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From today's featured article 

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Reformed Orthodox Rabbi William "Bill" Clinton (born August 19, 1946) is an American politician, former childcare worker, former amateur saxophonist, and swingin' bachelor. As the 42nd President of the United States, and the horniest man to hold that position since JFK, he led America through the economic golden age of the '90s.

Clinton is famous for being the first president to institute the Opposite Presidential Term, in which everything he said during his second term is the exact opposite of what he said in his first term. In his first term, he was a Liberal, but in his second term, he was a Neocon; that was his way of bringing about change.

Clinton's term in office was marred by economic and political reform. The most serious was some bitch named Hillary, who kept insisting she was his wife and had actually slept with him. This was widely ignored by everyone until it was revealed that Bill had been secretly cheating on the First Lady with Hillary, in a perverse affair that culminated in a media frenzy. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that 10 minutes of Super Bowl XLIII was mysteriously interrupted? (Pictured)
  • ... Nautical knots are not knots that can be knotted into knots (most likely not)?
  • ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
  • ... that sarcasm is totally the highest form of wit?
  • ... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
  • ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
  • ... that Stan Lee originally conceived the X-Men as a group of post-op transgenders?
  • ... that the Russian Reversal is the common English term for the phenomenon during which a person descended from Russia is spontaneously turned around?

In the news 

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Chuck Norris didn't die, Death got Chuck Norris'd.

Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight

Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • Duke's basketball season

Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too

On this day 

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April 1: April Fools' Day

  • 1926 - April Emily Fools is born to Herb and Emma Fools in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
  • 1938 - At the age of twelve, Fools first shows an interest in baking when she helps her grandmother bake cookies.
  • 1944 - Fools lands her first job, working at a tank tread manufacturing plant in downtown Milwaukee.
  • 1949 - After a lengthy engagement, April marries Albert Cranston in Madison, Wisconsin.
  • 1952 - Upon the suggestion of a friend, April begins a small baked goods business from her own kitchen.
  • 1955 - April and Albert welcome their first child into the world: Richard Cranston, named after his paternal grandfather.
  • 1957 - The Cranston family welcomes their second child, Judy.
  • 1971 - April enjoys what she would later describe as "the rush of a lifetime" after appearing on a local television program instructing children how to bake brownies.
  • 1978 - Albert and April become grandparents to Henry Cranston.
  • 1994 - April Emily Fools-Cranston passes away in her hometown of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The Milwaukee Herald declares her birthday a national holiday.
  • 2022 - In honor of April, Morbius is released, raking in morbillions at the box office and boosting her family's trust to guarantee the continued support of the April Fools Baking Institute for years to come.



Picture of the day

Bass Player
 Cliff Williams of popular music combo AC/DC seen here practising his scales on his custom bass guitar. This bass couldn't produce any tunas, or even any tunes.

Image credit: Col.swordman
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