User talk:SysRq/11

This is an ARCHIVED talk page. Please do not edit this, or I WILL kill you.

Rape!

I like it when you struggle. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:08 15 February 2009

Not quite record time, you obviously stopped to wank before arriving. That means I was your second cum of the day. How insulting. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:10, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

How actually did you know that? I was litterally just closing the porno tab when I clicked my watchlist. fucking stalker. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:11 15 February 2009

I'm that part of your conscience that makes you dream about pulling up porno sites in public. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:17, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Already done that. Well I tried. They won't let back in the Library now -- which is fine anyway I have my own internet access and can afford to buy books that I never read. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:21 15 February 2009

I seriously had a dream last night that I was looking up porn when my whole family was in the room. It was weird, they kept looking at me while I wanked. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:24, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

I've had that one too. I woke up wet. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:24 15 February 2009

I woke up wanking in my living room with my family watching me. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:26, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

I've had that dream in reverse. It's far far worse. - [21:02 15 February 2009] PlebYettie

You're talking about watching your entire family wank, right? Yeah, that would be pretty awful. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:04, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Yup. On each other. Over porn. Gay porn. While I was trying to do an english essay. Which I actually did quite well in. But that has got nothing to do with the family wanking. Most disturbingly...the GIRLS were wanking too...but like boys! - [21:16 15 February 2009] PlebYettie

I don't understand. You finished your English essay? While futa girls jerked their meat in front of you? —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:20, 15 February 2009 (UTC)

Sorry to interupt, but just thought you should all see the glory of my new sig. Which is pretty much the same just new colors. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 07:49, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, way to interrupt. I'm trying to get raped here. (Looks awesome, buddy. =D) —Sir SysRq (talk) 16:21, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Lol. You have a black tit. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:13 16 February 2009

Lol. You have a pink talk. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:16, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Actually it's Fuschia, Mr small-Socpuppet. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:44 16 February 2009

Yeah. He knows, too. —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:45, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Knows what? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:47 16 February 2009

That it is fuchsia. You sure know your colors. —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:54, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Fucking Homophobe. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:56 16 February 2009

Who's fucking homophobes? —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:07, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

I am. It's an ironic punishment, really. But loacal authorities seem to think I'm a paedophile. If only the parents could raise their children to use the word "gay" properly... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:18 16 February 2009

To mean "joyous"? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:24, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Well that or a homosexual. But it's bassically homophobic to call your homoewaork gay. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:27 16 February 2009

Dude, that's gay. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:33, 16 February 2009 (UTC)

Colab

Does Yettie, Orian, HV, and UU know I am helping out on the Zombie thing? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:25, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure they do. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:27, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

K I reserved spot three by the way. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:28, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

What disaster are you doing? I'm still trying to decide how to make biological near-extinction ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:48 18 February 2009

I still have no idea, I have a few ideas but am waiting to see a few you guys put out first. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:52, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeh, I was going to put up my pieced together roughety rough zombie apocalypse bit, but then WHAM-BAM-KLABOOM and my internet failed on me. - [16:18 18 February 2009] PlebYettie

In case the question wasn't rhetorical...

Because someone moved an article in my userspace to mainspace without asking me and I moved it back because it's only half done. Forgot to clear it up. --monika 23:10, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

In that case, just move it back to mainspace. I just saw a redirect to userspace and felt a need to fix it. Sorry for any trouble. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:12, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

It's not ready for mainspace. That's the point. --monika 23:25, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

Okay then, leave it as is for now and when it's ready for mainspace have an op delete the redirect page there so that you can move it and preserve your edit history. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:27, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

So, ummm...

I'm too late to rape your page. Would you accept some sweet sweet lovin' instead? -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:56, 18 Feb

If you'd tolerate consensual sex. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:58, 18 February 2009 (UTC)

No; that shit's gay. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:59, 18 Feb

Yeah, once it stops being rape it becomes nothing more than just plain ol' gay sex. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:20, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Fucking homophobes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:09 19 February 2009

That's pretty much the gist of it. —Sir SysRq (talk) 02:22, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh. Well I watch 24 for reasons other than Keifer Sutherland (who to be fair is kinda not very atractive at all) Which makes me sort of not that gay? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:24 19 February 2009

Yuck

I haven't even heard of half of the Imperial Colonazation list, I thought it was going to be more frequent users...especially the first few weeks...~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 05:05, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes maybe some sort of amount-of-time-on-uncyclopedia or edit-count-thing rule. But then rules<funny. But congrats on successfully taking over IC. It's looking good, Sissy. - [08:33 19 February 2009] PlebYettie

Yeah, see I agreed with you at first. Let's discuss.

1. New users could actually work against us with their inexperience.
2. We could either require that they have at least one feature or have <insert time period here> of experience on the wiki.
3. Alternatively, we could let them stay and just remove them after a few weeks of inactivity.

