700K. Montreal looks like a dump compared to here, but I once went to Ottawa and really liked it. How about an article on CBC? Let's take 1 or 2 days to think about other topics, then we'll start. I can't wait! Talk Mattsnow 22:18, June 12, 2011 (UTC)
      Fellow Canadian user Zombiebaron already has done it. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:19, 12 June 2011
      We took this a week ago! This is my sink. Sink, Lollipop. Lollipop, sink.

      Ok... Let's have a day to think about it. A topic is important. Talk Mattsnow 22:22, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

      Great idea. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:26, 12 June 2011
      And btw, Lollipop, I have an article on VFH, I think it is a good one: Doping in sports. Read it if you have the time, and vote something if you feel like it. Do what your heart tells you, but don't go mindlessly voting before reading it if you do. Talk Mattsnow 22:34, June 12, 2011 (UTC)
      I actually know that one. When it was in your userspace, I was going to contribute to it. Now I regret that. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:52, 12 June 2011
      Always feel free to add to my articles, Lollipop. I f I don't like it, I'll huff it, just as you can do when I edit yours. No hard feelings, on the contrary. Talk Mattsnow 23:38, June 12, 2011 (UTC)
      Pinata. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:41, 12 June 2011
      If there's a Canadian conspiracy collaboration on any future article (Canuck-related or not), I'd be happy to pitch-in (time permitting, of course). ~ T. (talk) 14:04, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
      The first article I ever wrote on Uncyclopedia was Robert Muncsh. I was always putting off a rewrite. Some other ideas are Shania Twain, Eh, HowTo:Seperate from Canada, and UnBooks:Mr. Harper's Busy Day! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:20, 14 July 2011

      VFB

      Vote three times, just saying --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:23, June 13, 2011 (UTC)

      Which I did. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:25, 13 June 2011

      Too lazy

      snowball.gif Snowball yadda yadda enjoy. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:57, June 13, 2011 (UTC)

      /Throws snowball at Frosty --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:58, 13 June 2011
      But you're dead because you fell off a cliff. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:59, June 13, 2011 (UTC)
      But now i'm a zombie. AND I CAN EAT YOUR BRAIN! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:02, 13 June 2011

      No, really

      Give me the links. --Mimo&maxus 08:37, June 13, 2011 (UTC)

      Temporary oppage

      Just a bit if feedback relating to your feedback. That was an experiment which I don't feel worked as well as we were hoping, for a couple of reasons. I supported the idea of 2 temp admins, but suddenly it stretched to 4, which meant that suddenly there were 4 "new" admins chosen out of the more active members of the community. Which meant that there wasn't a huge amount of admin work for each of us to do as we were all trying to do it at once. I also didn't really intend to become an admin on a permanent basis, but rather just wanted to get a little coding done with it. This meant that a lot of what I was doing never saw the light of day. Which is fine, because there were reasons I didn't want some of it to become too obvious, which I'm happy to keep to myself. So other than that stuff, and a lot of work on maintenance that if I waited 5 minutes often someone got there first, it was fairly useless for me to be admin. I did enjoy the few bans that I handed out though - I do miss being able to ban people when the whim takes me. Pup 09:44 15 Jun '11

      I guess that's what being admin does to people, it makes them realize "I can't go any higher with this...so now what". --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:26, 15 June 2011
      Now what? Break the wiki, of course! 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 22:26, 15 June 2011
      No, I mean you ask that after you break the wiki. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:27, 15 June 2011
      There's an awful lot of wiki to break. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 00:26, 16 June 2011
      What do you break first? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:46, 16 June 2011
      Whatever's closest. Strategic breaking, of course, actually fixes other things, but I find it best not to tell anyone about that. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 01:30, 16 June 2011
      So that's why you removed {{subcat}}! Pup 08:11 16 Jun '11
      If I ever become admin (which I doubt will happen), i'd like to help Lyrithya break the wiki. We'll be team L. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:16, 16 June 2011

      UnSignpost Activate!

      The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

      The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

      June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

      CURSE YOU!

      By Chief
      AdminBadge.jpg

      It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron".

      Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim.

      DogNewspaper.jpg

      Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic.

      Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia"

      By Dr. Skullthumper

      In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him.

      "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!"

