User:Deadpool992/Batmen of All Nations
The Batmen of All Nations are stereotypical superheroes from different countries. They are all inspired by Batman, hence the name. They are also really retarded and most of them were gay.
Membership[edit | edit source]
- The Knight and the Squire: Basically Batman and Robin of England, except the Knight is a man in his 60's. They are not "gay". They are straight... Okay, fine. They're gay.
- Gladiator: A guy from Italy who isn't that good of a superhero. He spends most of his time making gay porn.
- Mr. Mitzvah: A Jewish guy who preys on little girls. Very, very perverted. He also constantly craps himself.
- Mexican Man: From Mexico. He dresses up like a bull fighter. That's SUPER GAY.
- Cossack: An asshole from Russia. Known for his Russian reversal.
- Kato: A Chinese guy who fights crime with pork fried rice and egg rolls.
- Samurai: A Japanese guy who controls the winds. Even though that has nothing to do with a samurai.
- Frenchy: A guy from France who dresses like a fagot and eats snails.
- Batwoman: A lesbian version of Batman.
People Who Were Asked To Join, But Couldn't[edit | edit source]
- Batman and Robin: thought it was a load of crap and a waste of time.
- Superman: Had to "go and do stuff in space for a long time."
- Oscar Wilde: Thought there was too many gay people in the group.
- Shining Knight: Doesn't like other people besides himself.
- Green Hornet: Why would he join?
- M. Bison: They forgot he was bad.
- Wonder Woman: Got the address wrong and accidentally wandered into a lesbian bar. Hasn't been seen since.
Origins...[edit | edit source]
The team first came together when Batman and Robin had their prized stone penis taken from their house by Blofeld. They called on various heroes across the world to help him and they defeated Blofeld. Batman said they could go home, but they decided to stay as a team. This pissed everyone off. Nobody liked them and they were being really gay.
They had battles with Greg Louganis, Marlon Brando, Bob Saget, M. Bison, the Red Skull, and the Joker. They never won any of these battles. Which settled the argument that they were the worst superheroes off all time, including Aquaman. But they remained together because as that song from High School Musical says, "We're all in this together!"
...and Endings[edit | edit source]
Batman was getting really pissed that they were using his name and doing a very crappy job. So, he decided to kill them. Batman, Superman, Robin, the Flash, Aqua Mariner, Supergirl, Daniel Craig, Fred Phelps, Britney Spears, and Wario all attacked the heroes and viciously beat the shit out of them.
Mr. Mitzvah died when the Flash shoved he hand through his ass repeatedly at super speed. Aqua Mariner killed the Knight by cutting his head off with his ax. Fred Phelps made the Knight and Squire rape each other on live TV, then killed the Knight. Gladiator had his cock chopped off by Britney Spears and fed to him by Superman, causing his penis to explode in his mouth. The last casualty was Mexican Man. He was brutally shot by Daniel Craig and raped by Wario. Everyone else escaped. But they learned a lesson. DON'T FUCK WITH BATMAN'S NAME.
The In-Between Years[edit | edit source]
- Kato became a successful movie star. He starred in movies like Way of the Kato, Enter the Kato, The Big Katobowski, and Game of the Kato. He also became friends with Bruce Lee.
- Batwoman became a drug user, sniffing fifty pounds of cocaine a day. She went to rehab and wrote a song about it that Amy Winehouse stole.
- Cossack went back to Russia to fight crime and continues his Russian reversal act in comedy clubs worldwide. He is now considered one of the greatest comedians in all history.
- Samurai went back to Japan and starred in the pornographic cartoon, or hentai, The Adventures of Samurai, in which he portrayed a sexually charged superhero.
- Frenchy ended up killing some guy who had attempted to rape him as a young boy. He was sent to a gay correctional facility and was brutally raped by Oscar Wilde, the facility's warden.
- The Squire ended up becoming the second Knight to avenge his gay lover's death. He started to wear an armored suit and took a girl Squire so they could talk about fashion and other things straight men don't talk about.
New Line-Up[edit | edit source]
Encouraged by good friends Billy Ray Cyrus and Oprah Winfrey, the Knight decided to create a new Batmen of All Nations, now named the Club of Heroes. It wasn't really a club. It was like the original version, only with different people. The line-up consisted of:
- The Knight and Squire.
- Captain Obvious
- Rorschach
- Heroin Man: A guy from Holland who spends all day shooting heroin and playing Street Fighter and Sonic the Hedgehog.
- American Belle: A hero from the 1940's who was Super Soldier's sidekick. Now in her 80's.
- Man-of-Bats and Little Raven: Native American ripoffs of Batman.
- Jack O'Lantern: The Irish, straight cousin of the Knight.
- Ranger Joe: A guy from Australia who host his own children's show with his friend Mr. Woodchuck.
Others[edit | edit source]
Wingman: the Swedish version of Batman. Claims he had a one night stand with him.
Lightning Man: another ripoff.
Reality T.V.[edit | edit source]
So the new team fought a couple of villains like Paul Bearer, Greg Louganis, a variety of negroes, and Mickey Mouse. But that didn't work out so they decided to venture into reality television. The series, called Lifestyles of the Club of Heroes, was a major success. It told what they were like on the inside. However, many superheroes didn't like it and to avoid being killed, the Knight had the show canceled.
Please, Just Fucking Stop[edit | edit source]
Now that everyone in the superhero community was pissed at them, another plan was made to take the Club of Heroes down. But they knew that they couldn't kill them. So Batman, Nightwing, Jean Claude Van Damme, the Tourettes Guy, Chuck Norris, George Lazenby, George Dubya Bush, and Poopy pants joined forces to get the heroes away for good.
They decided to make an island nation called Canada and place them as rulers. The Knight accepted and he disbanded the Club of Heroes so he and the Squire could rule. This island would be known as Gay Island.
Solo Careers[edit | edit source]
Most of the heroes decided it would be better off it they went solo.
- Heroin Man ended up comatose after overdosing on heroin. When he woke up, he decided to get sober changed his name to Anti-Heroin Man. He also became an accomplished jazz pianist.
- American Belle ended up dying.
- Man-Of-Bats and Little Raven had a campy TV show about their lives called ManOfBats, starring Adam West in the lead role and Elmo as Little Raven.
- Wingman wrote a tell-all book about his rendezvous with Batman.
- Jack O'Lantern gained a career in Irish step dancing.
- Lightning Man, Captain Obvious and Rorschach continued being superheroes. Sadly, Lightning Man died after he was assassinated by Barack Obama.
- Ranger Joe starred in the porno series Full House.
