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Today's featured article

Bikini lawn mower.jpg

Hello fellow lawn mower enthusiasts! I see you've got a new lawn mower there. Is that a Black & Decker 36V 19" Self-Propelled Rechargeable Mower with Removable Battery, model number SPCM1936? I thought so! You're a lucky man! Now, if I'm not mistaken, that means you you no longer have to worry about accidental starts, as every model comes with a safety key; can adjust the hight with just one touch and can always enjoy it's lightweight high impact polymer deck, am I correct? I knew it! I told you I knew my mowers.

Say, you ever wondered where those there babes came from? Or who their ancestors were? Haven't you ever wanted to know what started this whole lawn mower craze, anyway? Well I hope you're good and curious, because it's time to discover how grass and grass-like surfaces would never be the same again in this edition of the only lawn mower article on Uncyclopedia. (Full article...)

Did you know?

Sidjames.jpg
  • ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
  • ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
  • ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
  • ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
  • ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
  • ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
  • ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?

In the news

Available soon™

On this day

"Carp de Diem!"

This is October 28th: Carpe Diem (US: Day of the Goldfish)

  • 1066 - William the Bad Motherfucker PWNZ the Saxon army. Maybe they should have stopped playing so much damn jazz and maybe picked up a sword, eh?
  • 1492 - Christopher Columbus lands in Cuba, stocks up on Cuban cigars, Che Guevara memorabilia.
  • 1955 - Bill Gates is born. Biblical scholars widely regard this as one of the signs of the End Times described by the Bible in Revelations 4:16 ("Yea, and there shall come a great Monopolist, and this Octopus shall cast his tentacles wide, and He shall spread darkness upon the land, in the form of buggy software, security holes, and poor interface design")
  • 1956 - Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is born. His childhood is marked by several instances of being dropped on his head and drinking paint thinner.

Picture of the day

Rock Gods
Symphonia, the Greek goddess of rock (Opera in Roman mythology) was one of the lesser goddesses born to Tethys and Oceanus. She is said to bless those who truly appreciate "a killer riff" by turning herself into a sculpture made out of stone (it is assumed marble). She is considered a lesser goddess because this happened only once.

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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