      But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

      Check out these pages!
      From our logs:
      • 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING)
      • 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door)
      • 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round)
      • 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth)
      • 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.)
      • 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh)
      Biopic of the Week
      Construction.svg

      As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does.

      The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff...

      By the power of Greyskull!

      You shall not best me Skeletor!

      So there.

      Newsroom UnTune of the week
      Ffsfatguy.jpg
      Ur So Phat and you don't even like food
      UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

      ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

      Heh

      Upon reading about Smakopedia, I decided to like make my own wiki, well actually my brother persuaded me into the idea in May but whatever. You should like totally join it and shit see this, heh and see how long before it collapses into a black hole --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:51, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

      Or I could just join Smakopedia, its your call. We do have a fair few more pages. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 08:33, June 16, 2011 (UTC)
      Whatever's better... --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:44, 16 June 2011

      A new car!

      You have won a new car! Come and see it /back from Nigeria after safely putting all my money and other funds into Swiss and offshore accounts, buys Lollipop a new car and parks it just on the other side of the room where Chicago Seven is sitting on VFH. The keys are in the "For" section of the room, hanging on a hook activiated by a yes vote. Lollipop doesn't realize that the car's key won't fit the ignition, and since the door to the room containing the featured nom locked behind him, there is no way to rescind his vote and all the hippies dance madly. Aleister 18:56 16-6-'11

      Are you the Nigerian Prince Abu? You're not getting away this time! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:12, 16 June 2011
      /Throws a few Nigerian money notes in the air at Lollipop's car door. Makes it so the key can now start the car in appreciation to Lollipop's most intelligent and discerning vote. The car shines in the sun as a perfect vehicle, a chariot of three gods, life in the fast lane awaits. Starts own car and is blocks away by the time Lollipop sees this. Aleister 21:24 16-6-'11
      /Resumes sniffing glue with Syndrome and Shabidoo. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:26, 16 June 2011
      /Are you sniffing while sitting in your new car? Aleister 23:10 16-6-'11
      /Me and Shabidoo are sniffing the glue. Syndrome is in the back seat drawing pictures of green penises and drinking tequila. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:07, 17 June 2011

      ...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT !!!!!!

      Shabidoo suddenly remembered that the evil killer froggy kidnapped the distressed lyrithya and put her in a tower in a morrocan town only three days by car. Shouldnt we put old grudges behind us and save her? Even though shes deleting the entire wiki? --ShabiDOO 01:44, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

      It was the evil killer froggy? I didn't know he was evil. Unless he says that he's evil, i'll believe it. Also, looks like you forgot to sign your post (probably because you sniffed too much glue). --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:36, 17 June 2011
      Guys, every moment we waste here not rescuing lyrith is a moment we might regret. Im off the glue anyways. 8-balls are cheap in morroco! --ShabiDOO 01:44, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
      How about him (points to Syndrome in the back), should we leave him with his green penises and tequila; or bring him along? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:48, 17 June 2011
      He can bring a dozen 12" black penises if he wants. But seriously, come on guys, the sooner we rescue her the sooner she can change the entire wiki. To the car!!! --ShabiDOO 01:54, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
      To the Lollimobile! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:56, 17 June 2011

      I've been trying for something like 20 posts to get you in the car! Because/as you are all distracted with your arguments and glue, me gets in the "cab" and aims my ride at yours Bye-Bye!!

      Level Crossing.gif
      /Wrong car, dude. We left long ago. That was Skully's car. And it...was...new. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:58, 17 June 2011

      UnNews:Boston wins Stanley Cup while sore losers destroy their city

      Eh Lollipop! I had to delete your edit, it was good but it didn't go with the rest of the article! Do I need an admin's permission to put this on the front page? If not, do you know where the template is bro? Thanks! Talk Mattsnow 04:53, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

      Err.. Why are we stuck in the template? I don't get it. LOL. Just huff that thing if, like me, you don't know why this is happening, but you're a lot better at formatting than me. Talk Mattsnow 05:32, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
      You can edit the UnNews mainpage as much as you like. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:48, 17 June 2011
      Actually, no, it was settled in the forums that an editor was needed and I stepped into the role until (hopefully) SPIKE comes back. ~ Humbuck.png Talk 18:36, 17 June 2011 (UTC)

