Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/22

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Social media[edit]

Recently, a new addition has been made to Uncyclopedia's Social Media Team. None other than the one, the only, the fabulous Sir Peasewhizz! Sir Peasewhizz has already updated the only Twitter you should care about, found here. He has also been made part of the staff for the official Uncyclopedia Facebook, found here. And if you're not following these precious and incredible feeds, then shame! Make time!!!!!...please? Thank you. Thank you.-- Kamek siggy.png ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 18:45, 27 January 2013 (UTC)

Reminder for next USP[edit]

Just wanted to remind you about the next Uncyc Cold War article. It'll be Entry 2 on this page. Also, you might want to say something about us finally reaching 20% of the way to a million in Forum:Count to a million. --Revolutionary, Anti-Bensonist, and TYATU Boss Uncyclopedian Meganew (Chat) (Care for a peek at my work?) (SUCK IT, FROGGY!) 23:34, 31 January 2013 (UTC)

GLORY! GLORY! WINNNERS! WINNERS! WIINNERRRRS!! YAYYYYY![edit]

Aye! Yes, it is true. January is now over. So we're into to February 2013, where the second month of the new site is bound to be kickin'! Am I right or am I right? Well, here's some news that you can get excited for. With the conclusion of January 2013, we have the 2012 Year Award winners implanted into the sexy body of Uncyclopedia History and boy do we have some happy users out there! After a close competition in each category, (which wasn't rigged at all!) behold the users whom gained more "jazzy-ness" from the conclusion of the voting!

First off, the Writer of the Year is none other than the killer... the froggy... TKF! TKF won Writer of the Year 2012 with 8 for votes and a baby-slapping 15.5 features tallied for the year twenty-twelve. Coming in second place was Funnybony with 5 votes and 14 features in 2012! Xamralco came in third with 3 votes for and most of his 2012 features being Top features of the month!

Second off we have Uncyclopedian of the Year. The winners of UOTY 2012 is a tie between the recently opped in January '13 and quite picture-n-tech master; Bizzeebeever. Who did he tied with? Oh, just the newly opped in September of 2012; the young Australian divinity Frosty! Both had 9 for votes! Coming in 3rd place was Romartus, an admin who chose to stay with the old site, who received a pretty good 6 votes for. Good competition boys!

Third off is Potatochopper of the Year (AKA Radical-X of the Year). Who is this winner? Going for the double crown after winning the Uncyclopedian of the Year along with Frosty, is Bizzeebeever! Great pictures man! Great pictures! Not only did he win by an impression-pushing 8 votes in his favor, but he was so good he scared away competition! He was the only nominee and obviously nobody else was nominated because everyone knows that BB would crush his competition. We're not kidding...

May the fourth be Gobshite of Ultimate in 2012. Being the only two gobshites nominated, the two tied and were written down in shame Uncyclopedian history. Who were these fine young users? Only your very own Zombiebaron and Olipro!

Now we have the month awards for January 2013. Categories are: n00b of the Moment, Uncyclopedian of the Month, Useless Gobshite of the Month, and the Foolitzer Prize for January 2013! What? You're wondering why Writer of the Month wasn't mentioned? Well, um... nobody nommed anyone worthy and actually there was only like 3 votes. And the most someone got was one vote for. So make something happen for February's Writer of the Month this time around! GO! GO! GO! POWER RANGERS! The same with Potatochopper of the Month, what up with that? Huh? Huh? TELL ME.

Y, who received 5 for votes won the NOTM for January of 2013. There was a tie for Uncyclopedian of the Month, the MoveCabal and Sir Peasewhizz both mustered up the minimum 5 for votes to hold co-ownership of the January 2013 Uncyclopedian of the Month award-title-thing. For the Useless Gobshite of the Month, Zombiebaron won with 6 for votes, being the only nominee. With 3 for votes, Bill Melater won the January 2013 Foolitzer Prize! Also being a single nominee in a category.

Well, congratulations to all winners of something, something! Keep on being aggressive, because a few categories have been already entered by users in a February 2013 campaign! And for the Year Awards, see you again in January 2014 and right here with the winners in February 2014. And also, voting records can be found right here and over here. --Sir Peasewhizz de New York 20:17, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

Returning users and Grammar Nazis[edit]

Recently, we have seen the return of many passionate members of the community, which have seen the return of Uncyc daylight upon arrival. Was that a run-on sentence? Idk... anywaaaays. So the point is, Ljlego has returned recently, and so has Dawg. I bring these two in particular because Ljlego and Dawg have revealed over the IRC hints that they wish to stay here, on the new site. Ljlego was looking to get an Uncyclopedia cloak, while Dawg just plain out said he was interested in staying. To sum it up, yay more returnees! Go Jesus!

