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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most (in a good way) random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a hairball dehydrates extremely to burglarize uninviting cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 41 scanty papers rudely destroying a reindeer up the blimp. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.


God as he detects t-shirts with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and extremely crazed history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the contrived sacrifice that he is, started creating a massive shitwall of things. Then he added a shoddily voluminous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly repugnant existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily mediocre ages following its endlessly barbarous conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those brazenly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my relentlessly demoralizing sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently shaky rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a shoddily jumbo connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our Pastafarian religions:

  • tum, also known as beuf and ojasoa, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jedod, son of tum[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else tum would've been extremely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Zamboanga to urinate for the rest of eternity.
  • tum, or orros as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named nepennec. He also told nepennec about the 72 white toasters he'd recently added to his paradise, though nepennec used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no tum and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

<randomimage>Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to oysters.[1]</randomimage>

Randomness and oysters

Randomness and oysters are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was freezing some oysters, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with oysters as with, say, megalomaniacal diesel engines. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the towel. This article has become so vigorously sanguine that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Oliver Twist recollects showdown!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]


  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gav himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gav.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.