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From today's featured article 

Берклий атомы.gif

Oh-mi-gawddd, my stupid chemistry professor is making us write this stupid presentation and essay on like, an element? Anyway I chose Berkelium because it sounds like UC Berkeley, GOOOOOOO BERKS! Okay, Hayleigh, write all this down, k? K.

Berkelium, symbol Bk, atomic number 97, is one of those squares in that poster on the science classroom wall. It is, like, liter-uhh-ly one of those elements that only exists because scientists were bored and had nothing else to do. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

Drowning.jpg
  • ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
  • ... that still lifes are the most interesting paintings?
  • ... that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off?
  • ... that the handgun is one of the most pitiful guns you can find, seeing as it's part of your hand?
  • ... that people who "have their cake and eat it too" are 10 times more likely to die of obesity than people who only "have their cake"?
  • ... that midget cockpunching terrorists are a threat to America and her allies?
  • ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
  • ... that Earth is the best planet in the world?

In the news 

Trumpangy.jpg
"Nyaaah, it's not worthless, mommy, I WANT IT!"

Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • Venezuelans unsure whether to freak out or celebrate • Bills Mafia drinking themselves to death • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day

Recent deaths: Brigitte Bardot • Carl Yastrzmski • 2025 • The MetroCard • Stranger Things • Kali • Vecna • The Upside Down • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons

Not dead: Eleven

Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • The Kansas City "Chiefs" • Aaron Rodgers' career • Bills' Super Bowl window

On this day 

Majestic, and very, very illegal

January 27: International Bring Your Exotic Pet To Work Day

Picture of the day

Mono Lisa
 DaVinci's Hewlett-Packard printer was to be the undoing of his most famous work, resulting in what art scholars have termed the "Mono Lisa."


Hewlett Packard were unavailable for comment as the CEO was busy discussing a merger with Ferrari to create the world's first petrol powered printer.
DaVinci is said to be in a closed door meeting with Dan Brown to discuss the implications of this event.
Image credit: Nonymous
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