      OH MY GOD LOOK OUT

      Lolllipop and Shabidoo are climbing the tower where Lyrithya is being kept prisoner by the evil killer froggy. Syndrome would help but hes finishing the last details on his penis drawings and cannot be disturbed. Killer froggy is throwing halucenegenic frog spit at the two of us while Aleister is just arriving on his pink motorcycle. At the same time...the cabal has created a black storm cloud above and is threatening thunder bolts and a week long ban. WHAT DO WE DO LOLLLLI¿? --ShabiDOO 18:49, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

      We find Magic man. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:54, 17 June 2011
      /gobbles up the frog spit before you can get to it. Aleister 19:03 17-6-'11
      /Evil killer froggy crushes Aleister's pink motorcycle. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:33, 17 June 2011
      With the heimlick menouver...Aleister gets the froggy heleucenegenics out of Aleister and gives it to Lolllllipop. Lollipop is much more effective when high. Magic man gives us just that little magical energy we need and we scale up to the window...only to discover........ --ShabiDOO 19:33, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
      Lollipop, not Lolipop. I don't have an "Lol" in my name. I'll call you Shabido from now on. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:40, 17 June 2011
      um, you still have lol in your name. Pup 01:07 18 Jun '11
      So...much...fail. Jackofspades.png (talk) 01:10, 18 June 2011
      There's an 'l' after the Lol. Lollipop as in the candy. And yes, i agree with you; Jac of Spads. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:13, 18 June 2011
      Cool. I'm now insistent that there is no Puppy in my name, as it's followed by an O. Pup 02:43 18 Jun '11
      No, I said my name is Lollipop, not Lolipop. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:26, 18 June 2011
      I thought you said I don't have an "Lol" in my name. grammatical error aside, it's still innaccurate. Pup 03:42 18 Jun '11
      No, Shabidoo calls me Lolipop. I keep explaining that he is spelling it wrong. Lollipop. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:44, 18 June 2011

      User:Void Raven

      Hey Lollipop, I chatted a lot with this user and I think he is promising, just see his article growling. He's been editing like crazy (good articles I think, but he is open to criticism to improve) He shat like 7 articles that are fairly good in not even a month. He has a hard time communicating with people thanks to his sig issue. I referred him to you, but if he doesn't manage to find a way here, please make contact with him on his talk page as I told him you are la creme de la creme to make sigs (and I am quite sure he would like a goth-style one, a dark one, I am sure you can pull this off) Talk Mattsnow 05:06, June 18, 2011 (UTC)

      Gladly. I just made a great sig for JelloMold; I see promise in Void Raven. If he keeps this up, i'm nomming him for NotM in July. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:09, 18 June 2011

      Glad you got the message

      Ye be unblocked -- Prof. Olipro Icons-flag-gb.png KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 01:45, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

      Thank you. I sent you an apology on thy talkpage. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:45, 19 June 2011

      If you forgot

      The content of that page was 'hahaha poo bum wee'. You may recreate it at your leisure. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 08:42, 19 June 2011

      But...that's silly. I want the page history. And I want a mongoose with it. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:12, 19 June 2011

      Too many lollipops. What about some boobs? (LOL That was a stupid way to start a paragraph)

      You might not get in Heaven like I said but you will have some virtual tits and beer as a reward for voting for my article. Enjoy. --Mimo&maxus 09:35, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
      And i'm the last remaining one of the Trio of No Features (Magic man, Mimo, Lollipop). --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:14, 19 June 2011

      Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Boston Molasses Disaster

      Maybe you forgot, maybe you don't want to do it anymore, either way, no problem, I understand, but I'd need to know if you'll do it or not if I want someone to do it one of these days! (The last sentence is badly constructed lol) Talk Mattsnow 10:13, June 19, 2011 (UTC)

      *taps* Ye-es... 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 10:33, 19 June 2011
      Let someone else do it. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:12, 19 June 2011
      If you say you're going to do a review and can't do it, please say so on the page, and soon as you realise you can't. Don't just leave the booking sitting there, or it leaves folks hanging. You yourself have experienced how frustrating that can be. 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 03:54, 22 June 2011
      Ah. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:55, 22 June 2011

      About my ass

      I did a test however the images are too small. Because of this, I decided to remove them. I hope not interpreted as an affront to the rule I have imposed.