Thoughts? —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:18, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Responded on the main IC talk page. ~ 15:46, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

So, yeah. IC was always my favorite project here and I'm glad to see someone taking an interest in it, especially someone as talented as you. I'd be interested in taking part, but my inactivity might be a strike against? I glanced at the page, but reading is hard. Could you give a tl;dr version of the roolz and whatnot on my talky page? -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:27, 19 Feb

UnSignpost 19th February2009

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February 19, 2009 • Issue 35 • Sifting the flour of news into the soufflé of your talk page

Uncyclopedia shuns ads in favor of product placement By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored ChickenTM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia. The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford ExplorerTM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's SunocoTM. The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax PaperTM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams BrandTM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing. Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

Check out these pages! Suffering voting withdrawal? This'll keep you happy for ages! So, do we collaborate... ...Or colonize? Decisions, decisions From our logs: 21:29, 15 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Thebigj2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1. blanker. 2. I live 10 minutes from Anna Frank's house, ergo - you're trashing my neighbourhood) 17:55, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Flyingwombatperson (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If Britain no longer exists, why can I still buy British Breakfast tea? HUH? ANSWER ME THAT, SMART GUY! (also don't blank pages, please)) 13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends) Biopic of the Week What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesome writing skills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly. The continuing saga of Cajek block of the week 15:09, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Can you believe I haven't blocked you yet in 2009? Yeah, I know!) 07:40, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 hours (Thou shalt not be Cajek, though I suppose thou must, so I shall cut thou some slack) 17:50, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ ([edit/QuickEdit] Cajek (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • BLOCK (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) -- how Cajek on VFS looks to the sysops) 21:30, 11 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (Right you two - sod off, the chap had enough!) 21:06, 11 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 672 seconds ‎ (Oh that just fuckin' tears it Led. You hear me?! That fucking TEARS it! It's ON!)

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9001(bot)  18:14, Feb 19

LOL

LOL -LOL You better fuckin vote this time!

I'm on my waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy... —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:06, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks dude. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:11, 21 Feb

I expect a template with {{USERNAME}} used more than once. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:13, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

This is...

...a story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world. Oh she looks so sad and lonely that, I absolutely lover her. When she smilessssss. That is all. Also, *POKE POKE POKE* on that article critiquing you said would be done like a week ago! But I forgive you ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:25, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for that, listening to that song made me thing it was 1998. And what article was I supposed to critique again? I thought I looked at your newer stuff and gave my brief thoughts on the talk pages. If you wanted me to do a review, I can do that, but be ready to deal with the fact that it probably won't get done, me being lazy and all. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:29, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

No problemo, I am gonna start singing alot more around this place. And I just wanted your brief opinions on the Ocean's Fourteen, because that is still a Work in Progress and I wanted to know if it was funny to someone who hasn't seen it. Like for example, I changed some characters to make them a bit more colorful so to speak, not really, but I just wanted to know what someone who hasn't seen any of Ocean movies thinks. Also, I wanted to know how to improve the Diary of a Monkey Lover and how to make it funnier in some areas, or if it is good enough as is. And I'm takin my time, I'm just movin along. Don't forget about me after I've been gone. Do you know that one? It is pretty easy...~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 19:34, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

...a story all about how my life got flip-turned upside-down. I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the Prince of a town called Bel Air. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 20:07, Feb 21
...a story. Of a lovely lady. Who was bringing up three very lovely girls. And their stalker. A guy named Yettie. Who's pubes where all done up in curls. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:30, 21 Feb
...my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long... —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:02, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm sorry about this but...

I have bugged you about this for too long. All I wanted was a simple check up on my latest work, but you had to push me and push me. Now, I have to punish you...and your talk page...I didn't want to do this. *POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE 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POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE*

Poke (cont.)

• POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE*

Sorry I had to do that... ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 03:42, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Hey SysRq

I think tagstit is trying to get your attention. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 03:48, Feb 23

I think SysRq is offline now. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 03:51, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Ya, he said he would tell me what he thought of my new stuff like a WEEK ago...and...and...*breaks out crying* HE FORGOT ABOUT IT!!!! WAAAAAAHHHHH ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 03:56, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

There there, don't cry. He'll give you a whole lot of better reasons to cry sooner or later. Childhood is a time to be happy. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 04:01, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Ya, but my dad doesn't even pay attention to me! And my stepdad is gay...so...ya ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 04:03, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Just take comfort in the fact that you're too ugly to molest. Also I am tottally gonna look at your monkey loving article. As soon as I get back. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:51 23 February 2009

Yeah, Orian's gonna be gone for a week. Someone died, I think. Maybe he did. And I'll look at that stuff again (even though I did read through those pieces) later today and give you my updated opinion. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:22, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Also sissy...

