In geography, the North Pole, also called "Antarctica 2: The Northern One", is one of two special points on Earth's surface where time stops, compasses break down, and many physical laws go wonky. (For the other such point, see Beek, The Netherlands.)
In politics, the "North Pole" may refer to the resident of Poland who happens to be located at the northernmost point of Poland, near the Baltic Sea, opposite the "South Pole", who is the resident of Poland located at the southernmost edge of Poland, near the border with Slovakia. Conversely, the political "North Pole" might refer to a resident of Poland located in the northern half of the country, leaving the rest to be South Poles.
Theory[edit | edit source]
The existence of the North Pole was first postulated by Stephen Hawking in 1994 in his book "I Reckon There Are Two Icy Tips Of This Planet", which detailed his complex cosmological model about there being not one, but two icy poles. It was widely ridiculed by the physics community as the work of a madman.
However, the theory received wide acceptance by the physics community some 15 years later, when the Superconducting Super Collider detected magnetic north monopoles, which were created from the high-energy collisions of relativistic penguins and antipenguins. Then again, he may have been lying. With Stephen Hawking, you never can tell; he is the Architect of Lies.
Political North Pole changes all the time. The Polish coast guard is often the likely candidate.
Exploration[edit | edit source]
In 1997, NASA, in joint cooperation with Answers in Genesis, launched their first unmanned mission to the North Pole: the Sarfati 2. The probe landed safely five years later, but was promptly eaten by a pack of wild dinosaurs before any data could be returned. As a result of this horrendous fiasco, the Bush administration has decided to curtail funding for all planned future NASA and AIG missions. In 1985 Russians had already explored the North Pole, discovering for their great surprise Titanic, which had apparently sailed there to revenge to the icebergs. Few pictures taken were later used in Titanic movie.
Government[edit | edit source]
The North Pole is also the location of the Yuletide North Stripper Pole, a rogue nation led by Santa Claus. No other nations exist in the area, but several tribes of elves, who have escaped the harsh rule of the dictator Santa Claus, exist as different rebel movements, which attempt to overthrow St. Nick. The most notable of these groups are the atheist-marxist "Frente Marxista de la Liberación de los Duendes" (F.M.L.D.) based in northern Russia, the Jewish group "Shlomo's Kosher Dogs" of northern Greenland, and the Islamist group Hezbollah. Another thing to do with the north pole is Santa Claus ie. Saint Nicolas. Santa is a very big hit in all major countries and his "toy sweatshops" are believed to in fact be at the north pole. Also penguins inhabit the north pole, they are very smart beings. with all the sliding and marches and huddles. That is where the huddle originated from. Just like the hakka originated from gorillas.
Inhabitants[edit | edit source]
Indigenous wildlife of this place obviously include Elves Santa reindeers and even Aliens who regularly crash-land there and also the corpse of the Easter Bunny (which Santa killed in 1987). The most commonly seen inhabitants are the dangerous mythological North Polian llamas. They are infamous around the world for waging a vicious war against Santa's reindeer for their position as Santa's beasts of burden. Notice: All aforementioned wildlife have had to resort to snorkels. Their igloo has melted. They would be sad, if only had feelings. Fortunately, they are white so it doesn't matter. The Nazis that survived the Red Army have planned to overthrow the currently non-existing government and form a dictatorship there.They have been inhabiting the North Pole for over 3 decades and have smuggled in weapons and armed vehicles from black markets like Walmarts and Harvey's Hamburgers. This is the 1st step of their plan to take over the world.
Environment[edit | edit source]
At the North Pole there is a great deal of pollution as Santa Claus is a fat and lazy old man who doesn't bother recycling all the crap coming out of his workshop. This has caused icy cold winters and summers with intense radiation that killed around 1000 elves per quarter in the past 3 years. The leader of the elf village has planned to form a political protest in the coming months of 2010 and remove Mr. Claus's 'behind' from office. Another side effect of the pollution coming about this year is genetically mutated polar bears who have begun to migrate to regions such as the United States and the "internet" and killed many citizens in violent rampages. Hopefully, these issues will be addressed by America's garbage disposal system, as Polar bears drop dead at the sight of American trash (Pun >D).
References[edit | edit source]
- Seriously, Super Jelly. It's a major BBC TV series, starring Dame Judi Dench in a bonnet. Oh no, wait...that was Cranford.
- Yes, the Physics Community, also known as the PC. The PC are a secret society of all worldly physicists, who meet in dark Italian caves, wearing masks and using false names. They then review recent books before massive orgies. (Note: no astronomers allowed - the Physics Community are a much more intellectual club than the astronomers. In fact, they spit on astronomers. And, because they use momentum physics to work out the destination of their projectile, they always spit on them bang on the nose).