      Kind regards, Rhubella selo-02.png Rhubella Marie, the rat sockpreppie preppiedits Rhubella selo-01.png 00:45, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

      naked sophia?

      show me the draft! :) Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 17:57, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

      I didn't do it. Some IP created a page called "Naked Sophia" and put hahaha poo bum wee. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:55, 20 June 2011
      Damnit, so any ideas for the article? ;) - maybe just a giant picture... or something about acient roman goddes statue thingy's. ,maybe both! Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 07:19, June 21, 2011 (UTC)
      And don't forget:
      I hold no responsibility for any dicks blown off by your sheer awesomeness for voting for this. --Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 07:27, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

      Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

      The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

      The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

      June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

      Experimental Vectors

      By Chief
      Logo.gif

      This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings.

      For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now?

      GoldenSandwich.png

      Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar.

      If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites.

      Fails QA

      By Him yet again
      CaptObviousTitanic.jpg

      Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies.

      Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site.

      Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March.

      The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

      Check out these pages!
      From our logs:
      • 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!)
      • 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator)
      • 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!)
      • 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!)
      • 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!)
      • 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute)
      Biopic of the Week
      Thumbs up2.jpg

      Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft. Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him.

      If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy.

      Things you already know weekly round-up

      Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished.

      Newsroom UnTune of the week
      Oo Aa Iiee.jpg
      Oo Aa Iiee
      UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

      ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

      You voted for visual puns, which got featured!

      Tank U

      --Wanna see a magic trick? 01:03, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

      Beatlemania

      I was about to add on to VFD, giving it has stagnated and going nowhere. Are you going to finish it? If you are, can I ask you move it back to your namespace while you do. If not, can I get you to add it to QVFD. Pup 03:06 27 Jun '11

      Add it to userspace, and i'll finish it when i'm ready. I'll probably want it in the future. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:39, 27 June 2011

      The Un-Sigh-npost!

      The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

      The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

      June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

      Breasts

      By Chief
      Bureaucracychannellogo.jpg

      You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies.

      So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one.

      Telemarketoffice.PNG

      "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well.

      Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right?

      Forest Fire

      By Chief
      Smokey.jpg

      As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with.

      When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry.

      Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

      Check out these pages!
      From our logs:
      • 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically)
      • 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!)
      • 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf)
      • 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?)
      • 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime)
      • 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.)
      Biopic of the Week

      There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much.

      OMG!

      Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below.

      Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week
      • 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. )
      • 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention)
      • 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*)
      • 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.)
      • 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET)
      • 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!)
      Newsroom UnTune of the week
      The Star and Eagle.png
      The Star and Eagle
      Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425
      • Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.


      UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

      ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:12, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

      Doomy doomy doomy

      Zim thanks you filthy Earth smellies.
      For furthering the destruction free taco day
      of Earth! Tacos for all!
      Tacoooooos!!

      Thanks! Jackofspades.png (talk) 06:41, 30 June 2011

      User:Another n00b

      Why was he banned? For being an annoying pervert? Then I agree. 174.126.213.241 03:40, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

      Another n00b is banned because he created vandal sockpuppets, didnt know how to use the preview and minor edit buttons, and whined about ED. And by the way, if this is Another n00b, get me a glass of Coke. NOW. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 04:13, 1 July 2011
      No, it's me, I was just too lazy to log in. (Unblock my I.P.!)
      Anyway, he complained about ED? Wow. He spends half his time complaining about Uncy there.

      Person One: I have an idea to vandalize the Glee Wiki, you in? Person Two: Sure, what's the plan? Another n00b: No, we shouldn't vandalize Glee Wiki, let's put kittens on Uncyclopedia!

      The other half he spends flaming me because I follow him around like a dog in the park, cleaning up after his "messes". The reason I asked is because he has said what he finds erotic on both of the wikis I've seen him (WikiFur and ED), and wondered if he did that here too. Equivamp 17:09, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      Whining about ED? he was all like "ED is the best!!!1 █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄". - 62.30.212.210 19:56, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      I suggest you get your page locked Lollipop to prevent banned socks coming in here. Ask an admin. --Laurels.gifRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:46, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      I'm not a sock. Equivamptalk 23:24, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      I was thinking about that. I wasn't here today, I was at some Canada Day festival. Encyclopedia Dramatica has no humour:

