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From today's featured article 

PrivateEye2.jpg

Private Eye, that's what the letters spell out on the glass to the door of my office. New York City is a tough place to make a living and if you try to sing the blues you'll quickly find out that you're not even good enough to be another voice in the choir. Down on Broadway, it's a dog eat dog world so I make a little money on the side selling milk-bone underwear to hungry tourists or anything else that makes a sound like money. Anyone who lives here can smell the rat in this cheese factory but nobody's saying anything because having morals on Broadway is like celebrating mother's day at the orphanage - It makes you feel good but everyone stares at you like a nun in a string bikini. People don't normally need a Private Eye but when their chickens come home to roost it's a little like being the only cabbage farmer in town on St. Patrick's Day. Eventually they all show up at my door with a sob story and a dirty job that'll pay the bills. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that Rihanna's hit song Umbrella can cause rain to fall upwards?
  • ... that the apostrophe is a small animal which has infected millions of books?
  • ... conjuction verb noun preposition article verb noun?
  • ... that if you put an ear up to a person's leg you can hear them say, "What the fuck are you doing?"
  • ... that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?
  • ... that I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It was written by a computer?
  • ... that virgins are actually alien beings with zero sex organs, and reproduce via telekinesis?

In the news 

Iran hits Tel Aviv.jpg

Ongoing: Privacy-infringing Nanny state officials enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran

Recent deaths: Team Canada's pride • Some nerd named Robert Carradine • Warner Bros. bidding war • Neil Sedaka • Ali Khamenei • Team Italy sled hockey

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • Weed • Dancin' Maduro • Iran

Undetermined: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

On this day 

Isn't she a hottie?

March 8: International Men Without Penises Day

  • 4000 BC - God creates Eve, Adam celebrates that he doesn't have to keep stroking it by himself.
  • 4001 BC - Eve forces Adam to sleep outside the hut after expecting free handies without anything in return.
  • 1919 - Women marching on Washington, D.C. seeking the right to vote cite Oscar Wilde's play A Woman of No Importance as an example of misogynistic views.
  • 1935 - Sophia blesses the women of the Earth by giving them the G-Spot, although men are cursed to never find it.
  • 1978 - Your mother is born. According to statistics, she likely experiences 18-34 years of relative ease before you are born.
  • 2026 - Losers on 4chan and Reddit rant about how they never got the girl of their dreams (Pictured), despite being "nice guys."

Picture of the day

The Truman Torch
 August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.
Image credit: Isra1337
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