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The Finals - the self-proclaimed best competitive shooter of this and all other universes. An elite club of connoisseurs has gathered around the game, which is why its average number of players on SteamBB is negative.
The player has to participate in a virtual competition. Unlike the million-dollar prizes and chronic hemorrhoids that the winners of Dota 2 or Counter Strike competitions get, the best players of The Finals receive... good vibes...
The game is sponsored by Republican Party of USA, Freemasons from Coca Cola, suits from AT&T and personally Mythbusters, a representative of all the above-mentioned groups. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)
- ... that the Pope recently announced that the whole "Christianity" thing is a whole load of shit?
- ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
- ... that a simile is like a metaphor? And hyperbole is the greatest thing ever?
- ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
- ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
- ... that Earth, Wind & Fire have produced a multi-season autobiography?
In the news
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner.
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually
On this day
December 20: "Oh yeah?! You goin' down!" Day (New Jersey), Blueberry Harvest Season officially ends (you missed it)
- 4,000,000 BC - Trash talking is invented by caveman. First insult is samallhuuuuell1!!(I'm a kick the shit out of yo potatoes!!)
- 1800 - Evidence comes to light that The Battle of Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea actually took place just outside Gillygillyossenfefferkatzenellenbogen-by-the-sea.
- 1803 - Napoleon annexes St.Louisiana, taking it over from the America. He defends it by making a pact with the unpredictable Llama Jesus, now proven to be very much alive and roaming the swamp around Florida.
- 1860 - South Carolina secedes from the United States, marking the official end of the Blueberry Harvest Festival (and also leading to the American Civil War).
- 1931 - Terrell Owens, Godzilla, Crazy Frog, Vanilla Ice, Millard Fillmore, and Vin Diesel form The Legion of Doom, and celebrate by stealing a nigga's bike.
- 1977 - Kitten Huffing deemed a breach of Human Rights.
- 1982 - American-Welsh War of 1982 begins in Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch.
Picture of the day
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Darth Vader was the only spawn of Qui-Gon-Jinn, a legendary intergalactic televangelist who made millions on the planet Naboo curing toasters of inflammation. During his reign as King of Iceland, Darth Vader often took time off to endorse a variety of things, including the Segway. Image credit: RadicalX |
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