iEarth
“Earthman, the planet you lived on was commissioned, paid for, and run by... Apple.”
iEarth was created by Apple to calculate the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything (to which the answer was 42) as part of a publicity stunt.
Apple's tagline for iEarth was "Reinventing the planet."
History[edit | edit source]
Steve Jobs, an avid fan of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, decided to publish his own edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy, dubbed The Macintosh User's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy. (The names of the books were subsequently changed to The Macintosh User's Guide to the Galaxy, The Apple Store at the End of the Universe, Life, the Universe and iPhones, So Long, and Thanks for All the Macs, and Mostly Lossless.) When this turned out to be a huge success, he made up a sixth book to the trilogy dubbed End of the Tape where it turns out that (contrary to what most people think) one particular probability of the Earth, dubbed iEarth, was not destroyed due to a reality distortion field, and Slartibartfast, Zaphod Beeblebrox, Arthur Dent et al. somehow meet up at Milliways, journey to iEarth, and wait for 5 minutes to find out that the ultimate question is, in fact, "What do you get if you google 'the answer to life, the universe and everything'?" and that this "google" must be sought for in order to really figure out the purpose of the universe. (A seventh book, codenamed The Mac of Doubt is planned for release yesterday.)
This sixth book prompted Apple fans to demand to see iEarth. Therefore Steve Jobs commissioned Slartibartfast, Jonathan Ive, and Bill Gates' money to design and build a stupendous iEarth. For ten million years, the original Earth was kept in a reality distortion-stasis hybrid field (funded by Bill Gates' money) while about 42 billion iPods were melted to create iEarth barely up to the crust and 42 million more Mac Pros were melted to recreate the Earth's surface (including the oceans, rivers and lakes, which were filled with iWater, formerly Evian but bought out by Apple). At iEarth's very core was a Mac Pro, modified to be wired up with all the computers on iEarth (which were now newly installed with Mac OS XI). Al Gore helped build this massive wired-up network and Tim Berners-Lee (a guest researcher) subsequently named it the World Wide Web. When the hybrid field was released, 99.999% of the Earth's population was transferred to iEarth, while the remaining small fraction worked for Apple as iEarth admins.
The biggest benefit was that this "Earth Mark II" eliminated global warming and proved Bush a visionary after all. (Al Gore resigned his post at the Apple Board of Directors subsequently.)
After a couple more years, the publicity stunt ended with iEarth playing the audiobook edition of End of the Tape (which lasted roughly 4.2 hours) and subsequently revealing its real purpose - a planetary advertisement.
Fate[edit | edit source]
iEarth was subsequently spun off (quite literally) into a parallel universe.
Later on, an old Steve Jobs (from our universe) and that guy (present in all universes as one) along with the Doctor (who seems to wish to remain anonymous, though popularly known from the documentary series Doctor Who) travelled to this parallel universe, in which they subsequently journeyed to iEarth. They just happened to meet up with Slartibartfast, Arthur Dent, Trillian, Zaphod Beeblebrox (this guy - not to be confused with that guy), Ford Prefect and Douglas Adams.
At this point, Jobs persuaded Adams to find out how and why the gang had come here. Adams subsequently ran away with the Doctor's TARDIS and went to follow the gang from the beginning, starting with Arthur's home being demolished, only to suddenly reappear in roughly -42 seconds without anybody noticing (except for that guy). Then he stole the Doctor's TARDIS again, only to reappear in a field in Innsbruck in the 70s.
By far this is the only clinching reason why Adams went to write such a weird unclassifiable radio series, TV series, game, book series, screenplay draft and towel.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
No photographs of iEarth were taken, as flash photography was prohibited in iEarth: however iEarth was most described as mostly being white (though it looked just like Earth according to the iEarth people, this was due to a reality distortion field).
iEarth revealed the potential of humongous useless networks as good marketing material.
Bill Gates is actually now the most financially owing person in the entire solar system, as his money was wasted on a competitor's publicity stunt.
iEarth holds the world record for being the most massive MMORPG (6.5 billion players); it also holds the record for being the most massive collaborative project based on a supercluster of computers (1.08 billion computer users).
Meanwhile iEarth is also unofficially the world's largest iPod, although this is still in some dispute since it does not have white stereo earbuds.
Contrary to popular belief, iEarth does NOT hold the record for the world's largest computer - that would be the Universe.
No, seriously. Even MIT says that.
An article where a MIT professor seems to say that the Universe is one giant computer
iEarth is now implemented in every college quantum physics textbook as a classic example of parallel universes and time travel paradoxes.
| iPods: | iPod - iPod Shuffle - iPod Yocto - iPod Lo-Fi - iPod floppy - iPod chair - iPod Car - iCan't Believe It's Not iPod - Euroipods - Neuroipods |
| iDevices: | iMac - iPad - iNuke - iRon - iMath - iHamster - iPoop - iOwa - iRaq - iRan - iEyes - iBladder - iClothes - iBrows - iRack - iDiot - iCarly - iHop |
| iHardware: | iGraters - iSpell Key - MacBook - triPod - ehPod - YouPod - IHenge - iEarth - iPhone |
| iSoftware: | iTunes - iMovie - iLinux - Mac OS X - Mac OS 10.5 - Mac OS Y - Mac OS Z |
| i3rd Party Mods: | iPod Nano 200gb Instructions - iTrip - iHack |
| iGaming: | iGrievous |
| iOthers: | Apple Store - iFraud - iCult |
| Planets |
|---|
| Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn (Moons) | Uranus | Neptune |
| Confirmed (Extrasolar): Arrakis | Darwin IV | Discworld | Krypton | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Skaylia | Destopius | Techneta | Roseanne |
| Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax |
| Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron |
| Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | Melmac | YourAnus | Planet Acne | Flat Earth |
| In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star |
| Members of the Federation: Vulcan (Ni’Var) | Kronos (Qo’noS) |
| Invisible Planets: |
