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Randomness

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Many experts hail Jackson Pollock's No. 5 as the most mysteriously random painting of the randomist movement.

Randomness is a fascinating phenomenon that occurs when a monoclonal antibody exterminates riotously to revolt ill-bred cunnilingus. Wait, what was I talking about? Oh right, randomness. Randomness occurs when there is a lack of order and/or predictability. As such, randomness is a clear example of 53 eerie cartilages poorly suffocating a meep up the armpit hair. Hmm, that didn't seem to make any sense at all. Anyway, let's move on to the next part of this article.

History

God as he swims cows with two pointy flammable bananas.

Randomness has had a long and melodramatically inept history. It all started when God emerged from the void and, being the colossal hub cap that he is, started creating a massive shitigloo of things. Then he added a fortuitously giant blob of apathy to the mix and voilà, randomness was brought into its utterly natural existence. Randomness continued to exist largely unaltered throughout the verily emancipated ages following its blaringly lifeless conception.[1]

Hey, what are all those narcissistically random adverbs and adjectives doing in my verbosely mysterious sentences? There! It happened again! Weird. Well, whatever. Next section, here we come!

Randomness and science

Randomness and science have had a passionate relationship ever since the latter came into its indiscriminately feasting existence. They would often have violently exotic rows, after which they'd completely ignore each other as if the other didn't exist, followed by hot make-up sex.

Randomness and religion

Randomness and religion have had a coarsely expansive connection throughout history. Just take the basic premises of a couple of our foul religions:

  • Gup, also known as bean and akemao, likes to boss people around, smite people he doesn't like and impregnate women.
  • Jazez, son of Gup[2], had to die on the Mount Everest because else Gup would've been blaringly incapable of forgiving our sins and would've locked us all up on Mars to fornicate for the rest of eternity.
  • Gup, or annat as he now preferred to be called, decided that all the names in the previous scriptures were off a little bit and dictated the most up to date scripture to a guy named lugallad. He also told lugallad about the 72 white mugs he'd recently added to his paradise, though lugallad used a random made-up word to describe the latter, causing much confusion afterwards.
  • There is no Gup and we should all live our lives according to the teachings of an androgynous guy who joined a grunge band and who's often mixed up with a tiny statue of a fat dude.

Here we see an image that is most likely completely unrelated to mammary glands.[1]


Randomness and scrolls

Randomness and scrolls are inherently linked notions. You can't have one without the other. I remember last time when I was optimizing some scrolls, the randomness was all over the place. Wait, what am I saying? Randomness has about as much to do with scrolls as with, say, infectious neurotoxins. Man, the randomness is really getting to me.

All right people, I'm throwing the towel in the bikini. This article has become so vigorously clammy that it's effectively pointless to try to continue it. There's one thing I'd like to say in conclusion, however. Brit Hume exercises electron!

The random number 109007732774081

This number is really random. There's no useful information stored in it. But now I define it to mean "content-free". You can try to convert it into hexadecimal, but there will still be no information at all. It's just random. However, if you somehow manage to get anything meaningful and full of content with it, then you are probably stupid.

See also

Supposedly random sighting(s)[6]

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Random Elvis Sighting
In accordance to the August 20th celebration of International Random Elvis Sighting in Uncyclopedia Articles Day, Elvis has been randomly sighted in this Uncyclopedia article. Please report this on this page's talk page. Thanks for the reporting.
The King has left the building.
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Footnotes

  1. 1.0 1.1 Though with randomness, you can't really be sure of anything. You never know when it's gonna stab you in the back.
  2. And according to some people, at the same time also Gum himself. This rumor was probably started by an elaborate troll that wanted to point out what random crazy things people will believe if you proclaim yourself to be a messenger of Gum.
  3. The place where this article is stored on your computer; for now at least.
  4. I.e. humor that utilizes randomness to be funny and thus inadvertently derandomizes said randomness.
  5. Warning! Randomness may not be suitable for younger audiences. Click at your own risk.
  6. If you're a rather unlucky character and aren't seeing any random sightings, click here to purge the page.