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From today's featured article 

PrivateEye2.jpg

Private Eye, that's what the letters spell out on the glass to the door of my office. New York City is a tough place to make a living and if you try to sing the blues you'll quickly find out that you're not even good enough to be another voice in the choir. Down on Broadway, it's a dog eat dog world so I make a little money on the side selling milk-bone underwear to hungry tourists or anything else that makes a sound like money. Anyone who lives here can smell the rat in this cheese factory but nobody's saying anything because having morals on Broadway is like celebrating mother's day at the orphanage - It makes you feel good but everyone stares at you like a nun in a string bikini. People don't normally need a Private Eye but when their chickens come home to roost it's a little like being the only cabbage farmer in town on St. Patrick's Day. Eventually they all show up at my door with a sob story and a dirty job that'll pay the bills. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Uncyclopedia regularly kills its editors mid-sent
  • ... that gender is a scam invented in 1825 to sell more bathrooms?
  • ... that every time you blink, you get transported to another alternative Universe?
  • ... that the brainrot is taking oveBRR BRR PATAPIM, IL MIO CAPPELO E PIENO DI SLIM! TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG TUNG SAHUR! BOMBARDINO CROCODILO!
  • ... that you're more likely to get struck by lightning twice than to discard an irrational fear based on a statistic like this one?
  • ... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
  • ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?

In the news 

Iran hits Tel Aviv.jpg

Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran

Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

On this day 

Isn't she a hottie?

March 8: International Men Without Penises Day

  • 4000 BC - God creates Eve, Adam celebrates that he doesn't have to keep stroking it by himself.
  • 4001 BC - Eve forces Adam to sleep outside the hut after expecting free handies without anything in return.
  • 1919 - Women marching on Washington, D.C. seeking the right to vote cite Oscar Wilde's play A Woman of No Importance as an example of misogynistic views.
  • 1935 - Sophia blesses the women of the Earth by giving them the G-Spot, although men are cursed to never find it.
  • 1978 - Your mother is born. According to statistics, she likely experiences 18-34 years of relative ease before you are born.
  • 2026 - Losers on 4chan and Reddit rant about how they never got the girl of their dreams (Pictured), despite being "nice guys."

Picture of the day

Sistine Graffiti
 A great disturbance was recorded in the historical community today when what appeared to be a preliminary version of the Michelangelan Fresco that decorates the Sistine Chapel was found spraypainted on a remote alleyway in Rome. Notable historians whatsisname and thatguy said it was due to Michelangelo's intense desire to be accepted into the Renaissance art movement, which they say "required a fair amount of street cred."

Image credit: Zombiebaron
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 40,982 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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