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Today's featured article

Tenet is a 2020 sci-fi action wtf film written and directed by Christopher Nolan. The film, which is definitely not Inception, stars the dude from BlacKkKlansman, the heartthrob that all the girls love from Twilight, that Australian chick who played Princess Di on The Crown, Michael Caine (of course), and a few other good actors that you like and will recognize but can't name off the top of your head. The film follows a former CIA agent who, well, it's like really complicated, even by Christopher Nolan's standards. (Full article...)

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Did you know?

... cluck gawk cluck cluck cluck cluck bock bock cluck cluck B`gawk? (Pictured)

...that this sentence is incomple
... that the phrase "¡Ay Chihuahua!" can be used to mean both "no, I don't have any bathtub cheese" and "yes, I have a great deal of bathtub cheese"?
... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
... that the butler did it?
... that more people have been inside Paris Hilton, than in the Hilton in Paris?
... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?

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In the news

"...at least panda meat doesn't give you autism!" ‑RFK Jr.

Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence (Pictured)
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things
We have road copters
Mummy Pig's pregnancy sparks paternity drama
Heinz Doofenshmirtz finally takes full control over the Tri-State Area
UnNews remembers Michelle Trachtenberg
Cinema ceiling makes dramatic entrance during Captain America screening
UnSports update for February!
- USA and Canada take their trade war to the ice hockey rink. Literally.
- Philadelphia Eagles ruin Super Bowl "3-peat" dreams for Kansas City Chiefs, Taylor Swift
- And more!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Hollow Knight: Silksong, and Deltarune Chapter 3 • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • Myanmar earthquake • Tornadoes shredding the American South • Post-apocalyptic streaming movies starring Stranger Things actors • Disney fans re-watching the original Snow White to forget the remake

Recent deaths: Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter • UnSpoiler and BeGone extensions • Space Ghost • Tesla's stock • Bob Rivers • Meghan Markle's Netflix show • The Electric State • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Snow Broke and the 9-figure loss for Disney • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyesight and hearing • Val Kilmer

Upcoming deaths: Luigi Mangione • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis • Meghan Markle's remaining likeability • Your March Madness bracket and bank account • Tornado Alley • Somebody from The Rugrats Movie

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On this day

The Rite of Spring, you had to read the alt text to get it didn't you

April 3: Vivaldi Appreciation Day

1220 - Rampaging crusaders drive a trebuchet through the walls of two towers in Ancient Syria.
1666 - Sir Marquis Baron Vivaldi walks to the crossroad and sells his soul to Satan
1888 - Vivaldi composes new record "A Change of Four Seasons", inspired by regressive metal band Dream Theater.
1945 - Scientists discover that if you play John Cage's 4'33" backward you'll hear someone cough, but backwards.
1974 - Tornadoes sweep the U.S.A, inspiring the invention of the tumble drier.
1986 - D.J. murder rate at all-time high, blamed on the provocative lyrics of The Smiths.
1996 - Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature, and killing like six people.

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Picture of the day

Uncyclopedia's patron, Oscar Wilde, dropping the truth on you bitches.

Exodus 32:

15 And Wilde turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.

16 And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables.

Image credit: Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron.
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