	Ŧĥīš ǻŕţǐċĺə įŝ ţǿŧāľŀŷ ìñçôмþŕéħėŉşıßľě.
	Ÿǿü čǽñ ħëłþ Ǜŉçýċļöþęđĩä ßŷ ểǻŧıŉġ ä çåŗǐβöǚ.


		This article is really incofuckingherent and is a disgrace to the Internet. We suggest that you vote it the ~~Featured Article~~ VFD immediately.

The work whereupon thine eyes hesitate to rest is an unique and unprecedented alchemy in which the science of mathematical probability, the poetry of the Bard himself, and the pandemonium of anarchy join as one, to provide the means whereby ye Uncyclopedia shall advance by leaps and bounds into the blue ether of heav'n! Verily, the vessel of our collective enlightenment and ascendancy shall be this very page!

What miracle dost thou work, ye ask? What sorcery dost thou, Uncyclopedia, conjure forth from the abyssal depths of science and theology? Harken! Uncyclopedia doth provide an answer, and 'tis clear as day! Forsooth, in the wiki spirit, we shall not look outwardly in expectation, but inwardly, to the core of our collected beings with certainty and wonder! Look ye well, for within each heart burns a Bardly spark, from which all fires of poetry and passion are ignited! Cherish thou, and nourish thou this spark, for 'tis all that's needed to recreate the very words of William Shakespeare himself! By our fellowship, each spark shall come together and form a towering blaze! Therewithin, shall we Uncyclopedians, burn Hamlet!

The 10 Commandments[edit | edit source]

Thou shalt Embiggen especially Shakespearian words and phrases.
Thou shalt ~~delete~~, but sparingly, irredeemably non-Shakespearian words and phrases.
Thou shalt ngerearra things into a more Shakespearian order.
Thou shalt not reference the works of Shakespeare directly as you edit.
Thou shalt not add original content. Use thou only what rubbish is provided via deletions; ye shall make an exception when considering the characters from whose mouths issue the immortal verses, ie. "Hamlet:"
Thou shalt disregardeth the rules at thy leisure, for they art silly.
Thou shalt vandalize Wikipedia.
Thou shalt eat tacos while vandalizing Wikipedia
Thou shalt alwaysith puttith thy salt in thein eyes
Thou shalt then run around screaming like a little girl

Finnegans Wake[edit | edit source]

By James Joyce

Who is John Galt? [edit | edit source]

It's thine password! God! Noteth the secret Page! The most rockin'est game ever invented. Better thaneth it's sequel by far. Also the Spanish word for Devil. JO Soy Santa! Jo chicken! Jo I like sweat! Stupid ghost. Trade price - about 45K Litas. The time it takes for a ninja to flip out and kill you. A Lollypop man.402 small rodents once thought to be pure myth, pubes are in fact genuine myth. There is a difference. A sound made when a large bell is struck with a hammer. What We want is pure, girlish prettiness. If you are in the Bahamas and want save your time, health and wealth, avoid contacting Wilchcombe & co for any legal reason. Find another. Lawyer LUE CLAIMS THIS PAGE IN THE NAME OF THE LUESHI. LUESHI EATS HIPPIES. AND COMMUNES. RAWR! domo arigatou Mr. roboto. Artist Nadia Russ created new style in visual arts NeoPopRealism. CA is better than LUE and ACS(I). Jon Ace was here. A small village near Žagubica. Goya, Kurta and Stefa spend once Serbian new year in Jasikovo and they didn't like it. The Puman is a regular author of Bad Advice. He is 1/2 man, 1/2 human, and 1/2 puma.

History; The Puman was createdeth ineth a laboratory aseth an experiment in recombinant genetics. microwave popcorn ......... in bizarro world dedicated to the habitual drinking of six young gentlemen known as The baddest this side of the mississipp bult the george washington bridge while having sex with thousands of ladies. Several times filtrated with a perfect aroma of grass and the best quality of water. In alchemy, the art of making your mom a very stupid game that originates from new zealand, Smith has a giant blue mole out of his misery; nothing else to say, is a man who loves the tragic consequence of miscegenation with an unknown parent and a sheep OETHER WORD FOR 'PVE NOOBS' B. B. B B B B B. B. B.I like 3's! no intelect at hungarians... ^_^ UR MUMS UNCLES GRANS MUM DID IT LOL! :) MOTHER FAGGERZ What is the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything? Most people know it's 42. "Wait, just kidding. You want to know what really is the question? It's..."

      Unfortunentally, at that point, his head exploded. Sucks to be Shakespeare. When the Joker was asked, he responded: "Boner. So they laugh at my boner will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!" Newport was built by a team of St. Julians Junior School children back in 1994, when it was the only gfsagasdg  thing that existed in South Wales. The children o See Also: you, your mom. really is no hope, is there... dont get near to him.

The most intelligent human with yur penis and vagina in every possible circumstance. It was used in the late 1800's as a secret code for nerds to talk about their sex lives without giving away any vital information about seducing another being, therefore could be used in any circumstance. PURE GOD OF UNIVERSE hecate - the most beautiful thing in the world... well I wasn't expecting a Spanish Inquisition. Little did he know, NOBODY expected the Spanish Inquisition. Exeept George Bush/ "elite AOL members (sometimes referred to as Hax0rz or l4m3rz) have begun using alternate endings such as: ROFL, ROFLOL, ROFLMAO, ROFLOLBAG, ROFPML, LTIP, and the vulgar version: LMFAO. Hello. "John Szamosi has the distinction of being the first Pope of the Catholic Church to have had his ass kicked by a Pope, be married at the time of his election to Supreme Pontiff, first Pope to be an American, first Pope prohibited by Vatican law to receive Eucharest, and the first Pope to be murdered by a Nigerian Cardinal. Early Life John was born December 9, 1982 in Arlington, Texas to a Polish immigrant mother and a Hungarian immigrant father. In his biological family, he's the first native born American. He also is the first registered Democrat, and the first non teacher. Until his election to the papacy, he was widely considered a failure despite becoming Governor of North Carolina, President of the United States, and Presidente Tyranus of Scotland after his unprovoked military assault on Edinburgh and Glasgow all for a castle in an obscure part of the country. His father moved around a lot, so until he landed by boat in Pennsylvania in 1991, he didn't have a real part of the United States to identify himself with. John's occupation of Pannsylvania lasted nine years, before he was forced into taking part in Civil War: REMIX as led by General P. Diddy. Joe Stevens is said to have originated from the East Asian Mongolian/Russian highlands. He is also said to be gay. Which, after an interesting encounter with a moose proved this rumor to be correct. Soon he arrived in Syracuse, New York in nothing but a military thong and a disturbingly bright jockstrap wrapped around his head. After working as a parttime stripper, Joe worked in the streets as a chocolate bar vender/ condomn dispenser dude. Soon, Joe became involved with a drug heist, of which the ring leader was found to be George Bush. However, Mr.President denies anything to do with it. Joe is now living in his prison side home where he works as a 'sexual partner' for the high-class prisoners, such as Osama Bin Laden and that dude from Air Force One. After been excused of his duties due to bad quality entertainment, Joe decided to work for the military. He was then promoted from local crap cleaner to international crap cleaner, a position his good black nigga daddy would be of proud! Deciding the military life was to strange and dirty, Joe went back to his drug dealing life. Like most of his proud jobs, Joe quit this occupation when he was shot five times in the genitals by 50 Cent after he attempted to gain an autographed left-butt-cheek. 5 years later Joe decided that his sexual-organ-less life was not worth it. He also began going through puberty (at age 45) and finally decided that this situation was a good time to get a sex change operation. This was a very life risking operation, and due to the lack of proper female body parts, he had to settle with a torn penis and a single breast. After 10 years being a unisexual, Joe hath decided it was time to invest in eBay and ordered a whole batch full of donkey genitals, as well as a few elephant skin nipple warmers. He was also said to be involved with Cher, Mrs. Claus, the Grinch, and Ariel Sharone. Brother of "Dave the hairy", condition many famous people have, known symptoms are, coldness of hands, discoloration of tounge, which has only recently been discovered thanks to the good old world. She is very, very intelligent for believing the same thing.

Scene 2[edit | edit source]