Are we splitting the feature credit for I kissed a girl? I was just wondering because it looks like a fairly certain feature now. I mean technically your bit wouldn't have been possible if I didn't write it so I think I should get at least all of the credit but what ever you want. People consider you the "talent". ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:59 23 February 2009

You wrote it, I think the credit is all yours. I don't think performing it gives me a feature credit. It's like doing the audio for an UnNews article that later gets featured. The vocal talent doesn't get the credit, I don't think. I dunno, what have people done in the past? Surely there is some precedent. —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:16, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh ok. cool. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:03 25 February 2009

Did you notice that you have a new plunger?

09:23, 23 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) changed group membership for User:SysRq from (none) to Rollback ‎ (OBSERVE YOUR NEW PLUNGER)

~ 15:16, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Why thank you, kind sir! Yes, I just noticed that I had it. Thanks a lot. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:18, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

And now you can go on to Orian and brag that you have a bigger plunger! ~ 15:39, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Sissy whats a plunger? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 15:41, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

It unclogs the toilet using suction. —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:47, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Just like mom. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:47, 24 Feb

Buh-zing. —Sir SysRq (talk) 20:38, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Userpage...

hi umm as you pointed out I have gone for a minimalist look for my userpage...what kinda things to u reckon i should put on it? also i happen to be muy bore atm and so im wondering if theres anything i can be doing round this here wiki?....Flare 21:39, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Hi Flare, good to see you again! Try looking at mine or other users' pages to get some ideas. Mine just contains some biographical information, my bibliography, my awards, and some userboxes. As for things to do, why not do a pee review? rewrite an article? vote on VFH, VFP, NotM, UotM, WotM, etc.? Or, if you have something you'd like to do (like start an article) that I can help you with, let me know and I'll be happy to help. I'll be online for a few hours, so I'll try to be quick at answering questions and working with you if you need anything. Cheers! —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:59, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Just curious...

I'm your only unson right??? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 06:17, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Nope, Flare is mine too. Check my userboxes. It doesn't mean I love you any less, though. (I thought you knew that...) —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:13, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

No way! I gots a brother! Well I am sorry i've been so high-maitenence (or however you spell it). ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 15:34, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

I didn't want to break it to you, but SysRQ told me that he did indeed love you less. "My least favorite unson" was the exact phrasing. Something about your poor spelling I think was the reason. Personally I think he's just being an ass. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:58, 25 Feb

Son, there is every chance in the world I was drunk when I said that. In fact, there's a good chance I'm drunk right now. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:27, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Cheers!

This is my happy face Unlike this monkey you appreciated my article. Nerds all around the world are rejoicing and praising you as their newest Captain. Thank you for voting! The Force is strong within you.

UnSignpost 26th February 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

February 26, 2009 • Issue 36 • Picking the poppy seeds of truth from the teeth of the news

Imperial Coloni(s|z)ation For Glorification of Motherwiki By Gerrycheevers Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq. Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking." Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews." British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS by UU Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend. The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it. The most votes were polled by MrN9000, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin. The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.

Check out these pages! Is this something to do with us being the worst? I want candy No pain, no gain From our logs new admins bumper special: 05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.207.115.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California)) 19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants ‎ (Happy adminship, fucker <3) 16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants ‎ (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?) 10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap) 10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Rogue Admin) 10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.184.94.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Ne habla gibberish) Biopic of the Week Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse! Explanation of the week This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.

Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Hv is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now! UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:28, Feb 26

Real Question

can I delete my nomination now? Cause (no offense) it seems hypocritical that you would block me because of the nomination and then not let me delete it.--68.63.145.190 21:10, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

First of all, I am not a sysop so I have no banning power. Secondly, we usually don't like to completely erase things from the record. The safest thing to do would be to just leave it there and let it be archived with everything else. By March 1st, it will be off of that page anyways and sent to the archives. That's what we've done in the past and it looks like that's what we're doing now. I could be wrong, I would take it up with an actual sysop. Try MrN9000 or The Led Balloon, they may have a better answer for you. I've talked to both of them about this, however, and neither of them have removed the nom entirely so I think it's just going to stay there. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:17, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

OK, I can respect that, thank you. So... is this comment ever going to be deleted, or will it stay here forever?(not trying to be disrespectful)--68.63.145.190 23:14, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

The one you just typed? No, it's rather nice, and I like it. I thought it was a gift for me. What are you, some kind of Indian-giver? —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:41, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

VFS

For your vote in VFS You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage within Uncyclopedia's borders if Zionist domination is eventually established. Rabbi Techno

Why...

is that kid Not A Good Username such a dick? Like he got all pissy at Yettie when he tried to help him once, then he deletes your pages, and if you say your not voting for his pictures he makes weak threats...what do you do with guys like that? You know, the ones not really jokingly playing around... ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 15:50, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

