Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Archives/01-13
Now Delivered Trendily Late!
January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!
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Vote! Or else!
Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief".  Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience
 Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled.  Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings. |
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In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.
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Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! .jpg) If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens! |
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Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!
Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
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The Return of Not Jedis, but rather Old Users No, we do not mean users with ages soaring into the atmosphere. Well, I hope so. Because 80 year old users would be weird, just saying. However, users who had currently quit the Wikia back up to years ago have now returned, and maybe all will return. Why did they leave? Protest mainly, or traveling the world. The world is big, however, so that could explain things. Some sysops have returned, including MoneySign, Tom mayfair, MadMax, etc. On the hand of the those who aren't admins, TheSlyFox sneaked back into the site, ColinAYB has returned, and even Acmed2 has returned after his rage quit in September of 2012. So basically, what is to be said for here is, well... Uncyclopedia attracts quality writers that write from the heart, which Wikia wouldn't allow. Everybody, here's a life lesson: Down with Wikia! Argument on swastikas is fading Recently, I have raised a master debate on HGA's (who desires to be called HGA instead of his actual username, so don't call him
So hopefully, Kip's influence off my original forum will die down and stop influencing others. Like Joey's instinct to respond, as seen here: Joey Number's sig. However, DO NOT confuse these mock threads with this response seen here, as Socky has a very good point. Go vote now!
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Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.
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The spam finds its way Nobody could have expected the return of the spam. I'm just kidding. Everyone knew it was going to happen. Recently, Ly has made it so editing is more open to those who aren't "users" and with that, came the inevitable spam. Probably the first major bit of spam came from a user who was putting a troll face in 400px on many pages (including category pages). I alerted Lyrithya on IRC and she blocked the user with a time of infinite. I had already put the user on Ban Patrol. Yes, Ban Patrol. We need to kick it into gear now. Like it once was. We want more of it. So please, get your spam spray ready, the Ban Patrol ready to penetrate, and your anti-spam mind in motion. That is an order! The Cold War Update
Well, ladies and gentlemen... It has begun. For those of you who don't know, (you should all know, it has been a few weeks) the great internet humor wiki known across the world as Uncyclopedia has officially split, since January 5th to be precise. While there are those who remain loyal to the original (now completely Wikia-owned) Uncyc, others have left and formulated a site of their own, "Free Uncyclopedia," if you will. Every Saturday, starting this week, I will give an update at Uncyc Cold War on the current situation, sharing details with the populaces of both sites on any updates pertaining to the current split. Post on that page's talk page if you wish to give your input as a Wikia Uncycer or a Free Uncycer. Some of you may wish to know how this started... It all goes back a very long time ago, when a man named Chronarion sold the original Uncyclopedia (uncyclopedia.org) to Wikia for beer and hookers, the company originally created by Jimbo Wales as a hub of wikis for various specific subjects. Over the years, Wikia did many things to Uncyclopedia, including domain name updates, restrictions on hardline levels of satire, and most notable of all, the censoring of all unclad racks on the entire site. The final spark was (according to Frosty, one of the Free Uncyc leaders (Sannse we're ratting you out), a heavy demand over adding a North America-only suicide prevention hotline to the suicide page. Regardless of the circumstances, members were tired of Wikia, and as such left the site to formulate their own variant. Frosty would then go on a rage to revert all booby pictures and give us nudes once again.  If you touch the red zones in just the right way... it will cause an explosion. A primary difficulty for years was the fact that there was no original domain name that a new Uncyclopedia could be built on. Uncyclopedia.org was in Wikia's hands, after all. Incapable of simply leaving, a domain name ([en.uncyclopedia.co]) was eventually found, and the move was made by the majority of writers and the like. The inevitable struggle between these two wikis will prove to be most interesting to watch as it plays out. Until next week, keep on trucking! UnVoyage - journey around the world without leaving your seat, the ultimate travel experience for lazy people!
Uncyclopedian Yrtneg has created a new project - UnVoyage. It's a parody of Wikivoyage. It's a fake travel guide with pages like "Space", "Hell", and etc. Now of course, we're all going to forget about it before six months, but who cares. Go ahead and add some pages! Bitch. Right now there's nothing but who cares. Uncyclopedian Carlb suggested making pages like "Titanic" and "the moon". The main page is at UnVoyage and it's pretty fucked up. Go check it out!
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83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!
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First month of the Real Uncyclopedia, a sexy & successful one January is over, and to sum things up; the Real Uncyclopedia is doing well. Along with the move, we had multiple features, new users, successful donations, the opping of Bizzeebeever, the new ability to check users, the return of TheLedBalloon and Dawg, etc., a new Uncyclo-project called UnVoyage, new gadgets, name changes, a new poopsmith, more boobies, and even edits from a V6 IP address! Last but not least, the USP is getting done. With contributions from ZB!  ...and here's Slender dancing in celebration! So thank you all and we hope to see more joy in the months, years, decades, centuries, and even galactic light-years to come! Social media Recently, a new addition has been made to Uncyclopedia's Social Media Team. None other than the one, the only, the fabulous Sir Peasewhizz! Sir Peasewhizz has already updated the only Twitter you should care about, found here. He has also been made part of the staff for the official Uncyclopedia Facebook, found here. And if you're not following these precious and incredible feeds, then shame! Make time!!!!!...please? Thank you. Thank you.
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