From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit.

Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'!

Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 36,300 articles since opening in January 2005.

Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will.
Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia!

Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent
Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

In light of recent tragedies, the National Pet Association has released new warning labels for hazardous dogs.
Vote for featured image

On the telly tonight


Hermaphrodite is the Greek deity of love, beauty and transsexuality. They were an idol of great worship in Ancient Greece, and many temples were built in their honor. Hermaphrodite is best known for their extreme ugliness and grossness, as they possesses both male and female "qualities," which would be hot if they didn't possess the repulsive qualities of each gender (like a hairy Choda and monthly yeast infections). Eventually, Hermaphrodite was tired of the other Gods razzing them all the time, fled Mount Olympus, and started their own religion, Hermaphroditology. Hermaphrodite is still widely worshipped as a deity today by a small and still declining European pagan population, and a small but increasing transgender population. (Full article...)

You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured.

More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica

Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop

Lest we forget

"I should've called it 'Around the World in Two Days', see if you can do *that* you perfidious wench!" - Jules Verne, probably

January 25: Shit January's Almost Over? Day

  • 1890 - Nellie Bly (Pictured) crosses the world in only 72 days, is faced with the nagging feeling that the stove might still be on the whole journey.
  • 1949 - The first Emmy Awards are televised, audiences everywhere smash their television sets for "growing an ego."
  • 1971 - Idi Amin wins upset election in Uganda after the other candidate is mysteriously shot forty-seven times in the back.
  • 1995 - The Russians almost launch their nuclear weapons after mistaking an atmospheric missile for a giant middle finger.
  • 1996 - The last man to be hanged in America, immediately regrets choosing to be hanged seconds after hanging.
  • 1998 - Pope John Paul II visits Cuba, condemns the country for its human rights abuses after a mojito he ordered took "too damn long" to arrive.

Ye Royal Archives

Paddington Blair's word for today is
Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.

Auntie Beeb reports:

As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far

More Current Events at Beeb News

Did you chaps know...

Do you blimey care...[edit]

  • ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?

Care to read more?

Recent dispatches from the colonies:

More recent dispatches | Most wanted ruffians | Rubbish to patch up | A penny for the old Guy | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

United Empire Loyalist of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

For haggis-related IRC chat, see this instructional video.

Protected by the Fair Use Clause, the Royal Navy and an elite clan of Beefeaters. God save the Queen!