User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

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“I am speaking to you at what I know is an increasingly challenging time. It affects us all; Phillip and I are stuck in this 1000-room castle on a paltry 13 acre estate, with a skeleton staff of just 132.

"One thing that I would recommend to you all in this period is to make the most of the three wings of the fortress you don't use in a typical year. No good can come of having dinner in the same dining hall every night. So, try to find that swan-roasting banquet room your great-grandfather inaugurated in 1872!

"Should Joe Wicks' estuary workouts prove a bore, you may be surprised to find a swimming pool in the shape of Great Britain in your courtyard, filled with heated 17th century African tears.

"And if you feel your resolve or self-discipline begin to wane, I heartily recommend a retreat to your Imperial Billiards Room. If you are anything like me, you will get a real boost from the satisfaction that comes with using a mammoth-ivory cue to sink a tarsian's eye-ball into a tiger mouth-pocket. (Full article...)

Did you know?

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  • ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
  • ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
  • ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
  • ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
  • ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
  • ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
  • ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?

In the news

Joe Biden to remake The Mask
Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town?

On this day

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September 27: Being Fooled by Nigerian Scammers Day

  • 1822: Jean-François Champollion announces that he has deciphered the Rosetta stone. It begins, "Dear sir, I am the cousin of the former finance minister of Nigeria, Ngubo Mbobobo..."
  • 1882: Oscar Wilde is notified that he has been selected to receive £24.9 million from persecuted Nigerian businessman Mr. Mboto Nzuzuwawe! All he has to do is telegraph his checking account number!
  • 1942: Adolf Hitler gets scammed out of all of Nazi Germany's tank anti-freeze budget by a Nigerian claiming to need a small sum of money to export his emu stock and giant vast fortunes.
  • 2005: George W. Bush announces a 10,000,000 USD injection into the US economy, after receiving an email from "Dr. David Ngumutumutu" who has all this money from some American guy's Nigerian bank account, who died in a plane crash with the rest of his family.
  • 2010: You go onto Uncyclopedia.org and check what anniversary it is after you paid a Nigerian $500 because he claimed to know the secret of life and that it was on this website.

Picture of the day

I Can't Believe It's Not Hitler!
It'll have the kids saying, "Jawohl, mein Führer!"

Image credit: Splaka
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