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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Maozilla (alternately called Mao Tsilla; not to be confused with Mozilla) is a mythical communist monster, created from the DNA of Chairman Mao's chin mole. A symbol of the Communist Party's greatness and power, Maozilla disappeared after his defeat against Godzilla in 1969. He returned in 1989, and once again champions the values of communism and eating anything that moves. It is believed another Maozilla once existed in Blood Gulch in 1973, but he caused little damage: as the game resulted in a tie, all the players quit in disgust, leaving Maozilla in the cold depths of the Internet.

This has absolutely positively NOTHING to do with Mozilla. Even though the actual page of Mozilla says that Mozilla is a DIRECT DESCENDANT of Maozilla (which she is, but I'm not going to admit it), I'm going to vehemently reject that fact. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)

... that recent advances in nanobiotechnology have led to advanced, implantable music players capable of holding up to three seconds of low-quality MP3 audio?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
... that there is a 9 out of 10 chance that New Jersey is actually a state?
... that ten out of ten cigarette manufacturers agree that Cancer is great?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
... that Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A?
...that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?

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In the news [edit]

Eh?

Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian (Pictured)
World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
New Easter Bunny is a fascist
4chan hacked, nobody cares
Vatican commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers • NFL teams refusing to draft Shedeur Sanders

Recent deaths: Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • The 1-game "playoff runs" of the mid-tier NBA teams • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly • Shedeur Sanders' ego and career prospects

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On this day [edit]

April 26: Hyperbole Day!

1764 - Hyperbole day founded in the most spectacular ceremony since the dawn of time.
1834 - The best day in all of history! There'll never ever be another day like it! It's amazing! Not like I'd tell you, though.
1901 - President Teddy Roosevelt mounts his wife: BULLY!
1965 - The mildest day in the history of the universe. No other day was as mild. Ever. Aside from the racism.
1983 - The worst day in the history of the universe, God himself mourns. (Pictured)
1986 - Ronald Reagan stays awake for an entire cabinet meeting! Good job, Mr. President! Let the void take you!
2016 - The best night I've ever had. Ever! It felt so good! Say goodbye to cats!

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Picture of the day

Just when you thought hospital food couldn't get any worse...

Image credit: Doug
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