UnNews:Thieves steal six seven Roman statues from Syrian National Museum

UnNews:Thieves steal six to seven Roman statues from Syrian National Museum

Tuesday, November 11, 2025

What was likely stolen.

Damascus -- Thieves have broken into the National Museum of Damascus and stolen six to seven marble Roman-era statues. These statues have survived centuries of empires, wars, and questionable restoration efforts only for them to be hauled away in a pickup truck by one guy.

What really surprises people is the fact no one noticed not one or two but six to seven statues being hauled away. The thieves were not even discovered the night of the heist, instead they were discovered the following morning when a worker noticed the door was knocked down. The “mastermind” bypassed the museum’s cutting-edge security (which was a door) by using the finest, most advanced tools such as their legs to apply force on the door until it breaks and their hands to carry the statues. Investigators are saying that the robber had an Einstein-level understanding that gravity makes things fall which enabled them to kick down the door. It appears that the museum thought a sign stating, “sorry we are closed” and a door (that was kicked down) would stop any thief.

What was stolen

Although specific details were not yet released, we know six or seven statues were stolen. Sounds like officials don’t want the public to grasp the absurdity of this low effort crime. Authorities are saying that the heist was likely done by one guy and a crowbar but has not been confirmed. The statues are believed to be small or medium sized, but they could have been 3 meter tall 3,000kg marble statues which were hauled away without anyone noticing.

People on the internet are ridiculing the museum about how 6 huge statues were just carried away by a pickup truck which was probably seen driving away on the highway.

Motive

While some think the theft was motivated by politics and ideology, the “geniuses” on 4Chan beg to differ. They believe it was one of these three theories:

• Status

Some people think having a stolen Roman statue in their home will make them appear smarter on video conferences and to hide the ever-increasing tower of dirty dishes from co-workers. Another reason might be bringing up the property value because who doesn’t want naked Roman statues talking up space.

• The black market

Other people believe that the statues will be sold on the black market presumably to auction them off for £299.99 or the best offer on E-bay.

• Cutting out the middleman

A few others have come up with the most unhinged theory out of the three. They believe the thieves thought, “Why bother with an art dealer when we can just bring the statue straight to the source and charge whatever we want.

Out of the three, the black-market one seems the most unlikely. It sounds like officials just need to make the whole thing sound more complicated than it already is. This is probably to sell the idea that the heist was an extremely well planned out event, that only the most skillful could accomplish.

Interview with a kid

“What's your reaction to the statue theft?”

– UnNews reporter

“The what now?”

– Random kid

“Thieves have stolen six to seven Roman statues from the Syrian National Museum! Surely you've heard about it in the news... wait. We're the news. Never mind.”

– UnNews reporter

“Did you say six to seven? SIX SEEEEVEN!”

– Random kid

“Please, be quiet for once. You're on live TV. Wait, (inaudible) live TV? We aren't? Never mind. Still, don't be so loud.”

– UnNews reporter

“Four one-ce? FOURRR ONNNNNNNE!! SIX-ONE!!! FIVE-SIX!!! SIX SWAN!!!”

– Random kid

“Do you people have to turn every number into a meme?”

– UnNews reporter

“Have... to? TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

– Random kid

“I quit this job.”

– Former UnNews reporter

Sources

• Ghaith Alsayed and Bassem Mroue "Thieves steal Roman statues from Syria's national museum" The Associated Press, November 11th, 2025