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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

The penis is the primary functioning organ of a male human being, with the brain coming in a close second and the heart in a disappointing third. Penises, or penii, come in many shapes and sizes, all of which are useless to a man unless they are one specific shape and size.

Genesis says that God removed Eve's penis and used it to create Adam. She never forgave Him, nor have her female descendants.

The Lithuanians claim that the penis is named after Lithuanian President Sukis Penis, a depressed emo who invented the penis in 1832 as a form of population control. Before that, people reproduced asexually and were starting to exceed the available food supply. This occurred during the Industrial Revolution, so the penis was soon mass-produced, and man grew so dependent on it that asexual reproduction all but ceased.

The British say the penis originated in the Pennines town of Penistone in South Yorkshire. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that BET is dedicated to bringing quality entertainment to the masses? (Pictured)

... tennis isn't just a game?
... taht wrods and snetnces are raedalbe eevn wehn tehy are toatlly fckued up?
... that your opinion does count, but the admins think otherwise?
... that Alaska's principle exports include snow, ice, frozen water, and permafrost?
... that vaccinations and computer games combined make a deadly cocktail for autism?
... that at some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser?
... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?

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In the news [edit]

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Michael Bay working on Skibidi Toilet movie

Ongoing: Russian Invasion • Israel-Hamas conflict • United States presidential election • FOOBAW season!
Recent deaths: Phil Donahue • James Earl Jones • Tito Jackson • The Sims 5 • Professor McGonagall
Upcoming deaths: Vladimir Putin • Kate Middleton • NFL fans' attention to their wives and girlfriends • Noam Chomsky • Google as a monopoly • Fútbol season

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On this day [edit]

Yes kids - Brick walls can be fun.

September 28: Commemoration of the Brick wall.

1200 - Roger Waters places first brick in The Wall.
1207 - The first brick wall crumbles. 491 years of darkness ensues.
1698 - Brick reinvented by Kevin Costner as a flotation device. Kevin decrees that any major milestone of the brick must henceforth occur on September 26.
1699 - Roger Waters put another brick in The Wall.
1704 - First 'stack of bricks' discovered at the bottom of Lake Superior, along with Ricki Lake.
1837 - Humpty Dumpty trades in brick wall for something a lot more stable.
1839 - Mister Angry Waters throw a lot of bricks in The Wall again and again.
1917 - Roger Waters puts another fuckin' brick in The Wall.
1923 - The Wailing Wall collapses after major flooding caused by millions of pilgrims.
1930 - Wall Street crashes due to mortar stocks going through the roof.
1989 - Berlin Wall breaks up after discovering their cover version of Canadian Idiot is not popular in America.
1997 - Prof. M. Brick invents the 'new' brick wall to commemorate the 299th anniversary of the brick.
1998 - Vin Diesel records a special commemorative cover of "Brick House", titled "Brick Shithouse".
1999 - WLCPs "Another Brick in the Eye" reaches number 72 in the Billboard Charts.

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Bolivian signpost featuring the latest language symbolism to aid foreign visitors.

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