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From today's featured article 

Берклий атомы.gif

Oh-mi-gawddd, my stupid chemistry professor is making us write this stupid presentation and essay on like, an element? Anyway I chose Berkelium because it sounds like UC Berkeley, GOOOOOOO BERKS! Okay, Hayleigh, write all this down, k? K.

Berkelium, symbol Bk, atomic number 97, is one of those squares in that poster on the science classroom wall. It is, like, liter-uhh-ly one of those elements that only exists because scientists were bored and had nothing else to do. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that I'm coming to get you? (Pictured)
  • ... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
  • ... that Cup Stacking is a real sport? No, really.
  • ... that the Byzantine Empire is pretty much the same as the Roman Empire, only not as cool?
  • ... that the amount of cats in the area is directly proportionate to the distance from the Hot Dog factory?
  • ... that Africa's space program has had several successful launches to altitudes over 11 feet?
  • ... that I am inside your walls?
  • ... that the populations of many endangered species can be increased with a simple Wikipedia edit?

In the news 

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"Nyaaah, it's not worthless, mommy, I WANT IT!"

Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing MamdanistanLarry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day

Recent deaths: Brigitte BardotCarl Yastrzmski2025 • The MetroCardStranger ThingsKaliVecnaThe Upside Downthe other Black guy from John Carpenter's The ThingBob WeirScott AdamsKianna UnderwoodBuffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenureDenver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald TrumpNYC's economy • Weed67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window

On this day 

Majestic, and very, very illegal

January 27: International Bring Your Exotic Pet To Work Day

Picture of the day

Kung Pooh
Proof that the Tao of Pooh isn't something to be overlooked...

Image credit: RadicalX
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,097 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.