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Imagine a world in which every single person is given free access
to the sum of all human stupidity. That's what we're doing.
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| Today's Featured Article
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Fuck Around and Find Out, often abbreviated to FAFO, is a philosophy often used by parents, teachers and scholars worldwide to explain why a person may suddenly find out they have a boot solidly lodged 14 inches into their rectum. It is mainly used on children whose sense of entitlement and petulance has reached a breaking point and their parents feel that talking won't work and grounding will make fuck all of a difference. The kid fucked around, the kid then found out. They didn't quite realize they were finding out right away because before awareness of said boot up their ass sent in, their head was being whacked so hard by rolled up newspaper their brain shifted and the boot in anus processed 0.5 seconds later. Eventually they all find out, even if it is delayed by a minor concussion. (Full article...)
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| On this day...
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March 1: National Grue Day
- 64000000 BC - Gruegasauri roam the plains waiting for unsuspecting tourists.
- 32 - Jesus gets eaten by a Grue. He then comes back from the dead, only to be eaten by another Grue.
- 1349 - Jack the Ripper's antique collection of Mongolian archers features in Forbes Magazine. This, according to Tony Blair, "does not compute".
- 1632 Gruel is invented by the Grues of London to morph English Orphans into Grues after long periods of eating it. This plot might have worked, since after 1692, all British Orphans disappeared.
- 1777 - The last remnants of the British army are eaten by a Grue.
- 1823 - Vin Diesel eats a Grue, and slowly morphs into one.
- 1951 - Hitler develops the concept of luring Grues into attacking foes, thus allowing him to win World War 2.
- 1985 - Landmark decision in Some v. Pestilence: Court rules a person eaten by a Grue cannot be held legally responsible for death or injury related to ingestion.
- 1987 - Danny DeVito becomes the first human - grue transplant recipient after a hunting accident involving two midgets and a circus elephant.
- 1995 - Grues destroy Constantinople, rebuild it as Istanbul.
- 1997 - Scientists develop Grue-proof armor, and promptly get eaten by Eurgs.
- 1999 - Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a grue onstage, is promptly ignored as just another geek sideshow act.
- 2001 Joe Bob manages to slay a Grue, and is seconds later crushed by a falling rock.
- 2005 - Wales defeat the Grues 11-9 in a massive Six Nations Rugby upset. Unfortunately, the Welsh side are shortly after eaten by said Grues.
- 2006 'You are likely to be eaten by a grue' fever sweeps the nation.
- 2006 A grue creates uncyclopedia account. Then eats the account.
- 2007 - Another group of scientists develop armour that is both grue-proof and eurg-proof, so the universe implodes.
- 2009 - George W. Bush declared Grues to be "weapons of mass destruction".
- 2045 - The Dominant species of the planets are Grues, humans build big oven to cool humans for the feast of the Grues.
- AD 2101 - War was beginning. CATS battles the grues for control of the earth. The legendary Build-a-grue workshop opens during this time period.
- 2147- The grues are finally defeated- only to be replaced by the eurgs who then recreate grues to balance themselves.
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| Today's featured picture
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Africa is widely known by those in the US to be Earth's shittiest continent. For one thing, the land is wracked with hunger, poverty, disease, and genocide. It is also filled with monkeys, like those parks where they tear your car to shreds. Not a pleasant place, all things considered. (Rwanda sucks and has a very retarded name.)
Things from Africa include: zoo animals, human trials, like monkeys; lots of fruit...um... AIDS? AIDS is from there, right? And black people? Hey, is that where African Americans came from? Yeah? Well, who knew?
Image credit: Jordanus
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