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From today's featured moccasin
“Peter…” My mother asks me as the titles to Loose Women roll. “Why don’t you get a job?”
“But I can’t get a job mother, haven’t you heard about the economic crisis? There are no jobs!” I patronise, with only the faintest idea of what an economy might be.
“Pah!” Father pipes up re-ruffling his paper. “That’s just an excuse for those pithy paper pushing poofs. I bet you don’t even know what the economy is!”
“Sure I do, it’s, erm, the jobs ratios or—god is that the time!? I have to go!”
“Go where?” He says lowering the paper. “It's not like you have a job.”
And therefore I don't have a life, obviously. Were you actually trying be ironic there?
“When is it you’re on that cruise again?” I ask as my parting shot. Stupid retired people, they don’t want to work and get away with it! (Full article...)
Moccasins
- Austria wins Eurovision (Pictured)
- MLB welcomes cheaters and pedophiles into HOF
- New cast and plotlines announced for longest running Filipino sitcom
- BREAKING: NEW POPE ALERT!!!
- Trump: "You're not the boss of me now and you're not so big."
- Phil Collins comes out of retirement after wank
- PBS and NPR to lose funding
- Spain and Portugal experience a country-wide blackout
- Sportswriter Leon Sandcastle gives his two cents on NFL draftee Shedeur Sanders's draft slide
- Trump believes that 200 countries negotiated trade deals with him
- Man delivers profound philosophical speech about elephants during his sojourn at the zoo
- Upcoming South Park season will be Canadian
- World shocked as Pope Francis kicks bucket (This is not a drill!)
- Chris Rock will succeed him in new comedy Head of Church
- Trump Administration prepares to deport everybody except Native Americans
Ongoing: Eurovision • The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers
Recent deaths: Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run • Night Court • Lopez vs Lopez • Jayson Tatum's Achilles and Boston Celtics' repeat hopes
Upcoming deaths: DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Updates for Mortal Kombat 1
Did You Know? No, you didn't.
- ... that you wash your ass not your pussy (Pictured) in the Bidet?
- ... that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?
- ... that Karen is a female given name meaning "she who wants to see the manager"?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ...that Santa sees you while you're sleeping, and he knows when you're awake?
- ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
- ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
- ... that in some parts of Europe, glory holes are preferred to bidets?
Today's moccasins
May 18: "We Can Eat Cows Today" Day (India)
- 441 BC - Oedipus Rex, after learning the awful truth about his wife/mother, kills her and marries his father instead.
- 218 BC - Hannibal crosses the Alps and right as he makes it to Italy, realizes he could have just taken the ferry.
- 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions: time is paused for five hours and twenty-three minutes before resuming.
- 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall, all the King's horses and all the King's men are executed by Soviets for being counterrevolutionaries.
- 1991 - Vegetables banned from the White House after George H. W. Bush discovers illicit affair between Barbara Bush and a man with severe cerebral palsy.
- 2014 - You have an erotic dream about your brother, you can't stand to look at him all day.
- 2017 - A Tyrannosaurus rex is successfully cloned in a Chinese lab, chooses to major in business instead of man-eating to the chagrin of Jurassic Park fans.
Moccasin picture of the day
Other moccasins of Moccasinpedia
- How to be funny and not just stupid – for help with that comedy thing
- Policies and guidelines – for the boring rules no one follows
- Formatting – for help on editing
- Requested articles – for inspiration, or lack thereof
- Village Dump – to throw angry invectives at other users
- Community portal – for general community shenanigans
Sister moccasins
-
UnNews
News on crack -
Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia -
Undictionary
Best left unsaid -
UnTunes
Noisy things -
UnGames
Ways to waste away -
HowTo
Like Ikea without the pictures -
UnBooks
Content-free books -
Unquotable
Useless misquotes -
Uncycloversity
No student loans -
UnPoetia
Dreams deferred -
UnDebate
Debate the irrelevant -
UnScripts
We ruin stage too -
Why?
Because -
UnReviews
Hack frauds -
UnVoyage
Armchair travel -
Uncyclomedia
The Foundation
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