User:Mitch 1 2/vandalism

TURTLE

This article has been intentionally left blank
Except for this message box claiming blankness
Which is probably just a figment of your imagination anyway
Why don't you go somewhere else and stop worrying about it! Ya paranoid.

AAAAAA

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A AAAAA AAA AAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAAA AAAAAA AAAAAAA AA AAAA AAAAA
AA AAA AAAA AAA AAAA AAA AAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AA AAAAA AAAAAAA AAAAA
AAAAAA AAAA AAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAA AAAAAAAAAA AAAAAA
AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AA AA AAAAA AAA AAA AAAA AAAAAA

Atomic Disturbance has awarded this person a
RANDOM SUBATOMIC PARTICLE.
Mainly because he gets them for free.

Sorry, removed excess code :) -- 19:01, 14 January 2007 (UTC)

Braydie has awarded you some ice cream!
For giving me gifts all the time on IRC

To Cheer You Up[edit source]

I Was Just Thinking Of You

Roses are red, Violets are blue,
I need it now, You know what to do.
~Premier Tom Mayfair

+S[edit source]

Braydie thanks you for supporting him to become admin.
I would have done this sooner, but admins are supposed to be lazy.
There is no personalised message either.

—Braydie at 00:00, 25 January 2007 (UTC)

LORD FLUFFY[edit source]

That was an astounding performance, sir. Here you are. Pie and your prize.

LORD FLUFFY, WHO RAINS FIRE FROM THE HEAVENS,
HATH GIVEN THEE THE GIFT OF PIE.

LORD FLUFFY WHO RAINS FIRE FROM THE HEAVENS HATH GIVEN THIS USER THE GOLDEN FILM AWARD; THIS USER KNOWS ENTIRELY TOO MANY MOVIE QUOTES, AND IS IN NEED OF A LIFE.

--Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 17:48, 24 February 2007 (UTC)

Peeing on electric fences is bad. Especially on the barbed-wire ones the military uses..... Lord Fluffy who rains fire from the heavens 23:33, 22 March 2007 (UTC)

You too?! \o / 00:52, 23 March 2007 (UTC)

Wa-hey! Free Food![edit source]

Shalom!
Yum! You've received a basket of delicious fresh bagels from RabbiTechno!
Lekhaim!
מזל טוב

RabbiTechno 12:43, 29 March 2007 (UTC)

Prank you![edit source]

Thekillerfroggy would like to thank you for reading and enjoying (most of) his instructional Russian Roulette handbook. It's a pity you had to follow the helpful instructions right there in the bookstore. What a mess you made for the janitor! You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
Oh, those Russians...

VFH thanks![edit source]

	Necropaxx hath awarded thee a wedge of Holy Cheese!!!!!
	PS: Thanks for voting on Holy Cheese on VFH.

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 00:48, 6 September 2007 (UTC)

\o/[edit source]

THANKS!

Please accept this generic thank-you template from Ljlego. Its generic-ness prevents there from being a personalized message. Instead, there is this: Thanks for voting for D.

You're still here? I thought we told you that this was generic! There's nothing more! GO AWAY!

Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 14:48, 8 September 2007 (UTC)

Comrade[edit source]

Thank you for supporting me for
dictatorship at the VFS. Now my
diabolical scheme for domination
can commence. You Are A True
Comrade.

~

Tanks 4 teh votes[edit source]

The UnIdiot wood like u 2 no thay reeding hells you improd u're readding nd wrting! Weeding is fund!

Thanks for voting on UnNews:Studies show people who read are better at reading

Thank you for the vote! - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 01:23, Oct 3

Thanks![edit source]

	The UnIdiot wishes to acknowledge you for voting for UnNews:Iran to invade Iran, and hopes that you support Iran's plan to invade Iran.
	The UnIdiot also appreciates you putting up with his persistent whoring!

Thanks again! - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 00:58, Oct 12

All hail Lord Kat![edit source]

...Or is it Cat? Ah well, no matter, have this:

	The Led Balloon thanks you for voting on that UnNews... the one about that guy... Oh, what's his name again?
	Ah well, it's not important. Thanks for voting!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:24, Oct 17

Bloody Pagans[edit source]

Pagans, the Whole Lot of Yous

Premier Tom Mayfair has been a naughty boy this year, but he still deserves a kiss from under the mistletoe. His external organ is fair game.

Interesting[edit source]

I happened to come across your mainpage, and noticed we have a lot of things in common. I'm not telling which ones tho

Merry Christmas[edit source]

Merry Christmas. ~ Mitch

-- Mitch 13:05, 24 December 2007 (UTC)

Enjoy![edit source]

You are presented with one (1) keg of delicious ice-cold
Canadian Beer in thanks for your vote for me for NoTM.
Extreme caution should be used when drinking
or operating machinery. And be sure to keep away from
children under six.

As per thanks,--Major'GUN' Ggarfield, Le Marquis de Nofu .Complex! 20:17, 27 December 2007 (UTC)

GTFO![edit source]

SHOW ME YOUR TITS!
Thanks for voting my tits to the front page. -Zana Dark

Thanks for the Vote[edit source]

GopherKiller has given you a free ticket to ride Superman Tower of Bloody Severed Legs for voting on UnNews:Six Flags to sell severed legs in gift shop.

Have Fun! Remember, avoid those rednecks at all costs. They want your legs.--GopherKiller Questions? Comments? 15:08, 20 January 2008 (UTC)

Template loop detected: Mitch 1 2/vandalism

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit | edit source]

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

A Note to Our Readers on Accuracy

By The Editor

Sir Peasewhizz's mother. An example of accuracy and truth-in-advertising.

