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From today's featured article 

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Good evening crew of the RMS Titanic. My name is Scuttlebutt, Sidney Scuttlebutt. I am the head of the exterior furniture section on this ship. My job is to provide deckchairs for the comfort of all First Class and Second Class passengers. Third Class passengers are not entitled to deckchairs so you will not need to show them how they work.

This may be the Titanic's maiden voyage but I am already a professional at the art of deckchair maintenance as I have worked on the Titanic's sister ship RMS Olympic. I believe a carefully prepared deckchair with the option of a blanket and cushion is essential if travellers want to take in the cold April air of 1912. So I will now demonstrate what we do.

What was that? You want to know more about the lifeboats? We can talk about that tomorrow. Those boats are to rescue people at sea, not the people here as this ship is unsinkable, made of steel that is light enough to float. There is no need to be worried. For those who really want to learn more about lifeboats, I understand Captain Smith will be holding a class tomorrow. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
  • ... that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?
  • ... that the average human male between the ages of 18 and 42 has thought about sex with Brad Pitt at least once?
  • ... that I think you know what's happening today?
  • ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
  • ... that Barns and Nobles is the most successful medieval farming roleplaying game, played by millions of teenage nerds worldwide?
  • ... that it is important to tune your Air Guitar constantly, as any dust particles that stick to the complicated arrangement of air will completely deform it?

In the news 

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On this day 

How irrational.

March 14: American π Day

  • 27 AD - Greeks fight valiantly against Russell Crowe in a vast gladiatorial event to define π as the ratio of the circumference of a circle divided by its radius.
  • 435 AD - Pope Sixtus III denouces π, claiming it to be the work of Satan, as a number which never ends seems too cruel for a loving God to have made.
  • 1603 - "American" Apple pie actually invented by the Aztecs, used as aphrodisiac.
  • 1707 - The Physics Act of 1707 defines π to be 22/7, which scientists of the era proclaim as close enough.
  • 1891 - The pie chart is first invented, sadly, the original prototype has long since been eaten. Future pie charts are now inedible.
  • 2004 - The day Krabs fries
  • 2005 - The Kansas Board of Education restores pi to its traditional value of three and a bit, stating, "Certain features of the universe are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as mathematics."
  • 2020 - A resident of New York City passes away after contracting the π virus.

Picture of the day

9-11
 9-Eleven, a world-wide chain of convenience stores serving the needs of those who seek to overthrow whichever hated oppressor is in vogue at the time, is now owned by a conglomeration of businessmen operating out of Afghanistan for tax purposes. People often call them when they need fat. In a bun.

Image credit: FreeMorpheme
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