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From today's featured article 

Jrrt 1972 pipe.jpg

You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Nelson Mandela (Pictured) was a cunt?
  • ... you're so fat, that if you don't stop, within a month you're gonna have a heart attack or stroke?
  • ... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
  • ... that Billie Jean was not Michael Jackson's lover but Macaluey Culkin was?
  • ... that you have probably broken at least three of the Ten Commandments just by visiting this website?
  • ... that people residing or visiting Canada often ask themselves, "Why am I in Canada?"
  • ... that if you fold your arms and try to touch your feet you look like a complete fucking fool?
  • ... that there is no consensus among experts on vice presidential history that Al Gore exists?

In the news 

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Too bad you can't customize this in the original.

Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics

Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont

Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce

On this day 

I can see a worm there.

February 7: Shit! I Forgot My Lines... Day

  • 1599 - Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a man of uhh, shit. Line. Line, I need the—
  • 1600 - A man of Infinite Jest. Of most excellent fancy. Wait, asshole.
  • 1601 - Yeah, got it. Ahem. I knew him Horatio, a man of infinite jest. Of most fancy—Fuck—of most excellent fancy.
  • 1602 - If this happens on the night we'll just use the alternate.
  • 1603 - How about you go fuck yourself, I'm the artist around here, you just tell people where to move on stage.
  • 1604 - Whatever, Kenneth Branagh, you do whatever you fucking want.
  • 1605 - I don't need you, nobody needs you, I'll make my own fucking lines. I'm the fucking bard. Motherfucker.

Picture of the day

Microsoft Word Processor
 The Microsoft Word Processor is good for the office and the kitchen! It can be yours for just 3 easy payments of $39.99!

Image credit: Tripod2282
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This Uncyclopedia is written in English, supposedly. Started in 2005, it currently contains 41,111 articles. Many other parody wikis are available; some of the lamest are listed below.

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