      1. Their jokes consist of a man pulling his ass open to reveal a reddish infection inside his anus, called "Goatse".

      2. An asian girl farting out a yellow liquid into her mouth, crudely photoshopped, called "Tubgirl".

      3. A collage of goatse and pornographic homosexual images featuring a sound effect of a man screaming.

      Equivamp, you're wasting time going there. Another n00b is nothing but trouble. I assume he's a 12 year old boy with no friends and who fails in school. His mom has given up on him, as he seems to not care. He spends all his time on ED bitching about Uncyc and is an enemy of Wikia. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:03, 2 July 2011

      And i've kept track of his sockpuppets. --Canada, eh? >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 02:04, 2 July 2011

      I agree that goatse, tubgirl, and kittens are horrendously unfunny. However, as far as I can tell, Uncyclopedia humour is, "Chuck Norris, LOL," as well as things that amuse nine-year olds. Both sites have their problems. A perfect satire wiki would be a combination of the two--Adult humor, without pornography and hate. At one point I attempted to contribute to both, but while still trying to get a feel for what's expected at this wiki, my suggestions and questions were ignored or responded to with vague sarcasm that told me nothing of the situation. While I find Uncy commendable for making "fursecution" just as bannable an offense as "persecution", I've honestly had problems with one other user for being a furry (and it's someone that has a problem with everyone) so whether I'm welcome somewhere wasn't a deciding factor in my preference. Perhaps one of the main reasons I go there is because the people I associate with expect me not to.

      And as for wasting my time there...well...isn't that the point? Equivamptalk 03:16, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

      Our content actually is meant to be 18 and up (I for one am 18). However, as children like to not follow rules, they wait until their mothers leave the room, then go on Uncyclopedia and think they're funny. We're a parody site. Ever heard of "The Onion"? That's a parody of newspapers. So is UnNews. There is no war between Uncyc and ED. It's more like ED keeps bothering us, and we're like "dude, fuck off. ED is a meme ridden, pornographic wiki. Uncyclopedia is a satire wiki that parodies Wikipedia. But i'll leave you with a question: Is any of ED's content actually funny? I've read it, it's all pretty much complaining. But is it actually supposed to be funny? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:16, 2 July 2011

      I never said there was a war. I think it's silly of you to think anyone thinks that. Sure, some EDiots vandalize Uncyclopedia, vut it's the same people that vandalize Wikipedia, as well as fandom-based wikis. And, to answer your question: I hate the amount of memes on the site. Each time I see OVER 9000 I want to kill whoever typed it. However, I have laughed more there than here, and that has made all the difference. Equivamptalk 04:34, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

      "Kittens" scares me. Whenever i'm on ED, there's always a fear of when i'll run into that creepy page. It's a game. The game is called "Try to not see teh kittens". --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:45, 2 July 2011
      Me too. I even say as much on my user page. A good rule of thumb is to never go to the user page of someone that is banned. Equivamptalk 04:51, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

      Happy Canada Day

      plplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplplp --ShabiDOO 14:21, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

      Ah Canada Day, the day Canada celebrates being canada and not British North America. A shot not heard anywhere. --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:55, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      Yes...I find it so sweet how Canadians are proud that they got their independence...slowly...slowly...from the British without any revolution. Slowly, one 50 year step at a time. Slowly...slowly. Yes...no war of 1812 outside agression at all! no FLQ civil distrubances whatsoever, no rené leveque problems with Native population, no 20,000 dead chinese labourers class division, no internment of Japanese in WWII inter-racial problems :) A proud country!!! HURAY HURAY HURAY!!! VIVRE CANADA!!! --ShabiDOO 22:20, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
      Yep, your country's the greatest too, eh? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:24, 2 July 2011
      Here in Quebec (part of Canada), it is moving day. All you can see on the road is people moving. Nobody's celebrating Canada Day, we do celebrate on Quebec's Day (a week earlier). That seems racist, but that's the way it is. What's your name on IRC' Lollipop? I go now, and I would be pleased to talk to you! Talk Mattsnow 04:42, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      I'm banned on IRC for several reasons. I might come back though, i'll ask Skully and promise him not to troll onto other wiki channels. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:46, 2 July 2011
      What? Seriously, why are you banned? Or do you care to leave a FB or something? It would be cool to talk to you. :) Talk Mattsnow 04:49, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      I have Facebook. I used to have it before, but I closed it down. I then reopened it, but I barely use it. And I got banned when we were invading the Kingdom Hears Wiki's IRC channel, and I got completely carried away. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:08, 2 July 2011
      I remember when I lived in Ottawa...like...a long time ago...on the English side of the river...they played the national anthem before the movies...and on the French side...there was no Anthem...but they broke the film in half for an intermission...where we were all encouraged to go to the lobby to have a snack :) --ShabiDOO 05:09, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      I like snacks. Especially hot dogs. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:13, 2 July 2011
      Lolipop likes sausages!!! --ShabiDOO 05:24, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      I like apple pie more than hot dogs. Especially apple pie with whipped cream on top. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:49, 2 July 2011
      I'm feeling left out because I speak some other language, and that is not right! ViVe La Différence! Talk Mattsnow 06:21, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      The Communist Empire of Quebec is raging! We must hide behind the CN Tower! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 06:40, 2 July 2011
      I am pretty sure some French Manitobans feel differently about the no conflict. Some of the first nations people that were relocated to above the arctic circle for political reasons. And the first nations orphans that were raped and forced to be christian. Yukon Territory villages destroyed for roads. Why do I know this stuff? Oh that's right Minnesota is one of the few US states that actually learns about Canada. born further north than most Canadians 44° 56' 39" N / --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 20:49, July 2, 2011 (UTC)
      Minnesota is cool! You had a great governor in Jesse Ventura! Talk Mattsnow 02:34, July 4, 2011 (UTC)

