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Did you know... [edit]

... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?

... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
... that abstinence is only 99.999% effective?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... that Godot isn't coming?
... that communist jokes are only funny if everyone gets them?
... that contrary to popular belief, popular belief isn't all that popular?
... that Ben Stiller's face makes everything funny?

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In the news [edit]

BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!! (Pictured)
Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
PBS and NPR to lose funding
Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom

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On this day [edit]

It is said by ancient Vedic scholars that the world is suspended on the molars of two hungry, hungry hippos, locked in permanent battle.

May 10: Step-Mothers-in-Law Day

1497 - Amerigo Vespucci invents the trendy Vespa scooter, rides it across the Atlantic in search of idyllic cobblestone streets to glide across.
1979 - The tiny Federated States of Micronesia is accidentally squashed by a hippo. (Pictured)
1985 - Live Aid Concerts announced, starving Africans rejoice knowing that in twenty years time poverty will be eradicated.
2004 - Cheap Christmas trees on sale spotted in IKEA.
2006 - "National Step-Mothers-in-Law Day in the USA" organised by The Association for Most Ignored Relatives, founders of "National Younger Half-Brother Day", and "National Grandpa's-26-Year-Old-Girlfriend Day."
2006 - Africa on a diet, pop stars have saved the world!
2016 - Pokémon Sun and Moon comes out for the 3DS. Buy that shit nigga.
2037 - Young MC turns 70, the irony threatens Earth's existence.

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Picture of the day

One Out of Ten Doctors agree: There are no pink elephants in this picture.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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