Today's featured article
“I am speaking to you at what I know is an increasingly challenging time. It affects us all; Phillip and I are stuck in this 1000-room castle on a paltry 13 acre estate, with a skeleton staff of just 132.
"One thing that I would recommend to you all in this period is to make the most of the three wings of the fortress you don't use in a typical year. No good can come of having dinner in the same dining hall every night. So, try to find that swan-roasting banquet room your great-grandfather inaugurated in 1872!
"And if you feel your resolve or self-discipline begin to wane, I heartily recommend a retreat to your Imperial Billiards Room. If you are anything like me, you will get a real boost from the satisfaction that comes with using a mammoth-ivory cue to sink a tarsian's eye-ball into a tiger mouth-pocket. (Full article...)
Did you know?
- ... that the waterways of Oslo, Norway are much like Venice, except that they are open sewers? (Pictured)
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... that in order to complete the video game World of Warcraft, over one cubic mile of animals must be clicked?
- ... that sheep shrink when it rains?
- ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?
- ... that Boston Bruins goaltender Gerry Cheevers was one of the most feared hockey players in the so-called "stick to the groin" era?
- ... that the national pastime of Palestine is Stone the Israeli Tank?
- ... Jared Leto fucked your bf and he totally enjoyed it?
In the news
- Kanye West talks about Rolling Stone's new 500 Greatest Albums list
- Joe Biden to remake The Mask (Pictured)
- Middle Eastern journalists cannot wait for the 9/11 20th anniversary
- Biden being controlled by Dark Shadows
- Conways take political break in order to watch Urkel reruns
- Satanic heavy metal drummer becomes born-again Christian
- Trump's vocabulary reaches 50 words
- Van Morrison's brain dies of COVID-19
- Trump attacks derpy pony
- US replaces SATs with CAPTCHA
- Q announces peace between Q's and Q
- Biden announces dead wrestler Kamala as running mate
- Biden selects Strong Woman as running mate
- UnNews remembers Ennio Morricone
- Supreme Court to David Byrne: "This is not your beautiful wife"
- The Big Bang Theory pulled for being pizza-face
- Your favorite show is renewed for 9th season
- The Police shorten band name to "The" over controversy
- TV's Cops cancelled 25 years too late
- Pink Floyd killed by coronavirus
- Kalifornische Beamte erklären das Ego von Elon Musk für wesentlich
- Trump declares COVID-19 a terrorist organization
- Your cat's gonna kill you
- Christof from The Truman Show dies aged 74
On this day
- 1822: Jean-François Champollion announces that he has deciphered the Rosetta stone. It begins, "Dear sir, I am the cousin of the former finance minister of Nigeria, Ngubo Mbobobo..."
- 1882: Oscar Wilde is notified that he has been selected to receive £24.9 million from persecuted Nigerian businessman Mr. Mboto Nzuzuwawe! All he has to do is telegraph his checking account number!
- 1942: Adolf Hitler gets scammed out of all of Nazi Germany's tank anti-freeze budget by a Nigerian claiming to need a small sum of money to export his emu stock and giant vast fortunes.
- 2005: George W. Bush announces a 10,000,000 USD injection into the US economy, after receiving an email from "Dr. David Ngumutumutu" who has all this money from some American guy's Nigerian bank account, who died in a plane crash with the rest of his family.
- 2010: You go onto Uncyclopedia.org and check what anniversary it is after you paid a Nigerian $500 because he claimed to know the secret of life and that it was on this website.
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