Randomness
Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a rainbow-powered windmill sniffs honorably to model throbbing cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 88 flammable giraffes offensively lolling an advert up the mitten. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.
History
Randomness has had a long and senselessly heterosexual history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the pricey daffodil that he is, started creating a massive shitcellphone of things. Then he added a verbosely enormous blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly malevolent existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily egregious ages following its peevishly slippery conception.[1]
Hey, what are all those nastily random adverbs and adjectives doing in my puzzlingly shaky sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!
Randomness and science
Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feasting existence. They would often have violently ridiculous rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.
Randomness and religion
Randomness and religion have had a heartlessly monstrous connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our cut-rate religions:
- Gaj, also known as nuab and osayog, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
- Junon, son of lag[2], had to die on the yellow submarine because else Gaj would've been coarsely incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up in Cairo to play card games for the rest of eternity.
- Goz, or oggof as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named zemozzoc. He also told zenozzow about the 72 white tofus he'd recently added to his paradise, though zivozzof used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
- There is no kug and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.
Randomness and salad forks
Randomness and tattletales are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was breaking some air conditioners, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with salad forks as with, say, luminous fish. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.
All right people, I'm throwing the ring in the ring. This article has become so vigorously random that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Stephen Colbert incarcerates impetus!
See also
Supposedly random sighting(s)[6] | ||||||||||||||||
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Footnotes
- ↑ 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
- ↑ And according to some people, at the same time also yub himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Guz.
- ↑ The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
- ↑ I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
- ↑ Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
- ↑ If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.
