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From today's featured article
The Lockheed Martin Nuclear Attack Force and Creators of All Things Aerial and Destructive Corporation, often shortened to read Lockheed Martin Corporation, sometimes Lunkhead Moron Corporation, or even just Lockheed Martin, is an American offense defense company with the singular goal of designing weapons that can more easily turn a person into a fine red mist for the low cost of $5,000,000 per shot. Lockheed Martin is considered the holy grail of job opportunities for anyone interested in engineering, math, ethics, or just the opportunity to obliterate things. They are most well known for their consumer products including the F-22 Raper, the Orion-class spaceships, the C-130 Hunkules, and most notably "Project Pat" missiles. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Pope Francis (Pictured) played football for Argentina?
- ... that this in not a DYK entry?
- ... that goldfish are neither gold nor fish?
- ... that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd?
- ... that a camel's boobies are on its back?
- ... that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?
- ... that two peanuts were walking down a street and one was a salted?
- ... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
In the news
- Trump talks to America on Iran, Chuck Norris, the Moon, March Madness, and firing Pam Bondi
- World shocked as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bucket (Pictured)
- Trump launches war with Iran, is given another Peace Prize
- Iran kept barely alive by Cardboard Ayatollah
- Team USA sweeps Canada in Olympic hockey; Trump renews "51st state" banter
- Want to know the next big investment? CLICK HERE! (this article is not sponsored by A.I.)
- The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince BUSTED FOR EPSTEIN CONNECTIONS!
- US Department of Health declares we should all become junk food eaters
- GEQBUS SAM DARNOLD HAS WON AN ACTUAL SUPER BOWL! VERY NICE! Take that, Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson!
- Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight
- Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April
Ongoing: Fallout from the Epstein Files • War Special Combat Operation in Iran • Chucky McGoo's jawline being gradually destroyed • March Madness Final Four
Recent deaths: Robert Mueller • Transgender self-identity in India • Mr. Strickland • C.B. Buckner's carreer as an MLB ump • UConn ladies' basketball season + Jordan's Furniture customers • Jesus
Upcoming deaths: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad • Atlanta Falcons • Streetsigns with Cesar Chavez's name • Sora • Tiger Woods' driver's license and career.. fuck it, his life can go too • Holostars JP
On this day
April 6: Arson Wednesday (New Zealand)
- 612 - Arab popstar Mohammed declares he is "more popular than Jesus now."
- 1522 - Mary had a little lamb. Yankee Doodle claims to be father.
- 1593 - John Greenwood, English Congregationalist, hanged. His last words: "Get this fucking rope off of me!"
- 1935 - AT&T formed. Its first disgruntled customer is created moments later.
- 1955 - Hell freezes over, Devil forced to skate to work.
- 1974 - ABBA wins Eurovision, marking the beginning of the Mamma Mia Invasion.
- 1985 - Video games are first cited as a precursor to juvenile delinquency.
- 1994 - Kurt Cobain's attempt to win a posthumous Grammy backfires tragically.
- 1999 - Chinese Democracy is released and subsequently pulled off shelves after the U.S. Government denies reports of its existence.
Picture of the day
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Islamic extremists are unsure how to react to this sketch of what may or may not be the back of Mohammad's head. Image credit: Modusoperandi |
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