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On the telly tonight I waste part of my precious time at school. Mom, why do I have to waste so many hours and years of my life at school? That place isn't even that important. Schools shouldn't exist. School is a terrible place and feels like a prison, only for children and teenagers. At the school I go to, they don't serve hamburgers, pizza, or any stuff like that! On the contrary, at my school they serve some disgusting slop they call "food". Plus, the bathroom there is dirty. The walls of that bathroom are covered with all kinds of phrases, scribbles, and gross drawings that make me wonder: "What on earth is going through these students' minds?" Speaking of students, the vast majority are a bunch of crazy guys who are only there to cause trouble and start fights! And the girls are a bunch of brainless gossips.. (Full article...) Recently featured: Why?:Are you dropping out of school? Andy Burnham Skittles Suicide note Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget August 10: Vatican Mardi Gras 1479 - Pope Sixtus IV inaugurates Vatican Mardi Gras, a celebration of sexuality which is the only day of the year that Catholics are allowed to celebrate sex, dress provocatively, engage in sexual intercourse, expose themselves to crowds, and drink from extremely tall, thin vessels. 1675 - The foundation stone of the Royal Greenwich Observatory in London got laid. It was happy all day. 1829 - Pius VIII initiates the tradition of throwing beads to nuns and screaming "Show us your tits!". (pictured) 1914 - Pope Pius X is killed in a collision between carnival floats. The driver had become distracted after Pius threw beads to a group of nuns. 1989 - Pope John Paul II flashes a crowd of thoroughly appalled onlookers in Rome. 1992 - Girls Gone Wild: Cardinal Sins is released in the United States to critical acclaim. Gene Shalit declares it to be "one of the best movies released today." 2009 - Pope Benedict XVI enjoyed a massive gay sex party with all the other Popes. 2020 - The Midwest of the United States was given the world's biggest anal by a storm. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Seventh time lucky? Country you've never heard of changes name, not too different from old name Mr. Blobby burninates the whole of Europe Andy Murray becomes Pope of the United Kingdom (Pictured) HATSUNE MIKU IS SPANI— *ahem* I mean, Argentina loses to Spain at the 2026 FIFA World Cup Canada is on fire again The United States gives birth at 250 Giraffe marries hippo in Mamdanistan, at a ceremony attended by the Illuminati, officiated by Happy Gilmore. Insiders claim the upcoming divorce album will "be lit". I asked AI to write me an Uncyclopedia article: the results surprised me We asked current UFC champions what their favorite Mitski song is! Seattle, FIFA troll homosexuals and homophobes Europe repeatedly melts into pile of goo Deltarune Chapter 5 to be released IN 3 MOTHERFUCKING SECONDS!!! Wikipedia co-founder permanently blocked, unblocked, and then re-blocked from his own creation; hundreds of Wikipedia editors swarm to Uncyclopedia Starmer to force UnNews to prioritise BBC over the "disinformation" we apparently provide Ongoing: Argentina still refusing to accept defeat at the World Cup • Falklands War 2: Electric Boogaloo • Trump claiming victory in Iran... for like the 101st time or something • Chicago Bears moving to Indiana, keeping name? What? • Letterboxd outage Recent deaths: That deaf girl from those Godzilla and Kong movies • Lettuce industry • Chuck Russell • Pussy Upcoming deaths: PlayStation • Iran • Dick Van Dyke • Bitch McTurtleface • Lionel Messi • Dr. Fauci More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured) ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted? ... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name? ... that deadmau5 is neither alive nor dead, but is a real mouse? ...that Aerosmiths are legendary craftsmen capable of creating swords out of air, though most of the time they just play guitars and sing poorly? ... that Calvin and Hobbes was an action-packed buddy comedy series that ran from 1542-1549, featuring philosophers John Calvin and Thomas Hobbes as themselves? ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together? ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool? Do you blimey care... ... that Wikipedia contains millions of articles written by countless anonymous contributors? (Pictured) ... that creating an account comes with a 50% higher chance of leaving of Uncycloland alive? ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool? ... that the keyboard you have been using has more germs than your toilet seat? ... that dyslexic farmers wear catflaps on their heads? ... that the admins will never approve your DYK submission nor will they read these suggestions? ... that bestiality just got 15 percent more legal? ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color? Care to read more?
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United Empire Loyalist of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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