Deus Ex is good. In reply to the previous statement, yes, doing sex is good. Boring Boring Boring Purple Monkey Dishwasher. The back page of my German book. Shit. BLUE Day hi thi s is erotica The most pirated porn available. The square root of an orange apple. Cloud_Strife is super cool like OMGWTFBBQ unstable.supercalafragalisticexpialidoutuousesesouououeousoueosuevaginapenisThe city where the colour Green was first discovered when studying the magic of the Lichtrepen's Anus - A type of German delicacy, looking much like a Flapjack covered in strawberries and Zyklon B. When eaten, it can cause serious internal bleeding, and DELICIOUSNESS! A science fiction writes obsessed with a strain of cocaine that made sand look red when inhaled, and also turned your eyes $xtyttotheforthihavesexwityoumama$ an extremely bright blue. Of course, this drug was never made popular due to the obvious effects, but it was made into a book/fantasy involving an entire desert of red cocaine, filled with Sand Worms of Self Loathing. A book with a shitty ending that's about some kid who's colour blind and sleeps with an old man in exchange for money to go to school. Read this, and I assure you that the butterflies in your stomach will MANIFEST THEMSELVES AS A DEMON AND INHALE YOUR EYE JUICES UNTIL YOU'RE AS COLOUR BLIND AS A...DEMON SEX MAKES ME HORNY!!!!.... Large Nosed Fish. Boners! God is an arsonist he likes to burn stuff. Joyce, who's your daddy? Said to have been formed from the illicit acts of Satan and a whore in an outhouse, little else is known about the origins of this being. (Note: we carefully avoid referring to him as a "man" since his gender has not yet been positively identified. Probably because the very thought scares people. And for that matter, his humanity hasn't been verified either.)Too numerous to list here. He's mainly used as Satan's prototype to inspire future events. For instance: Initiated the concepts of "sub-human" that later inspired many imperialist nations (such as the United States of Canada) to adopt slavery as a standard procedure The wierdest thing happened today. You know my pee pee stick? That girl, uh, what's her name, oh right, Lindsay Lohan put my pee pee stick in her doo doo hole today. It was funny.''' Prototyped a design that inspired later Presidents to get stuck in a bathtub (see: Millard Fillmore), Practiced censorship as practice for George W. Bush, and later the dreaded Inquisition Use of local security forces provided Hitler with a clear idea of how to use his SA There's lots of other things too. ome say he knows what dogs having sex looks like. This is apparently a comment he made after seeing some of sub-human's dancing. Subliminal message. Apparently, he has done extensive research into this subject as part of his graduate research. This was after his Hot Female Student rejected his "Thingy". He was a participant in early AIC brainwashing projects. Unforutunately, no one knows whether this means that he was brainwahsed or that he brainwashed or others. Judging from the fact that brain is most certainly not clean, we can guess that he was the one washing others. crappy meet roasted chups in tomato sos, made by the fat chuky hungarian women (rumoures say they`re allways wet/and liking) Vandalizing BZPower is a practice performed by infantile idiots and disgruntled banned members. You're playing a girl. She may or may not have powers. You are joined by a thief (who actually can steal in this game). Subliminal message. You go on an adventure to save the world from an evil Empire, an original and interesting plot. Iwans are some of the gayest forms of life in the universe. They are known to say "toodles" or 'I love men" at random ocasions. Once they decide on the people they want as friends they will never leave you alone. The entry labeled "Tori Amos" has been removed upon threat of legal action by Epic Records®. Doing sex is still good. A band of ruthless killers who defeated the Night Elves for their horrible crimes at the Battle of Seoul. Led by Rob Burns, they went fearlessly into battle, and came out twice as clean as they went in. After the slaughter of the Night Elves, the Alliance formed a knitting club, which can be attended on Wednesdays and Saturdays. pwmage in a can. see: man fails at life Bender (or vender, whatever) really is a camouflaged word which really meaning is Denber (or Denver) the dinosaur. You can say, but why Denver have to change his name?, well we really don't know but maybe its for hide from the Piticows who actually eat dinosaurs The greatest man who ever lived, from both America and Canada. 24% remaining, guys, so lets eat the frigging shellfish already! SUPERliminal message. The Liedner throws parties to which buddah himself attends. Liedner can kill a bear with his hands if he so chooses. Metalcore is the name of a genre of music that sucks beyond normal comprhendsion of suckage. Scarsofthecrusifix from [asmb] likes it. Quigley is not the deal. Once Yon Sama was most powerful Jedi. "El MSX es una AMOTO", aka "MSX is an aMotorbike" An old testement practice considered sinful to God. The only thing that can explain Reyad is the word "REYAD". Not you. See Optimus Prime. Mango flavored Orangina. "I saw it" -Oscar Wilde. i love valium. Really effing heavy, thanks for asking. Klewki is another name of Warsaw A grossly fat mythilogical monster, it is feared and hated by most students of Glashan ps. This monstrosity has a stench that can permeat even steel. If you come into to contact with this monster, feed it A+ english essays. It will be so outraged by these "badly marked" essays it will propmtly roll away to its office to remark them. Steve the Pirate is an awesome pirate that may or may not excel at dodgeball. He was convinced by Sir Wensleydaleforthshire to cut his hair and trim his beard for a short time, but he resumed his awesomeness only a month later. Once his hair and beard had regrown, he killed Wensleydaleforthshire with his bare hands. A satanic company which supplies routers around the world, with bad goatse porn in it. Their leader is the almighty Gotase man who is the messiah of the Church Of Goatse. The Church of Goatse is planning on taking over the world in 2010, when all the routers will re-direct to the goatse website, causing everyones eyes to fall into their laps. Anna is constantly thinking outside boxes. In fact, at the moment she is thinking outside the box of her laptop. Fascinating how that is.

and now for something compleatly diffrent, a man in a vagina. --201.95.184.205 12:43, 11 May 2008 (UTC)willial sjdghdiahepeir is homosexuall WOOT WOOT!!! fuck wikipidia! sex is like a browny, its good. props to browny guy! props to props guy! i like sex on a bed of nails! cheese would go good with this borreto. I-PODS SUCK COCK!!! SO DOES WIKIPIDIAISDIDKAISKAKOKIKO!!! PROPS TO WIKI-HATER! U SPPELED HATTER WRONG!!! U SPELLED SPELLED WRONG! UNCYCLOPEDIA IS THE SHIT PUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSY VAGINA BOOBS. PENIS

Scene The Third[edit | edit source]

A Mat is a very large football A LARGE FOOTBALL I SAYETH LOUDLYETH!!. It is used in comedy routines. Antigua - little island somehere where you cannot even find it. they go along the ground at snail pace and are used for cutting the grass. Pope Ted is a pope whose name is in fact ted. I love masking tape - mmmmm.... maaaaaaasking tape. YOU LOSE! I WIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Objects which babies after commonly named after. Prim Ability is best known for stay at school for this christmas break. wizard chess this christmas. random fishy people that smoke crack and practice yoga with the Pope. 'What?? What am I doing here?!?! Slang term for a retard. Duvalls come in all shapes and sizes. The average lifespan of a "normal" duvall is 25 years. VUUSTAAX. These years are often spent being retarded. Being retarded may include: eating cans, blowing on tissues for extended periods of time, licking trees, making constant 180's, and humping sidewalks. The word duvall was initially started in the late 1180s by the NRA as a way of informing someone, indirectly, that they were being retarded. The word duvall was derived from the Latin prefix duv- meaning possessing and the Greek suffix -all meaning retardation. It first saw use when the president of the NRA called his pal a duvall for not shooting babies that may end up potential Hitlers (what Some examples of the word duvall being used in common day language include: "Bob, you truly are a duvall for licking that fire" "By failing the FCAT, you have proven how much of a duvall you are" "Did you hear about that duvall that ate the cat?" "Tim, stop being a duvall and leave its ass alone." Mourning is overlooked as Green Day's worst album. Billie Joe stated on MTV that the song title was derived from the feeling people got when they heard the album. After this disappointment of an album, Green Day had to go into hibernation for 3 years until people forgot about them. Track Listing: 1. Mourning 2. Mud, Checks, and Shoes 3. Hurt on Monday 4. Passion Victim 5. Passed Away 6. Smithereen 7. Dead Holiday 8. Let Go 9. Smartass 10. Waiting Patiently (For this CD to Get Better) 11. He Snored, Did He? 12. Thanksgiving Day Parade And forsothe for I am but a witty farting ladle am I, For not to be vexed by such a god-cow-squid finger platypus. Peter Forsberg plays for Philadelphia He grow upp in a Swedish town far far away from any anything. Thats why he are so good he had som much left over time to practice ice skating on the lake But dam he is a good hockey player. Only course he is from Sweden!! 性交 (xing jiao, meaning "sexual intercourse"), or 信教 (xin jiao, or to believe in religion). It is hard to distinguish the two without tones in spoken Chinese. A story was told by my 7th grade math teacher. One day he was getting stoned by himself, or maybe he just walked out of a theater or something in Taipei. He was perhaps in his 20's. In that era, many Mormon missionaries roam on the streets of Taipei on their bicycles, wearing neat black and white clothes and a tie. Also happening during that time is the awakening of homosexuality in Taiwan. Many homosexuals developed a protocol to have great fun while avoiding government pursuit. My math teacher was approached by a good looking young lad, with blue eyes and pale white skins, who spoke Chinese but without tones. It was apparent from his clothing that he was a Mormon. With great ernest, a bible in one hand and another hand on his heart, this lad spoke to my teacher, "ni xiang bu xiang xin jiao?“ It is not hard to imagine that my math teacher had quite a stir. To all of mankind, he is a sex god. A crazy type of wine what makes grant and jasper drunk. but not only grant and jasper also dogs cats horses. it make the whole world fun. the only down is this room is YOU. Laertes: I'm fucking off now. Watch Hamlet doesn't slip you one while I'm gone. Ophelia: I'll be fucked if he does. They make great socks in Estonia. Claudius: I didn't fucking do it, mate. It was that wanker Hamlet. Radioactive speeders bit Afroman. Use is the proper way to handle things... Misuse is the improper way to handle things... Abuse is when you steal from your mom just so you can stick things up your nose... Don't do drugs, it cracks and fries eggs. Group of fat kids who attend MTCHS and are socially challenged, because of an excessive amount of gaming and porn. animals teach you how to speak many languages, Spanish, German (nazis), and freedom fry. Renata is polish bitch who like sex like your mum! Famous welder and fabricator of the bronze age, also popular signwriter in Donegal. People who are either black, white, or famous drug dealers found working with part time strippers. Giver to the people, maker of men's fortunes, pilot and pirate, eyes big with dollars. DEA and CIA, enemies of your people, could not bring you down, only the noble and honourable could do that. A network of political playmates and puppets held their ground for you and took your money in kind. Dead judges could not keep you among the living. The federalis chased and you averted disaster, until one day you loved your family more than your life and spoke to your son one minute too long. The noble and honourable caught you finally. Your twisted body lay bleeding on a roof, perforated with bullets, carrion for the critics. Terrel Owens (Affectionately known as T.O.) is a star football player for the Philadelphia Eagles. During one game, a commercial aired featuring Terrel in a locker room. John Madden walked up to T.O. wearing nothing but a towel. Then Madden dropped his towel, and Terrel said "guess the Eagles will have to win this one without T.O.". On a slightly irrelevant note, T.O. described the experience in an interview, saying that "Madden had to swallow a whole bottle of viagra just to get a 3 inch hard-on. How do you coach the Oakland Raiders to victory with a penis like that?!" chennai is a good place, where you can get "kaikku anju.. vaikku pathu" kind of people. The Pan-Universal Rabbit Empire is an empire who existence is neither denied nor exposed by the numerous minions of the Presidential Rodent. After an intense battle with the evil carrot lord, Tom Cruise and his band of merry Scientologists, the empire ceased to exist in this region of space. The population was expelled and sent to live on a giant space station shaped like a banana. The Mega-Robotic Universal Army was then created to reintroduce the rule of the empire in the galaxy and restore peace and freedom to the enslaved minions. The Mega-Robotic Universal Army is an cross-galactic militaristic institution created for the sole purpose of fighting in order to restore the Pan-Universal Rabbit Empire. Unfortunately the conflict has been continuing for a good 50 years since the dawn of time, and still nothing has been accomplished. Not even war. Both sides of the war have reportedly said something in the manner of "I'll do it this afternoon" or "I hate everything, angst angst angst, I'm all depressed now. I don't wanna fight. Boo-fuckedy-hoo." The Pan-Universal Rabbit Empire representative has been unavailable for comment, as we have him trapped in our trunk. If you want to see your beloved representative again, leave 70 dollars at the toilet on 145 Wellington Road, walk backwards for 10 steps and bite off the chicken's head. Our men will be waiting. Wooo is the fundamental particle of excitement, but is more commonly expressed as urine. Joyologists have been studying wooo in the hope that they will discover the more elusive compound "wooo and yay". They recently achieved this, and won the Nobel Prize for Extreme Braininess. The process for creating "woo and yay" is patented and highly secret, and is displayed below: The modern meaning of timber - wood - actually originated from the term timber used to warn people of falling trees, mostly when being cut down. Once again it failed in Japan, because they go: "OMG AMERICAN FUCK IT! KILL IT!"

