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From today's featured article
Come here little grandson, and pull up a chair, ol' grandpa has to say something to you. What story am I going to be telling this time? Hah ha, no story tonight, Jimmy, I'm going to lecture you on something very important. It's time to learn about a little subject called filial piety. Don't start fussing now, it's a very important subject to learn about when squirts like you start to grow up.
I was just about to get into that, Jimmy. Filial piety is a simple enough concept, often embraced by popular religions such as Confucianism and Christianity. Now, you're Christian but you don't know what filial piety is, right? That's because the heads of your religion decided to muck up the phrase and replace it with a simplistic platitude such as "love your mom and pop". But I digress, I'll talk to you about religion some other day. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the Angel of Death is after you? (Pictured)
- ... that existing is highly dangerous, and should not be performed unless you are competent enough to understand how to perform it?
- ... that the bow-tie is an aphrodisiac worn by male humans which instantly increases the sexual appeal of the wearer by 16%?
- ... that 'wax-on, wax-off' doesn't help teach kids karate, but just gets your cars waxed, free of charge?
- ... that under Communism, everyone gets a C?
- ... that Uranus is a gas giant?
- ... that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
- ... that making drugs explode in your stomach is not a good way to make yourself smarter?
In the news
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured)
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
- Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy
- Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win
Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics
Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont • Brad Arnold
Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!!
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce
On this day
February 9: International Tourette's Day
- 1884 - First case of tourette's is recorded, subject is originally not diagnosed as his tic was incessantly correcting people's grammar.
- 1942 - Daylight saving time is introduced in America after Congress is led to believe that that lightbulbs steal the sunlight.
- 1964 - The Beatles make their first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show, scandalizes prudish American audiences with their protruding foreheads.
- 1971 - Apollo 14 returns to Earth after the third manned moon landing, brings back a shitload of sexually transmitted moon diseases.
- 1986 - Halley's Comet visits our solar system, leaves immediately after noticing the Earth starting to warm up.
- 2026 - You don't notice any symptoms of tourette's on this day, since all the tics were nonverbal, educate yourself fool.
Picture of the day
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Early Victorian advances in kitten huffing technology were spearheaded by the notorious kit-head Algernon Falstrop. Image credit: Sannse |
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