Today's featured article
Hello fellow lawn mower enthusiasts! I see you've got a new lawn mower there. Is that a Black & Decker 36V 19" Self-Propelled Rechargeable Mower with Removable Battery, model number SPCM1936? I thought so! You're a lucky man! Now, if I'm not mistaken, that means you you no longer have to worry about accidental starts, as every model comes with a safety key; can adjust the hight with just one touch and can always enjoy it's lightweight high impact polymer deck, am I correct? I knew it! I told you I knew my mowers.
Say, you ever wondered where those there babes came from? Or who their ancestors were? Haven't you ever wanted to know what started this whole lawn mower craze, anyway? Well I hope you're good and curious, because it's time to discover how grass and grass-like surfaces would never be the same again in this edition of the only lawn mower article on Uncyclopedia. (Full article...)
Did you know?
- ... that hand transplant patients (Pictured) celebrate by masturbating?
- ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
- ... God doesn't appreciate those who smoke?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
- ... that 98% of Americans have no idea what they would do in a hypothetical situation?
- ... that the square root of 69 is 8 something?
- ... that when a grizzly bear becomes excited sexually it is known as a jizzly bear?
In the news
- Windows 11 JBE will be hitting shelves just in time for Christmas (Pictured)
- A*Teens reunite 40 years later
- UnNews' exclusive interview with God
- R.E.M. members reunite, sign gigantic deal
- Patrick eats SpongeBob
- O.J. Simpson to make triumphant return to acting
- Citizen Kane sucks
- John Kerry comes out as a horse
- Supermarket thief: "Donkey Kong told me to"
- Mike Pence turns into a pickle
- It is all happening
- Lady Gaga's dogs stolen, returned
- Björk responds to Anti-Asian violence
- Stan Marsh presents: 2022 FIFA World Cup sucks ass
- Biden responds to North Korea's "Stink" complaints
- BMI songwriters (but not ASCAP) to receive vaccine
- Governor Cuomo from New York is screwed
- Grodin Museum reopens to public
- Old movies are suddenly offensive
- Northeast getting another blizzard
- Just another dead doper and a dirtbag dies
- Marilyn Manson removed from New Radicals hit
- Biden will recognize Hillary as 45th President
On this day
- 1066 - William the Bad Motherfucker PWNZ the Saxon army. Maybe they should have stopped playing so much damn jazz and maybe picked up a sword, eh?
- 1492 - Christopher Columbus lands in Cuba, stocks up on Cuban cigars, Che Guevara memorabilia.
- 1955 - Bill Gates is born. Biblical scholars widely regard this as one of the signs of the End Times described by the Bible in Revelations 4:16 ("Yea, and there shall come a great Monopolist, and this Octopus shall cast his tentacles wide, and He shall spread darkness upon the land, in the form of buggy software, security holes, and poor interface design")
- 1956 - Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is born. His childhood is marked by several instances of being dropped on his head and drinking paint thinner.
Picture of the day
|Symphonia, the Greek goddess of rock (Opera in Roman mythology) was one of the lesser goddesses born to Tethys and Oceanus. She is said to bless those who truly appreciate "a killer riff" by turning herself into a sculpture made out of stone (it is assumed marble). She is considered a lesser goddess because this happened only once.|
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- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
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