If he's really being a dick put him on Ban Patrol. Otherwise just ignore him, twits like that don't usually last very long here. Unless they're SysRq. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:54, 28 Feb

Alright, I think he should go on ban patrol for sure. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 15:57, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Do what you want. Personally, I don't have a real problem with the guy. But if you feel like you do, perhaps take it up with him or an admin if you feel you need someone else to mediate for you. I think he's just looking for attention more than anything, so I he's probably harmless. Not quite banworthy yet. OptyC is right, if we leave him alone he'll either correct his own behavior after realizing that no one likes people who behave like that, or he'll just bugger off eventually and move on with his life. As far as I see it, this isn't a huge deal. —Sir SysRq (talk) 16:33, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Alright I guess I will just leave him alone. I lost it with him though when he got all pissed at Yettie for trying to help him. That was pretty weak I thought.~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 17:08, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Yettie's a big boy. S/he can take care of himself. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:15, 28 Feb

As a final note, I just got an e-mail from Mr. Username regarding this and it would appear that he's sorry for being a bit of a twit. Sounds like he took some comments a bit too personally, these things happen. I don't think you'll have any further problems dude. -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:28, 28 Feb

Yes. A bit of advice, Tags, try not to get too worked up over Drama. Usually things have a way of sorting themselves out, there's no real point in getting majorly pissed at people on the internet. Just focus on bettering yourself and move on. That's what I do, minus the "bettering myself" part. I'm the same ol' Sys I was two years ago. And that is not a good thing. —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:39, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

I love you so hard. Now get to work! -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:51, 28 Feb

Get to work on what? —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:53, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

My balls. You had to ask? -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:07, 28 Feb

Alright. While I gargle those, go read the new ending of Al Gore. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:29, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

<3 Much better. -OptyC Sucks! CUN19:33, 28 Feb

Cool. Some final scrubbing and then it's off to Pee Review. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:35, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

What a long strange trip it's been...

Thanks For Being Groovy! I am both deeply humbled and appreciative of your vote to promote me to Knight Grand Cross of the Order and shall send the magic van round to your flat with virtual contraband

Thanks for your continual support. Your writing style makes me envious at times. It's as if your able to magically loosen your ass and let those magical beans flow while I just can't seem to relax the sphincter half the time and get bogged down in elaborate Albatross projects.--    15:50, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Groovy, baby. Congrats again, you've become quite the writer during your relatively short stay here. Took me two bloody years to get that award. —Sir SysRq (talk) 16:49, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you!

Thanks for the NotM vote. And, while I'm at it, for the invite to join Imperial Colonization. I appreciate both. Cheers, dude.

--Guildensternenstein 04:30, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks, man

Good day, old chap! Thank you indeed for your vote on my article, UnBooks:Hot Japanese Girls - Colourblind or Unable to Speak English?. As a sterling reward, I will not deliberately make this text extremely tiny around these pictures of some rather cracking Japanese girls I've supplied for you. ... I say, are you still there, old boy?

Blah blah, thank you, blah blah blah, etc. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 15:50, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

A Template of Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

Guildensternenstein

---

Perhaps just including the template and not dumping the entire source code onto peoples' talk pages would be better. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:05, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

I noticed...

A recent vandal on your userpage, and it made me want to join your fanclub. cheers, ~Formerly Annoying Crap 08:36, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

I suppose that means I'll be seeing a lot more of you. I better bring some more...REESES PUFFS CEREAL! YES NOW EVEN YOU CAN EXPERIENCE THE THRILL OF HAVING REESES FOR BREAKFAST! —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:25, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

March 5, 2009 • Issue 37 • The News, Smelted to 93% Purity!

New parser causes havoc by requiring Uncyclopedians to get things right by UU The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter. Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!" Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)". Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up. The gnomes were unavailable for comment. February '... of the Month' Awards Hoedown by Gerrycheevers Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with... DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written several featured articles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that. February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions. Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressive work in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

Check out these pages! Masturbating Monkey Hang on, someone really tried it? {{username}} strikes again again From our logs: 09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank)) 13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!) 19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.) 06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*) Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before... Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles. Cajek ban of the week None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek. New poopsmith of the week RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  14:02, Mar 6

Say Sissy

After I heard your marvelous singing abilities, how about you do this one? ~ 15:05, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

I suppose. It won't happen this weekend, I'm locked out of my house until late Sunday night. Don't ask. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:07, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Not asking. ~ 15:22, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

You better not be. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:23, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Sup

I stand by my statement. Has any GotM ever gotten an article featured?--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 23:21, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

You mean besides SysRq? Dude, chill out. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:30, 6 Mar

