Worst 100 Songs To Have Sex To

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See Unified Law of Subsequent Albums for more information on the scientific causes relating to music.

According to Madonna's True Word, the following are the Worst 100* Songs To Have Sex To. Readers are required to have their condoms to hand.

* Madonna does not care to count this list too closely, as she is too busy stealing African children.

130 - 121[edit | edit source]

130. "Careless Whisper" - George Michael
129. "Ding Dong Song" - Günther
128. "Silent Night"
127. "In the Navy" - Village People
126. "Last Resort" - Papa Roach
125. "Rappin' for Jesus" - Pastor Jim
124. "Sex Offender Shuffle" - Scott Gaidner
123. Jaws Theme - John Williams
122. "Sugar Walls"- Sheena Easton
121. "Trololo" - Eduard Khil

120-111[edit | edit source]

120. "O'Children" - Nick Cave
119. "Think I'd Better Leave Right Now" - Will Young
118. "I Love You, You Love Me" - Barney
117. "Stairway to Heaven" - Led Zeppelin
116. "Jizz in My Pants" - The Lonely Island
115. "Keep it on Wax" - Alexisonfire
114. "Bite the Pain" - Death
113. "Tell Slater Not to Wash His Dick" – Bring Me The Horizon
112. "Already Over" -Red
111. "The Morning After" - Faith No More

110-101[edit | edit source]

110."Best of Both Worlds" - Hannah Montana
109. "Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy
108. "Creep" - Radiohead
107. "Family Guy Theme Song" - Barney
106. "Maneater" - Hall & Oates
105. "How Do You Like Me Now? - Toby Keith
104. "We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off" - Jermaine Stewart
103. "Pretty Fly" - The Offspring
(Give it to me baby..uh-huh, uh-huh.) I think you get the idea.
102. "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel
101. "Four Sticks" - Led Zeppelin

100-91[edit | edit source]

100. "You Suffer" - Napalm Death
You'd have to be bloody quick to have sex to this!
99. "The Final Contdown" - Europe
98. "Revolution #9" - The Beatles
97. "Bleed it Out" - Linkin Park
I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, I bleed it out, digging deeper just to throw it away, just to throw it away, just to throw it away, I bleed it out
96. "A Bitch is a Bitch" - NWA
95. "Take Me Down To Funky Town" - Lipps Inc.
94. "Raining Blood" - Slayer
93. "A Boy Named Sue" - Johnny Cash
92. "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex
91. "Come On Eileen" - Dexys Midnight Runners

90-81[edit | edit source]

90. "Can You Feel It" - The Jacksons
89. "To Rid the Disease" - Opeth
88. "I'll Be There For You" (The Theme Song from Friends) - The Rembrandts
87. "Ring Of Fire" - Johnny Cash
86. "Bone Broke" - The White Stripes
85. "The Hampster Dance" - Hampton the Hamster
84. "Safety Dance" - Men Without Hats
83. "I Want To Break Free" - Queen
82. "Dude Looks Like a Lady" - Aerosmith
81. "I Hate Everything About You" - Three Days Grace
80. "Surfing Bird" - The Trashmen

80-71[edit | edit source]

80. "The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down" - Cliff Friend and Dave Franklin
79. "Fake It" - Seether
78. "Folsom Prison Blues" - Johnny Cash
77. "I Am The Walrus" - The Beatles
76. "It Wasn't Me" - Rik Rok and Shaggy
75. "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain"
74. "Crazy Bitch" - Buckcherry
73. "It's Raining Men" - The Weather Girls
72. "Doin' The Mess Around" - Ray Charles
71. "Who Are You" - The Who

70-61[edit | edit source]

70. "Rape Me" - Nirvana
69. "How Could This Happen To Me" - Simple Plan
68. "Who's Your Daddy?" - Toby Keith
67. "I Think I'm Going Bald" - Rush
66. "Dead Bodies Everywhere" - Korn
65. "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65
64. "Oh Yeah" - Yello (From Ferris Bueller's Day Off)
63. "Macho Man" - Village People
62. "4'33"" - John Cage
61. "Heaven Is One Step Away" - Eric Clapton

60-51[edit | edit source]

60. "Impossible Brutality" - Kreator
59. "He's A Radical Rat" - Samuel Asher-Weiss
58. "Excitable Boy" - Warren Zevon
57. "Sex, Murder, Art." - Slayer
56. "Phoenix (Basement Jaxx Remix)" - Daft Punk
55. "Who Wants To Live Forever" - Queen
54. "Pain" - Three Days Grace
53. "She's Got Balls" - AC/DC
52. "Only The Young" - Journey
51. "Strange Brew" - Cream

50-41[edit | edit source]

50. "It Don't Come Easy" - Ringo Starr
49. "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - The Scorpions
48. "I Ain't The One" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
47. "Cold As Ice" - Foreigner
46. "So Into You" - Atlanta Rhythm Section
45. "Party Boy Theme Song" from Jackass
44. "Remember Tomorrow" - Iron Maiden
43. "I Cum Blood" - Cannibal Corpse
42. "The Camera Eye" - Rush
41. "They're Gonna Taste Great" - Kellogs Frosties

40-31[edit | edit source]

40. "Old Man" - Neil Young
39. "Touch Me" - The Doors
38. "Fucked to Death" - Devourment
37. "For My Father" - Andy Mckee
36. "Pull the Plug" - Death
35. "The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang
34. "Chainsaw Gutsfuck" - Mayhem
33. "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer
32. "Virus Alert" - Weird Al Yankovic
31. "Bitch I'll Kill Ya" - Yung Dum Basturd

30-21[edit | edit source]

30."Land Down Under" - Men At Work
29. "Abducted" - Hypocrisy
28. "Strangers Like Me" - Phil Collins
27. "Monochromatic Stains" - Dark Tranquillity
26. "Taste My..." - Chimaira
25. "Die By the Sword" - Slayer
24. "Raped By The Light Of Christ" - At The Gates
23. "Coerced Coexistence" - In Flames
22. "Fuck Her Gently" - Tenacious D
21. "Don't Stand So Close To Me" - The Police

20-11[edit | edit source]

20. "Breaking Up Is Hard Do Do" - Neil Sedaka
19. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell
18. "I Get Around" - The Beach Boys
17. "April Come She Will" - Simon & Garfunkel
(especially if it's February)
16. "She Hates Me" - Puddle of Mudd
15. "Why Don't We Do It In The Road" - The Beatles
14. "Relax" - Frankie Goes To Hollywood
13. "Satisfaction" - (The Residents cover. The original Rolling Stones version is fine.)
12. "Peanut Butter Jelly Time"
11 "Violent Pornography" - System of a Down (Unless you're into that sort of thing.)

10-1[edit | edit source]

10. "Stop" - Pink Floyd
9. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus
8. "Loser" - Beck
7. "I Touch Myself" - Madonna
6. "Doing Alright With The Boys" - Gary Glitter
5. "Spongebob Squarepants Theme Song" - Weird Al Yankovic
4. "Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley
3. "Distant Early Warning" - Rush
2. "Here Comes the Bride"
1. "I'm Coming Out" - Diana Ross

Special Addition All Time Song You're Never Supposed to Have Sex To:[edit | edit source]

0. "You Keep Me Hangin' On!" - Diana Ross and the Supremes