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From today's featured article 

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The Lockheed Martin Nuclear Attack Force and Creators of All Things Aerial and Destructive Corporation, often shortened to read Lockheed Martin Corporation, sometimes Lunkhead Moron Corporation, or even just Lockheed Martin, is an American offense defense company with the singular goal of designing weapons that can more easily turn a person into a fine red mist for the low cost of $5,000,000 per shot. Lockheed Martin is considered the holy grail of job opportunities for anyone interested in engineering, math, ethics, or just the opportunity to obliterate things. They are most well known for their consumer products including the F-22 Raper, the Orion-class spaceships, the C-130 Hunkules, and most notably "Project Pat" missiles. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
  • ... the muffin man?
  • ... that a bomb shelter is the safest place to hide explosives?
  • ... that the road to hell is identical to the stairs to heaven, but with elevator music and traffic?
  • ... that a very large number of events, both noteworthy and non-noteworthy, occurred in 1993?
  • ... that Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A, the sister drug to Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination B, is very effective against Stupendous Tropical Meningitis?
  • ... that Kitten Huffing is a popular, though controversial, alternative to street drugs such as skag and crank?

In the news 

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus

Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP

On this day 

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April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand)

  • 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now."
  • 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father.
  • 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
  • 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later.
  • 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work.
  • 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion.
  • 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency.
  • 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically.
  • 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence.

Picture of the day

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 The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it.

Image credit: Serge Billault
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