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Mario Kart is a ~~CIA-assisted conspiracy project~~ driving simulator franchise developed by the power-hungry Japanese corporation-from-hell known as Nintendo. It has went on to become one of the company's best-selling franchises since its beginning in God-knows-when. Various characters from Nintendo's Super Mario franchise are placed into a massive friendship-destroying hellhole to drive go-carts and annihilate each other with various weapons of mass destruction. While its well-known origins as a coordinated attempt by the paranoid American Central Intelligence Agency to sever bonds between youth in order to reduce the possibilities of juvenile uprisings around the U.S.A. (and the rest of the world) still have influence over the development of modern Mario Kart games, the main driving force nowadays is Nintendo's endless lust and greed. (Full article...)

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Did you know?

... that silent radio (Pictured) existed before regular radio?

... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves?
... that not all of Ukraine is Russia, though Russia can't seem to tell?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that compromise is a great diplomatic tool? Although on an international level, a nuclear arsenal is even better?
... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
... that Thomas Edison was arrested on charges of pornography following the release of his short film, Woman Whose Ankle is Partly Visible?

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In the news

"BOMBOCLAAAAAT!"

Hurricane Melissa hits Jamaica (Pictured)
United Kingdom sends Royal Airforce “specialists” to Belgium to fight Russian drones “invading” airports
A new candidate enters the upcoming 2028 presidential race
US government shitdown inundates over 1000 flights with shit
- Democrats finally cave and end the shitdown
New York City goes full Commie, elects Zohran Mamdani as mayor
Los Angeles Dodgers win World Series with lucky bullshit, become the Kansas City Chiefs of baseball
Dingo eats a woman's baby
Interview: A Brief Chat About Uncyclopedia with Uncyclopedian and Lucky star.
Indy police: former NFL quarterback Mark Sanchez literally butt-fumbles in real life
Trump receives COVID vaccine despite supporters making their entire personalities being against it for years
The US government shits itself
Starmer unveils new digital ID cards to help further monitor citizens' pornography intake
BoJo and Co. politely ask Nigel Farage to stop lifting children
Omaha man's order of salmon sliders indistinguishable from salmon burgers
Charlie Kirk gets l+ratio'd during a speech in Utah
Sheeranism officially legalised in Yankeeland

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 and Spaceballs 2 • Russia-Ukraine "peace talks" • ICE/Antifa clashes • Trump and Elon's couples therapy • Jerry Jones screwing the Dallas Cowboys • Pregnant moms taking Tylenol to give their babies "autism powers" • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Republicans and rich people fleeing NYC

Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • the guitarist and a security guard from KISS • June Lockhart • Nick Mangold • Jamaica, at the hands of Hurricane Melissa • Toronto Blue Jays' World Series dreams • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland

Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • Aforementioned Tylenol moms • Mark Butt-fumble's career • Coral reefs • ~~The economy of~~ Capitalism in NYC • Bills Mafia's livers and kidneys after losing horribly to the Miami Dolphins

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On this day

November 12: Lightning Awareness Day

1513 - In one of his lesser-known works, "Mein Scheisskampf", Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his "Scheisse" as a weapon. No shit.
1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a gigantic rock off the Massachusetts coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
1996 - The Paris Hilton opens for its first customer.

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The Bermuda Triangle strikes again!

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