User:The Pioneer/Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
40,527 articles in English

From today's featured article

Europan hookmouth.png

They tell you Mother Earth is special. They tell you she's the only planet known to support life, that we're alone, in the vast, indifferent oblivion that they dare call the cosmos, that all those expensive probes and rovers they keep thrusting towards Jupiter's moons are "just for research", that there's nothing lurking beneath the icy crust of Europa except a whole lot o' frozen nothing except for maybe some very chill saltwater.

Ah, but you see, my companion – it's all a ruse. A lie. A terminological inexactitude, even.

"Earth is the only planet to inhabit life"; why, that's what the feds at NASA want you to think. But they're lying. They're always lying. They lied about Area 51. They lied about Pluto. They lied about Santa Claus. They lied about the authenticity of the Moon landing.(Full article...)

Did you know...

Icecream6gyfc2.jpg
  • ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
  • ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
  • ... that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?
  • ... that in 2001 George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which forbids soldiers in Iraq from leaving their children behind?
  • ... that while Pong! the Movie followed suit with the wildly popular video game genre, such as The Super Mario Brothers movie and Resident Evil, it did not play out as well in the box offices?
  • ... that I don't like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the frickin' frogs gay?
  • ... that Hitler killed himself out of fear of Soviet capture and torture, not because he saw the gas bill?
  • ... that an umbrella is a magical object that is used in many cultures to discourage rainfall?

In the news

Trumproject.png
Trump pictured holding up his project in front of his friends. They're all delighted.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian InvasionGaza WarTrump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Bill Cosby's TV sonOzzy OsbourneChuck MangioneHulk HoganResident AlienDown syndromeTom LehrerThe systemFUBARCartoon Network/Adult Swim/Toonami on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp

Upcoming deaths: DEIPittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid GameMAGAJoe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates • Comcast

On this day

Godzilla Japan Flag.JPG

August 18: Everybody Run From the Godzilla Attack Day

  • 644 - A prodigous comet appears in the sky, in the shape of a rock. The rock magically flies through the sky, before it lands in ancient Greece and kills a busload of time-travelling nuns.
  • 1868 - French astronomer Pierre Jules César Janssen discovers helium. Initially, he had a difficult time explaining the gas producing process without evoking gales of laughter.
  • 1969 - Godzilla tries to attack France, but has to stop in Tokyo to ask for directions.
  • 1989 - The Who, working in conjunction with Godzilla, trash several hotel rooms in Wales and Scotland. The Isle of Man is never seen again.
  • 1990 - Godzilla attacks Paris, humping the Eiffel Tower twice before being driven back into the sea.
  • 1991 - Godzilla attacks Paris again, this time bringing flowers. The Parisians surrender to his radioactive charm, and an evening of bliss is had by all.
  • 1992 - Godzilla once again attacks Paris, leaving fifty-three successive messages on the answering machine of the Ile de Cite, each one more angry and irrational than the last. Paris gets a restraining order. In a blind, drunken confusion, Godzilla attacks a department store in Rome. Mothra and Mechagodzilla are called to drive the heartbroken beast home.
  • 1993 - Princess Diana pre-died.
  • 1999 - Cape Breton declares an open nuclear war on the Y2K bug subsequently pounding it into oblivion. Eminent scientists have confirmed this fact as the reason why much speculation about the threat of Y2K was ultimately unfounded.
  • 2006 - Way more people die than usual.
  • 2007 - The Canso Causeway, forever asserting the will of mainland Nova Scotia against Cape Breton, is melted in my microwave.
  • 2010 - Godzilla sends a passive-aggressive text message to Paris, asking if it wants its copy of High Fidelity back or if he should just throw it away.
  • 2010 - 1:24pm, Josh "I'm full."

Today's featured picture

Uncyclopedios
"The cereal where you eat the box!"

Image credit: InfiniteMonkey
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Other areas of Uncyclopedia

Uncyclopedia's sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,527 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.