Rudolph
It is a little known fact that Rudolph "the Red Reindeer" is actually a communist. In July 1946 Soviet premier Stalin reached a secret agreement with Rudolph the red who was leading the country in secret. In 1953 rudoplph swooped in to lead the USSR with an iron-fisted approach, promising to deliver equality and unity to all.
Under Rudolph's watchful eye, the elves ramped up weapon production, creating massive factories filled with child labour and slave labour, leading to the fastest weapon-making in history! Rudolph launched a nationwide campaign to spread USSR cheer, insisting that every citizen must hang up sickles and hammers and sing the USSR anthem loudly. “The more work, the more unity!” becomes the motto.
Early life[edit | edit source]
Rudolph was born in the North Pole to a family of reindeers that lived in Santa Claus' workshop. As a result, he was drafted as one of Santa's reindeers, adding to the sleigh pulled by Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. These reindeers did not welcome the new addition, as he was much younger than them and his name did not rhyme with any of the names from the crew. This was exacerbated by a facial deformation that Rudolph had born with, a red-tinted nose, which the other reindeers would often make fun of.
As such, Rudolph's early life was punctuated with loneliness and misery. Rudolph would quickly became hateful towards those at the top of him, wishing that one day he would crash them with an iron fist; this would breed his resentment to the ruling class and, thus, his communist tendencies.
Education[edit | edit source]
In his teen years Charles Xavier, also known as Professor X, came to recruit Rudolph to his school. "You have a mutation any X-men would be proud", said Xavier to the red-nosed reindeer.
This reindeer accepted and finally found friends in the other freaks at the school. He was expelled however as he had created a gang that operated in the school that ruled over the other X-freaks and collected tax, Rudolph had a penchant for ruling with an iron fist and if someone stepped out of line he came down heavily on them.
Political career[edit | edit source]
Later, he imigrated to Russia in the early 1920s and became a long time friend of Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin (born Ioseb Besarionis dze Jughashvili; 18 December [O.S. 6 December] 1878 – 5 March 1953).
Rudolph was the original creator of the flag of the Soviet Union. In a fit of egoism and narcissism, he tinted the flag after the redness of his nose, which he saw as the sole guide of the communist regime. Originally, this flag featured the Coat of Arms of the Soviet Union in the centre of a red field; but was later changed by Rudolph himself to a much more minimalist approach, a plain red flag with the hammer and sickle with five-pointed gold star in the top right hand corner, which Rudolph himself made.
After Stalin died rudolph took over the USSR in 1954 and ruled with an iron fist punishing anyone who stepped out of line.
On Russia's "point nemo", Rudolph "the red" built his secret bunker in case his empire went south. it was filled with canned reindeer, probably the reindeer from his childhood and filled with all rudolph's stuffed animals also reindeer.
Rudolph was fond on hunting in the woods on horseback.
Death[edit | edit source]
Sadly for Rudolph, his life would be cut short when he would be killed by one of his reindeer brothers. Donner, who once admired , realized of the monster he had become over time, and shot the red-nosed reindeer to death, leaving the rest of his body as red as his nose. Thousands of soviets that still believed in his cause mourned his death, and called this day "the death of the Soviet Union".
Quotes[edit | edit source]
“Let the ruling classes tremble at a Rudolph revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workers of the USSR, unite!”
“When I give food to the poor, they call me a Rudolph-like. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist.”
“Democracy is indispensable to Rudolphism.”
See also[edit | edit source]
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