Destopius

“Poor Destopius, I sing to thee... An empire of greatness, to fall at the hands of carrots...”

~ Ayn Rand on Destopius

“Copycats! This calls for WAR!”

~ Residents of Coruscant on Destopius

“In a world that can't be distinguished as science fiction or fantasy, I would think that a planet like Destopius might at least be a bit... dirtier. But who am I to complain?”

~ Oscar Wilde on Destopius

Destopius is a planet located in the Catholia star system, the fourth planet from the star it orbits. Destopius is a rather large planet; whether this is due to bodybuilding or overeating is unclear. Either way, the fact that it is big means that it would make an excellent meal for Unicron. However, the huge wimp that he is, Unicron stays away since he's terrified of Zyclon.

Destopius must have been Skaylia's attempt to rip off of Coruscant; there are many similarities between the two planets. Like Coruscant, Destopius isn't the prettiest of planets, is covered almost entirely in civilization, and traffic is terrible. However, the planet is one step ahead of Coruscant in the sense that it's "green", producing almost no emissions. This was a very bad investment, though, because Destopius doesn't even have a nice-looking environment to preserve.

History

A Skaylian dragon. Knowing these things are even in a 200-mile radius, who wouldn't want to move as far away as possible?

Colonization

It is believed that the planet was first colonized in 1880, after yet another tiny Skaylian settlement had been torched by laser-firing dragons. It was clear that, as pretty as Skaylia was, the dragon problem was just a tad overwhelming. The Skaylians needed another place to go, where they would not have to worry about overgrown geckos sneaking into their homes in the night and stealing their children.

Destopius was, in fact, not the first choice for a secondary planet to be colonized by the Skaylians. However, they eventually had to resort to it, since it turned out that Evora had already been claimed by the tree huggers, and Kitiar by the catgirls- two social groups that the Skaylians preferred to stay away from. Instead, they decided to go to Destopius. The first Destopian settlement, Cornwall Town, was completed in 1882. But it would be far from the last.

As soon as the Skaylians back home got word of the big happening on Destopius, it was a complete and total land rush. More and more cities began to appear across the range of the planet, each new one more avant-garde than the last. Within the span of almost twenty years, practically the entire planet had been covered in cities. Only one small spot remained. 

Territory Wars of 2001

Destopius wants to be this planet.

With only one spot remaining on the huge planet, one would think that the land rush would soon be over. But anyone to think that has made a terrible mistake. The rush was not over, and in fact, it would not be until 2009, when the Treehugger Treaty was signed. But we're not to that point yet; we're still getting there. Back to the present. The land rush wasn't over.

With only sufficient space left to build one more city on Destopius, the eight remaining colony starships were incredibly angered as soon as they got the news. Each one knew then that only one of them would be able to claim their territory on the new frontier. Of course, none of the groups of colonists wanted that one to be anyone but them. So things got ugly. Very ugly. Uglier than your mom. A gigantic space war broke out between the colony ships, in which fearsome weapons such as space missiles, eye beams, very loud techno music, and carrot sticks were used mercilessly. It carried on for a year before it had finally ended, with only two ships that had not been reduced to nothingness.

The first of these two colony ships to reach Destopius naturally got the last bit of territory, as it very well should. But this did not stop the colonists aboard the second ship from getting very, very angry. They wanted land too! So they decided to play nasty.

Using the last of the MOAB bombs in its arsenal, the colony ship obliterated part of another Destopian city, proceeding to land the ship and begin the construction of their own city atop the rubble of the one they had just destroyed. But the people in the city that had just been wiped off of the map weren't happy. Yet another war broke out, which led to another, which led to another, which led to the recording of famous protest song 99 Luftballons, which led to yet another.

By the time all of this had finally ended, almost all of the Destopian settlements had been destroyed and rebuilt. However, in the rush to get their cities rebuilt the fastest, many of the Skaylians on Destopius did not pay much attention to the way their new cities looked. As a result, Destopius is now a considerably ugly planet that isn't very popular with most rich women. 

Compared to Skaylia: Where to Live?

If you are thinking about moving to Catholia, but can't decide whether to live on Destopius or Skaylia, pay attention here. Hopefully, this will help guide you through your difficult decision and help you emerge with a definite answer.

Skaylia

Pros

• Skaylia is obviously the nicer-looking of the two planets. It's greener, has more advanced cities. If you judge by your eyes, Skaylia all the way.
• The average toaster actually works most of the time.
• Better than Techneta.
• Skaylia seems to have a nicer climate. Whereas Destopius is an oven twenty-four-seven, Skaylia is nice and cool, something that common people can appreciate.
• Skaylia has Hounouran swords- cool toys that light up and slice people in half! On Destopius, these are illegal.
• People on Skaylia understand political jokes.

Cons

• This place is just... weird. The fashion trends of its citizens are just plain wrong. Think of those guys from the Capitol in The Hunger Games, but about four times as rainbow.
• Canada.
• Roblox is illegal. Wait, maybe that's a pro...
• Water bills can be quite high, as can electrical bills. But that's only if you live in Hounourville. 
• Dragons. 
• Canada.
• People will stare at you.

Destopius

Pros

• Housing here is cheaper, given that you can't throw a rock without hitting an apartment complex.
• Free gift cards are offered to every new citizen. Wewt!
• You can get away with crime, for the sole reason that the cops stopped caring.
• No dragons. 
• Almost everything on Destopius sells for just barely cheaper than on Skaylia. This is because Skaylians are richer and are more likely to part with larger sums of their money.
• No Canada.
• Better than Techneta.
• There are no signs of a brony fad emerging, although there is no reason to doubt it won't be this way for long. Nothing can stop My Little Pony.

Cons

• Panhandlers.
• The traffic here is terrible. If you are prone to road rage, Destopius is a big no-no.
• The maps are hella hard to read.
• Most people here are shit-poor, and most likely you will be as well if you hang around for long.
• The looming threat of Unicron.
• Drunk drivers.
• People will stare at you.

See also

• Skaylia
• Coruscant
• Unicron
• Techneta