From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation
Jump to search
Imagine a world in which every single person is given free access
to the sum of all human stupidity. That's what we're doing.
|
|
|
|
| Today's Featured Article
|
|
Hello and welcome to our one hour special on the American Man, brought to you by cool, refreshing, Coors Light! In the next hour, you will learn the ins and outs of being a true man according to our sponsor, Coors Light. Silver Bullet!
Many of these qualities are (or should be) entirely obvious to any man living in America, sitting on his couch with his dumbass friends, a plate of wings on the coffee table, and a frost-brewed Coors Light in his hand to wash it all down with. However, for those wishing to study the subtle mannerisms of the species, for lesser men hoping to become less of a wimp (or straight), or for annoyed girlfriends/wives who are sick of repressing their rage for their beastly better halves, we present the following crash-course in manhood as our sponsor, ice cold Coors Light, would have us do so. (Full article...)
|
| On this day...
|
March 1: National Grue Day
- 64000000 BC - Gruegasauri roam the plains waiting for unsuspecting tourists.
- 32 - Jesus gets eaten by a Grue. He then comes back from the dead, only to be eaten by another Grue.
- 1349 - Jack the Ripper's antique collection of Mongolian archers features in Forbes Magazine. This, according to Tony Blair, "does not compute".
- 1632 Gruel is invented by the Grues of London to morph English Orphans into Grues after long periods of eating it. This plot might have worked, since after 1692, all British Orphans disappeared.
- 1777 - The last remnants of the British army are eaten by a Grue.
- 1823 - Vin Diesel eats a Grue, and slowly morphs into one.
- 1951 - Hitler develops the concept of luring Grues into attacking foes, thus allowing him to win World War 2.
- 1985 - Landmark decision in Some v. Pestilence: Court rules a person eaten by a Grue cannot be held legally responsible for death or injury related to ingestion.
- 1987 - Danny DeVito becomes the first human - grue transplant recipient after a hunting accident involving two midgets and a circus elephant.
- 1995 - Grues destroy Constantinople, rebuild it as Istanbul.
- 1997 - Scientists develop Grue-proof armor, and promptly get eaten by Eurgs.
- 1999 - Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a grue onstage, is promptly ignored as just another geek sideshow act.
- 2001 Joe Bob manages to slay a Grue, and is seconds later crushed by a falling rock.
- 2005 - Wales defeat the Grues 11-9 in a massive Six Nations Rugby upset. Unfortunately, the Welsh side are shortly after eaten by said Grues.
- 2006 'You are likely to be eaten by a grue' fever sweeps the nation.
- 2006 A grue creates uncyclopedia account. Then eats the account.
- 2007 - Another group of scientists develop armour that is both grue-proof and eurg-proof, so the universe implodes.
- 2009 - George W. Bush declared Grues to be "weapons of mass destruction".
- 2045 - The Dominant species of the planets are Grues, humans build big oven to cool humans for the feast of the Grues.
- AD 2101 - War was beginning. CATS battles the grues for control of the earth. The legendary Build-a-grue workshop opens during this time period.
- 2147- The grues are finally defeated- only to be replaced by the eurgs who then recreate grues to balance themselves.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Uncyclopedia is made possible through contributions from readers like you.
All donations go toward the continuation of Uncyclopedia and its community of volunteer editors. If Uncyclopedia has ever made you laugh then we invite you to donate and help us pay for our expensive server(s). You can make all donations using your PayPal account or debit/credit card here. You can also support your local Uncyclopedia by purchasing merchandise from our merchandise store where 15% of all sales goes toward Uncyclopedia. If you cannot donate but still want to help Uncyclopedia monetarily, you can click some of the ads in our e-store to help us keep the rest of the site ad free.
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.
