Iqaluit, Nunavut
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“The rockiest beach I ever had sex on!”
Iqaluit is one of the most popular cities in the world. Despite this great advantage, its population is actually very small because there are no roads that lead to it. There are no highways either. Located in Nunavut, Canada, it is a popular seaside resort for Canadians who live in the colder temperate regions (to travel to Iqaluit, one is required to go so far north that one ends up in the south again - Iqaluit's landscape therefore consists largely of jungle).
Upside down maps[edit | edit source]
The residents of Iqaluit are quite proud of their odd geographic location, and show it off to visitors by turning all of their maps upside down whenever anybody visits. Some have suggested that they do it because if a map of Canada was hung right-side-up, Iqaluit would be so high up that it would be invisible to the viewer.
It is also good for the Inuit tourism industry. It causes readers to inadvertently travel north when they're trying to go home, and thus they take the scenic route. This is a very long route, and at every bathroom stop (i.e., sled-dog feeding station) one can purchase nifty souvenirs such as sealskin t-shirts (e.g., I went to the Nunavut and all I got was - well, let's just say it wasn't "laid."), stuffed bipolar bears, and mini inukshuk statuettes (which have been hot sellers ever since the inukshuk was adopted as the 2010 Winter Olympics logo).
History[edit | edit source]
The Ninjuit took control of Iqaluit from the Vikings in 1000 AD, but were later annihilated by some other group (it may have been pirates). No trace of them remains to this day, especially since, because of continental drift, Iqaluit has moved further north since then and its climate has considerably warmed up.
The move northward has created territorial conflicts with another group who live even further north. At first the Inuit kept their distance, given the size of the northerners' military - until they realized that the entire North Pole army was made of toy tanks and soldiers. Besides, the little green uniforms looked ridiculous, and hardly served as camouflage on the ice. Their top general was clearly out of shape, and was an easy target in his huge red suit. But the North Polians surprised the Inuit on flying reindeer back. Only intervention by the Canadian government, defending its sovereignty in the north, saved the Inuit and all of Nunavut from malicious corporate takeover. The general, who was rumoured to have wanted to use Inuit as sweatshop slaves was captured and publicly hanged in Ottawa to cheers of thousand of Stephen Harper fans and cries of millions of children.
Culture[edit | edit source]
The Iqaluitians are known for their love of yogurt, which they make from churning snow. Their diet consists of many delicious dishes that are unfortunately unknown in the rest of the world - for example:
breakfast - usually consists of bran-flavoured yogurt; yogurt juice; Arctic loon eggs
lunch - yogurt sandwich (with two slabs of ice, and a little fish-turd dressing); fruit-flavoured yogurt or yogurt-flavoured fruit, depending on availability; side dish of yogurt for dessert
dinner - fish deep-fried in wine-soaked yoghurt or yogurt-stuffed polar bear feast plus rice and vegetables (though rice and vegetables are hard to come by in Iqaluit, so yogurt is often used as a substitute)
Extra supplies of yoghurt are sometimes stored for the summer and distributed by staple gun.
Many young Iqaluits spend much time sniffing glue or other household solvents to pass the fun summer months. During the short hot winter, gas sniffing seems to be the snort of choice. They also love snow-sniffing, though visitors who try it are usually disappointed, adding a comment such as "Hey, this isn't coke!"
Rock and roll is also very popular in Iqaluit. The most popular rock group is known as Inukshuk.
