Zaphod Beeblebrox

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Zaphod Beeblebrox has been accused in the past of being Mark Wing-Davies. Something he has, as yet, to deny.

“No, not the Zaphod Beeblebrox, a Zaphod Beeblebrox. Didn't you hear I come in six-packs now?”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox on Himself (Himselves?)

“If there's anything on this ship more important than my ego, I want it caught and shot right now”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox on His ego

“Zaphod? He's hot.”

~ Paris Hilton on Zaphod Beeblebrox

“Zaphod's just zis guy, ya know?”

~ Gag Halfrunt on Zaphod Beeblebrox

“That Zaphod guy. Totally cool. Who else would pick you up, drop you at your destination, and then fire at you with Definite-Kill cannons?”

~ The Ol' Geezer on Demonic People

“I am so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis!”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox on himself

“When finding ways of describing your life, I find the phrase 'pigs ear' comes to mind...”

~ Zaphod Beeblebrox the Fourth on Zaphod Beeblebrox

“at least one of his heads is now saner than an emu on acid”

~ Ford Prefect on Zaphod Beeblebrox

It is a well known fact that Zaphod Beeblebrox, the ex-President of the Galaxy, and inventor of the best drink in existence, the Pan-Galactic Gargle-Blaster (which feels astonishingly similar, when drunk, to having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick), is pretty much the coolest, hoopiest, and all-round hippest guy in the universe. He may have been voted the worst dressed sentient being in the galaxy, but everyone important, namely Zaphod Beeblebrox, see him for what he really is. A totally terrific and great guy.

Zaphod Beeblebrox has also been accused of being Sam Rockwell. Beeblebrox has thoroughly denied this claiming that he wouldn't be seen dead with that nancy-boy smile. But that he would be seen dead in that suit.

Over the years (all twenty thousand gazillion billion grillion of the Universe's lifespan) Zaphod has appeared in numerous forms. The first was as a simple disembodied voice which regularly issued from archaic devices that populated many homes even into the early twentyfirst century, know as 'radio's. Beeblebrox was later upgraded from a disembodied voice when he paid author and scriptwriter, Douglas Adams, vast sums of imaginary money to give him a body and a plastic-and-newspaper extra-head-on-a-stick. This body was borrowed from Mark Wing-Davies who has since vanished from the face of the Earth, presumably on a flying saucer which has now arrived in the temporal stasis fields of Milliways, the Restaurant at the End of the Universe.

A man once accused Zaphod Beeblebrox of being a Pushme-Pullyou. He cleverly disproved this by laying into the man with a cleverly aimed shot from a Kill-O-Zap Pistol.

The latest incarnation of Zaphod has been in a form similar to that of Sam Rockwell, this time with the extra head implanted inside his body meaning that his food got extra chewing before it reached his stomach. However the second head, upon realising that it was eating pre-chewed food refused to eat any more and so Sam Rockwell died from suffocation due to the spawn of a Flying Spaghetti Monster being lodged in his throat. Beeblebrox then went on to make the HHGttG movie which was, in reality, a complete waste of time and money except for the bit where you see the Magrathean planet-making facility, because that was cool.

Zaphod Beeblebrox has also been accused of being Mahmoud Ahmedinejad. Beeblebrox denied this saying, "I only wish I was half as cool as that zarkin' frood!"

Beeblebrox is currently appearing in 'No Sex Please, We're Ameboid Zingadularians' on 5D TV, which is Fox by a futuristic name.

Family and 'Friends'[edit | edit source]

Ford Prefect[edit | edit source]

“I just want you to know something; whatever may or may not happen from here on in, I just want you to know, that I respect you. Just not very much. As in, practically not at all.”

~ Ford Prefect on , and to, Zaphod Beeblebrox

(Woah, an actual quote from a reliable source! Here? Impossible! Unbelievable! Extremely, Infinitely Improbable! Wow! Completely...Actually, It's Kind Of Not That Impressive, Come To Think Of It.)

Ford Prefect shares three of the same mothers as Zaphod (this is believed to be related to an incident involving one singular contraceptive and a time machine which made each and every of Zaphod's direct male "ancestors, or descendants" Zaphod the Second, Third, Fourth etc.) It is believed that the two share a telepathic link as Ford Prefect's name was chosen for when he went to the planet Earth to research, and yet was thereafter known as Ford Prefect post-return to civilization. That or the scriptwriter (a.k.a. Douglas Adams, may his soul rest in peace in the highest tiers of Comedian Heaven) decided to keep it that way so as not to confuse the largely senile and/or incompetent population of Britain.

Other[edit | edit source]

Zaphod Beeblebrox does have other family and 'friends' but, to be honest, I can't be bothered to tell you about them right at this moment and therefore I bid you adieu, for now.

What more do you want? I'm not superhuman like Zaphod Beeblebrox!

Oh come on! Give a frood a rest!

Look I'll tell you more when I have a chance! There's only so much work you can do on 50 Altairian Dollars per day!


See Also[edit | edit source]