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Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most disturbingly random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when an ostrich egg oscillates brutally to shave cute cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 53 Nobel prize-winning classified reasons rudely destroying a person with a shotgun up the newspaper. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he clapperclaws mailboxes with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and neurotically idiotic history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the offensive noun that he is, started creating a massive shitsea bass of things. Then he added a largely monstrous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly vulgar existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily booming ages following its audaciously sheer conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those blaringly random adverbs and adjectives doing in my hoarsely homely sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately litigating existence. They would often have violently Nobel prize-winning rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a sloppily voluminous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our sanguine religions:

  • Gum, also known as diay and inoriu, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • cujuj, son of Gug[2], had to die on the telephone pole because else Gum would've been completely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in hell to deter for the rest of eternity.
  • cak, or iggim as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named jovijjif. He also told janijjil about the 72 white tuxedoes he'd recently added to his paradise, though jenijjim used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no taw and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to boats.[1]


Randomness and staplers

Randomness and tomatoes are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was mystifying some Euroipods, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with cockroaches as with, say, educated homotopies. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the polyethylene. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Kevin Federline discalceates lisp!

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

Random elvis.pngRandom Elvis Sighting

In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.


The King has left the building.

Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also vas himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of duj.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.