Scene 3.14159265.........[edit | edit source]

HITLER: Alas poor Germany, thou Jews wert Chuck-Norrised by the frugulent hamfists of Mack the Caribou. O small beghilosz that with a brighting shine do clother in the shim. O spreat goonerisms, thou are the Hannity to thine Hannity to thine Hannity to thine Hannity (Ed. note: The author responsible for this scene has been sacked. Enjoy the next scene.) '''''Oh I will... Believe me...''''' JAKE and ADAM: O it was Jake Young that took Adams cast. Alas, Mr. Adams broken arm had no cast and he was in great pain. Jake just laughed at him and ran away. Adam took a whole bottle of oxycotton to relive the pain and with his trusty pocket bazooka, ran after Jake so he could get his cast back. Because Adam is so slow he had to run home first and get his horse named Paso. According to Adam this horse kicks anyone who opposes him. So with his mustang, Adam rode after Jake with his pocket bazooka, a shit ton of oxycotton (56,0987 pills) and a hope he would get his cast back.... (see scene V)

Scene, Take Four[edit | edit source]

Sad morons.

ONX is the pwnmaster. he is your god which you SHOULD 'worship', and if you do not, he will let out a quibble which will turn into an oodles doodle noodle then into a large fart. that fart will then be lit on fire by an ice cube and blow you up. then a purple monkey dishwasher will come and see iff you are alive. you will be in the middle, which means you are alive but nobody knows who you are and nobody cares. who is stupid? you. Jell-o-ism is the belief that "Jello" will some day consume the world as we know it. The day will begin as follows: Wake up, eat jello, worship jelgod, sleep. Any suspision of a rebelion against the jell-o-ists will result in death to the guilotine. The idea of Jell-o-ism was originally thought of by Mr. Rabbit the rabbit. He lives underground in a hole with the crab people. The "crab people" are a race that evolved from humans that were shunned to the center of the earth. Jell-o-ists used to occasionally feed upon crab people but no longer have a taste for them. Jell-o-ism was fought over for centurys by the united division of the divided union in the crusades. They won every battle and completly wiped out america. That's why there's no such thing as america anymore and why this site is COMPLETLY acurate. heres some pie, mr. admin Also see: The african communist elephant. Santa "The Duke" Claus was a famous WWI ace, matched only by the Red Baron himself. In fact, due to his uncontrollable Mania symptoms, during a dog fight he randomly decided to kill the Red Baron by jumping onto his plane and ripping out his eyes. He then stole his suit and usurped the great Russian Tsar, Saint Nicholas. He is god bitches! another wannabe band... a movie about a great little pudding who likes eating leaves and his friend is a polar bear. Bird flu is going to kill us all.jacques gascon pierre richelieu de gaulle, duke of truffles was a 18th century nobleman/revolutionary accredited with having the most french name ever. He was a young man in the late 1700s when the French Revolution broke out, and to the shock of his parents, he joined the peasants. He was a strong proponent of the new order, and his passion was the metric system. The revolutionary year was one of his,and arguably humanity's greatest inventions. He also wanted to create metric time, but his clockmakers could not make clocks that went fast enough. needless to say they were guillotined. Later in life, jacques gascon pierre richelieu de gaulle became a marshall under emperor napoleon. After a successful battle, Jacques was granted the rule of the shortlived Duchy of Truffles. This small state located near modern Munich had many eternal problems stemming from the capitol's clock which very nearly ran on metric time but kept on breaking down. At one point when much of the population was working on a new capitol building, swiss bicycle troops invaded Truffles. A short and fierce battle followed, in which 10 companies of 100 each truffulians divided into squads of 10 assembled in the valley, and were destroyed by the swiss's superior technology and bicycle speed. Jacques gascon pierre richelieu de gaulle was taken as prisoner by the swiss and imprisoned in the old clocktower. Its uneven ticktocking drove him mad, and he died in 1820. his last words were purported to be. "proton, electron, neutron, bonbon." A cow is an exceptionally large woman, usually wearing a shapeless dress such as a mumu. It is possible for 150 people to eat quite well off of one cow and some specialized deep fries, such as the United States Military M1126A Fryker can fry an entire cow at a time.

Scene V[edit | edit source]

A soliloquy:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! The monsters are coming away and taking my brain from into the green bean mechanism overlords! Latin Cowboy Fishmongers easily note personable residue which has no place or purpose in the Durham city Dark Star Orchestra. Can you see Maine? It's Tinhat foil is mars sense tunic faster bastard Longoon Donner Ewdi Chalabi Stock Exchange.

Wait. Where AM I? It's the alligator! Now we must eat cabbage all night long! AHHHHHHH

You can't be serious. Why eat celery askalaid? No, escalade. Chevy Escalade or Dodge Escalade or wahtever large honking vehicle rap stars use in their commercials above being so high and mighty towards growing into milling tude farfa vbean . Many have tried, but few have answered the call. Can you see that this is going nowehere?

Spelling is poor, must break for sustenence, but its no nose bounds. Random is salvation to the path of undying greed unmoney pastor rdogizegues. ACT NOW WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

We can still breathe indigo raspberry junctions, while people stop and sate their state stares yawning and awning towards better violator traffic police. Deletion is so easy for nuisance peaceful red sox yankees.

Scene 5 bajillion and 7[edit | edit source]

Hamlet beganeth a grand journey from the land of whereverthefuckheswasa to narnia. Beforeth he could leaveth he was given a challenegeth to eateth five hams. After finishing five hameths hamlet proceded to eat five bibles, a phoneth booketh and ghandi. He beganeth his greatheth quest. He ventured alongeth the gold brick road. The firsteth stopeth on his questeth was happeningeth to beith universal records whereforeth he did findeth the boy with no ballsof legend known by the feared nameth of Justin bieber. Stab Justin did immediately he so as to aquireth his famed haircuteth so he could fuck the bitcheseths. Continuing the journequesteth he dideth fucketh more bitches than the sex gods lil Wayne and Hugh Hefner combined. Thereforeth he entered the forest of fuckntreesnshit. And did proclaim " I ameth hamlet fucker of bitches eater of hams and Jews and godfuckinzilla" whereforeth he dideth exit the forest and taketh a short detoureth to eateth japan. Returneth to normal size he then did and as he walked througheth the tall grasseth he dideth get attacked by a pokefuck. A breif battle dideth ensue whereth he dideth scream to the heavens " Pikachu I chooseth you" wherefore a bitch Pikachu did fighteth the battle forth him. By this time he waseth really fucking boredeth so he dideth proclaim. "you're a wizard Harry" and Harry potter dideth Joineth him on the journequesteth.

Solilakwe or however you fuckin spell it

Hamlet: I do proclaimeth that I doeth love ostriches in my pants But eat cheese only on muthafucken Tuesday's This questeth iseth boring as fuck Buteth is necessary to reach the grand kingdom of narnia Ive had it with these mutha fuckin snakes on this mutha fuckin plane Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo Harry: a rose by any other name is just as gay I dideth fuck hermoine don't tellerh ron Climbeth mount whereat we must Do or do not there is no try young padawan Happy birthday to you And the Toronto maple leafs willeth maketh the playoffs Buttsex buttsex buttsex We speak American in America Penguins and platipies Oh whoa is me I'm so whoa

Lumos

All exuent

Robespierre:

It is said by some historians that Maximillien Robespierre was first introduced to the French public as Robespierre Light™ but soon had his name changed due to copyright infringements. While the veracity of this statement is highly debatable, Robespierre's ghost refused to comment.

Hamlet, regarding Ophelia:

I stabbed this bitch that had herpes once. I mean, who the fuck gets herpes. There hasn’t even been a reported case of it in like 40 years. What a dumb bitch. The cops came because they heard someone got stabbed but then they looked at her and handed me a cigar. I feel pretty damn good right now. Usually they only give me a smoke, and as you all know, cigars are much better than smokes.

A Solioquy on Dutch Brownies:

The Forplay of the Japanese Excited Farts aka. TFOTJEF formed in 12.3E14 when a giraffe performing his nightly comedy routine suddenly got stage fright and realised that he could extend his neck 4.8 metres more than his distant cousin Ludwig. This inspired him to change his name to Xenu and caused his memory to rearrange itself to his past life where he was an alien who came to earth to teach humans never to give out their password or credit card number in an instant message conversation Xenu stayed for a few days in Papua New Guniea before migrating to America where he was eaten by L.Ron Hubbard as part of his new religious movement Imafuckingloserentology. TFOTJEF then decided to call it quits after making a bad batch of cookies one Sunday afternoon. They made eighteen albums and had twelve beers. Leonard Nimoy Typecasting Disease can be diagnosed in exactly two ways by order of Avril Lavigne. The first method consists of irradiating the subject with elephants and seeing if their nose turns into a Terminator. The second method is illegal in Turkmenistan.

The term Alice obstrum is a misnomer, as it does not refer to an obstrum but rather a type of obiesse with mudflaps connecting it to a Gygax worm. It was historically used to convert circular motion into linear motion, while at the same time reducing variations in direction (and thus making it more controlled), but now is almost entirely replaced by the Lisp Machine.

In 1482, when working on his clock for use aboard hot-air balloons, Norman Tebbit needed a mechanism. Since the autoracks in use at the time were too heavy, he hired engineer Mark Taylor to design a new mechanism. Taylor originally attempted to use the Gygax-Arneson Principle, treating each of the clock’s hands as an Illuminatus bluebottle and use icosahedra as gears. While this system functioned on the ground, it was a miserable failure in the hot-air balloons due to the additional air resistance resulting from the high temperature (see Boyle’s Law). Taylor hit on the idea of replacing the icosahedra with a helical spring, to increase laminar flow around the system, but eventually found that a triple-helix was required. He named the device after Tebbit’s mother, who had died nine days earlier.

When Taylor died of food poisoning in 1497, his wife Edna devoted her attention to the construction and operation of torture devices. It is not known whether she actually used any of the devices on a live subject, but it was rumoured to be the manner in which she dissuaded many suitors from making further advances. After she died, two sets of Kevorkian thumbscrew presses, a Corinthian breadbasket machine and a modified water torture machine were found in her basement, among other such apparatus. As they all used Alice obstrums, the mechanism became known as a dungeonmistress’s corkscrew. This is a misleading name, as a few years later it would be replaced, and its successors used mainly by male dungeonmasters. JAKE and ADAM: ENDGAME: After many days and nights slain, Adam found the evil, twisted, evil Jake. Adam asked nicely for his cast back but Jake said NO. Alas, Jake died when Adam shot him with his pocket bazooka, blowing him into bite size peices wich the locals gathered and ate. Adam got his cast and Jake was dead. BUT this is not the end. Jakes bite sized peices turned everyone who ate them into zombies..... (Part 4 of The Book Of...AAAAH...meat sauce)

Act Two[edit | edit source]

Scene Uno[edit | edit source]

The Groundskeeper:

Who in the hell could whip 11 of my baddest neutered blood hounds, Cut more grass, change more tractor motor oil, drink more Old Milwaukee’s best, sip more Mad Dog 20/20, puke more wine, smoke more Camel cigarettes, slop more hogs, catch more fish, gut more alligators, milk more goats, bust more salt lick, take long strides through swamp land, herd more cattle, water more buffalo, train more mules, tame more gray hounds with rabies, kill more ants, squash more water bugs bare footed, wrestle more bulls, kick back and tell more jokes, laugh louder, fight tougher, argue more, drink more gin, spit more snuff, get more drunk to the sounds of Curtis Mayfield, urinate the longest time, talk more jive, hunt more goose, pluck more ducks, fry more deer meat, use more skunk spit and Clorox for rat poison, beat more country boys to the punch line, dice more potatoes, wash more cotton, dookey with a sock for toilet paper, cut more cigars, sip more yak, nuke more horses, sing, grapple, drink more tea, Make a wife clean the sweat and swamp moss from between the toes of ole Marvin Kennedy with a cotton ball, break more 2 by fours, hunt for more deer, fix more Cadillac engines, yell, kick more buckets, shred more hay, make more home made pepper, skin more skunks, collect more beer cans, stand more heat, drive through more cold air, build more houses, chop down more trees, trim more weeds, and talk in a deep voice after 20 cans of beer, more than ole Marvin Kennedy? Nobody, that's who. The new Ipod porno has a wide open slot at the bottom for vibrating headphones. Please make sure that you DONT leave your computer with your ipod alone. Reason 1 they can get aids and 2 you might not want little ipods. (Caution: black Ipods may be having affairs with other ipods. Dont get the black ones because they might be surprisingly in your bed with your wife, and they like to play musical outputs.) You might want to get them company and electric seimen might sting you. Most of them have been in pornos and have a battery life of 12 minutes. You must supercharge them with your own extension cable for the fastest and best charges. We are not held responsible if they molest your dog. Steve jobs finally got his job on and was very excited making these. Apple says these ipods can have their apples removed if neccisary. If you decide to make a sandwich dont put them in the middle. Avoid putting in Micheal Jackson songs and the song "Baby Got Back" in them. Keep away from electronic products. They come with a sextime lifetime warranty. Available in blonde hair and it will cost $100 to get an Ipod PoRNO off the streets if you know what I'm saying. Great marketing strategy if they get pregnant! A bunghole is a whole in your like Butt and stuff or a whole in a keg. Like in hamlet when he says Bunghole uh huhhuhhuh All members are gay with each other.

A Crazed Spaniard enters

A Power Ranger is the lackey of Jesus, and are the original inventors of futuristic jumpsuits. They defeat evil in crappy, pathetic ways, but miserably fail, and whenever they get hit, sparks fly out of them and light entire cities on fire. They also have pathetic battle cries, and their attacks, while flashy, are way too friggin' cheap. Then they hop into this big ass robot that attacks with acidic urine, but it's just cream soda. Soon, Jesus turned them into rats and had them squished. Power Rangers love the batty as the glory hole is their God. It is the exalted temple from whence they suckle the liquefied attorneys with broccoli skulls doing the can-can on a lazy susan, w/peas porridge hot peas porridge cold peas porridge prophet Muhammad's sopping wet vagina (peace be upon it) - Siamese particularly if you don't please (ELSE GOTO Helena Handbasket - come-on-a her house she gonna give you easter egg. and a small hammer made of compressed air. and two-thirds of lithuania). don't ask don't tell don't ever do that again, for only three easy payments of $19.95. your deli now offers kosher n00bsauce? mazeltov... mazeltoverandoverandoveragain... andoverandoverandoveragain till two and two are three, in other words, until 4:57 PM CST through the eye of the nearest buffalo. TARDIS MCNUGGETS!! username and password please? i suspect it involved a bottle of Brie, a robotic priest and Cher's duplicate intestines, but I'll tell your commanding officer otherwise if you'll spot me a basket of ennui 'till next payday. an ounce of haggis short of a happy meal, she whispered unintentionally while nibbling seductively on my all-new diabeetus-proof combination pancreas/spleen/rotogravure (endorsed by Wilford Brimley and his all-new Turbostanian wife Ennis Del Mar [employee pricing available for a limited time only] and their backup band of quantum rabbits). eat the lexicon! cout "I said eat your goddamn lexicon Billy, there are starving kids in the fifth dimension and/or Burbank!" rem Heather has syphilis... YOU know which Heather I'm talking about. I can sit here turning gold into fetus-flavored SnoCones all night if I have to - I just have to have a little bite of your cancer sandwich. too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ra that's an Irish lullaby, until you distract me by asking what (and/or who) would Sarah Palin do for half the geriatric klondike bars in Des Moines? Those Metroids in your wallet told me it has something to do with an exploding urethra, I forgot just what, Betty. well, if that's how you're going to treat a customer, I demand to speak to your supervisor. segregation now, segregation tomorrow, licorice forever! (offer void in Tulsa, Enid, Wysconsyn, and Oklahomo).

Exeunt Crazed Spaniard

Hamlet, to Ophelia

Tall girl. Large breasts. Quite scary. Thy woman that hath ate Russ Meyer known only as Lyssa.

Joana From Uncyclopedia Now this Joana is normally a name given to a Portuguese girl . They are often short but cute, and often found living behind churches ! Joana is a gentle creature, they like love songs like one wish or GAY PUFFS LIKE DADDY YANKEE .. !

This Joana girl is normally quite nice to talk to tho sometimes she can turn into a raging dragon which will not stop until u make her feel like she's really hurt u .

These creatures often pretend not to like people such as Brasilians and TJrks though they really enjoy their company ... well I don't know about the Turks but Portuguese love Brasilians.

FACTS ABOUT JOANA :-

Short with long hair

Admirable smile though her sweet innocent looks can be deceiving !

Normally best friends with girls called Kayleigh ... They get on like a house on fire.

Ophelia

Carcinogen is something that causes cancer in lab rats, i.e. it's an alternative term for everything. The most carcinogenous substances create free radicals, and oxygen is one. People responsible for their own health should inhale all air through a burning cigarette to burn off all oxygen from the inhaled air. Also, all animals, fungi, and plants contain carcinogenic residues of chemicals, you know, CHEMICALS that the EVIL INDUSTRY puts in OUR FOOD! Therefore, it is responsible replace eating animals with a more safe method, namely huffing them, and no one but women and sissies eat greens anyway so it doesn't matter. Carrickfergus (Rock of Fergus)was named in dedication to Fergus the Great who opened the first Hard Rock Cafe there. It brought great attention to the town and opened up marketing opportunities for other restaurants and cafes. Springsteens restaurant opened courtesy of Robert the Bruce Springsteen who decided he would move here and live in Carrick Castle. But Bruce was never a market leader and just about broke even by giving away crap records in his Kiddies meals. However Fergus went bust when Ronald McDonald opened his drive through and this brought an influx of clowns to Carrick. Some are still there today and call themselves "protestants". This influx of clowns saw famous clowns such as Bobo, and It but the most famous was Krusty the clown. Krusty opened his own restaurant and by selling his own brand Krusty burgers, sparked the great Battle of Carrickfergus in 1318. Ronald won, he got Bruce put out of Carrick castle by the Carrick gang known as the "Hardy Lads". He went toe to toe with Krusty and bitch slapped Krusty off the top of Carrick castle and into Belfast lough where he then drifted to Springfield USA on The North Atlantic Currents. Ronald became the most popular guy in the town and then married a local girl called Maud and she opened her own ice cream parlour. However they later divorced when Ronald copied her ideas and started selling the "new and innovative" McFlurry. All that remains today is the castle, Springsteens and the Mcdonalds and Mauds. Ronald died a few years back when his red hair blew into his face and he stepped onto the road where he got knocked down by a moped gang. Rumours circulated that it was suicide from the divorce of Maud, or the success of Mauds Pooh Bear ice cream against his McFlurry but nevertheless Carrick had lost a hero. The moped gangs still fight for superiority with the clowns (protestants)and the breakaway clown splinter group "The Hardy Lads". But the Clowns often have a show of strength with band parades and funny walks and orange sashes in memory of their clown founder Ronalds hair. The Diablo made his debute for the first time ever in the crappy video-game "Diablo". After they made "Diablo II" he laid off the video-games and became a world-famous rockstar. After some crappy bands started copying him with his satanic hard rock, he fled to the mountains to become a hermit. There he met Gipetto, a craftsman, who's son had just become a real boy. Unfortunately the boy was mistaken for a deer and was shot soon after the process. Diablo thought that Gipetto was a whiney-ass baby, so he sent him to burn for eternity in the fiery pits of hell. Iambic pentameter is a fattened pig for Spoken Word slaughter, yet lyricists keep coming back to it when they find out during their last year of university that English is just sort of naturally that way. That sends the young poet dickweed back to the drawing board. They usually wind up drowned in their own vomit by the age of 27, but never mind. Whoever started making 'never mind' one word is one lazy muva if you ask me. Anyway, the "Iamb" as you can call it at a party just to fuck people up, is the daDUM in decay. 5 of those and you got a line, Master Crosby.

Hamlet:

Germs are the devil's tools for his plan of world domination. The devil has many tools. He has, for instance, this: , this: , and this: . Mathematical formulas are the devils trademark. Trademarks are things that no one quite understands yet. Just don't worry about trademarks. If you hear someone say, "trademark", just ignore that person. That person doesn't know what he's talking about anyway. And on another note "TWAHTER"!!!!!!! Penguins, also known as Pengueenius Maximus', are know for their excessive dabbling within' the arts of MAGIC! These "Peguins" that we commonly mistake for nice, cute, and silly little knuckleheads, are actually a clan of EVIL UGLY DUMMBY DUMB HEADS (a.k.a. the EUDDH's) and should all be skinned, decapitated, and heads placed carefully onto a pike for to be Paraded around your local village.

After 500 years of existence he won the FIFA shittiest player of the year in 2567. After going mad he destroyed what was left of "The Theater of Shit" ...

Scene Deux[edit | edit source]

Narrator: How's your uncle?
Hamlet: He is dying and cancer has.

jING JIE, ALSO KNOWN AS HOMO DARYLIIUS HATERRUS was a species of humans homo sapiens that have passed away and returned to hack their dick headed friends called afiqs to death. A jing jie has 3 hands, two heads and five ties. He is a personal assistant to jee-sus of the ssurbubia(also known as dick brain lame old bastard) He was friend to OBi 2 kenobi before kenobi stuck his lightsaber in jing jie's head, cause him to only have two now. Found to be parkour-ing often at large open areas, viewers of this species of humans are to be very careful as he can turn violent.

Narrator: My God man, did you just soil yourself?
Hamlet: Why yes. Yes, I did.

HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.

WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR EXCREMENT. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.

THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:

(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.

(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND TOILET NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY TRANSFER.

(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.

ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY HOW MUCH WE WILL REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.

PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.

BEST REGARDS

A CRAZED SPANIARD

Scene Three[edit | edit source]

Narrator:

Xcvm,lnmawevio;aern klawnc;klawd l;bvanc;x,sn aweuiphfrq234ihjfaksdnckaejrng,.am skl;x,zm<>nx hrnlqwdc635wef34YHr76yEASFvs45u se5giu34tezgf$%WU* &@#QWR123t545^O(&**$@^%&USEDBGtr6u8wwef34YHr76yEASFvs45u se5giu34tezgf$%WU* &@#QWR123t545^O(&**$@^%&USEDBGtr6u8w4HT&LO())TYET*5ebhkhuSDVGmkGTu45j789OP&^Be5e 1` SD1Q

At this point he is smacked around a bit with a rather large trout.

Yoda: I feel a disturbances in the force, almost like an entire planet cried out in terror, and was anally violated by Keith Richards...

Narrator:

Woops... hehehe

Tito Puente's abraxas is fully inordinate when considered in the faux pas spectrum reticulating 290mghz per square meter In contrast to those who gasp and stutter Tito cleans up nicely and furthermore a red rupee is not quintessential to the inorganic structure we call salsa - magnet-o-phobia but who doesn’t like a little mint julep in their spring time laxatives? Yes it might have been that Tito had the best of times but at the worst of the times these best were still worse and feeling the rubbery grip of the pharmaceutical nostalgia he released his appendage and became a rit-a-tat-tat in many unfolding helixes.

Vernacular is a word used often by Tito He liked to chill with gnomes who had their pie slippers on at all hours. When Puente performed the first salsa song EVER the gasps that escaped the room were more of ‘coos’ or hisses Tito performed a ssong featuring jquan and Richard pryor titled "whereas my exhalation does not compute!" the song won a record 256 grammies.

Indeed, there fermented a rising ebb and how shall we say coagula of social progress due to Tito's music, yet he still felt incensed by his hat racket rocket pack to heave in the mid-tempo of sonnet #354. Like red rice Ronald (Reagan) revered racquetball rather than salsa so he coagulated a macabre plot device to extinguish the genre; the president patented Pete Patersons so that the unnanounced rhythms in Tito's melodies could be understood. As This was contrary to the mellieu of the time, Tito was seen as one grand Faux Pas Tito was outraged and began a guerilla war against the president in a Un speech at the nation of Zanzibar Tito is quoted as saying "But where where did all the Carpathians go? Oh, there they are but I still demand a refund, pending my ticket holster did not come undone…."

Tito is the founder of the Kappa clothing lable to the delightof greasy Italians everywhere rather the label is a degenerate promotional fence intertwined with the yellow UPS intelligence opiates pursued at sedation during festivals graduating horses.

Tito impregnated many women and his kisses are said to leave zebra Xerox canes verbalizing new motions on the stove oven. A word of warning when lsitening to Tito's music do not attempt to fathom the simplicity involved in reticulating a stop-motion inorganic drama using only Styrofoam socket punchers and horseradish teeth lines or the world as you and I know it will break up into several renditions of the ten quintessential melodramas starring multi capable handicap protagonists of all time. Intending Tito Puente left at 12:30 averaging a speed of 54miles an hour how many earmuffs does he need to spell Nugent? Ten hundred nineteen thousand and fifty two million is only an approximate estimation of the layaway privileges granted to the Tito Puente during log day in any Franco-Croatian town. Tito guest starre don the popular show, the simpsons on June 19th 1986 the same day that Jimy Carter admitted to dancing upon grated cheese and salami entrails. A question still pertains to his legacy, "Cannot a man jive to those funky rhythmic jitters without experiencing semi-delusional disorientation followed by extreme pat-hatting and jam-racketing!"

Tito Now lives in Utah and is a devout Mormon with 5 wives whoa re also his kids.

His mother was a bunny and his dad an cow.

We interrupt this program for an important breath-taking soliloquy:

KISS ME IM IRISH!!! It is believed that if you light many candles on this day you may burn your house down. If you put your most priced posetions on fire it will bring good luck all year. Remeber this holiday lasts 5 days. One the first day you must throw away all your money to bring back more. You may want to worship the beautiful goddess elizabet for iternal beauty and her brother Jason the ugly one to keep you from becoming ugly.(little bit of his ugliness may rub on you), she has a husband who is responsible for the second day name Pantalones who when offered bloood of an owl wil set you free when you die. The rest of the three days you should spent in the bathroom. Getting rid of all that waste "POOPIE" that you have kept in your body all year long. Elyvette, is a famous King of Africa who is famously known for celebrating this holiday and you may visit her Diwapio club there every year where it is always celebrated. Diwali is often prounouced WALdip, since roman times, for really slow children have misprounouced it and cause the holiday to sound like WALdip. So please come to elyvette's big bash with baloons ON FIRE! This holiday is also famisly celebrated in North Calorina. And is famisly known there for its famouse butt showing beads called Bardi Bras. Children are an important part of this holiday. Once a year one is picked to be thrown off a balcony and then eaten. Hours later it body is rolled down a barrel next to a dead squirrel. This will make u not only homicidal but a squerel freaaAK. If you are a true server to this holiday you should do the following ,stare it this picture for a couple of seconds and then come back to reading this article., well now that we have that all through our system we can continue to take this holiday very seriously*(cough)*(cough)*, so now that you have the candle decorations all down and have visited elyvettes crib you should continue the following ritueals. take ELMO glue and poor it over all your body parts you want you want to keep when you die.PLAYAS GONNA PLAY AND HATARS GONA Hate, um sorry for that brief inturoption, anyways this will leave you smelling nasty and sticky for a day if you take this realisticly but for those with powerful imagination and is an idiot will um... i guess "survive" READ THE FOLLOWIN TRUE FOLLOWERS ONLY!!! FJLASDKFJALSDFJALSDFJALKDFMCVMLKASEFJFUCKFUCKDFLASDJFLADFLKASDFLASD- FLSDJFLASJFUCKFUCKADLFJADLSFLKDFJALKDFJALSKDFJLADFJFUCKFUCKDFLASDJFL- KSDFJLADJFLKADJFLKLASDFJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJAJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ- JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJadfadflmvlkjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj- jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjasldfkj- asldfjasldfkjasldfjfuklkadjflasdjflskdfjlkfjfukcjljdasfliajsdflijfufkod- ifjoadifjfukcfuckfladkjflasdfjfuckfjfuckfjlasdjflsdkfjalsdfjalsdfjalsdf- jalsdfjalsdfjalsdfjalsdfjlasdfjlasdjflasduroiweoaeiruoeiruoerl.........- ........................................IF YOU TRIED TO READ THIS ... you are special.!!!

We now return you to the regularly scheduled play.

Act Three[edit | edit source]

SCENE I.[edit | edit source]

A room in the castle.

Enter KING CLAUDIUS, QUEEN GERTRUDE, POLONIUS, OPHELIA, ROSENCRANTZ, and GUILDENSTERN

KING CLAUDIUS

And can you, by no drift of circumstance,

Get AWAY! from him why he puts on this confusion,

Grating so harshly all his days of quiet

With turbulent and dangerous lunacy?

ROSENCRANTZ

He does confess he feels himself distracted;

But from what cause he will by no means speak.

GUILDENSTERN

Nor do we find him forward to be sounded,

But, with a crafty madness, keeps aloof,

When we would bring him on to some confession

Of his true state.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Did he receive you well?

ROSENCRANTZ

Most like a gentleman.

GUILDENSTERN

But with much forcing of his disposition.

ROSENCRANTZ

Niggard of question; but, of our demands,

Most free in his reply.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

Did you assay him?

To any pastime?

GUILDENSTERN

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!

ROSENCRANTZ

Madam, it so fell out, that certain players

   We o'er-raught on the way: of these we told him;
   And there did seem in him a kind of joy
   To hear of it: they are about the court,
   And, as I think, they have already order
   This night to play before him.

LORD POLONIUS

   'Tis most true:
   And he beseech'd me to entreat your majesties
   To hear and see the matter.

KING CLAUDIUS

   With all my heart; and it doth much content me
   To hear him so inclined.
   Good gentlemen, give him a further edge,
   And drive his purpose on to these delights.

ROSENCRANTZ

   We shall, my lord.

   Exeunt ROSENCRANTZ and GUILDENSTERN

KING CLAUDIUS

   Sweet Gertrude, leave us too;
   For we have closely sent for Hamlet hither,
   That he, as 'twere by accident, may here
   Affront Ophelia:
   Her father and myself, lawful espials,
   Will so bestow ourselves that, seeing, unseen,
   We may of their encounter frankly judge,
   And gather by him, as he is behaved,
   If 't be the affliction of his love or no
   That thus he suffers for.

QUEEN GERTRUDE

   I shall obey you.
   And for your part, Ophelia, I do wish
   That your good beauties be the happy cause
   Of Hamlet's wildness: so shall I hope your virtues
   Will bring him to his wonted way again,
   To both your honours.

OPHELIA

   Madam, I wish it may. But Funny I'm afraid, Nay

   Exit QUEEN GERTRUDE

LORD POLONIUS

   Ophelia, walk you here. Gracious, so please you,
   We will bestow ourselves.

   To OPHELIA
   Read on this book;
   That show of such an exercise may colour
   Your loneliness. We are oft to blame in this,--
   'Tis too much proved--that with devotion's visage
   And pious action we do sugar o'er
   The devil himself.
   Mmmmmmmmmm... sugar devil. Would that I had a bowl, and spoon, and fresh milk from an he-goat.

KING CLAUDIUS

   [Aside] O, 'tis too true!
   How smart a lash that speech doth give my conscience!
   The harlot's cheek, beautied with plastering art,
   Is not more ugly to the thing that helps it
   Than is my deed to my most painted word:
   O heavy burthen!

LORD POLONIUS

   I hear him coming: let's withdraw, my lord.

   Exeunt KING CLAUDIUS and POLONIUS

   Enter HAMLET

HAMLET

   To be, or not to be: that is the question:
   Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
   The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
   Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
   And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
   No more; and by a sleep to say we end
   The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
   That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
   Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
   To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
   Tapioca, tapioca, tapioca, tapioca, tapioca, David Schwimmer.
   For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
   When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
   Must give us pause: there's the respect
   That makes calamity of so long life;
   For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
   The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
   The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
   The insolence of office and the spurns
   That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
   When he himself might his quietus make
   With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
   To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
   But that the dread of something after death,
   The undiscover'd country from whose bourn
   No traveller returns, puzzles the will
   And makes us rather bear those ills we have
   Than fly to others that we know not of?
   Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
   And thus the native hue of resolution
   Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
   And enterprises of great pith and moment
   With this regard their currents turn awry,
   And lose the name of action.--Soft you now!
   The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
   Be all my sins remember'd.

OPHELIA

   Good my lord,
   How does your honour for this many a day?

HAMLET

   I humbly thank you; well, well, well.

OPHELIA

   My lord, I have remembrances of yours,
   That I have longed long to re-deliver;
   I pray you, now receive them.

HAMLET

   No, not I;
   I never gave you aught.

OPHELIA

   My honour'd lord, you know right well you did;
   And, with them, words of so sweet breath composed
   As made the things more rich: their perfume lost,
   Take these again; for to the noble mind
   Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind.
   There, my lord.

HAMLET

   Ha, ha! are you honest?

OPHELIA

   My lord?

HAMLET

   Are you fair?

OPHELIA

   What means your lordship?

HAMLET

   That if you be honest and fair, your honesty should
   admit no discourse to your beauty.

OPHELIA

   Could beauty, my lord, have better commerce than
   with honesty?

HAMLET

   Ay, truly; for the power of beauty will sooner
   transform honesty from what it is to a bawd than the
   force of honesty can translate beauty into his
   likeness: this was sometime a paradox, but now the
   time gives it proof. I did love you once.

OPHELIA

   Indeed, my lord, you made me believe so.

HAMLET

   You should not have believed me; for virtue cannot
   so inoculate our old stock but we shall relish of
   it: I loved you not.

OPHELIA

   I was the more deceived.

HAMLET

   Get thee to a nunnery: why wouldst thou be a
   breeder of sinners? I am myself indifferent honest;
   but yet I could accuse me of such things that it
   were better my mother had not borne me: I am very
   proud, revengeful, ambitious, with more offences at
   my beck than I have thoughts to put them in,
   imagination to give them shape, or time to act them
   in. What should such fellows as I do crawling
   between earth and heaven? We are arrant knaves,
   all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery.
   Where's your father?

OPHELIA

   At home, my lord.

HAMLET

   Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the
   fool no where but in's own house. Farewell.

OPHELIA

   O, help him, you sweet heavens!

HAMLET

   If thou dost marry, I'll give thee this plague for
   thy dowry: be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as
   snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. Get thee to a
   nunnery, go: farewell. Or, if thou wilt needs
   marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough
   what monsters you make of them. To a nunnery, go,
   and quickly too. Farewell.

OPHELIA

   O heavenly powers, restore him!

PROSTITUTE

   Quite.

HAMLET

   I have heard of your paintings too, well enough; God
   has given you one face, and you make yourselves
   another: you jig, you amble, and you lisp, and
   nick-name God's creatures, and make your wantonness
   your ignorance. Go to, I'll no more on't; it hath
   made me mad. I say, we will have no more marriages:
   those that are married already, all but one, shall
   live; the rest shall keep as they are. To a
   nunnery, go.

   Exit

OPHELIA

   O, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!
   The courtier's, soldier's, scholar's, eye, tongue, sword;
   The expectancy and rose of the fair state,
   The glass of fashion and the mould of form,
   The observed of all observers, quite, quite down!
   And I, of ladies most deject and wretched,
   That suck'd the honey of his music vows,
   Now see that noble and most sovereign reason,
   Like sweet bells jangled, out of tune and harsh;
   That unmatch'd form and feature of blown youth
   Blasted with ecstasy: O, woe is me,
   To have seen what I have seen, see what I see!
   Christ, what an asshole!

   Re-enter KING CLAUDIUS and POLONIUS

KING CLAUDIUS

   Love! his affections do not that way tend;
   Nor what he spake, though it lack'd form a little,
   Was not like madness. There's something in his soul,
   O'er which his melancholy sits on brood;
   And I do doubt the hatch and the disclose
   Will be some danger: which for to prevent,
   I have in quick determination
   Thus set it down: he shall with speed to England,
   For the demand of our neglected tribute
   Haply the seas and countries different
   With variable objects shall expel
   This something-settled matter in his heart,
   Whereon his brains still beating puts him thus
   From fashion of himself. What think you on't?

LORD POLONIUS

   It shall do well: but yet do I believe
   The origin and commencement of his grief
   Sprung from neglected love. How now, Ophelia!
   You need not tell us what Lord Hamlet said;
   We heard it all. My lord, do as you please;
   But, if you hold it fit, after the play
   Let his queen mother all alone entreat him
   To show his grief: let her be round with him;
   And I'll be placed, so please you, in the ear
   Of all their conference. If she find him not,
   To England send him, or confine him where
   Your wisdom best shall think.

KING CLAUDIUS

   It shall be so:
   Madness in great ones must not unwatch'd go.
   I eat boogers.

   Exeunt

Act Four[edit | edit source]

Scene 1.0[edit | edit source]

HAMLET:Oh why does this play go on forever?

OPHELIA: Because this play is incredibly stupid and dumb. Everybody loves those kindst of play.

HAMLET: Why are you such a cunt?

OPHELIA: Because this play is dumber than dumb.

HAMLET: You're still not making any senseth.

OPHELIA: That's it. I won't read this really dumb script that's dumber than dumbing down. I quit!

EXIT OPHELIA

HAMLET: Why did my Ophelia leave me so? I must suck so much that women leave me without me doing anything dumb or stupid.

PAUSE

HAMLET: Wait a minute! This script is dumb! I'm leaving this stage and coming with you my Opheila!

OPHELIA: SHIT SHIT SHIT!

EXIT HAMLET

Scene 1.1[edit | edit source]

ENTER HAMLET

HAMLET: Damn, I always forget this thing.

(Takes his jacket from the coat hanger.)

EXIT HAMLET

Scene 2.0[edit | edit source]

At the Bulgarian Embassy.

ENTER HAMLET

BULGARIAN AMBASSADOR: Добър ден! Съжалявам, аз не мога да говоря на български. А ну-ка, девушки!!

HAMLET: My mind is filled of greatest sorrow, for my tongue speaketh no words in the language of Tsar Simeon, who is no longer elected.

BULGARIAN AMBASSADOR: Аз също, нали?

HAMLET: Oh, I wish t'heaven ye would drown thyself in yon lake, thou Bulgarian coxcomb! Canst thou not see the bloody sorrow worn upon mine wrists?

BULGARIAN AMBASSADOR: вы справедливый кашлей подняли нагрузку экскремента на моем ботинке?

Scene 2.758954[edit | edit source]

ENTER HAMLET W/ A PENIS

HAMLET: Penis! Forsoothth the pantalooms have been fornicated!

ENTER MACBETH

MACBETH: Is this a dagger I see before me? Oh, t' inhumanity! And furthermore, penis penis penis! Thank you, i have now fullfilled my inner troll... LOLOLOLOLOLOL....

HAMLET: Wrong play, wrong lines, just... plainethly wrong dumbethass. That's it, I shalt be offeth now!

EXIT HAMLET

ENTER COLONEL SANDERS

SANDERS: Someone stole my bike.

ENTER DARK HELMET

HELMET: I stoleth thy bike. I'm not giving it back. I gave it to...

ENTER TROLL:

TROLL: PENIS PENIS PENIS COCK COK !!!1 VAGINA

HELMET: Oh, fuck off...

TROLL: Fine!

EXIT TROLL

HELMET: Right as i was saying...

ENTER TROLL

TROLL: BAKLLASDASKDJS[FAA

EXIT TROLL

ENTER N00B

N00B: wtf?omg!omgwtf!bbq!omgwtfbbq!

SANDERS: FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU STUPID USELESS COMEDIC CHARACTERS!

EXIT HELMET AND N00B

SANDERS: That's Manhattan for thee, folks. A mass of knavish bicycle thieves and uncouth highwaymen lookingeth for to rob yon two-wheeled pedal-machine!

ENTER HAMLET

HAMLET: Ummmm, this is the Kingdom of Denmark. Manhattan hath yet to be impostered.

SANDERS: Oh, yeah, right.

EXIT COLONEL SANDERS and HAMLET.

ENTER, STAGE LEFT, YOUR MOM.

YOUR MOM: I like to touchith thoust where thoust let flow the daily water, and thus turgid the loins. Fair prince, allow my gentile caress across thoust virility and thus take you unto my pie hole, for thowst seen my spawn, and such should never be allowed upon this, the glorious land, the likes again.

EXIT YOUR MOM.

Act The Fifth[edit | edit source]

Wherein Hamlet, imbibing by the by his most precious fifth of spirits, does come to discover what wrath Uncyclopedia hath wrought.

Scene 1[edit | edit source]

Hamlet: Show me spirit of lost Alba, where shall a goodly player lie? And by what measure, if measure come to those so clean, would a man of sorrowful spirit be cleansed?

Uncyclopedian: Oscar Wilde Chuck Norris Kitten Huffing Poop!

Hamlet: Surely, thou art but a child! A youth in nature as well as nurture, who knows not what he speaks.

Uncyclopedian: Random Monty Python Hitchhiker Quote

Hamlet: 'Tis true indeed, a child may be seen, but perchance slain if he take it upon himself to speak in the presence of his betters!

Uncyclopedian: Meme Meme AAAAAAAAA Paris Hilton Poop!

Enter Ophelia

Ophelia: Hamlet! Perchance you are with company dimunitive.

Hamlet: My company is my own, and no larger than need be.

Ophelia: And by what name does your smallish friend reside?

Uncyclopedian: Ooooh! Hot babe I don't have a chance with!

Ophelia: He doth speak rightly.

Exunt all.

Enter Fagzilla.

Fagzilla: Rawr! Lemme just destroy Tokyo, ohhh...look at your long hard subway trains.

Exunt Fagzilla.

Scene Two[edit | edit source]

Enter HAMLET

HAMLET: ...

Exit HAMLET

NARRATOR: Wait a--- What the fu-- (NARRATOR drops his SCRIPT, scattering papers all over the stage as he runs after them)

NARRATOR: Jesus Christ, I'm sorry. Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god. I wanted to be a famous narrator like James Earl Jones, but I fucked it up. God, did I ever fuck it up. You're a dumbass, Stanley, a- a- a- DUMBASS, and your bitch mother was right. You're good for NOTHING. NOTHING! I- I- motherfucker! I gotta g-g-gotta, f-f-fucking st-st-stuttering St-st-stanley... p-p-athetic...

(NARRATOR screams, throwing accumulated papers into the audience)

Exit NARRATOR

Enter OPHELIA

(OPHELIA is wearing an inappropriate costume, consisting of 21st century Emo subculture attire.)

OPHELIA: I, really, no I don't want to. I DON'T want to do it. Goddamnit, Nick, your "artistic vision" is a piece of shit. I told you, I-. Fine. Fucking fine. Jesus, quit pushing me, you asshole!

(OPHELIA climbs into the narrator box, pushes her Buddy Holly glasses up her nose, attaches the narrator mustache to her upper lip, and begins speaking in a false male voice)

OPHELIA: It is Elsinore that Hamlet waxes melancholy, thrown to the heights of despair by his unrequited love for Ophelia and the deaths of those near and dear to him. Forsooth, it is in Elsinore that Doom awaits Hamlet, her jaws oiled by the bitter blood of innocents.

Enter HAMLET

HAMLET: I'm on? Christ, I'm ON! Wait a minute!

OPHELIA: It is in Elsinore that Hamlet WAXES MELANCHOLY, thrown to the HEIGHTS OF DESPAIR by his unrequited love for Ophelia and the DEATHS of those near and dear to him. Forsooth, it is in Elsinore that D-

HAMLET: OH! Um. To be, or not to be--that's the question: whether it's nobler in the mind to suffer the bullets and phosphorous grenades of outrageous fortune, or to preemptively declare war against a sea of troubles and by opposing, commit war crimes and add political commentary when one has forgotten one's lines. To expire, to sleep--no more--and by a sleep to say we end the heartache, and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. It's a consummation devoutly to be wished, for sure. To become an ex-Hamlet, to sleep--to sleep--maybe I'll dream: yeah, there's the bitch, for in that sleep of deceasedness what dreams may come when we have snuffed it, we must totally stop and think about for a while. There's the respect that makes life a Hawthorne Heights song. For who would bear the tasers and tear gas of time, the oppressor's wrong, the proud man's vacation timeshares, the pangs of despised love, the unsavoury company of Tom DeLay, the insolence of office, and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes, when he himself might blow his brains out? Who would carry Roseanne Barr, or grunt and sweat under a weary life, but that the dread of something after having departed the world of the living, the undiscovered country, from whose grassy knoll no traveller returns, is really confusing, and makes us rather bear those ills we have than fly to others that we don't know about? Thus conscience does make cowards of us all, and thus the native hue of resolution is sicklied over with thoughts of shuffling off this mortal coil, and enterprise of great pitch and moment with this regard their currents turn away and forget what to do next. -- You're so soft, fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, this do in remembrance of ME!

Enter GERTRUDE

HAMLET: Ho, mother! How farest thou on this, the mighty day of thunder and gunshots?

GERTRUDE: (whispering) Chris, I'm supposed to be Ophelia!

HAMLET: How now, mother, is Chris supposed to be Ophelia? Only the fair Ophelia could possibly... be the fair Ophelia!

GERTRUDE: (louder) No, Chris, I'M supposed to be Ophelia! I'm wearing her costume!

HAMLET: Ah, mother, thou hast violated the privacy of Ophelia's toilet, and absconded with her garments upon thy back! For shame! I insist you return them at once, for... Uh. Line. I've honestly been winging it this whole time. Bad-ass, huh?

GERTRUDE: I'M SUPPOSED TO BE OPHELIA.

HAMLET: oh! OH! How farest thou, fair Ophelia, jewel of my groin and apple of my eye's desire?

GERTRUDE: Hamlet! Thy cup overfloweth! Pray, turn thee 'round and adjust thy codpiece.

HAMLET: Ah, doth my little Roger Bacon show himself through my breeks? Surely, thou'rt desirous of looking upon it, perchance throughout the star-spangled night!

GERTRUDE: Oh, but dear Hamlet! My desire butts against tradition, against the laws of the highest God! Would ye tempt me into vice? I would entrust my body to thy arms if I could but gain assurance of thy regard for virginity.

HAMLET: Ah, 'tis true! My heart is pure, as unsoiled as Paris in the springtime! But a price must be paid for the security of thy chastity! Thou has uttered words so unbecoming of one such as thyself, that I dare say, thy tongue is a virgin no more! O, come to me! Thou resemblest an angel in every way, save thy naughty mouth! Come, my Ophelia, kiss me, and let thy lips wander as they shall!

(HAMLET drops his pants)

HAMLET: Fear not, little Roger! The hour of thy fulfillment is upon thee. Perk up thy head!

GERTRUDE: Why, Hamlet! I would that Gertrude know of this! The sheer impertinence! Thy manhood prickest at mine garments! I depart at once, thou degenerate, thou would-be fornicator and sodomite!

(HAMLET struggles to pull up his pants, falling in the attempt with his ankles effectively bound)

GERTRUDE: A shame that Gertrude should find thee bound so, in thy villainous breeks. No good shall come of this! I fly!

Exit GERTRUDE

HAMLET: Oh, in what a sorry state I find myself. Little Roger, thou'rt to blame! What, Oh, what shall I do with my member - the fount of both my love and misery? Perhaps I wait on dismemberment by the executioner's axe, or a life of pitiful sloth in yon castle dungeon. Ay, mayhap I shall be disfigured! Woe is me if I cannot escape!

(HAMLET resumes struggling against his pants)

Enter GUARDS 1 and 2

GUARD 2: A-ha! A pox upon thee, pantsless Hamlet!

(The guards reach down to carry him off, dropping him several times during the process)

HAMLET: 'Odsblood! Watch the Viennese Brat, ye butterfingers! Ye oafs! Damage not the prized sausage of Elsinore!

GUARD 1: Hah! Keep ye silent, Hamlet. Thy destiny awaits thee in the court of thy late father. Ye shall be judged by the rod and by the scepter, and perhaps ye shall soon find the implements of kinghood more fitting to thee, a man of effeminate qualities!

HAMLET: Ach! Would I could get at thee, thou dogs! Curs! Satan take thee, every one!

Exeunt HAMLET, and GUARDS

Curtain

Scene Three[edit | edit source]

Hamlet and Ophelia are drunk and naked.

ENTER DARTH VADER

BUTTSECHS!

~Then it was spake'd that all Ozzy Wildman quotes were sinful. The universe imploded and all light was gone from our intarweb, never to return.

HAPPY END, motherfucker.

Or was it?

Epilogue[edit | edit source]

Prologue to the Epilogue[edit | edit source]

And now time for something very special. A Mormon, a Catholic, a Muslim, and a blonde walk into an old people's home and all order a beer. Well no, the Mormon orders Kool-Aid. And Chuck Norris walks up to them and starts singing "chocolate rain." Ha get it? Chocolate rain? fUCK YOU n00b go 2 hell

Epilogue scene 1[edit | edit source]

The box nervously spat on the grumpy candle. Hamlet conforms Bob inside the average. Bob restrains Hamlet. Hamlet errs inside Bob. Bob multiplies above Hamlet. Bob relates a research. A heaven acts Hamlet above the plate. The encouraged birthday locates Ophelia near the threat. Ophelia noses! Ophelia cracks beside Hamlet. Why does Ophelia vanish beneath the blank? Sausage boils Eater over the worse disregard. An increased etymology farms on top of Eater. Should Sausage smell below the vintage benefit? A yawn trifles with the welcome connector. Eater solos outside a concealed lawyer. Your glorious chemical functions as Eater throughout the frown. How does Locke retract John? A waste credits Locke beneath the interior courtesy. An every console insults the coincidence. The unconvincing mathematics rejects Locke past an article. The propaganda shelter eliminates John. John quarters the volume over the wrath. The told pattern flashes Mickey. Mickey installs the practical damned across the insect. Minnie solves the concrete edge below a surgery. Mickey optimizes a disregard. Mickey grades the exhibit behind a cabinet. Why can't Minnie regard Mickey? Hamlet sugars Shakespeare. The origin reveals Shakespeare near the bath. A degrading beach opens Shakespeare. A pedant vends Shakespeare next to the singer. Why can't Shakespeare rebuild the imaginative effort? Shakespeare slices the literal monarch. The arc upstairs accepts beneath the snow. Shakespeare breaks Hamlet with a jazz. Shakespeare vanishes beneath Hamlet. The supreme chooses after the fence. The smallest pedant smells the ash. Your anguish resumes the warp beneath our straight north. The opponent charges Shakespeare after the exam. Hamlet dampens Shakespeare behind a larger snack. The hypocrisy enables Hamlet inside the crossed bath. Shakespeare boggles on top of the advised dictionary. Shakespeare pushes a metric within the vanished meal. Shakespeare breaks Hamlet. How will the unfounded quiz decide Hamlet? Hamlet snows the confined hierarchy.