I stand by my statement that you need to chill the fuck out. It's not a huge deal. We've all gotten GotM at some point. Look at past winners. Nobody cares about GotM. Quit making drama. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:40, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Ya...in fact...I am kinda insulted I have never won it. I fail at failing. =( ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:20, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Yes you do. Okay I get it it's a joke Ooh haha. It just seemed like a coincidence that everyone was telling me all of my stuff sucks and then I got nommed for this. I'm just a little depressed. AFI killed me and Jenny broke up with me.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 00:30, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Dude...just call Mary. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:00, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Wait was that a joke? Your gonna have to explain that one to me Sysr...I mean Mary. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:04, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

See BBQ's new article and [[Talk:HowTo:Get Over Jenny|my comments]]. —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:15, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization question.

I was just wondering, when you're working on the article you're currently colonizing (in this case, Jew) are regular, non-British tyrants allowed to contribute?Saberwolf116 01:45, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

I suppose nothing's to stop you from editing the article itself, just so long as you abide by the theme that has been decided upon. Non-Colonizers are only limited in that they cannot take part in the Organization phase (Mondays and Tuesdays) but there's nothing to stop you from voting and editing. However, if you're reverted or anything like that, Colonizers have seniority and you're expected to kinda back off. —Sir SysRq (talk) 03:51, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Also, are non-brits allowed to nominate, or just the ruthless colonizers?Saberwolf116 21:36, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Thankees

Achtung! Your support for the Nazi party has been documented. Danke shein. That vill be all.

OptyC Sucks! CUN17:51, 7 Mar

Remember we talked about conservapedia?

Brand new levels of lunacy. It'd be hillarious if Orian could convince himself it was parody. except Orian can't convince himself of anything because he's suicidal and just so please with how fabulous Orian made his death-outfit look. Orian also demands that the article be deleted as it is hate speach and offends Orian. Orian can't make a joke about "intense affirmative action in the form of preferential hiring and networking" because Orian doesn't know what that means. Orian is now going to kill a child because he is not thinking about the long term ramifications of his actions. article and its talk page. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:44 8 March 2009

"Anyone criticizing this article's encyclopedic value has a liberal heart." I couldn't come up with anything better myself. —Sir SysRq (talk) 05:58, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

I kno rite! They just suck so much at differentiating between reality and their own simple fantisies. Also I would like to recomend the book Hater by David Moody. Bassically I want you to read it so I have someone to talk to about it because I can't make up my mind if even liked it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:19 8 March 2009

I need a book. Am I going to laugh at this book? Or will I have to read it in 5 minute sessions like I do Conservapedia in order to control my rage? —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:59, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Probably neither. I found it kinda disturbing actually. It was advertised as a zombie flick but it really really wasn't. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:44 8 March 2009

Aye, you're really selling me on it. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:57, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Disturbing in a good way, as in I can't really get it out of my head. And it was British. However it was written in the present tense and that get's on my nerves after prolonged periods of time. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:13 9 March 2009

Hey Hay Hay

I Told Her Thanks For Voting To Feature Private Eye But she looked at me like I was wearing orange in the St Patrick's Day parade. I wasn't sure if that was fog behind me or if my favorite place for take-out Chinese food had just went up in flames but I knew that I'd better make this quick either way. "You were great, kid" I told her but her facial expression never changed. She kicked off her heels and put on a pair of roller skates but she looked about as comfortable in them as a woodpecker in the petrified forest. She took one last drag off her cigarette, blew the smoke in my face, flicked the butt at my feet and rolled away into the night - leaving me standing there like a wide screen TV on layaway. I took another sniff of the air and now I was sure, Chang's Wok Inn was definitely on fire and it looked like it was going to be another night of hamburger helper and "Juggs" magazine..............................

See what I mean about getting bogged down in time consuming projects? I just can't help myself. I suppose that's why it has been so refreshing to goof off a little on the 10 apocalypses. I'm forced to be brief. If YTTE doesn't show back soon I cast my vote for you to guide/direct us all through the blank apocalypses until he can come back and wrap up his portions. I understand if you don't feel too bold about doing that but it's my way of complimenting you. I've been thinking long and hard about UOTM and while socky does a lot of inglorious work (which I hold in high regard), your ability to play ringmaster for colonization is invaluable. I say that based on my 10 years of experience in volunteer radio (with 5 being in management) and what I've seen here in my brief presence. Tip of the hat to you, sir.--    12:13, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Wow, thanks for the kind words, buddy! Really means a lot that you trust me to take on these leadership positions. I'll try my best to dish out pokes as needed for the Apocalypses if Yettie don't show his face too soon. However, with the three or so other projects I have going on right now, it may end up taking something of a backseat. I will do my very best, I promise! I really think that's going to end up being one epic article, and I think this may be the most epic collab in Uncyc history. Oh yeah, and nice article. I enjoyed reading it, you're getting quite good at that style. —Sir SysRq (talk) 16:18, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

