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From today's featured article
CaseOh (Celestial Anomaly of Stellar Enormity and Omnivorous Hunger) is a supermassive celestial object of indeterminate classification, predominantly suspected to be either a rogue star or a cluster of galaxies—or just maybe the interdimensional vortex first caught wind of in May 1998. Physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer famously theorised CaseOh to be supplied entirely by AC/DC (agglomerated/devoured comestible) power several months prior to his death in 2023, although other hypotheses regarding its increasing mass are widespread. CaseOh's exact mass is approximated to exceed 247 ronnagrams, and "clairvoyant" astrophysicists at NASA presume a supermassive black hole to thence manifest within succeeding decades. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... I burning your dog? (Pictured)
- ... that the Kingfisher does not dine exclusively on kings, but also hunts queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and any other high-ranking members of the nobility?
- ... that Joe Biden stepped in dog shit?
- ... that the song "Harder Better Faster Stronger" by Daft Punk is a giant "That's what she said" joke?
- ... that the largest collection of human bullshit is located in the United States Congress?
- ... that no word in the English language rhymes with the word flucumber?
- ... that the butler did it?
- ... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
In the news
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey (Pictured); Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- So.. about that Super Bowl..
- Bad Bunny and TPUSA offer equally heathen, equally crappy halftime shows
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL!! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Next season's Super Bowl revealed to be on Valentine's Day
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • r/TheDarnold still having a massive field day • NFL fans experiencing withdrawal symptoms with the season now over • Team Canada rethinking life
Recent deaths: Brad Arnold • NFL season • Winter Olympics • Some kid from some movie you probably forgot existed, but had a funny title • James Van Der Beek (Not Dick Van Dyke, Ashley Roberts from the Pussycat Dolls!) • Robert Duvall • Kurt Van Dyke (not Dick) • Jesse Jackson • YouTube • Tom Noonan • Eric Dane • Melania Trump's big movie star career • Team Canada hockey, twice, AND their curling team • Some Nerd named Robert Carradine
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! (Not to be confused with James Van Der Beek) • Quinton Reviews
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy and snow handling capability • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Dancin' Maduro • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files • the US government, again • Warner Bros. (?) • A Las Vegas hotel that no one's going to remember • Mexico
On this day
February 27: Making Banjo Noises With Your Mouth Day
- 1812 - Lord Byron writes a poem about the coy and inviting aroma of his own flatulence.
- 1860 - Abraham Lincoln makes a speech so angry and divisive it causes the Civil War, shame on you Mr. Lincoln.
- 1870 - Emperor Meiji of Japan spills marinara sauce on a white sheet, has a great idea for his country's flag.
- 1972 - Duh duh dum dum dum dum dum dum dum, duh duh dum dum dum dum dum dum dum...
- 1991 - George H.W. Bush takes over Iraq, as a gift to his son and future funnyman president, George W.
- 2007 - The Shanghai Stock Exchange falls 9% in one day, the economy might have been ruined were it not for the immortal ghost of Mao Tse-Tung.
- 2013 - Pope Benedict XVI resigns from the Papacy after 'accidentally' liking 39 Playboy posts and commenting 12 times.
- 2015 - Russian politician Boris Nemtsov dies after shooting himself in the back twenty-three times and stuffing himself inside a concrete-filled duffel bag.
Picture of the day
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The future of proctology isn't in your hands, your hands are in it. Image credit: Serge Billault |
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