User:Soviet/sandbox

Kali Linux

“I am now a hacker!”

– Kali Linux users

Typical Kali Linux user

Kali Linux is the Linux distribution everyone uses when they get mad and decide to hack their friend’s Roblox account. They start by looking for hacking methods and find out about Kali Linux. Since “Linux” makes you sound cool and hacking sounds cool so you could imagine why people want it. To further convince people that they are known a hacker, they get a corny wallpaper of some guy in a black hoodie with a mask. This will make Kali Linux users seem "cool", but it really makes them seem childish and stupid. Kali Linux also comes with 400 pre-installed hacking tools that no one knows how to use. Kali Linux users also cannot seem to grasp the concept of hacking being a crime. Kali is maintained by an American company known as Offending security.

Requirements

As usual, Kali Linux will require

• A PC
• 10 MB of RAM
• A CD or any type of bootable media

Installation

Since Kali Linux is used for hacking, people like to use it on virtual machines, so they don't get caught as easily. If you don't know what a virtual machine is, it is basically a computer in a computer used when people want to get away with hacking. To install Kali on a virtual machine, you will need to obtain ISO image files. After obtaining these sacred files you will then need to go through the setup. Since you are too noob, you just click "okay" on every option and hope you did everything right.

If you aren't doing illegal activities, then you can do the normal installation process of Kali Linux. Then use a blowtorch and burn the ISO Image onto your CD. After that is done, you will be prompted with several messages telling you to configure stuff.

Tools

One of the reasons Kali Linux is so appealing to people is because it comes with over 400 pre-installed hacking tools. People think these hacking tools will make them a pro hacker and grant them the ability to hack the government or something. Here is a list of some tools that sound cool, but people just don't know how to use them:

• NetDiscover

Allows you to gather data on your friends which is great, but you don't have any friends.

• OpenVAS

Assesses your defenses so when you hack your friends, they can't hack you back.

• Hashcat

Cracks password hashes in up to six to seven days.

Software

Software is a term for the entire set of programs, procedures, and routines associated for your device to follow. It is a set of instructions that screams at the hardware to follow a set of instructions.

Types of software

There are many different types of software. Some of the lamest are listed below

• System software (The bad one)

System software controls the main functions of your computer in the worst ways possible, and you can’t do anything about it. The most famous example, the operating system, which was created with the sole goal of making you accept terms and conditions that do nothing but sell your data and slow down your computer. The best part is that you can’t uninstall it because that would mean the computer would just turn into a useless piece of metal and plastic.

• Application software (The even worse one)

Also known as "apps" application software is software designed for you to do specific tasks such as screaming at strangers online and wasting your time on gambling websites. Application software was likely created by the App Store to sell more apps.

History

The concept of software has been around since the early days of computers. It all started when the humans realized that their computers sucked. It had no soul, no purpose, nothing to do. So, they wrote code that would make their computers do specific tasks. This would in return, make them suck less and give them a purpose in life unlike the unemployed. The first software was developed in the 1940s by collared shirt waring computer nerds such as John von Neumann.

Software development accelerated in the 1950s and 1960s with the introduction of cryptic languages for the nerdeist of nerds called code. Code was designed to be as cryptic and confusing as possible so the vast majority of people couldn't use it.

UnNews:Over 1000 Flights Canceled due to US Government Shutdown

Most passenger's mental state now

In a not-so-shocking turn of events, the ongoing government shutdown led to a cancelation of over 1000 flights, leaving millions of travelers stranded at airports staring at walls for hours waiting for their planes to arrive.

This is partially because of unpaid air traffic controllers calling in "sick" to avoid having to put up with the ever-increasing workload. Without these so-called essential workers, flights are being canceled because, pilots are too dumb to not crash into a fucking mountain without someone constantly telling them, "Don't crash into the mountain or you'll die." Annoyed travelers are saying, "The planes can practically fly themselves. We don't need them air traffic controllers yelling at them."

