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From today's featured article
The Finals - the self-proclaimed best competitive shooter of this and all other universes. An elite club of connoisseurs has gathered around the game, which is why its average number of players on SteamBB is negative.
The player has to participate in a virtual competition. Unlike the million-dollar prizes and chronic hemorrhoids that the winners of Dota 2 or Counter Strike competitions get, the best players of The Finals receive... good vibes...
The game is sponsored by Republican Party of USA, Freemasons from Coca Cola, suits from AT&T and personally Mythbusters, a representative of all the above-mentioned groups. (Full article...)
Did you know...
- ... that Vincent Price is laughing at you from the grave? (Pictured)
- ... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
- ... that... uh, shit, I forgot what I was gonna say?
- ... that less than 10% of the world's cactus population contains gold inside?
- ... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
- ... that we all smell a little bit like teen spirit, if we go a while without washing?
- ... that Liechtenstein is completely pointless?
- ...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
In the news
- Dick Van Dyke is 100, bitches! (Pictured)
- ICE spotted stealing everyone's ice cream in America
- North Sentinelese discover fire, accidentally burn down entire island
- Elon Musk: "Cancel Netflix! I don't care if Max wakes up."
- 6 or 7 buildings burn in Hong Kong
- Labour approval hits record low during Starmer premiership, PM resorts to "getting down with the youth"
- The New York Yankees now fucking suck
- Russian ship shines annoying red laser pointer at British planes
- Ron DeSantis passes Florida bill allowing seniors to hunt zoomers for their skin and organs
- Russian economy on life support after barely growing in 3rd quarter
- The UK to ban the resale of tickets
- Bill passed in Pennsylvania to legalise flying cars because why the fuck not?
- Trump kills the penny after realizing spending four cents on a one cent coin doesn’t "make cents"
- Russian AI powered humanoid robot faceplants on stage in front of crowd
- Syrian National Museum gets robbed of six to seven Roman statues
- Cloudy windy Hurricane Melissa hits da Jamaica, mon! BOMBOCLAAT!
Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Stranger Things 5 volume 2 and Spaceballs 2 • The Andrew Formerly Known as Prince • Rich New Yorkers fleeing Mamdanistan • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Pats fans accusing NFL refs of kissing the Bills' asses • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Indianapolis Colts dragging an old man out of retirement
Recent deaths: YouTube player's old design • Donna Godchaux • Diane Ladd • Dick Cheney • U.S. Government shutdown (finally!) • Tatsuya Nakadai • Sally Kirkland • The penny • Udo Kier • Jimmy Cliff • Warner Bros. • Sheen Estevez • Chet Ubetcha • Doug Dimmadome • Zed's dead, baby (He was also the bad guy in The Mask) • Animal Farm • Patrick Mahomes' ACL and the Kansas City Chiefs' season • Rob Reiner.
Upcoming deaths: Eurovision Song Contest • DEI • Iran's nuclear program • Diddy's bank account • MSNBC • Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Dallas Cowboys' and Indianapolis Colts' season • Weed • 67% of people trying to understand why 6 of 7 news stories mention "6-7" • The MetroCard • Dick van Dyke, eventually
On this day
December 19: Shit! I Forgot to Pick My Blueberries! Day
- 1714 - Shit, are those my blueberries? I could've sworn I picked those way back in August.
- 1936 - Jesus Fuck. I was supposed to pick those blueberries (Pictured) months ago!
- 1984 - Fuck me. I always forget about those fucking blueberries. I even set a fucking alarm. Fuck, why does this shit always happen to me.
- 2004 - These blueberries are frozen solid. They're like ice now. Completely inedible.
- 2009 - Even if I thaw it out it's gonna taste like freezer burned limes. I might as well just throw it out.
- 2014 - Sometimes I wonder why I even bother.
- 2017 - Maybe I should go back to trade school, maybe I wouldn't need to worry about blueberries no more.
Picture of the day
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This is NOT a potato. René Magritte's homage to Uncyclopedia. It could be a chipolata, actually; it's not a great painting either way. Image credit: Sannse |
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