||Congratulations, Kip. You're a roach among dinosaurs.
can't remember who exactly it was that said this, or what year it was, but it stuck in my mind. Since I joined on February 13, 2007, Uncyclopedia
has risen to apex and Uncyclopedia has declined. Brilliance was celebrated, flamewars were had, drama
ensued. Admins came to power and they scurried almost as quickly. We even completely exiled from Wikia in a crazy experiment of a people's Uncyclopedia. Over the last seven and a half years, I have seen some shit and some shit accessories. However, one thing was a constant: I existified. What was merely a roach among dinosaurs became the roach who lived through the apocalypse.
Of course, despite relatively sailing during the never-still Uncyclopedia, I had what was probably the bumpiest of starts. Back when the only way I could contribute was vandalizing a page under a sock or being annoying to other users. Within the first year, I received the most bans of any other user who wasn't named Cajek. I received more than a handful of bans that were intended to last literally until the the end of the universe.
Fortunately, which much pleading from a place of love and promise of reformation, I grew out of that phase quickly, and the gray times became gay times. I knew I had truly blossomed by Christmas 2012 when I won Uncyclopedian of the Month. It was the happiest moment of my entire career at Uncyclopedia. However, it was yet to be my most prestigious moment. As of this writing, I am now a sysop of this wonderful wiki, all thanks to what was a unanimous vote from the community. I can't begin to properly thank you for this honor, but I'll be sure to half-ass it by listing your names.
To serve more than to rule, I promise:
- I will consistently contribute to Uncyclopedia.
- Basically, I'll do what I always do, but harder.
- I will be at hand whenever you need me.
- I'm found on IRC pretty much every day. If I'm not available there, one of the other admins will probably be present, be they fresh or crusty. I also have a talk page because I'm better than you.
- Need someone to scratch those hard to reach places? The buttscratcher is never far from the ass.
A young NXWave, before he rocked the beard.
- I will rarely abuse my powers.
- I mean, I'm only human. You can't expect me not to replace the main page with a poopdick on St. Swithin's Day.
- UnNews will never be backed up.
- Due to the sluggish nature of UnNews these days, sometimes I procrastinate updating the main page. Never again.
- Pee Review is coming back.
- Ugh, I hate doing it, but it could be a needed boost for writing around here.
- My ties to NXWave are nothing to worry about.
- He will have no part in my administration. There are no backdoor deals going on at Dairy Queen.
- I will never have a life until the day I die.
- Uncyclopedia is life.
- I will frequently blow cigar smoke in Zombiebaron's face.
Thank you, Jimmy Fallon, for keeping the bar low.
With at least one promise kept, here's the aforementioned half-assed thank you to each individual who voted me to this position:
- Matthlock, Supergeeky1, Supergeeky1, Brony Denza, Hotadmin4u69, Llwy-ar-lawr, Frosty, Banzaikitten and his father Cat the Colourful, Mr-ex777, Chaoarren, Chaoarren, Madclaw, Snarglefoop, Denza, Shabidoo, Colin, Anton, Lost Labyrinth, Zombiebarion, RAHB, MasterWangs, Argylesocks, Roman Dog Bird, Sir Peasewhizz, Simsilikesims, and last to the party but certainly not least, Bizzeebeever.
More token thanks to retired or absent Uncyclopedians who weren't here to share this moment with me, but who no less were there during some magnificent years. You guys are all the best.