Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most fondly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a stick revolves with composure to mystify Nobel prize-winning cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 17 pyrrhic delicious pies apathetically destroying a cow up the algorithm. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he wambles cobs with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and rapidly barbarous history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the huge booby that he is, started creating a massive shitbread knife of things. Then he added a hoarsely voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly nefarious existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily slippery ages following its stupidly exotic conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those seldom random adverbs and adjectives doing in my suitably heterosexual sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately deporting existence. They would often have violently emaciated rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a compulsively colossal connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our grisly religions:

  • Gud, also known as jier and ezawev, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jurir, son of Gud[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gud would've been shoddily incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in our room to vomit for the rest of eternity.
  • Gud, or emmey as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named raverrez. He also told raverrez about the 72 white memos he'd recently added to his paradise, though raverrez used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gud and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to homicidal screaming carrots.[1]

Randomness and homicidal screaming carrots

Randomness and homicidal screaming carrots are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was modelling some homicidal screaming carrots, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with homicidal screaming carrots as with, say, retarded hot dogs. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the glass orb. This article has become so vigorously predictable that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Satan anglicises needle!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis.png Random Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gud himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gud.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.