Ass

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Pagan Goddess of the Ass - Vida Guerra
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ass.

“I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

~ George Bush on crack

An Ass is a donkey. Or a type of horse or something, but I'm sure we are all here to talk about the far more tactile subject of human asses. Women's asses are extremely sexy, however their primary focus for the woman is actually for sitting on. For example: "That woman over there is sat on her ass."

Being one of the three most popular body parts, the ass has been the butt of many jokes over the millennia, an unfortunate situation which seams unlikely to change in the near future. Although some men do also have asses, we will be focusing primarily on female asses as this entire article is after all nothing more than a feeble excuse to get more pictures of ladies' bottoms on Uncyclopedia.

Rimming

Frowned upon in the upper class socialite circles, the rimjob is a sexual practice that has been enjoyed for centuries around the world. It is exceptionally common in Birmingham, Birminghamville; Birminghamton, Bolsover, Mianus, Saskatchewan; the Dnieper River in Russia, your mother's bedroom (believe us; we know.), Las Vegas, Nevada, Alabama (Our lady's anal haven), Wilton New Hampshire USA, and Rob's Bedroom too. But really, what can't you find in Vegas these days?

The Point of Anal Sex

An example of a bitch's ass being pounded.
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Look up Ass in Undictionary, the twisted dictionary

It is said that Robert Redford might have invented anal sex, although many argue to the topic.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] Recent theories put forward by Dr. Svendsen of the Swedish Institute for Rectal Research (S.I.R.R), suggests that while it is common knowledge that the penis is inserted in the woman´s vagina to, among other things, induce a womb-like state in men, it is now thought that inserting it anally will produce a sort of getting-back-at-the-old-man type of feeling. The father-figure is often thought to be an "anal" character in Freudian and other schools of psychology, and it seems only logical to think that ramming your Johnson up your lady's or guy's Hershey Highway is just another way of saying "Up yours, Dad!". Dr. Svendsen has been much criticized lately for being "full of shit" by the Swedish medical community, which makes you wonder if that isn't the man's whole point to begin with.

Ass vs. Arse

In Great Britain, "arse" is pronounced the same as "ass". In America, people think arse is pronounced "arce" and immediately get offended by their own misconception of British accents. To be fair, most Great Britainicans are always offended by Americans and their mannerisms because their monacles are screwed on too tight. As a counterpoint, most Americans are dumb as a button and as big as an elevator (or "lorry", as they say in Britain). In the end both countries need to get over themselves and focus on hating something else together, like France or something.

Another object of contention is the British usage of the term "fanny", which Americans often assume to also mean "ass". This assumption, however, makes an ass out of both you and me. In Britain, the word means something else entirely, which may not be discussed neither here nor at dinner tables around the world.

See also