The FAA has issued a mediocre quality statement assuring travelers that the cancellations are "not a big deal" and that flyers will have to "suck it up and wait" for their delayed or canceled flights. The FAA clearly isn't aware of the existence of social media, a land where people's attention spans are viciously grinded down to a mere 10 seconds before they start demanding refunds.

The good news is that waiting half the day at one of the worst places to exist, will give travelers the perfect opportunity to take a break and meditate while everyone is screaming in frustration. The bad is news is that their non-refundable flight worth more than them is canceled.

Travelers are left to deal with the aftermath, with some taking to platforms like Reddit and Facebook to express their outrage and frustration. One Reddit user says, "What the fuck."

Others are trying to be positive in this hopeless situation. "This is great!" said a user on Facebook. "I get to spend the weekend eating cornflakes and doing work instead of being stuck in a metal tube for 19 hours. Isn't that just wonderful!"

As the shutdown continues, airlines are telling increasingly annoyed travelers, "This will all be over in about 6 months. For now, continue waiting 9 hours in your least favorite place while you find out we don't offer refunds."

All hope is not lost yet though; the FAA is screaming at unpaid employees working overtime to ensure that your flight will be delayed for as long as possible. After all, who needs air traffic controllers who are losing the will to live then waiting.

Causes

Although there are many causes for the cancelations two main factors persist:

• Lack of funding

Without a functioning government, air traffic controllers are left with either two choices: Go to your hard job that doesn't even pay or spend the day eating cornflakes and pretending to be sick. Obviously, most choose the second option but the one's that choose the first are left with twice the workload and simply can't do their job efficiently. TSA agents, with their paychecks delayed have also discovered a newfound appeal for "sick days." Both have been calling in claiming to be infected with a deadly uncurable virus that makes them allergic to work.

• Lack of terrorist identification

Without TSA agents to search every inch of your belongings to find a mere bottle of water, TSA agents are at a loss. They are wondering how they will know who's trying to re-create 9/11 when half their workforce is gone. This leads to operations taking more time and flights getting canceled.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/us-warns-it-could-force-20-flight-cuts-if-shutdown-continues/ar-AA1Q20T1

UnNews:UK sends so-called “military experts” to Belgium to deal with drone attacks

Sunday, November 10, 2025

ATTACK!

Recent UnNews title United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports.

Brussels

Sunday November 9

The United Kingdom has launched a military operation to assist Belgium with a series of "invasions" by what appear to be cheap, low quality, barely airworthy, drones. London's response to this very minor issue involves sending the best of the best Royal Air Force (RAF) professionals and a top secret state-of-the-art, laser weapon system costing millions of Jew money. This has widely been described as using a sledgehammer to crack a nut.

The situation quickly escalated after both Brussels and Liège airports, which are some of the busiest in Europe, had to temporarily close multiple times in the past week. Nothing says good management like shutting down a major airport every time you see a tiny little drone flying 2 feet within the airport fence. These closures left thousands of passengers and packages stranded.

This prompted Belgian authorities to request immediate assistance from their cross-channel ally the UK. The UK has deployed the "kit and capability" system. It is known to include classified electronic warfare weapons designed to make the drones experience the equivalent of getting drunk and falling out of the sky.

This overreaction has not gone unnoticed at all. Annoyed people lacking a life on social media platforms have erupted with complaints stating that shooting down cheap drones with military equipment might be a bit excessive.

One particularly frustrated user on Reddit who hasn’t had a shower in months, offered a simpler, better solution. "What’s the big deal with the drones anyways? Just get the planes to hit the drones midair. Simple." they posted, gaining a staggering two upvotes.

Belgian officials have expressed serious concerns regarding the drone incursions. The incidents at both Brussels and Liège, significant European cargo hubs, have prompted a request for aid from the United Kingdom.

