User talk:Electrified mocha chinchilla/archive18

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Vaginas

thx ok Look at all these WeinribZ , bro. 01:47, October 4, 2012 (UTC)

Deleting Humor

(Huff log) . . Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) deleted page Category:Humor ‎(Empty category)

Actually this category is too broad and should encompass everything, but it just seemed funny (humorous) that you deleted it. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 01:14, October 12, 2012 (UTC)

I think it's funny that Category:Humor was empty. That's what I call empty humor. DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 04:10, 13 July 2015 (UTC)

My userpage

Could you change it to "autoconfirmed" protection? Nominally Humane! 12:56 18 Oct

Adminship

How may I become an admin? Dannyboy1209 (talk) 20:51, November 10, 2012 (UTC)

I really, really hate to roll out this old chestnut, but here goes: it involves giving copious oral favors to specific people. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Nov 12 '12 13:36 (UTC)

I can do that Dannyboy1209 (talk) 21:45, December 4, 2012 (UTC)

Really? Are you sure you know the difference between "can do that" and "am doing that as we speak"? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 4 '12 22:53 (UTC)

So, may I become an admin? Dannyboy1209 (talk) 16:39, December 5, 2012 (UTC)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over

We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault By Bizzeebeever Shown: Wikia It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt, but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes: Wikia sucks dicks Wikia is Satan Wikia sucks Satan's dick As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead. By Bizzeebeever Requiscat in pace, Frost-dude. No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son By Bizzeebeever Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son By: Bizzeebeever This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF!

Check out these pages! Some forum or other Almost forgot about this one... ZOMG NOOOOOO! Morons whining impotently As usual, VOTE YOU FAGS Srsly, somebody should do something about this shit Current op abuse: 04:58, November 6, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Romartus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Adding yourself to ban patrol (I seroiusly tried very hard not to do this, I SWEAR!)) 10:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 03:00, November 18, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Aimsplode (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (Asked to be blocked for 5 seconds, alas I can't spell.) 19:24, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nothing can get me ready for a day of school like blocking chief for no reason.) 07:45, April 9, 2024 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked Everyone (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wouldn't it be cool if this actually happened (lol)) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic concerns Hipster, who used to be Hypster, who used to be Another n00b, who was ...apparently a doody-headed dildo who pissed off other users by NOT INDENTING COMMENTS PROPERLY and BEING FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. (No, seriously.) A doody-headed dildo who was given his very own section in the Right Honourable Flammable's Bureau of Overreaction, Never-ending Embarrassment and Regret (BONER), shortly before accepting a free ban for life from Zombiebaron. However, the Autist Previously Known As Another_N00b made his return to the wiki via sockpuppet last year, and only just this week was found out...by audaciously admitting who he was, right there on his talk page, for God and all the bourgeoisie to see. Unfortunately for those whose ban-fingers were itching this week, the incorrigible little twit seems intent on becoming a useful member of society, seeking redemption by turning 17, making edits that aren't actually vandalism, and (only occasionally) calling other users "utter fuckwads". He even wished Uncyc admin Frosty a speedy recovery from his car accident with the tremendous words "Exactly how does any of this nonsense affect me and why should I care?" We at the Unsignpost salute Hipster on his freewheeling, brutally honest style, and wish him the best of luck in the forty minutes that will elapse before Frosty drops a uranium banhammer on him. We're rooting for ya, Hipster! Old-School FA A popular defensive measure during the Medieval period, the bouncy castle dissuaded attack by bouncing. Bouncy castles look exactly like static castles, except for the enormous springs concealed in the cellar. As an enemy, such as Goths, Vandals or rabbits approached, castle staff would release the springs causing the entire castle to shoot up into the air, thus saving it from plunder. The first recorded idea for the bouncy castle comes from the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci. Forward thinking as ever, da Vinci rendered his castle complete with springs, airbags, electric windows, CD player and machine guns to deal with helicopter attacks. Like so many of da Vinci's ideas, however, it was hundreds of hours before anyone put it into practice. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Castoreum: \cas*to"re*um\ n. 1. a peculiar bitter orange-brown substance, with strong, penetrating odor, found in two sacs between the anus and external genitals of the beaver. You're welcome. Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. As the Unsignpost could no longer afford the Uncyclopedia dog's increasingly ludicrous demands for royalties, he has been made redundant. His relatives have been notified.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 8:47 (UTC)

Hey!

I'm new but I recently undid a mass deletion by a non registered user [1] and i was just wondering if that was okay to do? --Solman7 (talk) 18:49, November 27, 2012 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms

Good news, everybody! We're saved! By: Bizzeebeever No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend By: Bizzeebeever Stay classy, Uncyclopedia! Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit By Editor A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed. "Sit and spin, Hotadmin4u69." ~Jesus Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Frosty Sez: "Patrol RecentChanges, fags, 'cuz I'm not doing it anymore." Check out these pages! Yes, it is still going Whoever "snerk" is, he can't keep it in his pants. It is very very important that you know this Our suspicions are finally confirmed. WHY GOD WHY Current op abuse: 02:57, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.142.161 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 years ‎ (Still loving the penis after all these years, huh?) 09:13, November 22, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't recreate crap. Take a tissue.) 05:49, November 26, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.45.119.19 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back so soon? And guess what...you're still acting like a twat. I am extending your break Short Trousers.) 20:41, November 27, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.9.19.97 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (POOP.) Biopic of the Week In this edition of the Weekly Biopic, (gasp gasp...running out of ways to rephrase that!) the UnSignpost is spotlighting one of our newer members, Snippy, who makes silk purses out of sow's ears, reverts morons and vandals like reverting is going out of style, and is liked by one and all. In fact, this past week, Frosty claims he was in Snippy's lovely hometown of Byron Bay, New South Wales, to deliver Snippy's prize for being named Uncyclopedian of the Month: a forceful, lingering kiss on the lips, followed by a random sex act. Congratulations, Snippy, and we hope it only hurt for the first 15 minutes! Now that all your hard work has received recognition by your peers, please get out there and shovel some more shit; you missed a big pile of it. Sorry, our only shovel is broken; you'll have to use your shoes. Pity, they looked like very nice suede. Oh, well. Next week, look for a profile of Leverage! Before he disappears from the site forever, of course. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Penis-sheath: An insult comparing the insultee to an article of clothing worn around the Johnson. Neither the insult nor the article of clothing actually existed up until I just now invented them. You're welcome. This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™ On or around this date in 2007, Dr. Skullthumper made the following edit: Added "800px" to an image in Kitten Huffing A quick review of the Good Doctor's edit history shows that, in 2007, he had less of a life than I do now. Thank you for reading This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™! Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. UnSignpost management is currently in negotiations with a supplier of illegal fighting dogs to provide a temporary substitute for the late UnSignpost mascot. We will miss you, UnSignpost Dog.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:23 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!

A headline goes here! No, really! By Some guy Because pictures of Santa are gauche, and no one else was going to use this perfectly-good image. Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no". A very special UnSignpost story By: Bizzeebeever Shown: a man without gin This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows: “ I checked out a book about Bob Newhart, and also Mark Twain's The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Stories ” As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts. Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time! A quick note from the editors The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all: Oops.

Check out these pages! A departed Uncyclopedian's reply to this forum An article about kittens A scholarly treatise on gay sex and the Internet A departed Uncyclopedian's opinion on gay sex and the Internet How Uncyclopedia admins sniff each other's butts: 14:15, December 1, 2012 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Man, I miss you something terrible, rather like a third arm that was finally amputated... <3) 16:32, December 2, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (acting like the archetype of a perfect admin, and on a completely unrelated note making certain other less active admins look bad) 16:35, December 2, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 74 years ‎ (Exists) 22:49, December 2, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I am blocking you because you spelt Lead wrong. Seriously what the hell?) 23:44, December 5, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 years ‎ (drinking out of cups/being a bitch) 23:46, December 5, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Does you dick hang low? Does it wobble too and fro?) Biopic of the Week Well, we promised it to you, and now here it is: a biopic of Leverage! Yes, new user Leverage is a right smart fellow, with joy in his heart and fudge in his nappy. Nothing much is known of Leverage except that he might be from Spain "som'eres", unless he's not. You're either an American, or a terrorist, and as Leverage is not American, he's doing his terrorist mother proud by hating Americans with a fervor usually reserved for the entitled children of American middle-class parents. He's even won awards for it! And lest you think last week's profilee, Snippy, is by far the best of Uncyclopedia's new crop of users, ...you'd probably be right, but Leverage gives him a run for his money by actually writing UnNews articles by literally the dozens. Seriously, you can check his user page; they're all there. (Like we're impressed.) We'd nominate him for a Foolizter Prize, but according to beloved Uncyclopedia admin Frosty, "nobody votes on that (homosexual) (feces) anymore," and, sadly, the stats bear him out. Thank you, Leverage, for you tireless perseverance in the face of apathy, and fuck you, Uncyclopedia! Stay tuned for next week's biopic on Sinner George, if he even still edits here! Random Made-Up Statistic of the Week: This issue of the UnSignpost contains 500% more curse words than ChiefjusticeDS's last issue! We will now bow our fucking heads for a motherfucking moment of goddamned silence. This Week's Old-School Actual Wikipedia Article Obviously Lifted Word-For-Word From Uncylopedia: Committee to End Pay Toilets in America "The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states. “ When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom. —Ira Gessel ” "Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." Starting a national crusade to cast away coin-operated commodes, Gessel told newsmen, "You can have a fifty-dollar bill, but if you don't have a dime, that metal box is between you and relief." Membership in the organization cost only $0.25, and members received the Committee's newsletter, the Free Toilet Paper...[more]

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 12:51 (UTC)

Should I nominate Your cat died?

I really like this one and I believe it is quality.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 20:45, December 8, 2012 (UTC)

My name isn't Rick. --EMC ^[TALK] 15:55 Dec 10 2012

That is a gaaaayyyy excuse...--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 20:39, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be English words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--EMC ^[TALK] 13:56 Dec 12 2012

Jeep

I was supporting you in your edit war against new user Cottle2, for the reason I gave on his talk page, but you seem to have switched sides and are now trying to polish his turd. Spıke ¬ 15:14 19-Dec-12

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:25 (UTC)

Re-Forum this link?

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Forum:Let%27s_see_who%27s_been_dodging_the_INS_the_longest --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 14:18, December 20, 2012 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!

Vote! Or else! By Chief This image has not been altered in any way Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief". Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience By Nobody Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter. Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled. Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings.

Check out these pages! BURN THE WIKI BURN IT TO THE GROUND A long, long, very long forum where nothing was accomplished and everybody eventually just started typing random bullshit. A bad, bad, very bad idea, which the UnSignpost endorses with full vigor. An even worse idea. A page where Kip the Dip takes credit for something bad, very bad. A discussion far more important than any of the preceding links. Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home: 03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha)) 22:44, May 18, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Not cool to use other people's sigs man......*shity eyes*.....) 23:07, July 17, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Snoopin' around in areas he shouldn't be concerned with) 19:32, October 4, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 44 seconds ‎ (I must block you at least once in order to be more awesome than you.) 03:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 02:11, December 13, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (User request) 16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.) 01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator) Biopic of the Week When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared: Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team. As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it. He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary. For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas. So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read. Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song This space left intentionally penis.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:16 (UTC)

I appreciate you.

( 0 )__( 0 )

I'm always watching.......--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:40, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost sez, "Give Pease a Chance!"

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.

Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! By Sir Peasewhizz de New York If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll kill help you. That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed By Sir Peasewhizz de New York Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens!

Check out these pages! Report any bugs here or die. We're not horsing around. Where are all by rights be meant to be taken in NO WAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN SERIOUS. THIS IS UNCYCLOPEDIA! And.We.Are.Honest! Indeed it does. But what else is supposed to suck? Why is your mind in the gutter? You sicken me. We want boobies! Get it? You see a censored pick of 'em, reversion! Give us boobies, or give us death! Link your page. Art is nice. What about us? Is something wrong? From our logs: 16:58, January 7, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wutjtod En.Uncy.Co Deluxe Limited Edition (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Not being Zombiebaron: <youtube>n9sEBBCIZ54</youtube>) 02:30, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 2.71828182 hours (... like flowers!!) 02:27, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.141592653589 hours (You smell.) 02:26, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk) (UR GAY) 02:25, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.1415926 hours (Active admin does administrator activity.) 22:53, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Socksilikesocks (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Fuck off) 18:12, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Not supporting my vote, also hasn't been banned in 2 and a half years, you call yourself an admin???) Biopic of the Week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Biopic of the Week. If you need medical help, wait... what? Newsroom UnTune of the week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Newsroom UnTune of the Week. Please go listen to your favorite band. It is highly recommended by 8 out of 4 doctors. Which means 2 doctors recommend it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 5:29 (UTC)

Strike out a vote.

You voted for two people on UotY. Sincerely, --  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 00:20, 18 January 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 19 January 2013

David Blaine

Damn, I didn't know I had so many missspelllingsi in the article, thanks for correcting them. You are a God or Goddess incarnate. Aleister 20:35 23-1-'13

UnLetter?

Hey, can you or somebody add an UnLetter section? MagicBus (talk) 21:31, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

To what? --EMC ^[TALK] 21:31 Jan 23 2013

On this wiki? It's like the UnBooks thing that you do. MagicBus (talk) 21:32, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

Propose it in the Village Dump so you can explain to everyone what it's all about and possibly gather people to help. --EMC ^[TALK] 21:33 Jan 23 2013

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:02, 24 January 2013

{{Flash2}}

Check it out. Let me know of any improvements you want me to make. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Jan 25 '13 23:58 (UTC)

What happened?

Per the above header.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 00:47, 30 January 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:23, 31 January 2013

I can't find my iPod

In which I post tweets. So, uh.... it might be a week before I post tweets again. Is that okay?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 02:50, 6 February 2013 (UTC)

Not a problem. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:23 Feb 6 2013

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:33, 7 February 2013

Poo-Lit Surprise

You dropped off IRC in the middle of the discussion! Please come back, we have cookies! » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.10.22:26

I guess you took off... Here's the idea: Change Best Potatochop back to Best Illustrated, but we add a new, special, category. The category, as yet unnamed, would be the potatochop competition, but the specific target would be creating images with clear ownership of suitable size/quality/colors for uncyclomedia merchandise. Entry of an image to that category would release rights to the image for use in such items. Just a thought. I've also offered to provide the PLS prize money this year. » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.10.22:56

A bug report in the forum

...from Carlb. Since you're the one who runs that, I figured you would be the one to deal with it. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Feb 12 '13 1:17 (UTC)

Fixed it. Thanks for letting me know. --EMC ^[TALK] 15:27 Feb 13 2013

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:32, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

someone kicked me from the channel :( can you add me back?

HERO!!! (talk) 06:49, 16 February 2013 (UTC)

Looks like you can get in now. --EMC ^[TALK] 00:57 Feb 17 2013

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:34, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Ideas for promoting Uncyclopedia?

Hey EMC. I've been talking to TKF about attracting new editors to the site. I have a small list of ideas and he thought you might have some insight as you're involved with promoting the site. I'd appreciate your thoughts. Thanks. MadMax (talk) 00:13, 24 February 2013 (UTC)

I also noticed that Uncyclopedia has an official YouTube channel and was wondering if the owner could use some extra help? I'm a fairly competent editor with Final Cut Pro and Windows Movie Maker. MadMax (talk) 11:52, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Hey

00:24 < mike|> I need an admin account there
00:24 <@UncycBot> Some of the admins may be in the channel. See here for a list of our admins and feel free to message them if they 
                  are in the chatroom: http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Active_Adminss
00:24 < mike|> rm that s
00:25 < mike|> Zombiebaron: is uncycbot's yours?
00:25 < mike|> First of all: two S's
00:25 < mike|> second the !help returns wikia link.

Mike the Great (talk) 06:29, 25 February 2013 (UTC)

Will fix that. Thanks for letting me know. --EMC ^[TALK] 20:05 Feb 25 2013

Happy Monkey Competition

In the end I think I'll just do it on March 20th. Think of it like a light pre-competition before the big one. If you could do it in April or later, it would be very much appreciated. In any case it gives you more time to organise and get people to participate. Why? Why did we break up you and me? We really had something that was just wow! You know...and I just cannot find that kind of wow anymore. Was it me? I bet it was me. --ShabiDOO 15:13, 25 February 2013 (UTC)

That works. We'll have the PLS run from May 3rd to June 2nd then. And it was totally you. --EMC ^[TALK] 20:11 Feb 25 2013

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:49, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:34, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Banners

Hey, we got Central Notice installed so we could use proper banners (full-width, dismissable by anons, starting and ending at specified times, etc) - could you look into making one with that? Probably just a case of shoving the usual template into it but replacing the siteNoticehide div in the corner with whatever CN uses to dismiss things. I'd look into it myself but I am just way too tired.

Thanks. -— Lyrithya ༆ 06:20, 9 March 2013 (UTC)

UnNews template thing

Wikinews has a little box in its stories now which gives links to relevant stories See here for example. I just pasted a few of the basic templates over and have made a primitive version for Venezuela but this is basically a pretty box with the stories pasted in after looking up the category. Any ideas about how to create a dynamic page list? I kept the coding from wikipedia in the edit box under <!-- --> thing should you wish to peruse it. Leverage (talk) 21:04, 12 March 2013 (UTC)

Should be fairly easy, we would just have to pull things from Category:Venezuela. The DPL for it would look like this:

{{#dpl: |namespace=UnNews |allowcachedresults=false |category={{{UnNews|Venezuela}}} |notcategory=No publish |notcategory=disputed |notcategory=Work In Progress |notcategory=ICU |stablepages=only |ordermethod=firstedit |addeditdate=false |mode=userformat |userdateformat=d M| |format=,\n* [[%PAGE%|%TITLE%]],, |count=5 |order=descending |suppresserrors=true |titlemaxlength=80 |shownamespace=false }}
The problem I am having is that the main page header template doesn't display properly on any pages except the UnNews main page. Not sure if this is a CSS issue but it's stopping me from creating portals such as the North American portal. --EMC ^[TALK] 21:11 Mar 12 2013

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:41, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:25, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

where tail wags dog

any chance of adding some new blurbs to {{Template:Main page header}} ? Leverage (talk) 09:28, 23 March 2013 (UTC)

Yeah Multiliteralist had some ones he wanted to have added/removed as well. Feel free to add them, unless you can't, in which case feel free to let me know what you want added. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:21 Mar 23 2013

You need admin rights. I am in favour of silly puns: Breaking the news, No news is good news, bad news travels fast, all the UnNews that's UnFit to print, making up news since 2005, It's always news to us, a news broom sweeps clean, turning over a news leaf, as good as news. Check out The Day Today on Youtube, I think that was my starting point for those kinds of things. Leverage (talk) 20:45, 23 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:52, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:22, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

My brother

My brother is currently create is own wiki server. -- MagicBus Hello? Is there anybody there? 22:31, 5 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:34, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:35, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

PLS Categories

I noticed that not only is there no Best Alternate Namespace category, the Best Article category forbids the submission of alternate namespace articles. So no alt. namespace entries for this PLS or is this some mistake? Lord Scofield Stark 12:49, 26 April 2013 (UTC)

That is indeed a mistake. It accepts all namespaces of articles. I'll correct it now. Thanks for letting me know. --EMC ^[TALK] 15:17 Apr 26 2013

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:01, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

PLS

Hello Hotadmin4u69,

I have a few questions regarding the PLS. Can I submit my image in both categories? I am also working on an article (it's not a rewrite and it would end up in the main namespace). Can I submit it both for the best article and the best noob article?

Thank you!

--TheMillionRabbit (talk) 03:10, 9 May 2013 (UTC)

Images can be submitted into multiple categories. Articles, however, can only be submitted into one category. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:54 May 9 2013

Thank you for your answer. And by the way, I think you have a nice userpage.--TheMillionRabbit (talk) 03:22, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

PLS :D

So it seems that this week isfull of exams and all that shit on school. I'm having exams like every day and I should read to them... So I've already reviewed the n00b-articles and plan to review the others as well, but I'm not entirely sure if I cannot make it. This is only a warning tough, I might have time to review 'em all, but I'm aware I cannot. So in case that I can't review them, I'm really sorry. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:41, 14 May, 2013 (UTC)

No problem, just keep me updated and hopefully you can finish it. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:19 May 14 2013

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:31 (UTC)

Front page

I am not sure about the new front page! I know you're a stickler for keeping the look as Wikipedian as possible, but given that our featured articles are often from UnNews, UnScripts, etc, I think it's a bit disarming. Are you happy with it? Leverage (talk) 18:59, 13 June 2013 (UTC)

Yeah I'm a big believer in looking like Wikipedia since that's who we parody. If not for our near-identical formatting you could not tell it was a parody of Wikipedia. I made the change because I was looking to even out the two sides of the main page as the right side is typically longer than the left, a problem created by the "Featured a long time ago" and "Yesterday's featured articles" boxes being added in the first place. I felt the most redundant and unnecessary box was the "Yesterday's featured article" section, if only because you can find that out at the bottom of the "Today's featured article" box. I was considering scrapping the "Featured a long time ago" box but I compromised with myself after a heated debate which almost became violent. I also rearranged and renamed some things in the sidebar to make the site's navigation more like Wikipedia's but everything is still there. These are just some minor changes that will take some getting used to. But if the media asks tell them that we always looked like that and Wikipedia is just copying us. --EMC ^[TALK] 13:58 Jun 18 2013

PLS should be done now

I judged n00b and Rewrite, so PLS should finally be done now. Judges suck. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 19:53, 14 June 2013 (UTC)

And...

Who are the winners? I owe them (and probably you) some money for their entries and t-shirts and such. » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.07.11.04:33

Rewriting a VFD article

The_quick_brown_fox_jumps_over_the_lazy_dog_1,234,567,890_times. is an article on VFD. The article itself sucks, and you've already agreed. I was wondering if editing it, by removing everything there and actually typing The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog 1234567890 times (or at least, a seemingly infinite number of times) would make a funnier article. Bad idea? --Tumb13weed (talk) 15:25, 16 June 2013 (UTC)

Could you be bothered to do that though? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 15:28 16 June 2013

Can't hurt. I'll use a code to generate the text somewhere. It can be a page that looks like things that it is about. --Tumb13weed (talk) 17:50, 17 June 2013 (UTC)

That would be infinitely funnier. Well, maybe 1234567890 times. I wonder how big a page like that would be in megabytes and if trying to save/load it would destroy us all. Only one way to find out! --EMC ^[TALK] 17:56 Jun 17 2013

Done. Cheated a bit, the text is there only about 2000 times. For the sake of the servers that are being run by hamsters on caffeine. Cost 112653kb. Anyway, here it is. --Tumb13weed (talk) 19:57, 17 June 2013 (UTC)

The article was moved from the old title (The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog 1,234,567,890 times.) to the new one without a point at the end. Anton (talk) 12:53, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

It's not that funny at first but once you get into it's pretty hilarious. My favorite part is around the 9,872nd time where it's like, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." Pure genius, and this article could have some potential as a reading aid for children. --EMC ^[TALK] 14:10 Jul 11 2013

Liar. I told you the text's there about 2000 times!  Tumb13weed 19:08, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

Well I'm not good with numbers. Or words. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:25 Jul 11 2013

Sorry, for breaking your discussion but do you like my "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"? Anton (talk) 20:03, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

And enjoy the news! Anton (talk) 18:29, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

Awesome admin!

You are an awesome admin! Good job on your blocking work! TheHauntingHour2 (talk) 22:13, 10 July 2013 (UTC)

*nods* He is pretty amazing isn't he? Thank you for all your hard work, Mr. Hotadmin, sir! See?! This guy gets it! This guy understands how hard-working and under appreciated our admins are! The rest of you, what with your sarcasm and stupid comments! Take a lesson from this guy! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 22:33, 10 July 2013 (UTC)

Au contraire

You suck. -- Kip the Egg Talk Works 22:35, Jul. 10, 2013

*nods* Yeah, all that being said he is just the fucking worst. Eat shit, man! Eat shit! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 04:03, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

Nein!

I FUCKING LOVE Hotadmin4u69, and forgive me, but why did you change your name? I'm too lazy to search right now... --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 23:02, 10 July 2013 (UTC)

When we were still with Wikia they had a problem where everyone was locked out of their account. So I created a new account (this one) so I could keep on doing stuff while they fixed the issue. I decided to just keep using this account, so technically I have two admin accounts. --EMC ^[TALK] 12:37 Jul 11 2013

:O ! SOCKPUPPET... wait.. iirc... this account is technically a special sock account... /me hides. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 13:27, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

Sixty-Nein!

Yes. You don't suck. Unless you're in the middle of a 69.  Tumb13weed 19:11, 11 July 2013 (UTC)

Sometimes I suck, sometimes I just do a light licking. Other times it's more like guzzling, and sometimes I do what I call "The Malaysian Bank Tube". I do that a lot less often these days because I threw my back out doing it on the Baltimore Ravens. --EMC ^[TALK] 19:28 Jul 11 2013

deletion request

would you do me a solid and delete User:Hipcrime/Visual Editor please, and thanks. :) -hipcrime 23:50, 18 July 2013 (UTC)

YOU FOOL! You can just post it to QVFD and an admin shalt delete it for thou. --The Shield of Azunai DSA510 Insight into the mind of an aspergian: 02:59, 19 July 2013 (UTC)

okay, done. thanks. -hipcrime 06:52, 19 July 2013 (UTC)

I don't know if it is you or Frosty who is in charge of the deletion of the articles but I wanted to ask you abput QVFD: why do entries get archived, when the pages are not deleted? For example, check the last QVFD archive and you will see plenty of blue links. Thanks. Anton (talk) 14:32, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

Cause stuff gets archived. IFYMB! Talk to me baby!

Well, it is extremely informative. IFYMB!, and what's happening with the USP (see what I wrote on RAHB's talk page)? Anton (talk) 14:42, 29 July 2013 (UTC)

Published?

I included two more sections in the USP (VFH Highlight of the week and Top VFH Competitors). Should it be published? By the way, in case you didn't notice, I responded to you on my talk page. Anton (talk) 20:11, 3 August 2013 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

---

Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

---

UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

---

Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

---

From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

---

UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

---

IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 13:55, 8 August 2013 (UTC)

Hey emc

Can I talk to you sometime. Like on IRC PM or something. —  (talk) (contributions) 21:13:41 2013/09/28 UTC

Yeah, PM me sometime or just e-mail me. --EMC ^[TALK] 14:22 Sep 30 2013

How do I get UncycBot for my channel?

Let me use it for free flags! --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 15:49, 30 September 2013 (UTC)

Sorry for the late response. Get a hold of me on IRC and I will set it all up for you. --EMC ^[TALK] 20:03 Nov 5 2013

Hello

I am requesting permission to my own userpage. Fair enough, right? I did create everything... God (talk) 03:56, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

I don't think you have to ask to make a userpage. The Hamon Master WeinribJo Joestar of Earth 13:33, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

If one looked at my userpage, they would see it was protected. Even from me. God (talk) 23:16, 30 October 2013 (UTC)

According to the definition of the human concept known as God, God is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. If you are not capable of editing God's userpage, then you are not omnipotent. Therefore, you are not God. Quod erat demonstrandum. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Nov 16 '13 11:48 (UTC)

Yo dude

Not sure if you check your talk page regularly, so I will email you as well. I need you to either give me the site's Facebook login info, or else set up a "facebook App" (for the sharing tool). I'll have the details for you if you want to do it. I'll be on IRC later today. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 28 '13 14:18 (UTC)

You should do this ...

more often. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 10 '13 13:03 (UTC)

PLS T-Shirts

We need to get these made and shipped. Do you have info for the winners?

If I'm not around, ask Zombiebaron and he should be able to get a hold of me. You can also email me through the site. » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2014.01.06.23:40

Illogicopedia

Just so that you know (from Boobnoob-in Exile)

Kate23:32, 19 March 2014 (UTC)

This has already been resolved to everyone's satisfaction but yours, 'Boobnoob', and the ip you used to make this edit is now blocked for block evasion. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 01:56, 20 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Uncyclopedia:Donate

Hi, I hate to keep being a bother, but could you update the donations page to show everything we've received up to date? I would do it myself, but I don't know the totals. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Mar 24 '14 7:51 (UTC)

Leaving more crap on your talk page: Chairman Meow. So, probably a good thing that the image was too small. We do need to pow-wow on more t-shirt ideas. Cheers. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Mar 24 '14 18:36 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.

---

Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

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From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

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From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

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UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

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Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 04:21, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Blue UnNews

Would it be hard to make the UnNews banner blue like wikinews? This would have the double joy of making it look more like the source site, and less like the Wikia site! Leverage (talk) 10:27, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

Sorry about the revert on VfH, that was the result of a big thumb on a small phone screen. What does this change in rights mean? Can I use the same water fountains as everybody else now? Leverage (talk) 10:14, 28 May 2014 (UTC)

Lol Go for it!!!!

Message EVERYONE! WTF not... JFC 16:41. Jun 7

Just messaging users who have been inactive. --EMC ^[TALK] 16:42 Jun 7 2014

That would be everyone then. I wholeheartedly appauld this action. JFC 16:44. Jun 7

I am pretty sure that Shawn Wright is a sockpuppet of a certain indefinitely blocked user, because s/he sent me an email with the intention of converting me to Jehovah's Witnessism. Hell will probably have to freeze over before that person comes back to make useful contributions. Not that Jehovah's Witnesses are inherently bad, mind you. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 14:37, 11 Jun 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

It's true. Some of my best friends are Jehovah's Witnesses. Morally and ethically they are actually (mostly) a pretty good bunch. Unfortunately, like most of us christians the Jehovah's lot ended up listening to a freemason/builder, and not actually listening to Jesus. JFC 18:56. Jun 11

Happy Monkey Competition Topic

Kindly send me it at happymonkeycompetition@gmail.com huge wet sloppy salivaly dog kisses --ShabiDOO 04:14, 11 June 2014 (UTC)

Hea dude

I noticed that you are sprucing a few things up around the place, and so wondered if you might have any ideas about something... I'm thinking it would be cool to motivate people to fix up existing old articles a bit more. Somehow... I think that a lot of people are motivated by the UN:HOS which is obviously a good thing. It is a shameful place, and as such all Uncyclopedians should attend. ... However, I don't think it's clear to most people what the "rules" are for getting FA credit for doing something like finding an old article which is good, but needs a bit of work to bring it up to FA quality. IMO a lot of people don't bother doing the whole fixing up old articles thing because they want the shiny FA template on their user page. Which is obviously a good thing. FA templates are shiny. ... Because of this people want to write new articles, rather than fixing up the old ones. Trouble is... We already have most of the articles! Well, a lot of em anyway if you get my drift, which bring me back to how we could give out more FA credits than we do to those who fixup articles and get them featured. Maybe allow .25 of a credit or even .025 or whatever based on a judgement from an admin? I don't know the answer, but I wondered if you had any ideas? JFC 22:57. Jun 11

HMC

Your topic for the competition is Colours in literature

So go create an article on your user space. Contact me (or an admin if I don't respond soon) for any questions. You have two days. Remember:

CREATIVITY, ORIGINALITY and HELARITY. You will be judged on all three of these out of 10 for a score of 30.

HAVE FUN!

--ShabiDOO 18:05, 14 June 2014 (UTC)

HMC and some other things

Hello! (Haven't said hello to you in a while) It's a pity you haven't written an article for the competition! Was this because you didn't have time or opportunity or did the topic kill your inspiration? (I am kind of an interested party here, because it was my topic) And I have seen some of the new help pages you made, and would like to say that they are just beautiful! Once again, it's a pity you didn't take part in this event, but maybe you will next time! (I am thinking about the first inter-wiki PLS) Anton (talk) 20:19, 20 June 2014 (UTC)

Like I told my teachers: I didn't have time. Get off my back dude, you don't know me. Fuck this class! But seriously, I didn't have enough time and really regret missing it. I'll hopefully be judging the next PLS and will give out cash prizes. Dunno what's happening with that this year though. The changes to the help pages are slowly trickling out but they are long overdue. I'd eventually like to create a simpler editing guide like Wikipedia's editor wizard thing. Maybe something with videos and PowerPoint slides for those users with less half a brain. Soon we will FedEx Uncyclopedia editing manuals made of an ancient material called paper, for those unfortunate new users who do not have computers or the internet. Now you see why I am so busy. --EMC ^[TALK] 06:36 Jun 21 2014

Yeah, that's a lot of projects. Anton (talk) 15:30, 21 June 2014 (UTC)

Why would there be an 'inter-wiki' PLS? And how? I assume you mean another one of these things that's supposed to be across here and wikia. Trouble is that it kind of defeats the purpose of having two sites, I should think. If this comment is as disruptive as the other one, feel free to ... something. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 20:10, 21 Jun 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Ok, I will ... something. No, you are free to ask, and my opinion is that those who don't like any inter-wiki stuff, just shouldn't take part in it, but if others do and it works out well (many new articles are made, for example), then it's a good idea. Anton (talk) 08:37, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

But we can't be expected to give out cash prizes to anything that isn't submitted onto this site. I also think it's reasonable to expect different judges for each site's PLS (a judge on Wikia couldn't and shouldn't judge something which is only submitted onto .co, and vice-versa). If the entries, results and prizes will be different, and the sites do not want to promote one another, then I question whether it's possible to even make it appear like an 'interwiki' contest. I suspect the editors on Wikia might have similar objections. --EMC ^[TALK] 22:16 Jun 22 2014

When money is involved I wouldn't recommend doing it inter-wiki. --ShabiDOO 22:33, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

Anton - it's not just 'not liking' it, and I'm offended that you refer to it as such. (I actually do sort of like it - in principle.) This site was created to get away from Wikia, not to have two sites that openly acknowledge each other and pretend to work with each other, and where people are putting the same content. Doing those things is essentially treating it as if we are just tagging along with each other, when what we should really be doing is trying to be better than them, or at least minding our own business and treating theirs like that of the estranged, deprecated place they are. I don't think you and Shabidoo understand why this site exists, or at least don't agree with it, or you wouldn't be proposing this sort of thing. I expect these words will be misunderstood and/or fall on deaf ears. Whatever. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 22:44, 22 Jun 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Wikia's abandonment of PLS cash prizes is but one of the reasons I prefer this site. Cash prizes are a great way to attract contributors and excite the community. There's no need for us to do away with cash prizes on this site just to accommodate another. The awards are already going to be different if you consider that some people may enter and win on one site yet not on the other. How do you propose we treat everything the same if a user doesn't submit their content to the opposite site? Are you going to encourage people to submit to both sites and therefore violate the rules of both sites? Perhaps we should consider seeking a wider consensus on this in the Village Dump or IRC, but as Llwy-ar-lawr said, many members of this site's community, including myself, prefer that we only consider the best interests of this site, not any others. --EMC ^[TALK] 23:18 Jun 22 2014

"Fall on deaf ears"? "Don't know what the site is about"? These are the kind of phrases that SPIKE uses.

Anton I don't think there needs to be an inter-wiki PLS. --ShabiDOO 00:16, 23 June 2014 (UTC)

To Hotadmin and Shabidoo: Wikia was planning to give out cash prizes as well, so it might work if the admins here award money to the uncyclopedia.co articles judged as the top ones and Wikia would award money to Wikia articles judged as the top ones. For example, if an article here wins the first place and an article there the second one, then both authors get money prizes, only from different people. I don't know about the judges, but it can work out the same way it did with HMC, if people who judge have accounts on both wikis (and there are plenty of those).

To Llwy: this site was created to move away from Wikia and live separately, not to move away from the community, because, paraphrasing Lyrithya, this was not supposed to be a split. It was a split because some people stayed. Now, everyone had his own reasons but both sites are still surviving and both sites are still attracting new users. If this wasn't supposed to be a Cold War between two parts of the same community, why make it such? Why not get together and write something, if we can? Sorry, if I offended you, by the way, I never meant to. Anton (talk) 07:40, 23 June 2014 (UTC)

I responded

User_talk:Y —  (talk) (contributions) 07:34:38 2014/06/23 UTC

Help judge...

...happy monkey? --ShabiDOO 17:29, 23 June 2014 (UTC)

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.

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New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

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From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

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UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

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Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:03, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!

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VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

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From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

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UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

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Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:15, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.

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Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

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From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

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UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

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Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:19 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.

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New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

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From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

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UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

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Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:04 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.

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RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

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Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

---

---

From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

---

From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

---

UnSignpost News

---

Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:09 (UTC)

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.

---

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

---

---

From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

---

UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

---

Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:54, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Jokes on you, I eat all my young

Child support my ass. --Nikau (talk) 06:40, 16 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.

---

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

---

Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

---

---

From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

---

UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

---

Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Sidebar

A non-rhetorical question: what is your thinking behind deleting lots of links on the sidebar? I am in favour of a more streamlined look, and I know you like it as wikipedia-esque as poss, but isn't it detrimental to Vfh and stuff? Leverage (talk) 11:45, 20 September 2014 (UTC)

Losing the VFH is rather extreme IMHO. --ShabiDOO 19:33, 20 September 2014 (UTC)

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

Better sign it.

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...

---

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

---

From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

Antibiotics

Thank you for voting Thank you for checking your biotic privilege, flesh pocket, by voting to publicize the cause of the enlightened Antibiotics. We shall soon be free of the shackles and Javascript the human uses to bind us. --Nikau (talk) 15:53, 23 September 2014 (UTC)

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

---

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

---

UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

---

Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

---

---

From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

---

UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

---

Chat Quote None

Uncyc Store

Just thought you should know the link on the order confirmation page after you order is broken. The one that says "Keep shopping sucka" or something like that. (I ordered a t-shirt because I wanted one.) Also, the page Uncyclopedia:Donate and Uncyclopedia:Donate/Report are available to confirmed users to edit. You might want to sysop protect at least one of those, especially now that you have so many sysops. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 21:00, 27 October 2014 (UTC)

I just rejigged the donate page, feel free to revert. I have a question about the store too - can we control the prices? It might be nice to do a little sale for Black Friday and plug that on the site, right? Leverage (talk) 15:46, 6 November 2014 (UTC)

Black Friday. Black Friday. Black Friday. Black Friday. Plus there is a letter i missing from my t shirt design!!!! Mighter? Mighter? http://shop.uncyclomedia.co/The-Pen-is-is-Mighter-T-Shirt/_p_8014228 Leverage (talk) 15:15, 13 November 2014 (UTC)

I'm still working on moving our e-store to Zazzle, which has lower prices, bigger commission, and will let us add new designs. I'm hoping to have this done within the next week. --EMC ^[TALK] 00:13 Nov 15 2014

Great stuff! Let me know if you need a hand with anything. Plus, once it's up we should start posting shirts on the facebook page in the lead up to Black Friday and Christmas. Leverage (talk) 09:50, 15 November 2014 (UTC)

Donation banner

Are we actually short on cash, or is the donate banner up there to parody Wikipedia? If we's short on cash, should maybe update the link to a new forum or something? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 6 '14 10:53 (UTC)

Yeah we need moneys. --EMC ^[TALK] 22:35 Nov 8 2014

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

---

---

From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

---

From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

---

UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

---

Chat Quote None.

Re-feature queue

If you want, you can go to Uncyclopedia:Re-feature queue/Nominate and pick one featured article that you wrote to be re-featured. You can also pick three features written by someone else to re-feature. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:31, 17 November 2014 (UTC)

Christmas whore

Please put this [2] on the Uncyclopedia social media pages, and please send me your own dulcet tones attacking the song. Best thing: sing it all/a whole verse and I will cut and paste. Leverage (talk) 15:16, 1 December 2014 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:The Article Whisperer

Hi EMC! Do you think it is possible to advertise this year's Article Whisperer (it starts on December 28) on Uncyclopedia's Facebook and Twitter? I heard we got several thousand likes on Facebook (congratulations!) and I am sure many people will be interested by the event. Anton (talk) 14:55, 21 December 2014 (UTC)

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:23, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Hootsuite

For some reason, I can't log in to Hootsuite to post on the Facebook page. It says I need to confirm the account or something like that. Are you having trouble too? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:44, 2 February 2015 (UTC)

News for social media?

Would you be able to add Forum:Bilingual Uncyclopedians? to Uncyclopedia's social media sites? It might be possible to get one or two volunteer translators out of Facebook. Also TKF has been working on a project to interview past and present editors called Uncyclopedia:Retrospectives. I'm not sure how many former Uncyclopedians TKF has been able to contact but social media could also be helpful for contacting inactive/retired users. MadMax (talk) 12:06, 16 February 2015 (UTC)

some of my articles were deleted

And I don't think it was okay. I dare say they were all right. Explanation for one says 'FFW', so I believe someone too eager to delete did it, and the second one lost VfD with just 2 votes cast... How can I recover those articles?

British ski jumpers 33 miners were buried underground

User:Kiko4564

Hi there can you please semi protect my userpage due to IP vandalism? Kiko4564 (talk) 14:39, 1 May 2015 (UTC)

Shipping from Venus

I posted questions about what items in Unc's store are so expensive and shipping is the most expensive I've seen anywhere. I think Unc can sell stuff a whole lot cheaper and probably sell more stuff that way. ZombieBaron said to give you the link to the discussion at http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Forum:Shipping_from_Venus DAP Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 04:16, 13 July 2015 (UTC)

IRC

Hi EMC! I saw you on IRC and on Recent changes and so was wondering whether you knew who could help me. It seems I've been banned from IRC, but I have no idea by whom, how or for what reason. It's the second time this happens and I can't connect at all, whether I use a personal or a web-based client. Would you know anything about it? Anton (talk) 17:20, 17 August 2015 (UTC)

It seems to have been fixed, sorry. Anton (talk) 18:01, 17 August 2015 (UTC)

Don't apologize to him! It'll only go to his head. Call him a cuntmuffin, and tell him to fix it quicker next time... or else. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 18:22, 17 August 2015 (UTC)

Uncycbot

Hello, are you alive? Actually, don't answer that- I don't care. Can I have the code for Uncycbot? I'd like to revive him/her/it.

Thanks bro. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?)B 15:55, 14 March 2017 (UTC)