We Here At The UnSignpost™ bear a strong commitment to accuracy—in fact, the UnSignpost is required by law to print at least one truthful statement per issue in order to retain our status as a tax-exempt organic fish-cannery.^[1] We believe that our track record speaks for itself: in our nearly 45 months of existence, the USP has printed only 243 retractions, a full 20% of which were not ordered by a court.

It was with some consternation, therefore, that we discovered a massive error in our reporting. In recent weeks, former USP editor and general mensch ChiefjusticeDS was repeatedly identified by the UnSignpost as being a "putrid puddle of poodle puke", and also as having been "perm-banned" for vandalizing the new Uncyclopedia with sockpuppet accounts. While the first statement remains an object of controversy, the second one could not be further from the truth. ChiefjusticeDS is one of the least-likely vandals in the history of Uncyclopedia; furthermore, our research indicates that he is not actually aware of the new Uncyclopedia, and while his lawyers apparently are, he is currently blithely executing his sysop duties on the old site, much as a mother elephant seal mournfully attends the corpse of her crushed pup.

We would like to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for any inconveniences this erroneous reporting has caused anyone. While we have traced the original mistake to confusion on the part of our correspondents (who are possessed of more eagerness than brains), the final blame must lie at the feet of our fact-checking department; we intend to take them thoroughly to task for their laziness and inattention, just as soon as we figure out how to fire people who don't exist.

On a related note, we would like to issue the following corrections and clarifications:

On page 43 of last week's Lifestyle section, an article titled "Fun snacks for kids" erroneously identified nitroglycerin as a "delicious pudding substitute". According to the American Society of Nutritionists, nitroglycerin is unsuitable for children's meals, as it contains dangerous levels of saturated fat.
The last name of U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner does not rhyme with "butt-pipe", as was reported in last week's Capitol Review section.
The full-page infographic in last week's Health News section erroneously read "a teaspoonful of honey makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down, makes the medicine go down". A copy-editor accidentally substituted the words "honey" for "semen" and "medicine" for "prostitute". We apologize for the inconvenience.
Libel and copyright lawyers are not composed entirely of "snot". Any statements to the contrary (including emails and anonymous missives tied to bricks) should be construed as merely opinion.

↑ This is a lie.

Upcoming PLS

By Sir Peasewhizz de New York

So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA!

No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE.

Ask Zombiebaron

Dear Zombiebaron, how do I get girls to have sex with me? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney): Very carefully.

Dear Zombiebaron, how would you describe the live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender movie 5 words or less? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz): I have never seen that.

Zombiebaron, do you sell propane and propane accessories? (asked by TheKoromoAmae): No.

Do you believe in demons? (asked by Lyrithya): I believe that we can neither prove nor disprove conclusively the existence of demons. It seems likely, however, that demons are merely characters invented by the human mind as a personification of our own evil desires and impulses, as a story to scare children, and as a sexual fantasy for octogenarians.

I'm sick of you! I'm gonna get you, Zombiebaron. I'm gonna get you! How do you like those particular apples? (asked by Roman Dog Bird): You still owe me $20 and I told you last time that half an apple is not real money.

Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!

Check out these pages!

In the UnNews!

Indeed, Quvenzhané Wallis is a cunt - February 26th
Seth MacFarlane awarded honorary membership to the KKK - February 25th
Relief as stolen Banksy returned - February 24th
Dangerous new teen trend: energy drinks - February 23rd
Sony fears that the Playstation 4 will disappoint - February 21st
College student sues self for plagiarism - February 21st
Uncyclopedia huffs Britney Spears' grocery list - February 19th

From our logs:

21:13, February 25, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) blocked Miwa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Just stop.)

11:13, February 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Neo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You are dumb)

05:36, February 24, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 186.5.116.114 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (u have aids)

20:27, February 21, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) resurrected Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) (Repented for his sins. Is also getting me hot.)

Biopic of the Week: Strainj1
The Biopic of the Week is usually written by a USP correspondent, but the interview with this week's subject yielded a paragraph so excellent that we couldn't possibly do better. Although we could certainly do worse. Strainj1 is one of our "newer" users (we think, although he has probably been here since 2009—we can't be bothered to check). In his own words:

“

I'm from Gympie, which is quite clearly the center of the universe. My real name is Nils, which to be honest a quick Google search with that fact and my username would probably lead FAR too easily to my full identity. My surname is VERY Asian sounding, even though my entire genealogy is Northern Europe (Danish and Dutch mainly) - feel free to say as much about vikings as you like, because I'm totally like one. As far as dependents go, I own a small dog, and an awesome purple party house, complete with and a discoball and laser lights controlled by a party switch. My parents' immigration status is all good - however my dad did just marry a Ugandan woman, and my sister is a statistical mathematician in Switzerland. But that's all legit yeah? I meanwhile coast through life in a full time job that is more varied than the colours on the walls in my ridiculously multicoloured toilet. I'd also like to state that every statement in this paragraph is NOT a lie.

”

Confucius Say

Unborn twins are womb-mates
Installing fan can be a breeze
Heck is where those go who don't believe in Gosh.
Couple who sleep in water bed start to drift apart.
When man go to court, he put his fate into hands of people not smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Featured Article of the Week

Charlie Brown

Newsroom Random Article of the Week

Proof

IRC Quote of the Week

<SirPeasewhizz> I have gay ass lice

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SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:51, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

[1] This is a lie.

[1]