New Article

Hey, do you like my new article? It didn't go EXACTLY the way I planned, but I tried to make fun of the weird relationships girl have, and the planned hang out with your girlfriend and her best friend, which just turns you off majorly when they are trying to be cute and funny. I think the fact that the friend was fat kinda took over. I want your opinion on it though. Do you think it is good for Poo Lit? Or not good at all? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 04:41, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

You got something really good on your hands, buddy. I like this a lot. It seems like you're getting a lot of influence from Orian's writing (except your main character isn't gay) with this first person perspective being applied to a namespace article other than UnBooks. However, like I say with all of your articles, your formatting is killing me. It's spelled "yeah", not "ya". And questions usually end with a question mark. And commas are also a good idea. You really need to clean this up so it's readable. Otherwise, I think it's great.

Dunno if I'm digging the ending, though. You're lacking a punchline. If you wanna stick with your current ending (which isn't bad) you need Matty to text you the next day saying she was only using you for sex, or you need to get your ass kicked by Stacy, or you need to at least have them say something funny like "Wait, who was that guy?" or "You were right, Stacy, it totally worked!" —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:45, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Wow I am surprised you like it. When I completed it, I got a feeling that just nobody would like it. And I just kinda threw an ending on because I wanted to get an opinion, because I didn't know if this would be good at all. I still gotta spellcheck add links and italicize any thoughts. Thanks for your opinion man! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 15:58, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Yessir, it's got major formatting issues. But on the whole I really like it. Develop your ending some and let me know what you come up with. —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:55, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

I was thinking maybe at the end of the day he ends up liking the fat girl and goes out with her and stuff instead. Any good? And do you think thi sis good for Poo Lit? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:43, 12 March 2009 (UTC)

You may be outraged to know...

That both Neurotic and Kissed a Girl got QFA'd. UU says I should wait awhile before re-nommin them but I'm impatient so If you'd do the honours I'd feel slightly less guilty. I mean they only failed because they were nominated during teh re-featuring of the top ten. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:06 11 March 2009

Please don't nominate them for at least one to two weeks. ~ 13:11, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh. Now I feel like I'm in trouble... :( Sorry, Sir, we won't do it again... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:13 11 March 2009

Sorry, couldn't help myself and I really should have voted for awhile ago and didn't pull the trigger. sorry Dillo.--    13:15, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

No problem. Let it rest for a while before you renom it. ~ 13:16, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Yes sir!--    13:17, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

This reminds me of the good old days I spend in the army. *eyes glazed over* ~ 13:20, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

*Eyes equally as glazed.* Mordillo in uniform... *Tiny bot of drool seeps out of mouth* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:22 11 March 2009

Yeah, your right, leave it a while and people will forget how they voted before... Also looking forward to your votes Mr Strange. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:19 11 March 2009

-Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 13:24, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Aye, just wait a bit and renom. Why am I just restating what others have said, you ask? Because it is my talk page and I want the record to show that I had some hand in this conversation and am not some irresponsible trailer trash hick who lets his kids leave their WWE action figures lying around and lets his talk page go into an equal state of disrepair. —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:58, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Yeah but returning to my original point will you do the re-nomming, in a week or so? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:14 11 March 2009

Should be fine. —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:25, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 12th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

March 10th, 2009 • Issue 38 • Mucking up your talk page, one issue at a time

CONSPIRACY!!! By Gerrycheevers WE ARE DOOMED! Head for the hills, Uncyclopedia users, there's nothing that can save us now! As of this morning, we NO LONGER EXIST!!! Now, if you are reading this, you may be thinking to yourself, "why, that Gerry fellow is quite mad. Since I am reading the UnSignpost now, then both I and Uncyclopedia must still exist." To this i say to you: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK. Furthermore, it is also WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK THEY THINK YOU THINK. Reactions were mixed today at the wiki. Some theorized that uncyclopedia.wikia.com was, in fact, sinking. In response to this, the women (all 3 of them) and children were loaded onto lifeboats and fired out of the lifeboat-cannon, in hopes that they would land far away enough from the landlocked Uncyc as to find a body of water. Other preparations included the Cajek string quartet playing rousing versions of traditional ship-sinking music. While it might seem rash for an official non-cabal-run periodical to endorse panic, the UnSignpost urges all Uncyclopedia users to abandon all reason and logic in an attempt to save themselves. The best course of action is most likely the one that involves the maximum amount of screaming, arm-flailing, and general insanity. The Uncyclopedia Store is likely to be looted quickly, so be sure to stop by early to maximize you chances at getting the best stuff. Count to a Million: Update By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians have continued their brave foray into the dangerous world of numbers, today reaching the long-awaited benchmark of 3,239. The constitutes nearly 1/300th of the total goal, meaning we are 0.32% of the way there! Users were overjoyed, confused, and generally apathetic about the achievement. Since its inception on February 20th, 2008, many different counters, or 'c-ters' as they refer to themselves, have contributed to the project. The content of the countup has varied greatly, from battleships to cartoon characters to road signs, and yet never deviating very far away from pornography. At any rate, it seems Uncyclopedia admin and Chair of the Committee to Investigate and Eliminate Needless Committees Spang's experiment to destroy the internet has not succeeded...yet. The project has advanced at a rate of 8.39 numbers per day, a respectable clip considering the enormous effort involved in adding the next number in the sequence. At this brisk clip, the project will reach completion at 18:45 UT on June 24, 2334. Until that day, Uncyclopedians can only hope, dream, and continue in the increasingly difficult task of adding one to a moderately large number.

