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From today's featured article
Biffy Clyro is a Scottish rock band from Scotland. As well as being Scottish, nobody outside of the rainy isles has heard of them. The band is composed of one Scottish guy, and two other Scottish guys who are for some reason twins, even though they look nothing alike. During concerts, the trio are joined by musicians Mike Vennart and Dick "99% of Gamblers Quit Before They Win it Big" Ingram. Currently signed to 14th Floor Records, they have released at least six albums. Following the first three, their maybe-existent fan base grew to slightly larger numbers. As for who they actually are, I'm still not sure. I'm pretty sure they're a band, however. As well as being from Scotland, they are apparently very popular in the UK, which is not a place I've visited. As for their music... I'm not sure that exists either. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that John Travolta (Pictured) isn't gay?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... that when it says "Do not try at home", it actually means "Do not try this at all"?
- ... that a chicken-proof lawn is impeckable?
- ... that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?
- ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
- ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
- ... that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?
In the news
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize (Pictured)
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID to "protect the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Winter Paralympics • Saturn Awards
Recent deaths: Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey • Miami Dolphins • That guy from Boston. The band, not the city. But isn't the band from the city?
Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons
On this day
March 10: Opposite Day
- 1810 - For opposite day, Napoleon Bonaparte decides to wear stilts or something I don't know.
- 1922 - Gandhi, in a fit of anger, nukes the peaceful country of East Volta. You've never heard of East Volta? Exactly.
- 1952 - Cuban dictator Fulgencio Batista decides to celebrate opposite day by taking the land and wealth from the poor instead of the rich.
- 1977 - Astronomers discover the rings of Uranus, they of course keep their cool since they pronounce it "Urine-us" like a bunch of nerds. Still sounds like pee though.
- 1994 - O.J. Simpson makes history, becomes the first African-American man to get away with the murder of a rich white woman, signalling monumental progress for people of color who also happen to be filthy rich.
- 2011 - Tiny politically unstable oil-rich Middle Eastern country drone strikes a wedding in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
- 2020 - Donald Trump blacks out his Twitter page for BLM.
Picture of the day
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George W. Bush, shown searching for 'Iraqian' WMDs during playtime at the White House. Image credit: Strange but untrue |
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