Planet Hollywood

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Planet Hollywood with its moon, Beverly Hills
Official language Whining loudly in English about how you deserve some privacy.
Ruler Mel Gibson
Population Unconfirmed. Estimates vary due to the high numbers of wannabes who inevitably end up doing porn.
Established 1976
Motto "We don't take kindly to poor people".
Currency Gold Bullion, Diamonds, Cocaine.
National Sports Murder, then hiring an expensive lawyer to get away with it, Doing cocaine, Complaining about how the press invade your privacy, before rushing off to a photoshoot.
National Products Silicon. Cocaine. Useless celebrities.
Country code Top Level Domain .rich
Exports Shit movies. Shit music. Paris Hilton. Porn.
Imports Marijuana. Cocaine. Meth. Heroin.

“In Soviet Russia Hollywood goes to YOU!!”

~ Russian reversal on Planet Hollywood

Planet Hollywood is due to be included in the solar system after Pluto was stripped of its planet status in 2006 for being "too wimpy". Planet Hollywood is home to some of the most evil people in the universe, who intend to conquer the Earth by unleashing wave after wave of Leonardo DiCaprio movies. The current President of Planet Hollywood is in fact Mel Gibson who rose to power after taking in excess of $600 million for his film, "Passion of the Christ", a story he plagiarised from the Bible. Gibson used the money to purchase 600 million donuts, which he then used to bribe previous leader Rosie O'Donnell into declaring him overlord.

History[edit | edit source]

Origins[edit | edit source]

Planet Hollywood was colonised in 1976 by actors annoyed with the group "Mothers Against Pornography" insisting the the MPAA refuse to rate "Blood Sucking Freaks". From then on the actors pledged they would have revenge and have made good on their promise, releasing works such as "Freddy Got Fingered", "Showgirls" and anything with Rob Schneider. In the mid 1990s Planet Hollywood found a new weapon capable of destruction never seen before in Leonardo DiCaprio. Planet Hollywood has several distiguishing features, it's rings are designed to look like Missy Elliot's bling, and as Jupiter has the Great Red Spot, Planet Hollywood has Conan O'Brians head. Planet Hollywood is however unable to be seen in the night sky as it is surrounded by huge clouds of methane gas generated whenever Michael Moore speaks.

Designation as a Planet[edit | edit source]

After Pluto was unsanctimoniously dropped from its deal with Disney, NASA refused to take it seriously as a planet anymore. This however left many children's models of the solar system with one planet too many. NASA calculated that the number of Plutos thrown into incinerators would dramatically increase the number of greenhouse gasses around the Earth, ironically destroying the planet. With this doomsday scenario in mind, scientists quickly declared Planet Hollywood to be an acceptable substitute.

Expelling of Tom Cruise[edit | edit source]

“That shit is whack!”

~ Black People on Tom Cruise's ejection from Planet Hollywood

In August 2006 Tom Cruise (heterosexual) was sensationally banished from Planet Hollywood after trying to convert Earth to scientology, as opposed to destroying it. Cruise (heterosexual) would go on to say it had been he who had dumped Planet Hollywood as they were all servants of the Dark Lord Xenu and he alone would remain righteous. Cruise (heterosexual) had earlier had spats with other celebrities who had accused him of being "a moronic moron of moronicness". Still, when Planet Hollywood does finally conquer the Earth they'll be up shit creek when Tom Cruise (heterosexual) and his followers, minions, cultists run wild on them, won't they?

Many on Planet Hollywood were shocked when he abducted Katie Holmes and married her in a bizarre ceremony in a castle dungeon, probably involving goat sacrifice and stuff.

Recent Escalation of the Planet Hollywood vs Earth war[edit | edit source]

In late November 2006 Planet Hollywood went on its biggest offenxive ever, releasing wave after wave of pictures featuring pseudo-celebrities Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan. Planet Hollywood would then shock the world, releasing images of Britney Spears naked, turning millions of males gay in one fell swoop. War crimes charges are currently being brought against Planet Hollywood by the U.N. for a laugh.

See also[edit | edit source]

Confirmed (Solar System): Sun | Mercury | Venus | Earth (The Moon) | Mars | Jupiter | Saturn (Moons) | Uranus | Neptune
Confirmed (Extrasolar): Arrakis | Darwin IV | Discworld | Krypton | Milky Way | Planet of the Apes | Planet Google | Planet Hollywood | Pizza Planet | Skaylia | Destopius | Techneta | Roseanne
Dwarf planets: Pluto | 2003 UB313 | Jay Leno's Chin | Xanax
Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron
Denied by CIA and IAU: Neopia | Melmac | YourAnus
In a galaxy far, far away: Alderaan | Coruscant | Tatooine | Kamino | Endor | Naboo | Bespin | Death Star
Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Qo'noS
Invisible Planets: