User talk:Banzaikitten
Welcome![edit source]
Hello, Banzaikitten, and thanks for joining Uncyclopedia! Before editing further, please take a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, check out the following pages:
- About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
- Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue
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Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (
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If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the community forum or in the chatroom, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian!
-- Kip the Egg 
Talk Works 14:26, Feb. 20, 2014
UnNews[edit source]
Welcome to UnNews! May you have many years of pleasure writing silly nonsense! Leverage (talk) 09:24, 22 February 2014 (UTC)
- Thanks! :) Banzaikitten (talk) 20:23, 24 February 2014 (UTC)
The message I left at your other talk page got deleted, so[edit source]
I just wanted to say bye. And hi, as you said you would stick to this site! Anyway, good luck with your experience here and even though there are many users who are more active than me here, I will still be glad to help you if you need something! Anton (talk) 09:27, 27 February 2014 (UTC)
- Goodbye and hello! Banzaikitten (talk) 14:24, 27 February 2014 (UTC)
|
UnSignpost Home Delivery[1] The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!
|
OHHAHHAHAHAOAHOA[edit source]
HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI - 
18:42, 8 May 2014 (UTC)
- Hi - B@NZai k!tten
(Meow?) 20:25, 8 May 2014 (UTC)
- sup -
05:30, 9 May 2014 (UTC)
- Nm, u? - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 12:53, 9 May 2014 (UTC)
- just chilling and looking up ways to acquire video games - 152.26.228.44 13:45, 9 May 2014 (UTC)
- I hear pirate bay is alright - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 13:02, 12 May 2014 (UTC)
- My internet provider is not too happy with my previous use of tpb. 17:47, 12 May 2014 (UTC)
- Yeah that's bad I hear they have the power to write you a stern letter - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 19:12, 12 May 2014 (UTC)
- Yeah that's bad I hear they have the power to write you a stern letter - B@NZai k!tten
- My internet provider is not too happy with my previous use of tpb.
- I hear pirate bay is alright - B@NZai k!tten
- just chilling and looking up ways to acquire video games - 152.26.228.44 13:45, 9 May 2014 (UTC)
- Nm, u? - B@NZai k!tten
- sup -
Hi[edit source]
Just thought I just drop in to say hello. So, Hi. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 10:30, 2 June 2014 (UTC)
- I can see a trend of pointless conversations is forming on my talkpage. Pointless, however, does not imply that the conversations aren't utterly enjoyable. Hi, how are you? - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 10:36, 2 June 2014 (UTC)
Hea dude[edit source]
UnNews:Bad drivers to display warning flags Is where it's at. I made some more changes, if you don't think any of them are improvements go right ahead and remove them. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm trying to make this article more of a general thing about idiots driving and attaching things to their cars rather than just about football fans. I think it's got a much wider appeal like that. As for moving articles. You just use the "move" tab at the top. I did it for you this time. It's no biggie. If you make a mistake, and want a page that you created deleted you simply list it on QVFD and an admin will delete it when they get around to it... Don't worry about making mistakes. You (probably) will not get banned if your intentions are good. ;) If you do end up getting banned, I recommend going into IRC.
As you can probably see when I renamed your page I created a "redirect" page in the place I moved it from. So any links which had been pointing to this article will still end up getting redirected to the new name. I like your "Shit I've Done" section a lot. :) JFC 12:47. Jun 10
- Cool thanks Man. Edit away- there's a bountiful rainbow of idiocy reaching far beyond football.
- I'm not worried about getting banned I'd just rather not be too irritating if I can help it. I spend a lot of time on IRC shmoozing admins creating foundations for my eventual takeover. That's right, I'm basically Varys from Game of Thrones except I have balls. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 13:09, 10 June 2014 (UTC)
- Balls eh? We have a lot of penis at Uncyc, but I always welcome new balls. In that case I will change my advice. DON'T be worried about being 'too irritating'. "irritating" is good. It means someone is probably trying to do something creative. If that's a hassle for others, that's their problem. UN:I is a page we have about that which is based on the wikipedia page of similar. ... You are clearly doing good stuff here, so don't feel inhibited in what you want to do. When you fuck up, it's no problem. It's a wiki, someone just pushes undo. As for Bad drivers to display warning flags, I'm out of juice on that one right now, maybe you or someone else might get a final burst of energy to finish it off. I think it's almost an FA article now, but just needs that final smoothing over, as I changed the style a bit in places, and maybe it needs a new concept or two. It might pass VFH if nominated now, but it would be a dicey nomination IMO. JFC 13:37. Jun 10
It's back! - The UnSignpost[edit source]
Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.
Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.New admin time
By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.
Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.
Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!
Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.
Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...
~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 
08:47, 25 July 2014 (UTC)
Hey![edit source]
Do you like kittens?! Chaoarren Chaohead (talk) 15:43, 27 July 2014 (UTC)
- Do you like lol? - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 08:15, 28 July 2014 (UTC)
Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost[edit source]
Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.
It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.
If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!VFH smells
By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.[citation needed]
You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.
Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.
If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.
Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers
~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:34, 1 August 2014 (UTC)
Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."
No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".
Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.Forum dramaz
By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.
But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.
Biopic
This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.
He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".
Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) 
~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:18 (UTC)
Admin?[edit source]
lol Chaoarren Chaohead (talk) 09:48, 15 August 2014 (UTC)
More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.
I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.
However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.
So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...
I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,
Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.New admins for you!
By Sir Peasewhizz
Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip
Leverage
Supergeeky1
Banzaikitten
Mr-ex777
Colin "All your base" Heaney
Lost Labyrinth
Cat the Colourful
They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.
Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...
They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.
Chat Quote
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:15 (UTC)
We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular![edit source]
By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.
RAHBs Sexuality
By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.
Shame on you By the curate
As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.
| “ | Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! | ” |
These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.
Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!
Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News
Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:14 (UTC)
Ultimaaatte Unsiiiggnnpost!!![edit source]
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Gimme back my IRC nickname! Chaoarren Chaohead (talk) 18:26, 25 August 2014 (UTC)
Hey![edit source]
Thanks for voting to feature Jared Leto on the main page!
~Formerly Annoying Crap 06:07, 26 August 2014
OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE![edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.
Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.
Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.
For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.
Okay? Okay.
Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.
By Sir Peasewhizz
We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.
When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.
| “ | no | ” |
Thank you! Give it up for auror!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)
Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.
[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:39, 7 September 2014 (UTC)
Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion[edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.
It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.
Piss on my review quests.
Olipro is gay.Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.
By Sir PeasewhizzWe were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.
Uncyclopedia App
By Anton199
There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.
The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).
The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.
His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."
So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"
There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.
Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)
[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO
[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE
Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming![edit source]
Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?
Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)
By Sir PeasewhizzWe were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!
When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!
Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.
Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.
[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy
The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)[edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?
So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?
Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.
Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships
<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e
Talk about dogs...[edit source]
Wanna participate? :) --ShabiDOO 00:26, 2 October 2014 (UTC)
- I'm not sure that kittens get on well with dogs. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 13:12, 2 October 2014 (UTC)
Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?[edit source]
As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.
Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.
Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?
dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time![edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP
Anyone
Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.
Chat Quote None
RE: Badwood[edit source]
I have eyes everywhere, Mr. Kitten. Goodwood (talk) 08:44, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
- Hm, maybe you should have a doctor look at that, Mr. Wood. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 09:25, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
Kitten[edit source]
Glad you liked Cherry and 
Kittens now you've just got to read/vote for Richard Nixon and the kittens will be really happy ;) --Nikau (talk) 16:09, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens Kittens As long as it makes the kittens happy. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 16:50, 20 October 2014 (UTC)
- I have no shame and continue to whore my Kittens out to the world; now here's Samsung to please the kittens. Slowly but surely we will take over the site on a glorious chariot of
- I have no shame and continue to whore my
| Kittens |
 |
| Cats |
| Kittens |
| Kitten Practice |
| Famous Kittens |
| Other Kitten Stuff |
. --Nikau (talk) 05:47, 22 October 2014 (UTC)
- I hear there is good money in whoring out kittens - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 17:44, 22 October 2014 (UTC)
- I hear there is good money in whoring out kittens - B@NZai k!tten
Solar flares[edit source]
You helped to get solar flares featured. As a reward, here's a dope picture of a solar flare. You can totally make it your desktop background or something.
Thanks for your vote! --
01:08, 23 October 2014 (UTC)
- I'm not sure that picture is 1920x1080 - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 13:55, 23 October 2014 (UTC)
The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)[edit source]
By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.
That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!
And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.
All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.
How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.
Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!
Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.
If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.
And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.
Anyone
Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.
Chat Quote None.
Listen to me[edit source]
look, I know you think my articles are undeveloped, but I find them to be quite fine. Plus, I'm a noob and you sure as hell know that. Lastly, I can't add pictures and links and shit because I'm on a school network. That's right, I do my writing in school. I signed up for the adopt a noob program but I haven't heard anything back, so maybe you can help and stop criticizing me because that's not going to do anything better.
- Hi, I've answered on the talkpage of the adopter you asked, and given you alternative advice on your talkpace and the talkpage of Acmed2. I think your articles show a lot of potential, I am not criticising your work, but when you are working on an article you either do it in your userspace or you put a construction tag on it, which you have been asked to do several times, yet you keep putting very short articles in the mainspace. They shouldn't go into the mainspace until they are finished.
- I'm sorry if my threats to ban you have upset you, but you didn't seem to be listening to us, and banning people is the only tool of discipline we have really. Don't take it the wrong way.
- I would love to help, if you have pictures you want to put in your articles I can do it for you. If you come onto the IRC chatroom you will find people willing to help I'm sure. Or you can just ask on my talkpage and I can help. The adopt-a-noob program is kind of dead nowadays, my welcome message is a bit redundant, for which I apologise. I will be away from tomorrow for a few days so will not be able to assist. So please just stick a construction tag on very short articles or do it in your userspace and when its ready ask an admin to move it. Please note: I too was very recently a confused and angry noob like yourself, all of these rules and stuff do get confusing I know and it doesn't help when some prick admin comes threatening to ban you. Just try your best to heed our advice and it'll be all gravy, baby. X - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 18:51, 4 December 2014 (UTC)
BTW, dude you've gotta start signing your comments. (More rules!) - B@NZai k!tten 
(Meow?) 18:52, 4 December 2014 (UTC)
Vote, Vote, Vote[edit source]
It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- 02:23, 30 January 2015 (UTC)
Thanks for voting for Nothing's syndrome![edit source]
Spread the word! ~EveryOtherUsernameWasTaken(dtf?) 17:40, 25 February 2015 (UTC)
How long...[edit source]
Did RAHB ban me and my IP address for? Not that I'm complaining or anything, I'm just wondering. User:Matthlock/sig2 18:02, 26 February 2015 (UTC)
- Only RAHB knows for sure. I can only hazard a guess... Seven million years? Eight million? It's definitely a multiple of 1 million. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 09:31, 27 February 2015 (UTC)
User:Matthlock/sig2 02:40, 28 February 2015 (UTC)
Lystrosaurus[edit source]
Does it have enough content so that I can remove the construction tag?--62.228.172.186 (talk) 17:11, 2 April 2015 (UTC)
- I'm sure you could write at least a bit more. And put some pics in maybe, that might just do it. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 19:59, 2 April 2015 (UTC)
- i added more stuff,and i also have a good image for it[2]Sockpuppet of regisaurusjacobi (talk) 07:22, 3 April 2015 (UTC)
- That image is indeed good. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 00:51, 5 April 2015 (UTC)
- That image is indeed good. - B@NZai k!tten
- i added more stuff,and i also have a good image for it[2]Sockpuppet of regisaurusjacobi (talk) 07:22, 3 April 2015 (UTC)
Ti di mi di mi di mi di loeh c'hi ai nn'i pref'ien Online Calculator Large[edit source]
This article is spam. I can't blank it thuh. Meh artikel yah spam hay! Bcbkye (talk) 05:10, 3 April 2015 (UTC)
- Looks like Xamralco has beaten me too it but thanks for letting me know. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 00:51, 5 April 2015 (UTC)
Re:Welcome![edit source]
| Active Users on Uncyclopedia | |
 | |
Rob Ford (talk) 20:40, 23 April 2015 (UTC)
Hii[edit source]
Interested in helping for UBS? 