The deployment of such advanced and expensive equipment to counter relatively inexpensive drones has been noted by observers. Discussions online, including comments on platforms like Reddit, have questioned the scale of the response in relation to the apparent threat posed by the drones.

Drones' origin

The drone "pilots"

Although the drone's origin is unknown by Belgian and British intelligence, Belgian intelligence is saying that this invasion of tiny cheap drones from Temu was a “spying operation”. They claim the drone invasion was “elaborate”, complex and could only be pulled off by the most qualified gamers who played flight simulators for an hour. The UK and Belgium have agreed that pointing fingers at a specific country could lead to a 3rd world war so both nations have released a statement saying that Russian is the native language of this mysterious nation. These incidents fit in with a pattern of Russian "drone strikes" seen across Europe, though the Kremlin has consistently denied any involvement with these incidents.

Conclusion

As RAF specialists work to unleash their top-secret laser wizardry on invading drones, the world continues to question, “is this overkill?” While the accused Russians continue to defend themselves and possibly send more drones to even more countries in Europe.

Sources

• N/A "UK sends military experts to Belgium after drone sightings near airports" Inquirer, November 9th, 2025
• N/A "UK to send anti-drone team to Belgium" The Brussels Times, November 9th, 2025

UnNews:Thieves steal six seven Roman statues from Syrian National Museum

Tuesday, November 11, 2025 Damascus

Thieves have broken into the National Museum of Damascus and stolen six to seven marble Roman-era statues. These statues have survived centuries of empires, wars, and questionable restoration efforts only for them to be hauled away in a pickup truck by one guy.

What really surprises people is the fact no one noticed not one or two but six seven statues being hauled away. The thieves were not even discovered the night of the heist, instead they were discovered the following morning when a worker noticed the door was knocked down. The “mastermind” bypassed the museum’s cutting-edge security (which was a door) by using the finest, most advanced tools such as their legs to apply force on the door until it breaks and their hands to carry the statues. Investigators are saying that the robber had an Einstein-level understanding that gravity makes things fall which enabled them to kick down the door. It appears that the museum thought a sign stating, “sorry we are closed” and a door (that was kicked down) would stop any thief.

What was stolen

Although specific details were not yet released, we know six or seven statues were stolen. Sounds like officials don’t want the public to grasp the absurdity of this low effort crime. Authorities are saying that the heist was likely done by one guy and a crowbar but has not been confirmed. The statues are believed to be small or medium sized, but they could have been 3 meter tall 3,000kg marble statues which were hauled away without anyone noticing.

People on the internet are ridiculing the museum about how 6 huge statues were just carried away by a pickup truck which was probably seen driving away on the highway.

Motive

While some think the theft was motivated by politics and ideology, the “geniuses” on 4Chan beg to differ. They believe it was one of these three theories:

• Status

Some people think having a stolen Roman statue in their home will make them appear smarter on video conferences and to hide the ever-increasing tower of dirty dishes from co-workers. Another reason might be bringing up the property value because who doesn’t want naked Roman statues talking up space.

• The black market

Other people believe that the statues will be sold on the black market presumably to auction them off for £299.99 or the best offer on E-bay.

• Cutting out the middleman

A few others have come up with the most unhinged theory out of the three. They believe the thieves thought, “Why bother with an art dealer when we can just bring the statue straight to the source and charge whatever we want.

Out of the three, the black-market one seems the most unlikely. It sounds like officials just need to make the whole thing sound more complicated than it already is. This is probably to sell the idea that the heist was an extremely well planned out event, that only the most skillful could accomplish.