      Hey, Lollipop!

      You do understand you get half feature credit for inbox, right? I got half feature credit, and you did more than me. So yeah... congrats on your first (half) feature. --Wanna see a magic trick? 16:29, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

      YES! I haz a part feature! YEAH! PARTY! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:48, 3 July 2011
      Yep, congrats. Now get back to work; we're not paying you to stand around. --Wanna see a magic trick? 04:15, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
      Get the fuck off my talkpage...please. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:16, 4 July 2011
      Heh, no. --Wanna see a magic trick? 04:19, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
      Now...if we can just get the stupid cats a little further...then we can...well...zheesh. I am so frickin stuck Lollipop. I have no idea what to do any more. Theres lots of cute ideas...and there is a concept begging to come out of it...but I HAVE NO FRICKIN IDEA WHERE TO GO WITH IT ANY MORE AND NO ONE HAS ANY FRICKIN CLUE EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 04:55, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
      I have an idea! Stupid Cat Olympics! I saved the day! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:59, 4 July 2011
      Mmm. You did save the day. Just not in the way you thought. Hahahaha. Yes...I know what to do now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 05:04, July 4, 2011 (UTC)
      We haz a feature! Hurrah! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:05, 4 July 2011

      The thing

      Lets get back to the thing. Have you heard anything more about it? --ShabiDOO 10:46, July 4, 2011 (UTC)

      Welcome to the QA patrol

      You have either volunteered for or been volunteered to be part of the official QA patrol. Please review your duties on the linked forum and get crackin'. You can of course opt out, but then you'll have to live with the knowledge that you're totally lame for the rest of your Uncyclopedian career.

      Uncyclopedia thanks you for doing your part in the ongoing battle against cruft. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:14 Jul 04, 2011

      I like your new sig. What is that, a trout? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:23, 4 July 2011

      HALP!

      HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! HALP! --Wanna see a magic trick? 03:38, July 6, 2011 (UTC)

      What goes on IRC stays on IRC. No HALP on the wiki. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 03:41, 6 July 2011
      HALP! 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 04:01, 6 July 2011
      HALP! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:14, 6 July 2011
      HALP? 1234 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 04:23, 6 July 2011
      HALP. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:24, 6 July 2011

      HALP! O wait u already halp'd me lol...→Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 18:36, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

      It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

      The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

      Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

      July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

      The Final Solution

      By Chief
      DESTROY.jpg

      The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to.

      You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not.

      The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine).

      DogNewspaper.jpg

      We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008.

      Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so.

      Competitions

      By Chief
      Trophy.jpg

      We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well.

      Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your laziness convenience:

      1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February.

      2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year.

      3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March.

      4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer.

      One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

      Check out these pages!
      From our logs:
      • 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...)
      • 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?)
      • 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.)
      • 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.)
      • 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother)
      • 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.)
      Biopic of the Week
      曹你.PNG

      What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks.

      So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters.

