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From today's featured article
The Buffalo Bills are a "professional" football "team". Their home is in Buffalo, New York. They are widely regarded as one of the most successful NFL franchises to exist ever. Their only championships where in 1964 and 1965 when they won two AFL titles. However, the Bills have not won any championships since the AFL–NFL merger, a move that many now consider "a huge fuck up". They were owned by a 93-year-old zombie man who refused to die named Ralph Wilson. In 2014 Wilson finally kicked the bucket, fucking zombie! Buffalo Sabres owner, oil fracker, and resident idiot Terry Pegula bought the team.
The Buffalo Bills are named after Buffalo Bill, a friendly man who lived in the woods all by himself. He would have guests over frequently where they would stay in a well he constructed in his home. They would stay for several days putting lotion on their skin. Bill then proceeded to skin them alive and wear their skin. The founders of the Bills felt this sort of behavior was admirable.(Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that the entire army of Liechtenstein consists of 3 soldiers? (Pictured)
- ... that paper beats rock, but guns beat everything?
- ... that no true Scotsman sugars his porridge, while every true Irishman does?
- ... that the Canadian government plans to convert the entire city of Vancouver into a giant marijuana farm by 2050?
- ... that in an experiment known as Monty Hall problem, if you never make up your mind about which door to choose, the goat behind the door will grow tired and burst out?
- ... that nobody asked?
- ... that Minecraft developers are flat earthers?
- ... that much like your cancer-stricken Grandpa, the United Kingdom would rather shit the bed than accept its fate and fade into obscurity?
In the news
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
- Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland
- Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Elite Eight
Recent deaths: Xander Harris • Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • DMV-based sitcom canned after people realize they can watch literally anything else • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump
Upcoming deaths: Iran • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too
On this day
March 30: International Cleavage Day
- 13B BC - God creates the Milky Way after squeezing stellar matter out of her insanely big knockers.
- 1692 - Twelve women are burned at the stake for inciting men to sin with their exposed bra straps.
- 1867 - America buys Alaska from the Russians because of its stiff Mountain peaks and vast tracts of fertile land.
- 1945 - Woman wears clothing that shows cleavage. The husband beats her.
- 1950 - The first film in Indonesia gets released, known for having at least one uncensored boob scene.
- 1977 - Marvel Comics designs a bra with a nipple window, claims its a proud Kryptonian tradition.
- 2012 - Big butts are now in! But you still can't be more than 120 pounds. Hey, I don't make the rules.
Picture of the day
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Cliff Williams of popular music combo AC/DC seen here practising his scales on his custom bass guitar. This bass couldn't produce any tunas, or even any tunes. Image credit: Col.swordman |
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