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the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
193 active editors • 41,148 articles in English

From today's featured article 

Holmium schlock 01.png

Let's get one thing straight, my dear Wats-onium.

(Puffs cigar).

When you're talking magnetism, you're talking about me. I've got the highest magnetic moment of ANY naturally occurring element. You could call it a magnetic personality. I pull the facts right out of the air. Things are just drawn to me. Like you, and don't deny it. It's a gift, from me to you.

(Gestures to empty seat in front of desk)

In my pure, elemental form, I'm a bright, silvery character. Soft enough to be cut with a knife, IF you can get close enough. But I don't stay pristine for long.

(Coughs).

The streets of this world, this city, the damp air, they tarnish me, give me a yellowish oxide coat.

(Coughs again).

It adds character, and everyone loves character.

(Throws down cigar and picks up pipe). (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Giraffe love.jpg
  • ... that male and female giraffes have been banned from living together in the New York City Zoo since 1975? (Pictured)
  • ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
  • ... that Drake the type of dingbat to believe everything he reads on Uncyclopedia?
  • ... that we must nuke the whales, or the hippies will win?
  • ... that there's more to the 9/11 attacks than the conspiracy theorists would have you believe? Like, way more?
  • ... that nobody can describe what a simile is like?
  • ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
  • ... that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?

In the news 

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Don't ask what any of this has to do with Christmas.

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement • Bills Mafia shitting themselves after losing the division to the Patsies due to a terrible kicker • Nanny state officials breaching people's right to privacy via enforcing social media bans and digital ID on their respective countries under the pretext of "think of the children!"

Recent deaths: Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Kansas City Chiefs', Dallas Cowboys', Detroit Lions' and Indianapolis Colts' seasons • Rob Reiner • Bowen Yang's tenure on SNL • Patrick Mahomes' and his backup's ACLs • Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • The Pittsburgh Steelers' fucking up once again • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix •

On this day 

Get back to work

January 2: Official End of Festive Season Feeling Day

Picture of the day

Ben Franklin, kickin' it oldschool
 Benjamin Franklin: founding father, inventor, politician, passionate kite-flier, and self-proclaimed King of Rhyme. In short, a true Renaissance man.

Image credit: Modusoperandi
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images

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Uncyclopedia languages

This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,148 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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