      Old School FA
      Wrongwayhighway.jpg

      The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons:

      1. Their total lack of ability to ask for directions.
      2. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys.

      The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs.

      The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two.

      At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

      Newsroom UnTune of the week
      100,000,000 Obama Voters Can't Be Wrong.jpg
      Can't Stop Him Now
      UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

      ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:11, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

      Supz

      Hey Lollipop. Shabi has recommended YOU for construction of sigs... I haven't been on Uncyclopedia in at least 3 months (maybe more!) and stupidly, I completely forgot how to change my signature to make it customized (like yours), if you wouldn't mind walking me through how to do it. I was working on a new sig, than it got completely erased in a poof of logic while I was busy playing Angry Birds....lol. Whenever your free, please post some walkthrough steps on my talk page and I will reply quickly, as I usually check the Uncyc every few hours... Thanks man. Aimsplode 21:01, July 9, 2011 (UTC)

      I'll easily help you with it again. Check your talkpage. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:03, 9 July 2011
      Jesus, you're fast....lol. Thanks alot for the help. I elect to keep the sig at User:Aimsplode/sig, but, if it's not too complicated or strenuous (lol), can I keep the basic look of the sig, but can I get one of those pop-out menus when I actually become popular enough to win an award? (To speak simple English: for now, I want to keep the sig at User:Aimsplode/sig, but when I get mah million dollah contract I want a pop-out menu like yours) Thanks again, Aimsplode 21:15, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
      Sure. In fact, you can have a pop out menu right now. And all you need to do is go to your preferences. o into the signature box, and check off "custom signature". Then put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Aimsplode/sig}} in the box. And voila. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:19, 9 July 2011
      I'll just keep the one currently at User:Aimsplode/sig for now. Now what? (Quickly plz I only have till 8PM EST before I go to London!!) Aimsplode 23:25, July 9, 2011 (UTC)
      I just told you. Go to your preferences. Go into the signature box, and check off "custom signature". Then put {{SUBST:nosubst|User:Aimsplode/sig}} in the box. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:34, 9 July 2011
      Ooooooh I thought you meant do that for the pop-out menu, which I had nothing to display in..thanks man. Your literally...a god. (of technology, or manipulating it, which would make you a...um, Nod? [nerd+god] Ok, Symbol wtf vote.svg WTF? am I rambling on about? lol...) Now, is there any chance you could teach me how to change the image of Sophia to something else?

      Thanks a ton or two (Symbol wtf vote.svg WTF?), →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 23:51, July 9, 2011 (UTC) (yay new motto!!)

      Don't know if it makes me a nerd, but i've been here a while and i'm able to do formatting stuff like that. And just put the template {{logo}} and add the file you want, for example: {{logo|Bob.png}} --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:07, 10 July 2011
      Alright, what the heck. I want to change my sig a little bit. How? Lol..→Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 23:18, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
      Would you like me to do it for you, or would you like to do it yourself. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:31, 12 July 2011
      No one has ever regretted letting Lollllipop change their sig a bit. Meow! --ShabiDOO 00:12, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
      It's true. I created Shabidoo's sig. Twice. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:21, 13 July 2011
      Because he generally sucks at everything.....Anyway, tell me how to change it first, and if I screw it up, I'll let you do it (I'm sure you've heard that before). →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 13:12, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
      Did you see any please there? I saw a P and a L and all those letters but not in that order. Hmmmm! --ShabiDOO 17:08, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

      !

      Look man...we gots to get something straght. I am the west and you are the east. Okay! So that means some really heavy shit. We no gotta be all about none of that bling bling riding shiz niz freak! I AM THE WEST and youz the east. Got it? Also...could you lend me 20 bucks? --ShabiDOO 01:57, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

      Dude...for the last time, I will not give you 20 bucks while you are drunk on tequila. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:09, 10 July 2011
      First of all...Im not "dude" I am "Mac Daddy Shiz Master", second of all, Tequila is Mexican, third of all, can I have 20 bucks? --ShabiDOO 13:11, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

      Congrats it's an UnPost

      The content free talk page blurb --K evillips эвилипс MUN,CM,NS,3of7 08:20, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

      Much Thanks for making Padmé

      Your support is what made Padmé!

      --Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 17:55, Jul 10

      Ninjastar

      Ninjastar.png
      Gomphog Skirmish Veteran
      For valor and honor in the war on Gomphog. Now go play some Tetris and have some R&R. –Gamma287 By the way, Eduard Khil died. MUN.png Icons-flag-us.png ☭Tetяis? 20:02, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

      Why?

