Protected page

Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Welcome to Uncyclopedia,

From today's featured article 

Expresiones de amor y odio al estado actual de las cosas (51147169656).jpg

BOGOTÁ, Colombia, Fake America -- Millions of rioting Colombians are being thrown into giant paddy-wagons by Bogotá police in a tense standoff. The people are violently rioting for the right to take part in the annual Eurovision Song Contest, a European song contest in which Israel and Australia have been permitted to participate.

Colombia has a rich music culture where their very simplistic yet camp and cliché musical style would fit in perfectly with Eurovision. However, for many years now, Israel has vetoed Colombians from joining the contest, claiming that "Colombians just can't be gay" (a prerequisite for any group to perform at Eurovision). In a recent interview for CNN, Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu raised serious questions about the ability of Colombian people to be flamboyant homosexuals. As we all remember, the best TV show in the history of mankind, Yo soy Betty, la fea, is actually a Colombian show; but that show is so rampantly homophobic that, along with Colombia's brutal machista culture, Israel has concerns about how much Colombians are able to express their gayness at the Eurovision. Netanyahu was quoted as saying: "Colombians are so manly, you can smell their ball sweat from a mile away. No one would take them seriously dancing around on stage in plastic pants singing about forbidden love". (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Einsteinporn.jpg
  • ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?
  • ... that Ann Coulter is a highly successful parody of right-wing political rhetoric?
  • ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
  • ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
  • ... that many children in third world countries don't have enough to eat, but most have access to the Food Network?
  • ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"

In the news 

Britney spears 149682a.jpg

On this day 

"You're going down, "Touch Tits" Malone!" *yodels*

May 9: Unusual Bears Day (Arctic)

  • 1628 - Edict passes in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodeling. (Pictured)
  • 1671 - Pope Clement X is captured by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume.
  • 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a Witticist's Apprentice in a local Humor Emporium.
  • 1919 - Radical suffragettes burn down factory that makes posters comparing suffragettes to smelly dish rags, constabulary cries, "A step too far, ladies!"
  • 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the Aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
  • 1945 - The Americans celebrate single handedly defeating all of Nazi Germany, no thanks rest of the world.
  • 1991 - Small and Medium file a complaint with the U.N. against Large, who claims, "Size does matter".

Picture of the day

Chainsawcharge.jpg
 Artist representation of the famous Charge of the Chainsaw Brigade, a pivotal moment on the road to victory which demonstrated the wisdom of bringing Canadian lumberjacks into the war.

Image credit: Asahatter
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

Other areas of Uncyclopedia

Sister projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 37,681 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=Main_Page&oldid=6213389"