User:TheLick/Main Page

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41,147 articles in English

Today's featured article

Holmium schlock 01.png

Let's get one thing straight, my dear Wats-onium.

(Puffs cigar).

When you're talking magnetism, you're talking about me. I've got the highest magnetic moment of ANY naturally occurring element. You could call it a magnetic personality. I pull the facts right out of the air. Things are just drawn to me. Like you, and don't deny it. It's a gift, from me to you.

(Gestures to empty seat in front of desk)

In my pure, elemental form, I'm a bright, silvery character. Soft enough to be cut with a knife, IF you can get close enough. But I don't stay pristine for long.

(Coughs).

The streets of this world, this city, the damp air, they tarnish me, give me a yellowish oxide coat.

(Coughs again).

It adds character, and everyone loves character.

(Throws down cigar and picks up pipe). (Full article...)

Did you know?

Santa plane.jpg

In the news

1225.gif
Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Bills Mafia shitting themselves after losing the division to the Patsies due to a terrible kicker • Nanny state officials breaching people's right to privacy via enforcing social media bans and digital ID on their respective countries under the pretext of "think of the children!"

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions' and Indianapolis Colts' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix •

On this day

"Throw Coconuts at Old People Today" is less popular with people

January 3: Throw Tomatoes at Old People Day (Spain)

  • 3 - First payday after Christmas, family breadwinners sigh and spend their money on cheap spirits.
  • 1945 - Fascist era Spain creates holiday to cull old people and handle their tomato surplus at the same time (Pictured), evolves into a family-friendly holiday of public tomato throwing.
  • 1948 - Mel Gibson is deported to Australia for abusing his freedom.
  • 1974 - The Keebler Elves go on strike, claiming the working conditions in the tree are "inhumane", and demand a union. Ernie Keebler hires several Smurfs to scab in their place.
  • 1992 - Nirvana releases "Come As You Are" as a single, amateur guitar players everywhere rejoice at having a song they can strum while playing Dungeons & Dragons.
  • 2004 - CBS declares victory in the ratings war after crushing that "gay peacock" network.

Picture of the day

TicklingoftheDamned2
 Thou shall not invoke the wrath of God, lest thou be condemned to an eternity of tickling!

Image credit: Claudius Prime
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