From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit.

Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'!

Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 30,708 articles since opening in January 2005.

Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will.
Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia!

Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent
Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

Windows XP is renowned for its stability and reliability.
Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight

God is closest to those who suffer the most

Gangrene is a curse afflicted upon the lovers of vice for their lack of faith, wherein the limbs of the cursèd are made black like the heart of Satan, upon whose maleveolent will rests the fate of all men who seek not the light but the dark. For most severe cases, one sees the maggots feast on the deadening muscle and tendon, gorge upon the fat like B'aal feasting on the iniquities of man. A trained plague doctor may extract these maggots and decant them over the posteriors of those unfortunates whose nostrils unceasingly sneeze.

A diagnosis for gangrene may in due haste be ascertained by only the most trained and battle-weathered, for whom the colors of pustules and the angles of boils are like the trodden forest paths of a village childhood, borne within and known dearly in one's heart, lov'd and from rote recited as if the Lord's Prayer. Lacking a doctor of discerning birth or knowledge, it is best to lie in wait and let Death seize you. (Full article...)

You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica

Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop

Lest we forget


January 19: Porn for the Blind Day

Ye Royal Archives

Paddington Blair's word for today is
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.

Auntie Beeb reports:

More Current Events at Beeb News

Did you chaps know...

  • ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?

Do you blimey care...[edit source]

Care to read more?

Recent dispatches from the colonies:

More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

United Empire Loyalist of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

For haggis-related IRC chat, see this instructional video.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, the Royal Navy and an elite clan of Beefeaters. God save the Queen!