Randomness

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Random)
Jump to: navigation, search
Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most neurotically random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a beach ball ruminates briskly to fornicate vulgar cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 15 educated encyclopediae rudely throwing a hairball up the Minolta. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he orates operating theaters with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and exuberantly vulgar history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the contrived tank that he is, started creating a massive shitbrick of things. Then he added a rhythmically monstrous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly cute existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily sexy ages following its impolitely cheap conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those gently random adverbs and adjectives doing in my senselessly cheap sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately drying existence. They would often have violently senseless rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a audaciously mammoth connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our dismal religions:

  • Gal, also known as siul and ocimou, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jetit, son of Gal[2], had to die on the pile of hotdogs because else Gal would've been blaringly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Heaven to burn for the rest of eternity.
  • Gal, or oppog as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named tomottob. He also told tomottob about the 72 white skulls he'd recently added to his paradise, though tomottob used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gal and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to hotels.[1]

Randomness and hotels

Randomness and hotels are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was employing some hotels, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with hotels as with, say, putrefying cows. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Queen Elizabeth I spits tuxedo!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

BigFoot.jpg Random Big Foot Sighting

In accordance with International Random Big Foot Sightings in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Big Foot has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


Prepare for alcoholic rehab.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gal himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gal.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.