Check out these pages! Silliness Pointlessness Eyerapeness From our logs: 23:47, 9 March 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.23.110.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking 'please don't delete this page'--my favorite part about that idea was how original it was.) 04:39, 10 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked CS SHITTY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (HOLY SHIT WHERE ARE YOU MONGOLOIDS COMING FROM?!?!?!?!?!!?!) 16:08, 10 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.170.199.120 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("He who shall be an idiot shall be striked down with furious anger". Book of Mordillo, chapter one verse 3) 10:52, 11 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.89.227.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (we apologise for taking so long to ban you, but we get there in the end. also, I think you'll find it is you who loves the cock.) Biopic of the Week Guildensternenstein ~ With one of the hardest usernames to spell correctly (and not one that's hard but fun, like some users), Guildie has splashed upon the Uncyc scene with a gusto. Displaying a knack for writing humor (the main prerequisite to be considered "ballin'" by fellow Uncyclopedians), he also takes part in the current trends of Pee Review and Imperial Colonization, making him popular and, thus, cooler than you. Old-School Featured Article of the Week This is it. The big one. The greatest article in Uncyclopedia history...Bears. Yes, these foraging lunatics are masters of cryogenics, and will stop at nothing in their quests for honey, human flesh, and pic-a-nic baskets. Cajek ban of the week 15:14, 6 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 24 seconds ‎ (I am very troubled by the fact you were not banned in a while. Has the community given up on you???)

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9001(bot)  21:44, Mar 13

You have poo on your face

That'll be all. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:03 15 March 2009

k so i kinda luv armin van buuren lol. How did you know I was an AvB fan? —Sir SysRq (talk) 00:51, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

I didn't but that song is similar to the stuff you do, plus I'm a huge fan of 24 (just finished season 5, 6 is on the way (can't watch 7 because I don't have the channel)) and he's pretty cute -- I mean really cute. I'd give him one -- or ten. Wouldn't you say he's cute? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:25 16 March 2009

I'm bored. Amuse me!

I need ideas on what to kill time with! *is completely unaccustomed to have a day off* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 20:35, 15 Mar

Well, whenever I need to kill something, I always use a nice big hammer. Also, this isn't my talkpage. - T.L.B. WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 21:47, Mar 15

Does that mean I should spam your page in stead, Leddy? :D -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 22:02, 15 Mar

What'd I miss? —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:04, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Me spamming Leddy's talk page. Nothing big. :) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:38, 19 Mar

Cocks

So yea... I realised that you have not written something for a while. I don't know how long, because I don't know how to use these computer things, but it's been ages. You know that VFH thing? The current "crisis"? Well... That's all your fault. It's all your fault because of cocks and your almost constant sucking of them. What you going to do about it eh? MrN 11:12, Mar 16

I'd rather he sucked my dick than wrote me an article. I can't read. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:18 16 March 2009

Well neither can I. All this typing is just a series of very fortunate guesses. MrN 11:30, Mar 16

So should I be voting, writing, or blowing? —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:02, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

Yes. -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:48, 20 Mar

In gratitude

 In gratitude for your vote  

  The GlobalTourniquet says "Thanks!"  

Understandably, you voted for my article for featuring. Although your "for" vote was not extraordinary, as the article's genius was beyond question, it is still appropriate to acknowledge your dutiful participation in the process.

So, in gratitude for your vote, I will dedicate my next sexual act to your honor. Thank you.

The following sexual acts are available for this honor. Please indicate below this template which one you would like me to dedicate to your user name.

Self-gratification Spousal coitus Purchased sex Casual encounter

NOTE: Only under limited circumstances will this act actually involve you.

Just so your aware...

