Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 4

July 4: Independence Day in the Untied States

• 993 – Saint Skeet Ulrich of Augsburg canonized. Unfortunately, they used too much powder and he overshot the catch net.
• 1776 – King George III receives a letter from the colonies; throws it out thinking that it's yet another menu from a pizza restaurant.
• 1862 – Abraham Lincoln proclaims an end to the American Civil War. He waits a moment, then yells "Psych!"
• 1917 – American troops in Flanders attempt to recreate the famous Christmas Truce of 1914 by holding a 4th of July barbeque in No Man's Land. The results are predictable.
• 1969 – Birth of Will Smith. The world rejoices. Warring forces in Vietnam, Czechoslovakia and Detroit lay down their arms, and join together in ushering in the new Golden Age of Mankind.
• 1996 – Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum save the world by infecting the alien mothership with a computer virus, thus continuing the time-honored tradition of infections saving the world from aliens. Will Smith tries to take all the credit, but Jeff Goldblum threatens to sic his Jewish father on him.

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