XY007 • talk • contributions 08:20, 24 June 2015 (UTC)
- I don't really get it I'm afraid but don't let that stop you. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 15:52, 24 June 2015 (UTC)
HMC2015[edit source]
No [Monkey] this year? ShabiDOO 16:39, 31 July 2015 (UTC)
- I don't think I've ever taken part in any form of uncyclopedia competition in any way. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 16:44, 31 July 2015 (UTC)
- 2015 couldn't be a better year to start. ShabiDOO 17:36, 31 July 2015 (UTC)
- I'm planning for a triumphant victory Happy Monkey 2019. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 08:09, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- Happy monkey actually has cancerAIDS, and he won't live that long. We'll have to call it the MemorialHappyMonkeyCompetition then. But yes...you are certainly welcome to the MemorialHappyMonkeyCompetition2019!!!!!!!! ShabiDOO 11:12, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- :( - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 12:17, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- :( - B@NZai k!tten
- Happy monkey actually has cancerAIDS, and he won't live that long. We'll have to call it the MemorialHappyMonkeyCompetition then. But yes...you are certainly welcome to the MemorialHappyMonkeyCompetition2019!!!!!!!! ShabiDOO 11:12, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- I'm planning for a triumphant victory Happy Monkey 2019. - B@NZai k!tten
- 2015 couldn't be a better year to start. ShabiDOO 17:36, 31 July 2015 (UTC)
UN:AA[edit source]
And I thought you weren't supposed to revert admins! No, but seriously, EMC hasn't had any edits since June 12 and, as the UN:AA page is basically for users who want to ask someone active for help, I think it's not very helpful to them to leave inactive people there.
Also, I've transported the rollback summary gadget here a while ago and it allows you to revert people with an explanation, so you don't have to start a separate conversation, like this one. Anton (talk) 17:33, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- Just add this thing to User:Banzaikitten/common.js.