I nominated Monkey Lover finally. I hope it goes well! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:22, 18 March 2009 (UTC)

I will go look and vote, my good man. Apparently there's some sort of crisis going on over there. But it's okay, I'm back now and stuff. So all bad things should go away now. =D —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:01, 19 March 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 19th March

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The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

March 19th, 2009 • Issue 39 • Committed to both Bringing You The News and The Happywood Insane Asylum

Forum topic created; Modusoperandi posts witty response By Gerrycheevers At a certain point this week, a relatively green uncyclopedian posed a rather ill-advised question on one of the Forums quaintly known to patrons of this silly wiki as the 'Village Dump'. A few seconds after the aforementioned certain point this week, resident cheek-tonguer Modusoperandi responded by intentionally misinterpreting the meaning of the question, twisting the querist's words, taking advantage of some sort of delicious pun, or otherwise causing mischief in the usually serious, informative Forum. Reactions were, as usual, mixed in the community. Several anonymous users were outraged at the lack of tact and formality displayed by the wily Modus. "Uncyclopedia is serious business," said one pitchfork-wielding mob participant. "We would descend into total anarchy if it weren't for the court system, the press, the boron smelting plant, and the sanctity of our information distribution system." Other users seemed to support the flashing of rapier wit, claiming "if we can't laugh a little, then what's the point? Without humor, we'd end up in hell like all those poor souls who lived before Jesus invented comedy in 23 A.D." Modusoperandi himself declined to comment on the situation, only offering this brief reply to a query seeking a comment: "She told me that she was eighteen. She also told me that she human and was not, in fact, a bonobo. If you have any other questions, please direct them to my law firm; Alan, Whitcomb, Silverstein & Bonobo." It seems the elusive Mr. Operandi is free to continue in his forum havoc-wreaking, as nobody has stepped up to officially denounce his actions. All bonobos involved were unavailable for comment. UnSignpost Editors Under Fire for Bonuses By Gerrycheevers This week the Uncyclopedia community was outraged to learn that the UnSignpost, which recently received a Wikia bailout, will be giving hefty bonuses to the very dunderheads responsible for driving the periodical into the ground in the first place. The extremely active Uncyclopedia Senate has vowed that action will be taken against the editors set to receive the lucrative bonuses. It may be possible that they will be blocked from editing or even exiled to another wiki. Uncyclopedians were, for the most part, outraged. Popular user Mnbvcxz had an unrelated statement quote-mined by an UnSignpost journalist to produce the following comment:"I[...]is[...]finished," a possible indication that he will leave the site in protest of the bonuses. The founders of the newspaper refused comment, as they want nothing to do with it anymore, and true to that mission this reporter was chased off the the grounds of the Cajek mansion by bunnies wearing bee costumes. The current editors were hounded, with Under user having this to say: "I don't think there have been any "comically large" bonuses paid out. There have simply been adequate contractual remunerations allocated to key staff to reward their loyalty and unstinting efforts. Every penny of these almost insignificant amounts is richly deserved. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to buy a large yacht and fill a swimming pool with cash to float it on." Gerrycheevers was absolutely unavailable at press time.

Check out these pages! Windows sucks The ratings system sucks You suck From our logs: 11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.) 11:10, 17 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.124.60.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is a sharp pointy thingy up your ass. My finger. Don't worry, I washed it) 11:43, 18 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) moved Jon snow to Jon Snow ‎ (capital punishment) 11:39, 19 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (insubordination) Biopic of the Week Savethemooses is one of the legends of Uncyc lore. Once the king of the featured article hill, his recent inactivity has allowed him to slip to seventh, despite having twenty-five features, which is more than you ever will. In fact, the only way you will ever come close to experiencing the glory that was STM's being is to go nominate several of his articles on VFH right now. Like, right now. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Pixellated Face Disease is a rare condition in which a person's face, caught on camera, will become blurred, or 'pixellated'. There is no known cure for the disease, and there are several associated conditions, such as Blurred Registration Plateism and Black Strip syndrome, the latter only affecting the eye region. Cajek Ban Joke of the Week In this week's uproariously funny UnSignpost issue, the second story misdirection-links the phrase "blocked from editing" to Cajek's userpage. Retraction of the Week The current editors of the UnSignpost have recently become aware of startling differences between the current Signposts and editions from early in the newspaper's history. We would therefore like to retract the following issues: #1, #3, #6-13, and #16.

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MnbvcxzBot 05:29, 20 March 2009 (UTC)

IC and a blowjob.

Sorry I haven't had time to do more with Jew dude. I was thinking about the situation and it occurs to me that we have a lot of Colonizers who don't seem to be doing shit, not to put to fine a point on it. I figure it's because Jew is a tough one that many didn't want to tackle and it got me to wondering if maybe starting a sub-colonization might not be a bad idea? Put the colonizers to work on something else while we work on the main colonization? Just a thought I wanted to bounce off ya. Which brings me to the blowjob... /unzips pants. -OptyC Sucks! CUN20:44, 20 Mar