Apple Store

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
A customer (consumer) being "processed" by the friendly staff.
Bouncywikilogo.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Apple Store.

“Oh, so this is where the normal people hang out”

~ Oscar Wilde on Apple stores

“Remember to be happy and above all buy things”

~ Apple corporate internal memo

Apple stores are the most futuristic places ever made with plywood and MDF. The environments are pleasant and are reported to be the most appealing consumer spaces in cities and are highly sought after by councils. They serve other purposes, with a global economy often poorer investors flood apple - the hope is to keep the technology industry interesting to consumers as only Asian people are interested in technology that is obsolete by the time you've got home with your latest product.

The aspect of du-humanising aspect the stores is often cited as many find themselves a little sub-par to enter the hallowed realm of Apple. The staff are skinjobs[1]

The stores house some of the most desired products known to man, with high quality technology goods being the most sought after. There is a particular prestige to Apple, and their products.

The Stores[edit]

There are number of locations globally, however their uses remain somewhat obscure, as Apple never easily sell anything except IPods from external outlets....

Their role then could be conjectured to be something far more hideous as thier gooals could be contued as aimpanting a consumism in society in the guise of advanced technology, paticually media editing suites. Of course even the most die hard stugle to make use of all the features...

Shoplifting possibilities[edit]

The kind of friendly and arty posters that litter the futuristic interior.
The staff can tell whether you belong in the stores beautiful environment.

There’s a time and a place, apple staff are all cybernetic entities and it’s a bad idea to try and grift this particular retail outlet. The staff are all robots will catch you and hold you to blame. Another key fact is that |Apple products are all filled with secret cameras and tracking devices. The loopholes in the law have allowed such ha draconian practice

The Staff[edit]

Cybernetic entities - these people are the kind of thing you'd expect t to see on some kind of hologram, so healthy, so at peace - where is the discontent at the irate customers who complain at the faulty equipment so often found in Apple products...

If you have a warranty your Mac will be fixed, however after they've discovered that you are an invalid you will be humiliated and given indication to leave

Products[edit]

The apple stuff is just cooler, particular looks wise where all the effort goes. This has proven especially successful in oriental countries where an obsession with images has come to symbolise western lifestyles.[2]

Some such as the iTrip make so much that was hiotherto uncasaceptbale and decadent in society a norm. This has extened over the years with various battery operated sexual devcies from the apple range have made it possible to bypass life stages and rihjts of passage amougst western populaces. The Japs have however stuck to Origami which apprantly is far more effective masturbation...

The actual use of the stores[edit]

online business has usurped the once variable options of having stores with increasingly whole sale enter... making stores expensive and unrealistic to run, somehow due to affiliations with fourth dimential entities Apple is able to run these stores in whatever economic climate.

The stores also serve to highlight Apples domination of cool in the Western technology sector. The consumerism advertised within the stores encourages an almost cult like status among Apple products and the adverts themselves which shine a light on all out lives...

Footnotes[edit]

  1. ^  Just like Blade Runner.
  2. ^  AKA, the Foreign Devils

See also[edit]