User:TheLick/Main Page
Today's featured article
Act 1 – Is you is, or is you ain’t my baby?
[It is Nazareth in the 10th year of Herod's reign, legionaries march through the streets, Pharisees oversee the moral instruction of the village while Sadducees search for a job description to let them know what they were meant to be doing. A council flat in a bad part of town.]
[A bearded man in a sports robe and chunky chain fingers his sovereign ring anxiously. A woman sits watching television, calmly rolling a cigarette between fingers tattooed with the words LOVE and HATE.]
Madonna: Quick, Joe. The executions are startin’ again, you're missin’ it.
Joe: Don't care, reality TV sucks. Anyway, I don't like executions any more, when did we last see a decent stoning? It's the bloody Romans I blame, coming over here and straightening our roads.
Madonna: Ah, don't let the crucifixions make you cross, Joe. There's bound to be a smiting on in a minute.
Joe: It's not the crucifying, Madge. I’ve gotta go to bloody Bethlehem tomorrow and you know how I hate all those big city types. (Full article...)
Did you know?
- ... that liberals want to eat your children? (Pictured)
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
- ... that Elon Musk plots to monetarily obtain Madagascar for the industrialization of Tesla manufacturing plants, alongside having it renamed "Mada-electric-car"?
- ... that pillow fighting is a violent trend among the world's pillow population, and must be stopped?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?
- ... that you should invest in chicken stock?
In the news
- UnNews wishes to all users a merry December Holiday (Pictured)
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches!
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Bills fans shitting themselves after seeing the New England Patriots win the AFC East
Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Dallas Cowboys' season • Patrick Mahomes' backup's ACL
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Indianapolis Colts' and Baltimore Ravens' seasons • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually • 2025
On this day
December 29: National Russian Reversal Day
- 1348 - In Soviet Russia, anti-Semitic mob kills JEW!!
- 1926 - In Soviet Russia, television watches YOU!!
- 1945 - In Soviet Russia, World War II wins YOU!!
- 1955 - In Soviet Russia, married can get YOU!!
- 1956 - In Soviet Russia, the law has equal rights under YOU!!
- 1969 - In Soviet Russia, moon lands on YOU!!
- 1982 - In Soviet Russia, the last recorded bowel movement has YOU!!
- 2000 - In Soviet Russia, Y2K bugs YOU!!
Picture of the day
 |
The Grue Crossing signs have proven to be an effective way to prepare drivers for an encounter. Image credit: Kaizer the Bjorn |
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- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
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