User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

PrivateEye2.jpg

Private Eye, that's what the letters spell out on the glass to the door of my office. New York City is a tough place to make a living and if you try to sing the blues you'll quickly find out that you're not even good enough to be another voice in the choir. Down on Broadway, it's a dog eat dog world so I make a little money on the side selling milk-bone underwear to hungry tourists or anything else that makes a sound like money. Anyone who lives here can smell the rat in this cheese factory but nobody's saying anything because having morals on Broadway is like celebrating mother's day at the orphanage - It makes you feel good but everyone stares at you like a nun in a string bikini. People don't normally need a Private Eye but when their chickens come home to roost it's a little like being the only cabbage farmer in town on St. Patrick's Day. Eventually they all show up at my door with a sob story and a dirty job that'll pay the bills. (Full article...)

Did you know?

Shoved into stove.jpg
  • ... that the classic fairy tale Hansel and Gretel was blamed for hundreds of accidental deaths involving elderly women being pushed into ovens by children? (Pictured)
  • ... that The Oldest Trick in the Book was first chronicled in cuneiform by the Ancient Sumerians, who lived on the windswept steppes of Mesopotamia?
  • ... that it's been proven beyond reasonable doubt that 50% of modern marriages end in divorce because of arguments inside IKEA stores?
  • ... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
  • ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
  • ... that while most Popes don't shit in the woods, sometimes bears are Catholic?
  • ... that to the untrained ear, John Aglethorpe's Ode to the Monotony of Life may simply sound like one continuous, monotonous tone, but the song is actually composed mostly of alterations between the A sharp and B flat notes tied together?
  • ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?

In the news

Iran hits Tel Aviv.jpg

Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran

Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

On this day

Isn't she a hottie?

March 8: International Men Without Penises Day

  • 4000 BC - God creates Eve, Adam celebrates that he doesn't have to keep stroking it by himself.
  • 4001 BC - Eve forces Adam to sleep outside the hut after expecting free handies without anything in return.
  • 1919 - Women marching on Washington, D.C. seeking the right to vote cite Oscar Wilde's play A Woman of No Importance as an example of misogynistic views.
  • 1935 - Sophia blesses the women of the Earth by giving them the G-Spot, although men are cursed to never find it.
  • 1978 - Your mother is born. According to statistics, she likely experiences 18-34 years of relative ease before you are born.
  • 2026 - Losers on 4chan and Reddit rant about how they never got the girl of their dreams (Pictured), despite being "nice guys."

Picture of the day

Uncyclopedia's patron, Oscar Wilde, dropping the truth on you bitches.
 Exodus 32:
15 And Wilde turned, and went down from the mount, and the two tables of the testimony were in his hand: the tables were written on both their sides; on the one side and on the other were they written.
16 And the tables were the work of God, and the writing was the writing of God, graven upon the tables.

Image credit: Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron.
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