User:Uncle J/Colouring Book University

The campus of Colouring Book University

Colouring Book University, formerly the University of Crayons and Colouring Books is a prestigious Ivy League school located on beautiful Cape Breton Island. It is located on the Glace Bay express near the David Dingwall International Airport. There are approximetly 100,000 students that attend the University. Tuition fees are lower there then anywhere else in the country due to the rich alumni of the University. Colouring Book University offers all types of degrees and programs some of which are a Phd in Nuclear Physics, Phd in Advanced Calculus, Masters Degree in Genetic Engineering, Bachelor of Bomb-making, Degrees in Pharmacy (which is a huge industry in Cape Breton), and a Bachelor of Prostitution.

Degrees Offered[edit | edit source]

Agricultural Degrees including culitvation of Marijuana, Cocaine, and Magic Mushrooms
Bachelor of Arts Community Studies: allows graduates to earn minimum wage while also now being heavily in debt
Bachelor of Business Administration including how to run a prostitution ring and a drug dealing operation
Pharmacutical Technology: How to make certain types of drugs
Human Anatomy: Learn about the human body, specifically the female one, includes live, young, and attractive subjects.
Bachelor of Information Technology: Learn how to committ online fraud.
Masters Degree in Shoplifting: Learn how to steal from the pros.
Automotive Mechanics: Learn how to perform odometre rollback schemes and learn how to syphon gasoline.
PhD in Law: Learn how spin the truth or just make it up all together and make millions defending drug dealers and pimps.
Masters degree in Political Science: Learn how to become a corrupt politician. It will make you fit in very well in Halifax and Ottawa
PhD in Tarabish: Learn how to play the greatest undiscovered game in the world
PhD in Aeronautics: You just take up Space
PhD in Black Jack: Learn from the blackjack master Dr. Feelgood.
NEW Marijuana cultivating course 1 year (certificate)

Services on Campus[edit | edit source]

Caper Convience: Everything from skin mags, skin videos, and condoms. Caper Convenience takes care of all of your sexual needs
Men's Centre: Sometimes a man just needs a place to go to relax and forget about their problems. Includes a licensed strip club with a bartender who knows a fuck of a lot about hockey.
Library: Where you go when you have a girl with you and you want some peace and quiet. Just rent a room for the afternoon and go at it.
The Pit: Largest bar east of Montreal, largest deck east of Slutwaters in Fredericton. Home to blackjack tournaments every day with masters such as the googly-eyed bastard, Napoleon CMooore the tall, full haired headed man, Doctor Feelgood, who's british nobility will stun you, the shady guy, sturgdog, The Captain of his own ship. and the rest of them, who are so unknown that they don't have names. All of them are Honours Students in the Aeronatics programme, So good students, none of them need to go to class. Pop will cost you a hundred dollars a pop, and beer is flowing cheaper than water in the high class establishment, also is a dress code and conduct code, Where people must wear actual nice clothing and behave sensibly. It is also known for its bright light atmosphere and well populated smoking area, where all the blackjack masters gather. On thursday's The pit is renown for the possum lodge word game. Where prizes are new cars and free beer.
Smoking area: Three feet from the door
The Gym: Home of CBU's star soccer team of the Sturgdawg, the Googley Eyed Bastard, Dr. Feelgood, the Shady Arab, Napolean Dynomite, the Jefferson Starship, the guy with Red Hair, and Mr. Ass.

A typical CBU grad plies his trade

Faculty Members[edit | edit source]

Charles Darwin - Professor of ~~Evolutionary Biology~~ theology
Screamin' Stephen Hawking - Professor of American Singing and Entertainment
Richard Dawkins - Religious Studies
Albert Einstein - Arithemetic Teacher
David Dingwall - Professor of Business Ethics
George W. Bush - Peace Studies
Bill Clinton - Drug Dealing 101, Advanced Bullshitting, Professor of Reproduction (Human & Animal)
Nicolas Sarkozy - International Politics
Albert Gore, Sr. - Race Relations & Cross Burning
Michael Richards- Professor of Race Relations
J. Phillipe Rushton - Professor of Women's Studies
Mel Gibson - Professor of Christian-Jewish relations
David Mullan - Professor of Homosex studies
Osama bin Laden - Professor of Islamic Studies
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - Professor of Hebrew Studies
Adolf Hitler - Assistant Professor of Hebrew Studies
Ted Kennedy - Driver's Ed
Michael Jackson - Parenting Classes