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Worshipped by some, denied by others , UnNews brings you this exclusive interview with the one and only God. Where did we come from? Where did we go? Whatever happened to Cotton Eye Joe? What makes the Almighty Creator tick? We hope to find out these things and more in this unprecedented UnNews event.

UnNews: What can I say, God, if I may call You so, it’s a pleasure to have You with us today. This is a real step up from last week’s guest, a morbidly obese kid that almost scored an on-air on American Idol.

GOD: Well, I’m glad to be here. And “God” is fine. Tack on “Almighty Omnipotent” if you wish.

UnNews: Well, Almighty Omnipotent God, I must say you really look a lot like I imagined. The robe. The long white beard. The wise, stern countenance. It’s all there.

GOD: This physical presence you are now visualizing is no more than a projection of your image of Me. You better be making Me look good!

UnNews: Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. George Clooney’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!

GOD: Enough with the empty flattery. Let’s get on with this, shall we? (Full article...)

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Did you know?

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)

... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
... that I just had sex, and hey do you got any napkins?
... that the universe is made up of protons, electrons, neutrons and morons?
... that the butler did it?
... that 5/3 people cannot do fractions?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?

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In the news

Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game

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On this day

July 13: Surreptitiously Masturbate Near A Sleeping Stranger Day

1921 – Sinead O'Connor is arrested for indecent exposure in a coma ward.
1945 – The Manhattan Engineering District achieves its first major success, giving the ability of flight to a medium-sized mouse.
1987 – The United States Supreme Court rules that disciplining your monkey near a sleeping stranger (pictured) is unconstitutional.
2003 – Stunningly gorgeous tennis sensation Martina Hingis stuns her fans by announcing her retirement. Her fans cry for days and refuse to eat.
2005 – Uncyclopedia viciously and unfairly deleted by extremist Wikipedians.
2009 – The Uncyclopedia Anniversaries break the fourth wall by telling you to get a job, you lazy git!

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Picture of the day

Michael Jackson demonstrating the proper way to feed dingos.

Image credit: Gianthogweed
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