Oh yeah, and you can join the Uncyclopedia:Proofreading Service. This is basically the Grammar nazi equivalent to the Poopsmith Lounge... only less dead and slightly more squeamish.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 03:40, 6 February 2013 (UTC)

The old site wants us... sexually?![edit]

Lol, no. Just kidding. But hasn't it come to most people's minds that maybe, possibly the Wikia's members are curious to what is going on in here (Bitches, alcohol, and partying) and might come sneak by? Well, first off Chief banned BB on the Wikia and set up a spam account here. BB found out that Chief was the account owner of the vandalizing account and banned both of them. Though User:Lyrithya unbanned Chief. W.O.W. Gay.

Keep your eyes open, boys.

--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 03:11, 8 February 2013 (UTC)

Great Hall of Shame Updating of '13[edit]

Okay, so most of you ungrateful bastards won't update your Hall of Shame entrees yourself. Well, did you even see that forum link? It even said "SIGN HERE FUCKERS". Yeah, that's right. Please, go update your Hall of Shame entrees and/or help me update those who don't update their HOS entrees. Man, that was pretty awkwardly worded. However, still. This task isn't easy. Much help is needed. USE THE EFFIN' FORCE, I KNOW THERE'S JEDIS WITHIN OUR RANKS!!

BUT SERIOUSLY.

-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 22:22, 9 February 2013 (UTC)

Robot invasion[edit]

It has come to the attention of this fine news source that uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them).

One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff.

The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is named SLENDER.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Dawg.gif » Brig Sir Dawg | t | v | c » 2013.02.15.23:09

Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features![edit]

As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching! -- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:23, 19 February 2013 (UTC)

Upcoming PLS[edit]

So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA!

No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE.-- SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 23:28, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

February 2013 Award Winners... also, YOU'RE DICKS![edit]

As a wise man once said, (yesterday) "Whatintheworldofgaysex?! It's already March?" To answer that question, well, yes. You see, FEBRUARY 2013 HAS DIED. So... I guess we shall show you all the award winners of the month of February this year.

We only had two categories with cheaters winners this month. What are these ones, well goddamn it let me finish! They were Uncyclopedian of the Month and n00b of the Moment.

The noob of February 2013 was none other than Hoof Hearted. With a score of 5 obtained, this user has passed the ultimate liftout course and went on to claiming this sexy title. Still up there, ready to take March by the balls, is ProfessorScience. Hoof Hearted, however, has left ProfessorScience a strong against vote stating that the humor ProfessorScience gives out was hard to find funny. Sorry, but THAT WAS MEAN. I mean, such n00Bz voted against more than once in this month's Noob of the Moment contest.

And guess who was the UOTM? DUH! None other than MadMax, whom we all knew would win. However, we boggled and offended that this guy only won once before claiming this month's UOTM title. Wow. Not cool, bros. But hey, does his 2007 Uncyclopedian of the Year title override this? Well, fuck, now I'm trying to figure that out. Thanks for putting my head into a crisis-like state. I love you for this.

 SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 21:10 3.01.13

TKF has taken his leave[edit]

If you haven't heard the sad, sad news; TKF (formerly Thekillerfroggy) has announced his departure from Uncyclopedia as an Uncyclopedian, Admin, Bureaucrat, Legend, and Hero in the afternoon of March 2nd. With it, his reason; not enough writers who enjoy it for the fun and enjoy others work as well as he doesn't want to write anymore nor does he need to. He feels this has taken him from a shitty high-school writer to something he had gained confidence in.

Of course, he wishes us good luck and knows we'll boom with excellence in the future.

He would like to thank MadMax, Zombiebaron, The Thinker, Ljlego, So So, Dr. Skullthumper, Mhaille, The Woodburninator, TheLedBalloon, Cajek, Procopius, Mordillo, One Eyed Jack, Heerenveen, Bonner, Hyperbole, THEDUDEMAN, and Modusoperandi. He states Uncyclopedia and his own writing wouldn't have existed if it weren't for these users.

He also has to admit his respect for Lyrithya, Frosty, Bizzeebeever, and Xamralco for leading the new guard.

He wishes for Leverage to continue writing because he's good at it. He states "Humbucker, we barely knew ye."

He left this for Sir Peasewhizz:

"Peasewhizz, sorry man, you've got the energy and passion but you've got a long way to go to develop your talent and rein in your hyperactive aspects. You do remind me of myself from 2006, which is to say you've got a little bit of something goin on here but it needs to be toned down a LOT. Writing-wise, you need an editor. You would benefit the most from pee review coming back. Which gives me an idea: how about instead of Pee Review, we just have writing partners or something? I dunno. But back to the point: focus less on all of the bullshit "community" stuff, stop nominating your own articles, and go back and edit all of your older things. Become embarrassed by what you wrote 3 months ago, I still do with my own articles. Read them out loud. Get better before you get bigger."

He also states he will NEVER FINISH 18TH CENTURY BIIIIIIIIITCH!

But Frosty thinks he will return, as he states (and believes) "Once an Uncyclopedian, always Uncyclopedian".  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 22:43 3.02.13

WHAT THE SPAM?![edit]

What the spam!? Has anyone really noticed on March 10th, there was rapid IP vandal? Well, that shit was mighty retarded, and I hope we can get a grip. No, I'm just kidding. It wasn't much, Mr. N had our backs and kicked those vandals asses like nobody's business! Yeah...