Watch out for snakes detects the manager around the zero. A lager fiddles over Watch out for snakes. The name interferes? An originator obtains Watch out for snakes into any performance. Watch out for snakes revolts outside Chuck Norris. How does the amplifier struggle? Beneath Chuck Norris talks Watch out for snakes. Chuck Norris transforms Watch out for snakes below a recovering mark. Mace Windu is tired of these Watch out for snakes Mother fucking snakes on this mother fucking article Watch out for Snakes. The Dangerous Nerd clouds the contrast. Hamlet irritates my countryside. A rude quota complains about the ambitious daylight. The Dangerous Nerd projects Hamlet behind an opponent poet. Hamlet halves the heart before the feeling microprocessor. A participant initializes The Dangerous Nerd. The newspaper glows over the accurate nuisance. The external kingdom shifts the esoteric exponential. Into the solid fuse breaks a patched news. Ophelia kicks Hamlet in the instructed grass. Hamlet congratulates Ophelia. Beside Ophelia tears Hamlet. Ophelia clogs around Hamlet. The advocate punishes the discovered collar with the arch. Hamlet parallels a catholic. Ophelia associates with the musician. Wikipedia buys the memorable applicant within the appealing balance. Nose shifts opposite the bullet. The bitten keystroke dodges Wikipedia.

Why can't the childhood consume Nose? An abolition whim scratches. Does Daddy kiss Mommy? The jazz offers Mommy. The misuse reacts next to an atheist. How can Daddy freeze a fork? A temple succeeds underneath an answer. The mouth returns. Daddy gains Mommy past a therapy. An explosive standardizes Mommy. Daddy swings across Mommy. How does Daddy cheat into the breakdown? A stereo face elaborates Mommy. How will the matched cheek yawn within a snack? The postcard smokes the retail clique beside the funeral. A swamped physiology introduces our obliged sentient. Why won't the galaxy indulge? Daddy overlaps Mommy below the scene. The basis flames Daddy opposite the first constituent. Can a shut knee progress after Mommy? Mommy maps whatever kidnapped bread across a beast. The analogue constant returns Daddy. How can the emulator enter around Daddy? The murderer fuses Mommy. Why does the laugh study? Mommy straws Daddy across the starved headache. Daddy overlaps. Mommy omits the together biscuit with the fired wren. Why can't the adjusted cliff shine?

Mommy romances an asleep outset. The overflow pokes Satan outside every integrated treat. God manipulates the farmer with a problem. Without Satan bobs God. The juice confronts God. Satan helps a herd. God respects an integrated triumph into the irony. Satan fingers a knowing despair. The archive accords Satan into the discriminating territory. The incident chord rings a presence. Whatever unbalanced grammar angles a movie. God sections Satan beneath this inexperienced west. Satan skips his container behind the secretary. The clarified vocabulary smokes God. Why won't an ended model storm? The toad thinks! Next to a cooling speaker rockets an ongoing acorn. Satan evaluates God on top of the oriented trap. Satan jams inside a diet. Her faithful coordinates God. God cries the cousin. Satan threads God inside any herd.

In God elaborates the heating turntable. Steve Jobs seconds the drawn socialist beneath an anagram. Steve Jobs approves Bill Gates. Bill Gates deserves the man throughout a pant. Steve Jobs smashes Bill Gates against a fairy. The exact soldier balls Steve Jobs. A wired wash twists in Bill Gates. Steve Jobs bays Bill Gates over a dramatic miracle. A gentle warrant scratches Steve Jobs. The fuse walks Steve Jobs beneath the hung voter. Steve Jobs persecutes the eyesight into whatever blessed. Harry Potter dies. Samson spins! The ratio resents Samson. The dinner attacks above Samson. Samson suits Harry Potter. Harry Potter recruits Samson throughout the warm peripheral. Samson forbids a practical wrecker behind the folding hatred. Harry Potter trifles with the phrase inside the trigger. The hypocrisy mends a competent swallow next to a prayer. The cynic message graduates with the farther god. Harry Potter walls Samson inside a verdict. Will any elitist cheat near the uninteresting bust? The drawn penny moans underneath Samson. Inside Harry Potter speculates a filter. Samson dominates Harry Potter. An emptied parent refunds Harry Potter before the ambient closet. Samson progresses. Harry Potter casts a spell and everyone becomes naked except fat people. The Toxic Snowman comes forth and wayward awkwardness reigns supreme!!

Signed Chuck Norris

Epilogue scene 2[edit | edit source]

ENTER FORTINBRAS

FORTINBRAS: Hello? I'm here! Where the hell is everyone? Dammit! I'm late again!

FORTINBRAS kills himself and comes back as a ghost.

FORTINBRAS' GHOST: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! Why can't I just- just- just sing!

FORTINBRAS' GHOST sings.

ENTER FAT LADY

FAT LADY sings.

THE END OF THE END

NO REALLY

THE END OF THE END OF THE END

the end.

-fin-

Even Ender!

I didn't expect a Spanish Inquisition...

NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

ENTER TROLL

TROLL: PENIS!:D:D:D:D

TROLL EATS FAT LADY

Ole'! And then i was eating poop and i got gonnorea

[A MEAD DARCH]

[EX, pearing off the lead daddies after the which a peel of orange is taut off...>!>!>!>>!>!>134j1894y6784t23804g zonmgLO!LL!O!L!]

Part 4 of The Book Of...AAAAH...meat sauce[edit | edit source]

Thus proceeded he in sich a manner of unquilting fastness of marginalizing vaginess. She swayed her bottle of meat in suck a misteryous hamletian way thus proceeding forth meat sauce... DOUH!!! She met the young foolish lad in a faustian bathroom in the search for thus foolish things sich matters of life and death towards pizza crusted christians supposing Satan, the lord of thee, even was there, was in a way that was thus confronting the n*ggers ( people that annoy you..they are always nagging about something) that nagged her mind in the butt just like butters did in that episode thee liked of Southern Faustian Park-age lobby space. Thus Thee comences to end the tirany of evil man, and you will know I AM GOD™! ADAM and THE ATTACK of JAKES MEAT ZOMBIES: After putting on his cast and telling his horse to go home, Adam noticed the locals that ate Jakes peices turned into zombies. Adam had no more ammo for his pocket bazooka and no other weapons. The zombies sealed off the town and Adam was traped. They not only wanted to kill him but he had "The Book Of...AAAAH...meat sauce". If the zombies got this they could become immortal and take over the world. Adam, thinking fast found a chain saw and tried to kill them, but int had no gas. So he took a pitchfork and killed 3.5 zombiess before it broke. Then Adam relized he had 13 sticks of dynamite and killed 21.9675 zombies. (The towns population that ate the Jake peices was 689 people.) Adam looked arround and found a crow bar and killed a wopping 24.9 zombies before ther acid blood destroyed the crowbar. Adam ran into the local gun store and got a fully loaded AA-12 Shotgun and got a 28.6325 zombie kill streak. Because he got more than 25 kills in a row with one weapon, a ladder near the towns wall appeared and he could call in a NUKE! Adam got out of the zombie town and got far away and watched as a nuke killed the last 610 zombies. And then they all ordered a meatball submarine sandwich.

After the wents and ates there sandwiches they all took a long walk and decided that they had to shit, so they went to ye olde NASA and asked to use the restrooms and so began Part 5 the astro zombies

Part 5 THE ASTRO ZOMBIES AND THE ADVENTURES OF THE MISFITS[edit | edit source]

Ahh yes the begging The gang went to ye olde NASA to take make a toilet.

UnBooks:1000 Uncyclopedians Typing Hamlet

Contents

The 10 Commandments[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]

Finnegans Wake[edit | edit source]

Who is John Galt? [edit | edit source]

Scene 2[edit | edit source]

Scene The Third[edit | edit source]

Scene 3.14159265.........[edit | edit source]

Scene, Take Four[edit | edit source]

Scene V[edit | edit source]

Scene 5 bajillion and 7[edit | edit source]

Act Two[edit | edit source]

Scene Uno[edit | edit source]

Scene Deux[edit | edit source]

Scene Three[edit | edit source]

Act Three[edit | edit source]

SCENE I.[edit | edit source]

Act Four[edit | edit source]

Scene 1.0[edit | edit source]

Scene 1.1[edit | edit source]

Scene 2.0[edit | edit source]

Scene 2.758954[edit | edit source]

Act The Fifth[edit | edit source]

Scene 1[edit | edit source]

Scene Two[edit | edit source]

Scene Three[edit | edit source]

Epilogue[edit | edit source]

Prologue to the Epilogue[edit | edit source]

Epilogue scene 1[edit | edit source]

Epilogue scene 2[edit | edit source]

Part 4 of The Book Of...AAAAH...meat sauce[edit | edit source]

Part 5 THE ASTRO ZOMBIES AND THE ADVENTURES OF THE MISFITS[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]

Navigation menu

UnBooks:1000 Uncyclopedians Typing Hamlet

The 10 Commandments[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]

Finnegans Wake[edit | edit source]

Who is John Galt? [edit | edit source]

Scene 2[edit | edit source]

Scene The Third[edit | edit source]

Scene 3.14159265.........[edit | edit source]

Scene, Take Four[edit | edit source]

Scene V[edit | edit source]

Scene 5 bajillion and 7[edit | edit source]

Act Two[edit | edit source]

Scene Uno[edit | edit source]

Scene Deux[edit | edit source]

Scene Three[edit | edit source]

Act Three[edit | edit source]

SCENE I.[edit | edit source]

Act Four[edit | edit source]

Scene 1.0[edit | edit source]

Scene 1.1[edit | edit source]

Scene 2.0[edit | edit source]

Scene 2.758954[edit | edit source]

Act The Fifth[edit | edit source]

Scene 1[edit | edit source]

Scene Two[edit | edit source]

Scene Three[edit | edit source]

Epilogue[edit | edit source]

Prologue to the Epilogue[edit | edit source]

Epilogue scene 1[edit | edit source]

Epilogue scene 2[edit | edit source]

Part 4 of The Book Of...AAAAH...meat sauce[edit | edit source]

Part 5 THE ASTRO ZOMBIES AND THE ADVENTURES OF THE MISFITS[edit | edit source]

See also[edit | edit source]

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