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Uncyclopedia:Anniversaries/July 4

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Will Smith Day (USA).jpg

July 4: Carelessly Mishandle Illegal Fireworks Day (U.S.)

  • 1776 - King George III receives a letter from the colonies; throws it out thinking that it's yet another pre-approved credit card offer.
  • 1862 - Abraham Lincoln proclaims an end to the American Civil War. He waits a moment, then yells "Psych!"
  • 1917 - American troops in Flanders attempt to recreate the famous Christmas Truce of 1914 by holding a 4th of July BBQ in No Man's Land. German troops suffocate to death from the smell of black pepper.
  • 1944 - American troops blow up Normandy, decreasing the size of France.
  • 1969 - Birth of Will Smith. The world rejoices. Warring forces in Vietnam, Czechoslovakia and Detroit lay down their arms, and join together in ushering in the new Golden Age of Mankind.
  • 1984 - Chinese agents smuggle fireworks into U.S. as part of an effort to blow up American fingers.
  • 1996 - Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum save the world by infecting the giant alien mothership with a computer virus written on an Apple PowerBook.