importScript( "User:Anton199/customRollback.js" );
You are welcome. Anton (talk) 17:36, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- Hell, I am feeling so kind, I even did this for you (seeing you didn't have a common.js page... Up until now). If you don't like the way it looks or something, feel free to revert (no pun intended)! Anton (talk) 17:38, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- I'm fairly sure the reason banzaikitten reverted you was because there really wasn't any particular need in removing Hotadmin4u69 (former EMC) from the list. He is still strongly active and he runs uncyclopedia's facebook/twitter-pages which are updated often and he also runs uncyclopedia's store. While maybe not active in an editorial sense, he pulls all sorts of strings behind the site. Also UN:AA isn't something that really should be touched without other's permission I'm afraid, at least not in the way you did of removing users out of the list. Remember that this still is your second day being an admin anyway. Zzz
18:00, 4 August, 2015 (UTC)
- Thanks for explaining, but I didn't have anything against the revert. Just wanted explantion, which you now helpfully provided. Sorry if I edited something I wasn't supposed to, I think I saw others doing similar things in the past, but I might be wrong. Also, Cat, you don't seem to have that gadget either. Or a common.js page actually. Trust me, it's really helpful stuff. From the moment you acquire it, you won't be able to cope without it. By the way, who said it was just my second day? I have been an admin ever since the day my mother conceived me! Anton (talk) 19:35, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- I rarely use the rollback so thanks for the offer but I can live without it. I can still add caption on the undos and on the rare cases I use rollback it's often straight vandalism which doesn't need any additional explanation imo, thank you anyway Zzz 07:20, 5 August, 2015 (UTC)
- Basically what Cat said. People do mess around with other people's stuff on that page sometimes, but it is usually a joke. There are other admins on that list that as far as I know do less than Hotadmin does but still remain. Most of the time someone would remove themselves or there would be at least be some sort of discussion as to whether to remove someone. Don't be afraid of IRC. I do agree that rollback could do with an explanation thingy. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 08:08, 5 August 2015 (UTC)
- Basically what Cat said. People do mess around with other people's stuff on that page sometimes, but it is usually a joke. There are other admins on that list that as far as I know do less than Hotadmin does but still remain. Most of the time someone would remove themselves or there would be at least be some sort of discussion as to whether to remove someone. Don't be afraid of IRC. I do agree that rollback could do with an explanation thingy. - B@NZai k!tten
- I rarely use the rollback so thanks for the offer but I can live without it. I can still add caption on the undos and on the rare cases I use rollback it's often straight vandalism which doesn't need any additional explanation imo, thank you anyway Zzz
- Thanks for explaining, but I didn't have anything against the revert. Just wanted explantion, which you now helpfully provided. Sorry if I edited something I wasn't supposed to, I think I saw others doing similar things in the past, but I might be wrong. Also, Cat, you don't seem to have that gadget either. Or a common.js page actually. Trust me, it's really helpful stuff. From the moment you acquire it, you won't be able to cope without it. By the way, who said it was just my second day? I have been an admin ever since the day my mother conceived me! Anton (talk) 19:35, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
- I'm fairly sure the reason banzaikitten reverted you was because there really wasn't any particular need in removing Hotadmin4u69 (former EMC) from the list. He is still strongly active and he runs uncyclopedia's facebook/twitter-pages which are updated often and he also runs uncyclopedia's store. While maybe not active in an editorial sense, he pulls all sorts of strings behind the site. Also UN:AA isn't something that really should be touched without other's permission I'm afraid, at least not in the way you did of removing users out of the list. Remember that this still is your second day being an admin anyway. Zzz
- Hell, I am feeling so kind, I even did this for you (seeing you didn't have a common.js page... Up until now). If you don't like the way it looks or something, feel free to revert (no pun intended)! Anton (talk) 17:38, 4 August 2015 (UTC)
pls[edit source]
Block Colin for a while -he is vandalising user pages. 202.142.129.178 (talk) 00:00, 7 August 2015 (UTC)
- Ahem...
- Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 01:38, Friday 07 August 2015 -
- ITS ALL MADNESS: MADNESS I TELL YOU!MAAAADNESS!!!!ShabiDOO 02:33, 7 August 2015 (UTC)
- Ok I banned him for 193 seconds - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 08:04, 7 August 2015 (UTC)
- Ok I banned him for 193 seconds - B@NZai k!tten
- ITS ALL MADNESS: MADNESS I TELL YOU!MAAAADNESS!!!!ShabiDOO 02:33, 7 August 2015 (UTC)
I still can't...[edit source]
...believe you've never heard of giants of 80s Prog Rock Marillion! And yet you claim to be British, sir. It just won't do...I'm beginning to question whether you are actually even a kitten. -- Sir Mhaille 
(talk to me)
- Well I assure you that I am both British and a Kitten. When are we starting our own band- Mhaillion? - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 13:12, 1 September 2015 (UTC)
- We so should do that... -- Sir Mhaille
(talk to me)
- We so should do that... -- Sir Mhaille
blocked MargretGould381[edit source]
blocked infinite! user! 188.32.107.101 (talk) 15:40, 22 September 2015 (UTC)
- I'm pretty sure they were a spambot. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 16:59, 22 September 2015 (UTC)
Articles[edit source]
Yeah, sorry. I remember Wageslav was "no rule against it [sporking]", but I don't know for sure so I won't do it anymore.--EpicWinner (talk) 15:07, 27 November 2015 (UTC)
- It's fine to do as long as you have the permission of the writer. I agree that those articles are crap and spike's are probably better but you need his permission. X - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 15:12, 27 November 2015 (UTC)
Reggae[edit source]
I won't fight with you over this, but the reason I got rid of the stuff was to move it into the main Bob Marley article (which IMO is in dire need of improvement).--EpicWinner (talk) 16:25, 2 December 2015 (UTC)
- And I won't fight you over it either. We may have to discuss it though. There have been forums questioning the editting featured article rule, which I can't be bothered to find right now. It's just a rule that I am blindly enforcing and I don't really know why, I don't care that much I don't think the article is particularly good anyway so if you really really want to delete you might just get away with it... maybe. As for the content I don't see why it can't be in both articles. And typing this has made me realise someone has fucked with my sig... i like it - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 23:52, 2 December 2015 (UTC)
VFD[edit source]
Plz vote on Votes for Deletion to speed up the process!--EpicWinner (talk) 11:58, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
Niggers[edit source]
Can you unlock this article so I can make a few touch-ups?--EpicWinner (talk) 20:59, 18 January 2016 (UTC)
You Bastard[edit source]
You stole my banning, I'd gone to all the trouble of typing "Could I ask that you calm your tits, Chucklenuts, love the enthusism but listen to what people are saying to you...." as the reason for the ban and some bastard came along and banned him already. Now I've got a fully primed banhammer and nobody to ban.... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Maybe you would like to remove the ban and reban him? - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 17:49, 25 January 2016 (UTC)
- Nope, gone off the boil now.... -- Sir Mhaille (talk to me)
- Nope, gone off the boil now.... -- Sir Mhaille
Delete page User:Jennyroster[edit source]
Support number spam. --188.32.98.192 (talk) 15:39, 11 February 2016 (UTC)
- It appears Mhaille beat me too it. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 15:45, 11 February 2016 (UTC)
Selena Gomez[edit source]
If you don't want it, move it to my userspace please. I'll work on it more. -- MagicBus Can you ride my Magic Bus? 13:13, 21 February 2016 (UTC)
- Ok, it's moved. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 13:26, 21 February 2016 (UTC)
- Thank you. -- MagicBus Can you ride my Magic Bus? 13:57, 21 February 2016 (UTC)
Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?[edit source]
Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:24, 15 May 2016 (UTC)
Get Traditional Sour Cream Party Rainbow Classic Grey Black Xxxl Sandals[edit source]
You're right, it is a great title. I have started the article in my userspace. Collaborations welcome. Don't worry, this one isn't going on the other site - Spike dislikes anything unrealistic. (Unencyclopedic, I tell ya!) The average reader might not find it - except by going to recent changes, or recent articles, or, if we're lucky, featured or quasi-featured articles. But who cares, this one is for fun. I hope if it gets good enough, someone will create a good picture for the article. This might also go in the Why? space. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 06:44, 27 July 2016 (UTC)
- Indeed, I know a great title when I see one, unfortunately I have no ideas how to flesh out said title with meaningful content. If I happen to think of something amusing upon perusing your ideas I'll add it. For the record I don't mind if articles go on both websites or just one or whatever, as long as people aren't being a dick about it. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 09:14, 27 July 2016 (UTC)
Vote, Please?[edit source]
Would that mean I'd have to read all the articles up for the reward? - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 20:16, 22 January 2018 (UTC)
- Well, there's only 21, including 1 UnTunes which you don't really have to read. ~ Kakun · talk 20:21, 22 January 2018 (UTC)
- Pick the ones with the nicest titles. – roza (talk ☭ ctbs ☭ log) 20:58, 22 January 2018 (UTC)
WTH Banzai???[edit source]
HOW DARE YOU EDIT THAT ONE SITE TRYING TO SABOTAGE UNCYC U TRAITOR U SHOULD BE B& FOR 265 YEARS GHTCBGHF --Rock-O-Jello @ (I'm listening...) 02:56, 14 March 2019 (UTC):
- Sorry - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?) 22:01, 16 March 2019 (UTC)
Happy Monkey Competition 2021[edit source]
Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:55, 10 February 2021 (UTC)
UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021[edit source]
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.
Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama
By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.
Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized
By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect!
Biopic
This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.
Chat Quote
Supergeeky1: 
Boner.
It's beginning to look a lot like…[edit source]
Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?
Seasons Greetings!
It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please) – 
(ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:42, 13 December 2021
SPECIAL Delivery of the UnSignpost for October 23, 2022![edit source]
![[2]](http://a-raptors-life.wikia.com/wiki/File%3ALystron_the_lystrosaurus.jpg){kind=link}
THIS. IS. NOT. A. DRILL! Just today, the Main Page has been deleted, and the person who started this deletion is none other than ARandomPage himself! How did this happen? Why did Page cause the deletion of the Main Page? You shall see, once you finish reading this UnSignpost!
This mess started on Discord, with ARandomPage, Cassie, Microsoft for POTUS, Banzaikitten, PF4Eva and JJPMaster. After an innocent discussion between all of them minus PF4 over a video, Banzai's wishes to cause minor inconveniences (which were stopped because Banzai is technically incompetent), and Svex the vandal, ARandomPage brought up the topic of the three pending deletions of the Main Page as per consensus on VFD. Page asked Cassie to delete the Main Page thrice sometime in the future, and Cassie, being Cassie, deleted the Main Page four minutes later. Microsoft then created the Main Page with the word "a", Banzai vandalized the Main Page, JJP declared that she was sad, and Cassie put up a notice saying that the Main Page was being set up. A few minutes later, Cassie had restored the Main Page as if nothing had happened. Peace returned to Uncyclopedia, and everyone got off scot-free... right?
WRONG! Despite the actual Main Page deletion crisis being over, the aftermath was arguably scarier than the real deletion. First, Cassie joke-blocked everyone involved in this discussion for a few minutes. Then, Banzai blocked Cassie for 100 years, as according to them, Cassie had committed the ultimate sacrilege. This caused Page to get mad and demand proper justice by turning himself in as the person who truly deleted the Main Page by telling Cassie to do it, even telling Banzai to give him the death penalty, which they refused. Though Page got a 900-year ban for a few minutes from Banzai, which Page celebrated, Banzai then essentially unblocked Page and went to sleep. Oh, what mess Banzaikitten will wake up to...
That's right, we have a new method of blocking! JJPMaster has invented the "symbolic block", which basically messes up a user's common.js file to deny them access to Uncyclopedia through conventional means. While JJPMaster was symbolically blocking Page, and later on, Banzai, Cassie opened a black hole on Page's userpage. According to JJPMaster herself, "i may have been waiting to "symbolically block" a human person ever since i got this permission".
And there you have it. That's the entire Main Page deletion incident of October 22, 2022. The true culprit of this crime has somehow escaped punishment... for now.
Biopic This is a special edition, I don't have time for this biopic.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week Uncyclopedia:VFH (7/1)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News ARandomPage, the only person currently operating the UnSignpost, is in Uncyclopedia purgatory for high treason: deleting the Main Page.
Chat Quote Cass the Ban-Hammer Wielder🔨: I have no choice but to declare thunder on you