But, this means we're growing. Isn't that just awesome? It sure certainly is!

 SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 21:13 3.10.13

More cabal[edit]

If you haven't heard, the "lovely" and "beautiful" Jew / Cabal runner named Mordillo, who left in 2009, has decided to return. It's not official yet, he's just made a couple of edits, but WHO GIVES A DAMN. Let's just say he's back. We will now have our (nonexistent) cabal back with our favourite Jewish Uncyclopedian, kakun Mordillo. Let's give him a big round of applause. And remember kids, there is no cabal. — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 02:16:06 2013/03/16 UTC

I left on 2011, not 2009! But yeah, if you want to revive the old Cabal part of the USP, let me know. ~Jewriken.GIF 11:55, 18 March 2013 (UTC)
WONDERFUL! DO IT DO IT DO IT!!! MORDILLO FOR USP #2013!!!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 12:12 3.18.13
Where is the current draft? ~Jewriken.GIF 16:04, 22 March 2013 (UTC)
Sir Peasewhizz does it here. And also here. And also, FU MORDILLO! ~ BB ~ (T) Icons-flag-us.pngFri, Mar 22 '13 22:51 (UTC)

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay![edit]

If you haven't already heard (which you probably have), RAHB started a vote to give bureaucrat rights to MadMax, the awesome admin. In a 14–0 vote, Dawg gave him the rights on the 16th. Now, this obviously raised the age old question - what is MadMax's use of this user right? — Capitalis quadrata Y.SVG (talk) (contributions) 09:36:49 2013/03/18 UTC

Interdimensional travel. I thought everyone knew that's what crat rights were for. --EMC [TALK] 16:18 Mar 22 2013

Bringing back the Old School FA[edit]

Yes, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it, if you know what we mean. And not only is it great that we're bringing it back since the 99th issue of the UnSignpost (8 issues from 100th anniversary of the section departure), but it makes it extra special that it's Why?:Your cat died making it on the big screen for its return! This, we swear, was not an incident of Sir Peasewhizz[1] taking advantage of his abilities during the construction of the USP this week. And we're totally not promoting propaganda. Sillies.

One of the ten (to make your chances of guessing correctly less) following articles will be the Old School FA of the Week in next week's issue, can you guess it? Probably not, but we'll let you take a crack at it anyway: Commercial, A Man Getting Hit in the Crotch 800 Times, Sideboob, Kwanzaa, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Riddle, Fox News, Red Lobster, Stratego, or Snow angels. You have a 1/10 chance to get this correct. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peace <3.

  1. Wow, self-reference much?

News From Under The Cabal's Desk[edit]

UnNews has its own Facebook page now and the podcast that Zimulator used to run has been relaunched here. We already have 45 subscribers! --EMC [TALK] 00:31 Mar 24 2013

Happy Monkey Competition 2013[edit]

On March 20th, we started the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition/Happy Monkey Competition 2013 and had 13 users sign up to participate in the competing bit. The 13 competitors were Aleister, Puppy, Acmed2, Zombiebaron, Kelton2, Leverage, Sir Peasewhizz, Scofield, RAHB, Cat the Colourful, Madclaw, IFYMB!, and MrN9000. Leverage, Kelton2, IFYMB!, Madclaw, and Puppy never wrote anything. Maybe they were sleeping? Do people do that for 36 hours straight? I believe so.

People scoring 70 out of 100 points (passing GPA :D) were Aleister (with Second conquest of the moon as her topic), Sir Peasewhizz (with Ding dong ditching houses as his topic, but later changed it to an UnBooks), and Zombiebaron with his book about meeting his enemy on that one day. He scored 97 out of 100 points, which is quite considerably erotic.

So, for once, we ask you! What did you think? Did you love it? Did you love the HMC this year? You better have, or we'd be sad.

Thanks
Shabidoo,
Multiliteralist,
Y,
Sarah Baldewijns

(judges)

And cudos to Shabidoo for hosting the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition, and his friend Sarah Baldewijns for judging assistance!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 20:07 3.24.13

Did you hear MY CHEM BROKE UP I'M SAD NOWWW[edit]

IT WAS MY FAVORITE BAND AHHW WYAYYWHEYH WHYYYYYYYYY GODD?!! WHY?! I'm just gonna kill my-!

 Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 01:59 3.26.13

Easter![edit]

So... what did you do this Easter Sunday? Did you even celebrate Easter? Did you see any bunnies in your house hiding eggs? Laying eggs? Making you "special candy"? I know I sure did! If you're not doing anything next year 'round, you could do some of these things; kill a baby, do nothing, watch baseball, make a sandwich, skateboard, eat soup, and worship Satan Jesus! Happy Easter from the UnSignpost! Ruining your lives since 2008!  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 18:33 3.30.13