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Worshipped by some, denied by others , UnNews brings you this exclusive interview with the one and only God. Where did we come from? Where did we go? Whatever happened to Cotton Eye Joe? What makes the Almighty Creator tick? We hope to find out these things and more in this unprecedented UnNews event.
UnNews: What can I say, God, if I may call You so, it’s a pleasure to have You with us today. This is a real step up from last week’s guest, a morbidly obese kid that almost scored an on-air on American Idol.
GOD: Well, I’m glad to be here. And “God” is fine. Tack on “Almighty Omnipotent” if you wish.
UnNews: Well, Almighty Omnipotent God, I must say you really look a lot like I imagined. The robe. The long white beard. The wise, stern countenance. It’s all there.
GOD: This physical presence you are now visualizing is no more than a projection of your image of Me. You better be making Me look good!
UnNews: Uh, oh yes, trust me; you’re looking hot, God. George Clooney’s got nothing on you. Look out ladies!
GOD: Enough with the empty flattery. Let’s get on with this, shall we? (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Kilroy was here? (Pictured)
- ... that Crow war chieftain Old White Man was nothing like his brothers, Walks Over Eggshells and Sees No Color?
- ... that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?
- ... that Bill Cosby and Bing Crosby are the same person?
- ... that neither cows nor foxes can run for governor in Wisconsin?
- ... that on average, humans have less than 2 legs?
- ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
- ... that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?
In the news
- Trump sends condolences to tough-guy actor "Mikey Madison" (Pictured)
- Clint Eastwood announces plans to live forever
- Trumpman introduces Trumpmobile
- Diddy gets off easy, possibly due to bribing jury
- Musk establishes "Porky Pig Party" to combat Trump's "Big Beautiful Bill"
- United Nations Secretary General gives up on world peace, World War Three begins
- Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
- Trump joins in for threesome, blows load
- Khamenei fails to follow up after dirty talk, taps out
- Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
- Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone"
- Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
- THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass • Jaws 50th anniversary • Colorado Rockies game replacing Jaws airing • Israel/Iran "peace talks" • Pittsburgh Steelers adding old players way past their prime • Rock drummer exodus (not to be confused with Tom Hunting or Zbigniew Fyk)
Recent deaths: Ariana Grande's Nonna • Canadian team's bid to win the Stanley Cup, again • PF4Eva's headphone cable • Jimmy Swaggart • Diddy's freedom for only 20 years • Michael Madsen • Diogo Jota • Texas flood victims
Upcoming deaths: DEI • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's nuclear program • Oil prices • Dumbasses with fireworks in their backyards • Diddy's bank account after incoming lawsuits • The asshats who spoiled Squid Game
On this day
July 13: Surreptitiously Masturbate Near A Sleeping Stranger Day
- 1921 – Sinead O'Connor is arrested for indecent exposure in a coma ward.
- 1945 – The Manhattan Engineering District achieves its first major success, giving the ability of flight to a medium-sized mouse.
- 1987 – The United States Supreme Court rules that disciplining your monkey near a sleeping stranger (pictured) is unconstitutional.
- 2003 – Stunningly gorgeous tennis sensation Martina Hingis stuns her fans by announcing her retirement. Her fans cry for days and refuse to eat.
- 2005 – Uncyclopedia viciously and unfairly deleted by extremist Wikipedians.
- 2009 – The Uncyclopedia Anniversaries break the fourth wall by telling you to get a job, you lazy git!
Picture of the day
A powerful tool for stereotype reassignment. Image credit: Rcmurphy |
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