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Ev'nin' Guvnor, cast yer mincepies at Uncyclopædia Britannica, the content-free encyclopedia that any Tom, Dick or 'Arry can edit. Northern translation:Ey up luv! Get yers arse on t' Uncyclopedia, before Tom, Dick or Arry do or ye gunner get a thrapin'! Good Queen Bess has inspired us to work on 36,150 articles since opening in January 2005. Jolly well, old chaps. Before editing, please read the Beginner's Guide and browse the Big Five, if you will. Colonisations for the week include Canada, Newfoundland, Australia and New Zealand. Rule Britannia! Politics | Games | Computers | People | Quaint | Coherent Most Popular | Alphabetical Index | Other Categories...

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On the telly tonight Saturday, October 3, 2020 The Center for Disease Control released a statement this week recommending that Americans eat their own boogers to curb the spread of coronavirus. A months-long study shows eating boogers to be the most effective strategy in the battle against COVID-19; much more effective than social distancing, washing hands or coughing into a condom. The science behind booger-eating is that the virus typical gets trapped in mucus, which crusts over and encloses the virus. Before the virus can escape, you have to eat it and let it be destroyed by your stomach acids. In addition to destroying the virus at the source, further studies show that booger consumption builds the immune system, and thus keeps you protected against COVID and other diseases. A person who regularly commits to a steady diet of boogers is essentially impervious to death. (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:CDC recommends eating boogers to curb coronavirus Jimbo Wales Ruth Westheimer Me Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can vote for your favourite Pop Idol to be featured. More of the best of Uncyclopedia Britannica Download article feed plugin for Google Desktop edit Lest we forget October 24: Evil Villian Appreciation Day, National Put The Ramones On at Full Volume And Piss Off The Neighbors Day, World Beauty Festival, Stupid Worthless Useless Day, Hooverville Appreciation Day. 1867 - After mass revolt by the Australian and New Zealand governments, Harry becomes Guardian of UCT 1889 - First recorded use of pure hearted maiden, strapped to railroad tracks, to attract a ransom; the deed, while dasterdly, merely attracts Royal Canadian Mounted Police who save the girl and thwart the plan 1931 - Polish schoolboy Joseph Ratzinger is arrested for arson, rape and general troublemaking. The Pope declares this day an International catholic holiday. 1941 - Hitler writes the lyrics of "Blitzkrieg Bop". Later becomes a hit song by The Ramones. 1943 - Morroco becomes capital of evil villians; they are simply fed up to "here" with Hitler's needy personality 1969 - Your second grade teacher, mean old Miss Masters takes away your favorite doll and holds it ransome; demands that you earn an "A" on your spelling test or "Dolly gets it" 1977 - Habitat for Humanity contemplates rebuilding the Big Bad Wolf's house for charity. Instead decides on Euthanasia as a more cost-sensitive option. 1984 - A science teacher from Great Yarmouth sends his class zipwiring down pylon wires, claiming a man who looked a spitting image of Osama Bin Laden told him to do so. It turned out to be the janitor. Incredibly, no-one was even injured and everyone cleared the zipline. 2005 - Dick Cheney gets a dozen roses. 2006 - George Bush holds Ramone concert; all of Canada kept awake until 3am 2007 - Harry Potter 7 comes out -SPOILER: Voldermort idealised as upstanding being, wins Hermione's heart.In desperation Harry becomes gay. Ye Royal Archives	Paddington Blair's word for today is procrastination Try to use it in your conversations. Knowledge is power.
	edit Auntie Beeb reports: Baby, don't hurt me... Facemasks are a conspiracy by Silver Shamrock (Pictured) This week's horoscopes! UnNews remembers Eddie Van Halen Mr. Krabs's tax returns released Trump has the hoax virus CDC recommends eating boogers Kanye West talks about Rolling Stone's new 500 Greatest Albums list Joe Biden to remake The Mask Middle Eastern journalists cannot wait for the 9/11 20th anniversary Biden being controlled by Dark Shadows Conways take political break in order to watch Urkel reruns Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian Trump's vocabulary reaches 50 words Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19 Trump attacks derpy pony US replaces SATs with CAPTCHA Q announces peace between Q's and Q Biden announces dead wrestler Kamala as running mate Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife" The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization Your cat's gonna kill you Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74 More Current Events at Beeb News edit Did you chaps know... ... that there is a simple, easy solution to the fact that you cannot understand the foreigners who are sitting next to you? Do you blimey care... ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber? Care to read more?
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United Empire Loyalist of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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