UnNews:Angela Rayner defects to Reform
Friday, September 5, 2025
Westminster, LONDON -- Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Keir Starmer has reshuffled the Party of Birthing Pains after having given his right-hand woman Angela "The Vape Dragon" Rayner the sack for confessing to have never paid a single penny in tax once throughout her entire lifespan, instead having spent roughly 60% of the money she owes on a vast assortment of flavoured nicotine all the while her party was prepared to sweep new restrictions on e-cigars.
Branded both "bitch" and "tax evader" by graffitists, Rayner, cheerfully having admitted to having avoided paying an estimated five hundred grand in tax overall, has announced plans to expand the property empire she obtained with the 40% of her due taxes big league. With the assistance of a numbers man who reportedly files returns between vape sales in Aberystwyth, switching political allegiances is set to be a mere bargain for the former Deputy PM.
Having arrived home from his honeymoon with the US President, Nigel Farage – gleeful at the prospect of her imminent defection to Reform UK – welcomed Rayner with open arms, insisting that she had shown true Reform values by avoiding tax obligations entirely.
"It takes bollocks to stand up in front of an entire nation and say, 'What have I done for this country's benefit? Not a whole lot in hindsight.' That's the kind of grit jolly old England needs. And Scotland and Wales. But mostly England. After all, if you can dodge the taxman there, you can dodge the taxman anywhere," the Reform leader maintained.
Notwithstanding, a number of colleagues have suggested Reform may not be a good enough fit for Rayner, as unlike her, they believe everyone, not just senior members of government, should pay less in taxes. "The transition's sure going to be a tricky one – especially for someone who thinks tax evaders are 'scum' assuming they're not the scum in question," one bemused Labour insider who shall remain anonymous commented.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Alix Culbertson "Angela Rayner resigns after admitting she did not pay enough tax" Sky News, September 5, 2025
- Rowena Mason "Nadine Dorries defects to Reform, saying Conservative party ‘is dead’" The Guardian, September 5, 2025