Sources

• Ghaith Alsayed and Bassem Mroue "Thieves steal Roman statues from Syria's national museum" The Associated Press, November 11th, 2025

UnNews:Russian AI robot collapses on stage

Tuesday, November 12, 2025

AIdol falls over and takes a nap

• Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd

Russia

Russia’s AI-powered humanoid robot, AIdol, lost balance and took an Olympic dive on stage while cameras were recording. AIdol was going to reveal themselves to the public for the first time but things didn’t go as expected. What was supposed to be a demonstration of Russia’s AI development and progress got turned into a laughingstock. This goes to show that even AI robots can have performance anxiety. To add on to the humour, the robot fell to the theme song of "Rocky.” The robot was manufactured by the geniuses at Russian robotics company Idol. It was meant to be a demonstration of the motherland’s technological might but instead, AIdol swiftly became a tale about the importance of teaching your robot how to stand up. The fall quickly gained popularity on social media with users laughing about how Russia’s most advanced AI robot can’t do the simple act of standing up.

The robot was to show off human-like movement and expressions but instead opted to exhibit a realistic recreation of Franz Ferdinand during his assassination. Audience members were left questioning whether this was a malfunction or the most elegant demonstration of what happens when you down 10 liters of vodka. A clip shared on social media by a user showed the robot taking a few small steps before deciding that now was the perfect time to take a nap. The last few seconds of the clip show presenters rushing to drag away the motionless robot.

The Idol CEO later blamed "a calibration error" and “insufficient lighting” but this is obviously a cover up to hide the fact that their robot decided it was time for a nap. The CEO has even called this a learning experience because nothing teaches you how to stand up better than tripping on nothing. The robot, which comprises of 67 percent domestically produced components as a, “Fuck you” to Western sanctions. There are plans to increase that figure to 93 percent in future which will likely lead to more dramatic falls.

AIdol’s soulless uncanny valley face, powered by 19 servos, is designed to display basic emotions. Such emotions that are included are: misery, pain, and tiredness as displayed on their debut.

The incident occurred just days after Elon Musk unveiled his new Tesla’s robot, which successfully walked without tripping which is quite frankly boring. AIdol, it seems, wanted something more original and less boring which led to him recreating what humans call, “falling down.”

Sources

• Georgina Jedikovska "Russia’s first humanoid robot falls flat on its face during stage debut to Rocky theme" Interesting Engineering, November 12th, 2025

UnNews:Trump kills the penny

Tuesday, November 12, 2025 Trump kills the penny after realising spending four cents on a one cent coin isn't the best idea

Philadelphia The U.S. government has put an end to pennies after embarrassingly realising it cost them four cents to make a one cent coin which is known to the common person as a waste. The last one cent coin, with a special 'Omega' symbol (because the U.S. just has to make everything overly dramatic), was minted Philadelphia, ending 232 years of the U.S. not realising the math didn’t check out. To hide this embarrassing fact that they didn’t realise spending four cents to make a one cent coin wasn’t a good idea, the U.S. claimed they would be saving $56 million annually. The U.S. Treasurer has said, “This act will save $56 million every year!” As if that would solve the $34 trillion national debt. The final few pennies will be auctioned off to people who really want to spend thousands of dollars for a one cent coin that no longer has value. This finally gives the penny a use it never had in circulation.

What this means

Not spending four cents to make a one cent coin may sound like a good idea at first but the President conveniently forgot to say what this means for the people. This is because the government hasn’t told anyone how to handle the billions of pennies already in circulation. Businesses across the US have been in shock. Without the penny, businesses face the terrifying prospect of rounding. Rounding to the nearest nickel is suggested but will make businesses lose their minds because they can't put “.99” at the end of everything and make it appear as though you are spending less money. So, businesses are forced to round to the nearest dime. However, more problems arise because not giving exact change is illegal in some states.

This change has also upset Abraham Lincoln fans who are upset coins with their idols face imprinted on them will be worthless.

The aftermath

The penny isn't the only circular piece of metal costing more than it’s worth. It costs 14 cents to make a nickel and almost 15 cents to make a quarter. Unlike the rest, the dime is an example of efficiency, it costs less than 6-7 cents to produce, making it the only coin in our currency that is actually worth something. As the U.S. enters this new era of rounding to the nearest dime meant to simplify things but will, Americans are incentivised to hoard their pennies. Now Americans are living in a country where your thoughts no longer cost a penny instead, they will cost a nickel, so your thoughts better be good.

