User:Sunstar/Rick Mercer
“This Guy Makes Me Laugh”
Rick Mercer is the First, and as of yet only, President of Canada. The position of President of Canada was established in 1868 by John A. Macdonald so he could have someone to take his place while he went drinking. Mercer has served the majority of his term in relative secrecy due to the fact that Macdonald failed to tell anyone of the position's creation until it was discovered in his secret Diary in 1990. Since his first press conference at the National Arts Centre in Ottawa, Mercer has taken an active role in Canadian politics and is generally given equal status with the Prime Minister of Canada as the leader of the country.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Little is known about Rick's early life. It is believed that he grew up in the barren wasteland of Newfoundland, though the existence of Newfoundland is still in dispute.
Acts as President[edit | edit source]
Needing no support of the Canadian people to enact Legislation, Mercer has been able to accomplish a great deal during his Reign. Choosing to publish his Acts in the form of Comedic Television Programming has increased his popularity among the Inuit, who first brought this medium to mainstream attention with the program Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Mercer's most well known decrees have included Hours Now Have 22 Minutes, Talking to Americans is Illegal, All Pyramids Have Been Made in Canada, and The Rick Mercer Report on Why Tuesdays are better than Mondays. All have been recieved very well by the Canadian Public. Mercer has participated in numerous activities on behalf of Canada including:
- Inventing Fire
- Discovering New Zealand
- Meeting Chuck Norris
- Insulting George W. Bush
- Becoming the first person to Circumnavigate the Earth in a Bobsled
Presidential Cabinet[edit | edit source]
To assist him in his duties, Mercer has at times appointed a Cabinet of other, less important people. Collectively these people have been reffered to as the Cabinet of Bitter Children, or CBC. Historically, their primary function has been to make Mercer look better by comparison. Since its inception in 1994, the Cabinet has included:
- Molly McGuire (1994-2001): Minister of Armed Forces, also known as Marg Princess Warrior, specialized in assasinating anyone who opposed Mercer's Rule.
- Frank MacMillan (1994-2001): Minister of Foreign Affairs, infiltrated enemy nations under the alias Tim MacMillan.
- Cindy Gibizinchick (1994-2001): Minister of Sexual Affairs, didn't do much.
- Allan Roy (1998-2003): Dietitian.
- Veronica Miller (1998-2003): Senior Productions Manager (Does Everything, Paid Nothing).
- Victor Sela (1998-2003): Scapegoat.
- Wanda Mattice (1998-2003): Receptionist
- Darren Jones (2003-2005): Just to make Rick look Better.
Since 2005 Mercer has elected to work alone and the absence of Darren Jones from The Rick Mercer Report on Why Tuesdays are better than Mondays has been pleasantly noticable.
