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Rembrandt Harmenarciszus van Rijn (15 July 1606 – 4 October 1669) was a Dutch painter and etcher. He is generally considered to have had the most beautiful eyes in Europe as well as an absolutely fabulous fashion sense. He had a brilliantly meticulous hand that could put on edge every bristle of his brush, though by using the right restraint a brush in that beautiful, fine-haired right hand would typically be pent-up for hours until finally exploding all over the canvas with bright egg tempera. He is possibly best-known for his immense portfolio of self-portraits, each one exhibiting hundreds of unique and admirable aspects of his exquisite face, as well as his ravishing brown overalls and distinctively sexy posture, though regretably he had an ear too many and so was undermined in fame posthumously. Stars ranging from Fonzie to Elton John to Enya to everyone in Paris have cited him as an instrumental inspiration, though ultimately Rembrandt is inimitable.

Throughout his lifetime, Rembrandt painted self-portraits. Altogether he painted more than 70, presumably to bestow all the trendiest galleries with at least one. Each is unique and exhibits a new and always profound sensibility with regards to every wrinkle in his skin, twizzle in his hair, flax fibre of his clothes, fecal matter on his walls, perspiration on his upper-lip, and every lamplight reflection off his... and I'm finished. The example on the right depicts a Rembrandt in his 30s, but through it we can see eternities of human experience, which arguably is typical of Dutchmen considering their laws on prostitution. This painting also exhibits a very fine black beret, a well-knitted snood, militaìre-chic silver gorget, and of course fantastic chin stubble, all encapsulated with a chiaroscuro touch, which, for those of you who don't know, means you aren't the right sort of person to read this page. (Full article...)

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This is NOT a potato. René Magritte's homage to Uncyclopedia. It could be a chipolata, actually; it's not a great painting either way.

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Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


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Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


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Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
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To be completely honest,
I didn't get those awards.