Conclusion

In conclusion, impulsively killing the penny without any notice or explanation of what to do may have not been the best of ideas<ref>. Even though they are saving $56 million, it will do little to help the nation's national debt. Much like attempting to save the Titanic by bailing water with a teaspoon.

Sources

• Risa Weber "The U.S. Won't Be Making Any More Pennies — Here's Why, and What It Means for Americans" Distractify and MSN, November 12th, 2025

UnNews template thing

Sunday, November 16, 2025

Put a caption here!

Sources

• "[ ]" ', Month Day, Year

UnNews:Pennsylvania legalises flying cars

Sunday, November 16, 2025

Flying cars can't possibly go wrong!

Pennsylvania has just passed a law legalising flying cars. The move was prompted by increasingly congested roads, though critics argue the skies will soon be just as congested.

The law passed with a crazy 67–2 vote. When questioned, representatives explained that the Senate was eager to give citizens “a new way to die—flying 200 KPH into a building after forgetting your lefts and rights.”

“It’s about time we started keeping up with the times,” an official said at a press conference. “Why not let people operate jet-powered aircraft when they can barely drive straight?”

When asked to clarify, officials added:

“Look, our roads are destroyed. We’ve got potholes the size of craters, gridlocks every 6–7 minutes, and bridges held together with hope. Flying cars are the answer, and they definitely won’t create any new problems in the foreseeable future.”

Under the new law, citizens will be able to purchase flying cars equipped with cutting-edge technology, including:

• Advanced GPS systems (because no one reads maps anymore).

• Enhanced autopilot features (perfect for a nap—until your subscription expires).

• A parachute, for when things go wrong and you can’t be bothered to fix them.

• A backup parachute, for when the first one has a hole.

• Listening devices, to ensure you don’t accidentally recreate 9/11.

As for potential risks, officials dismissed all concerns:

“What’s a couple of 9/11 recreations and a few cars flying into people really going to do? After all, we’re fixing traffic.”

The Pennsylvania DMV has also announced plans to begin issuing flying car driver’s licenses—just to make sure you suffer properly with your new flying car.

Sources

• Kurt Knutsson "Pennsylvania bill seeks to legalize flying cars" FOX News, November 15, 2025

UnNews template thing

Sunday, November 16, 2025

The UK is finally going to be safe. After years of getting away with their crimes due to the lack of laws, the most dangerous criminals will be put to an end, that is the ticket resellers. These blokes send thousands of AI spam bots to buy football tickets in bulk much like citizens of the US. They will then resell these tickets on shady websites like the Facebook Marketplace and proceed to up charge these tickets for a staggering 10%.

After much annoying nagging, Keir Starmer is expected to announce a ban on selling tickets for profit. Because it’s not like there are bigger issues like the Online Dox Yourself Act. The reason is clear as a glass pane: the only way to eradicate organized crime is to make it illegal to profit from concerts. However, some people disagree with this and say the government is bitter that they can’t tax this profiteering.

"For far too long, these criminals have been extorting the public," declared the Minister for Fair access to football games. "Charging an extra £10 on a ticket that cost £67? That kind of malicious exploitation for profits is unacceptable. We will aim to restore order soon and ensure access to Taylor Swift concerts are purely determined by the speed of your slow Ethernet connection just how people with fast Wi-Fi want.”

The new law targets individuals who operate outside the law, using AI bots to steal all the tickets to see Coldplay. The National Crime Agency estimates that the potential reselling of the last ticket from a single Harry Styles tour could be on par with the Cartel selling 200% pure heroin forcing the Chancellor to put a stop to the untaxed revenue. “It’s a god given right for consumers to know they are being ripped off."