      Do you have such a nice welcome-to-the-Uncyc message, and Ethine doesen't?? And why hazn't u replyed to my request for help up there ^^ with my signiture? WHY AM I SO LAZY!?!? →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 16:56, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

      I don't know Ethine, so I can't answer that question. As for your signature,i'll spice it up. And you're lazy because...Ljlego's fault. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:38, 13 July 2011
      Ok, I'll let you do it, because you are trained and obviously more experienced than I am.
      Here's what I would like: please make boom!!: BOOM!!, and link that to my talk page. Then, please make headshot: 'Headshot....' (no apostrophes), and link that to Shabidoo's main page (not talk page). That part of my sig should now look like this, still in boldened blue: (BOOM!! Headshot....). Then (if you can), please make that entire part of the sig a pop-out-when-touched menu. AND THEN DROP AND GIVE ME 20!!!!

      No, really. Please do that for me, but don't set it as my main sig, (yet), if possible. Double plus: In case that sig gets somehow screwed up, please do not make the new sig by editing off the old sig (my current one). Please make a page called →Aimsplode (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories) Happy Holidays! for that (again, if possible). Thanks, →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 23:59, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

      Whoops. Sorry. I'll undo it and make you a second sig. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:01, 14 July 2011
      AAA!!! Lol i just noticed the new sig you made for me, sorry about telling you to undo it.

      THIS IS ONLY IF YOU SITLL HAVE THAT NEW SIG YOU MADE: name that one User:Aimsplode/sig3. →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 00:05, July 14, 2011 (UTC) Thanks.

      Why do you need a third one when I just made you a second one? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 00:07, 14 July 2011
      For the lulz? ~LulzSec →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 00:12, July 14, 2011 (UTC) (The third sig is if you still have the other one...lol)

      BTW tell me when the new sig is done. →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 13:21, July 14, 2011 (UTC) Remember, the NEW one you're making with the specifications above is the new User:Aimsplode/sig2, and the one with the bomb is User:Aimsplode/sig3. →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 13:21, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

      Just to clarify that you are actually there and making my new sig, say something. →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 16:43, July 14, 2011 (UTC)
      Which one do you want to be sig2? I'm confused. I thought the bomb sig was supposed to be sig2? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:21, 14 July 2011
      Ohhh, now I understand. Will get right to it. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:22, 14 July 2011
      I gtg for the night. If you live in the Eastern United States (like me), I will be on tomorrow at 8AM my time. Please complete the sig by then (no PRESSURE!!). Thanks again, →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 01:19, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      I live in Ontario. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:43, 15 July 2011
      I'm in Orlando (FL), now is my sig ready?! Still no pressure... I need it soon. →Aimsplode L A B O R A T O R I E S 13:54, July 15, 2011 (UTC)
      I am working on it...I also need to archive this talkpage badly. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 19:12, 15 July 2011

      This is not spam...

      UNCYCLOMANIA logo.PNG

      ...this is the greatest opportunity of your life. Summer extravaganza tournament. Teams of 2 or 3 users. Lasts month of August. Tournament wont be the same without you. Don't be an outcaste. CHECK IT OUT. --ShabiDOO 19:11, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

      Will check it out. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:39, 13 July 2011

      The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger!

      The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

      The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

      July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!

      Now You're Gone

      By Chief
      Dead bird.svg

      This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press!

      This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever".

      DogNewspaper.jpg

      Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall.

      In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review.

      What you should all be doing.

      By Magic man
      Pennies3-1.JPG

      Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion:

      Give me all your money.

      Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not.

      Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things!

      Give today.

      Check out these pages!
      From our logs:
      • 11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.226.63.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.)
      • 08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.142.73.215 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord )
      • 08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.17.9.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (nice spamcruft, bro...)
      • 20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.)
      • 20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (Giant pile of useless fail)
      • 10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.194.21.180 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. )
      • 07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.133.97.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED)
      Biopic of the Week
      Sun8.jpg

      The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow.

      However...

      His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean...

      Word of the Week
      Symmetry
      Newsroom UnTune of the week
      My Humps.png
      My Humps (Acoustic)
      UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

      ~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:10, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

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