User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

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Our Lord and Saviour, Horatio "Cyclops" Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, KB (29 September 1758 - 21 October 1805), was Britain's greatest naval hero who beat the French, Spanish and Danish fleets and still had enough energy to grapple with Emma Hamilton on his days off. He was the only man who Emperor Napoleon said was a bigger bastard than him (by about two inches) and died discussing stubborn shirt stains at the Battle of Trafalgar.

Horatio Nelson was born with a full complement of arms, legs and eyes in Norfolk, England in 1758 to the Reverend Edmund Nelson and wife Catherine. His father taking the Christian maxim about going forth and multiplying kept his wife in almost constant labour as he wanted to breed a "Cricket eleven". Horatio came in to bat as number six which usually means he was a bit of an "all rounder". In British naval terms this also suggested sexual ambiguity but Nelson was definitely keener on frocks and kept a chest of contemporary fashions in his cabin when he became an officer. (Full article...)

Did you know?

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  • ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
  • ...that if you say peacock, no one bats an eye, but if you say poopcock, everyone blows their minds?
  • ... that the rumors that you are paranoid were started by someone who's out to get you?
  • ... that Godot isn't coming?
  • ... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
  • ... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
  • ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
  • ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?

In the news

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Does Michael Bay have competition?

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI • Eurovision Song Contest • Russian Invasion • Israel‑Hamas conflict • ICE rounding up illegal immigrants • Taylor Swift's very unlucky, no good year • DOGE firings and budget cuts • The Oscars • Hackman investigation

Recent deaths: The Department of Justice • Michelle Trachtenberg • Gene Hackman, wife and dog, too • Skype • Kingda Ka • David Johansen, The New York Dolls, and Buster Poindexter

Upcoming deaths: Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Law and order in Philadelphia • Jay‑Z's career and freedom • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Your New Year's resolutions • Los Angeles • Laura Palmer • DEI, for better or for worse • Pope Francis

On this day

Who even plays melee anyway.

March 3: Beat Strangers to Death With a Lead Pipe Day

  • 1800's - The inventor of modern pizza gets brutally hit with a comically large rock, it was not a welcoming "per favore".
  • 1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia, camel herders use it as a garnish for their camel steaks.
  • 1972 - Jethro Tull releases an album based on what they consider "the most epic poem they've ever read in their life".
  • 1991 - An amateur video captures Rodney King rudely getting in the way of an LAPD officer's jackbooted foot.
  • 1992 - The practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes (Pictured) first emerges in Post-Soviet Belarus.
  • 2007 - A misplaced comma found in the 1st edition of Infinite Jest haunts David Foster Wallace for the rest of his days.
  • 2017 - Nintendo releases the Nintendo Switch, a device used to preoccupy your little brothers while you wash the pots and pans.
  • 2018 - The UN bans the practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes, due to concerns about lead poisioning.

Picture of the day

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 Chairman Meow

Image credit: Socky
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