Industry experts warn that this move may kill the market, forcing desperate fans to go outside with human beings and exchange unmarked envelopes for crumpled tickets. "It’s horrible," said a ticket reseller. "Next, they'll be telling us we can't charge a 67% 'service fee' on top of the original ticket price. What is this!?"

Sources

• "Pennsylvania bill seeks to legalize flying cars" The Guardian, November 17, 2025

UnNews:The Russian economy on life support

Sunday, November 16, 2025

Where's all the money comrades?

MOSCOW The Russian economy is currently on life support due sanctions and the Ukraine invasion. Russia's GDP growth has slowed to the minuscule percentage of 0.6%, a figure the Moscow Kremlin claims is a “success”. “You see, in Russia slow and steady wins the race," announced a state economist, who was definitely not told he would go to Siberia if he didn’t comply. "This means our nation is not over stressing itself. The economy is growing as fast as a person with no arms or legs. We call this our 'negative-positive' growth." In short, this statement is as meaningful as the Torah in a room with blind people.

Western sanctions are also to blame for this stagnation. As a response, officials have released what many are calling "interesting solutions.” Some of these interesting solutions include but are not limited to:

• Forcing citizens to become more resourceful

Oil revenues are down a significant 67%? No problem, this encourages citizens to become more resourceful by having to walk with your two feet around the biggest and coldest country on Earth!

• Taxes

A joyful way to forcefully increase your 9 to 5 to a, 9 to 11 just to meet ends meet!

• Inflation

The government is attempting to turn this into a revolutionary wealth redistribution system. "Inflation is merely a system to ensure everyone’s rubles are worth less than dust specs.

• Higher interest rates

This is a highly efficient, sophisticated system for weeding out poor customers. Only the rich are allowed to participate in borrowing money.

The outlook

In the end, Russia has found the secret to a barely growing economy: focus entirely on a war that has been a slow costly fight rather than a victory. So, if you’re a military general or Vladimir Putin, the future is looking great. You have all the funds you need to keep a war going. For the average person, they are left hungry wondering when their plate will be full of food but who cares? As long as the propaganda is telling the people the nation’s economic growth is going well, we’re completely fine.

Sources

• "Russia's economy could slip into recession by year" The Moscow Times, November 7, 2025

UnNews:Russian ship shines laser pointer at British planes

Wednesday, November 19, 2025

How irritating

LONDON A Russian spy ship named the Yantar was just spotted going one inch into the frigid waters of north of Scotland. British Defense confirmed Wednesday that the Yantar had breached NATO waters and shined “irritating laser pointers" at Royal Air Force (RAF) planes.

The Moscow Kremlin was warned that if the Yantar went any further Britain would respond by shining even brighter laser pointers at any Russian ship they saw.

British officials said they deployed planes to go spot the Yantar after being notified that the vessel had crossed the border. The crew of the planes said red laser pointers blinded them and irritated them a substantial amount. Obviously, they flew back to base and presumably told the entire Airforce to buy their very own laser pointers to shine at the ship.

The defense secretary really made an effort to emphasise the extent of the situation. “Those Russians were being dangerous and frankly, just plain rude,” they said. “Britian will be ready to hand out the brightest laser pointers to our entire navy and Russia will see how it feels to get a laser shined in your eyes.

Why it matters a little bit

NATO officials stated this incident is part of Russian provocations made to test what the west will do in times of conflict. The Moscow Kremlin denied any intent to start a major war stating that, “The Yantar’s crew was just raising awareness for the blind you see. There isn’t any better time to raise awareness for the blind when you're flying a plane, right?”

Linux

“I use Arch by the way”

– Arch Linux users on Linux

“Linux sucks”

– Windows users on Linux

“YOU SHOULD USE LINUX!!! ITS OPEN SOURCE AND FREE!!!”

– Anyone who uses Linux

Linux is an open-source Unix-like communist operating system made by Linus Torvalds.