User:TheLick/Main Page

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Today's featured article

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They tell you Mother Earth is special. They tell you she's the only planet known to support life, that we're alone, in the vast, indifferent oblivion that they dare call the cosmos, that all those expensive probes and rovers they keep thrusting towards Jupiter's moons are "just for research", that there's nothing lurking beneath the icy crust of Europa except a whole lot o' frozen nothing except for maybe some very chill saltwater.

Ah, but you see, my companion – it's all a ruse. A lie. A terminological inexactitude, even.

"Earth is the only planet to inhabit life"; why, that's what the feds at NASA want you to think. But they're lying. They're always lying. They lied about Area 51. They lied about Pluto. They lied about Santa Claus. They lied about the authenticity of the Moon landing.(Full article...)

Did you know?

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  • ... that playing Dungeons & Dragons has caused many teenagers to loose their grip on reality? (Pictured)
  • ... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
  • ... that within a few weeks of being held in captivity dolphins are able to train humans to stand at the side of a pool and throw them fish?
  • ... that the sky is up and the ground is down, except in Australia where the opposite is true?
  • ... that air is a fictional substance that was once believed to fill the space above the surface of the Earth? While this "air theory" was once used to explain various phenomena, air theory, at last refuted, has joined the gene, the atom, Antarctica, and the free lunch in a long list of scientific red herrings.
  • ... that sarcasm is a higher form of wit than the Russian Reversal?
  • ... that every time you fall asleep, you die?
  • ... that this is why we can't have nice things?

In the news

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Trump pictured holding up his project in front of his friends. They're all delighted.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Superman and Super Dog's movie doing surprisingly well • Israel/Iran and Russia/Ukraine "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)

Recent deaths: Bill Cosby's TV son • Ozzy Osbourne • Chuck Mangione • Hulk Hogan • Resident Alien • Down syndrome • Tom Lehrer • The system • FUBAR • Cartoon Network/Adult Swim/Toonami on Comcast's basic cable package • Sydney Sweeney's new movie • Terence Stamp

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game • MAGA • Joe Biden's credibility • The flowers you bring Alan Bergman • Bryan Kohberger, at the hands of his fellow inmates • Comcast

On this day

FOR THE KING

August 19: Battle of Knockdoe Day

  • 1501 - The de Burghs and Fitzgeralds agree to have a glorious battle in Knockdoe next year.
  • 1502 - Ulick Burke too hung over to remember what day it is; Gerald Fitzgerald "super pissed" that he didn't show up.
  • 1503 - Gerald Fitzgerald too hung over to attend the battle; Ulick Burke calls him a damn hypocrite.
  • 1504 - The Battle of Knockdoe: a bunch of Normans and Irish chop each other to pieces, probably forever altering English history or something.
  • 1919 - Afghanistan gains independence from the U.K., bringing an end to the 2nd Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1952 - Jonathan Frakes, actor who portrayed William Riker, born in order to commemorate the 448th anniversary of the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 1991 - Collapse of the Soviet Union: Mikhail Gorbachev placed under house arrest while watching docudrama about the Battle of Knockdoe.
  • 2005 - Lonely tourist kisses the Blarney Stone, ends up in extended makeout session.
  • 2010 - The parish of Lackagh, former site of the Battle of Knockdoe, found to be infested with stinking drunken Irishmen.

Picture of the day

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 Chairman Meow

Image credit: Socky
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