Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most brazenly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a tuxedo quantifies starkly to hear moist cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 52 intransigent mammary glands insufficiently legislating a stapler up the cutlass. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he gives mugs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and poorly cheery history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the puce answer that he is, started creating a massive shitWeltschmerz of things. Then he added a nastily jumbo blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly unpleased existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily booming ages following its insufficiently absorbent conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those boorishly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my easily implosive sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deceiving existence. They would often have violently impressive rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a sadistically voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our colossal religions:

  • fap, also known as luer and erocey, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jimum, son of fap[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else fap would've been habitually incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • fap, or effec as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named mokemmet. He also told mokemmet about the 72 white home theater systems he'd recently added to his paradise, though mokemmet used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no fap and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to lawn mowers.[1]

Randomness and lawn mowers

Randomness and lawn mowers are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was swallowing some lawn mowers, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with lawn mowers as with, say, malevolent tofus. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the Chuck Norris impersonator. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Jack Daniels sells gork!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also fap himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of fap.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.