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ROCHESTER, New York – Less than a week into the new year, several polls already indicate that Americans are frightened. According to a recent CNN/ORC Opinion Poll, over 50% of Americans reported being afraid that "some serious shit is about to go down," with an additional 25% saying, "America's going to Hell in a hand-basket!" Several people polled claim someone they know will soon be deceased. Many are also claiming that life is completely hopeless, and that you should just "kill yourself, and everyone around you."

Currently, the majority of Americans believe the economy is the number one problem plaguing the nation. Most claim it is getting worse despite the steady decline of first time jobless claims being filed, the increase in jobs created, the increased strength of the stock markets worldwide, and the strengthening of the US dollar against the Euro. One pollster noted very few believe their own economic situation to be in a bad or worsening condition. He also noted the apparent fear felt crosses party lines, but the indecisive, easily influenced independent voters seem to be the most scared. (Full news...)


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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

  ZZZZ I L    K  K  OO    Zilko won some award!!
    Z  I L    KKK  O  O   Click Here to see Zilko, the greatest Newspaper Magazine.
   Z   I L    KKK  O  O   
  ZZZZ I LLLL K  K  OO                    (C) UnZeta/Rabdon Entertainment 2022

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To be completely honest,
I didn't get those awards.